Causing own problems

[Jennarator]

I am very sick due to pregnancy. (I have Hyper-emisis) This has put a huge strain on my family and husband. I am not working many hours and I can't eat or really do anything.

My sweet husband is trying to do evrything but he can't. The stress in the house is so high you can't believe it.

I am freaked out about money, as is my husband, the kids are not much help.

I need help!

I have tried EVERYTHING! My husband think I am not trying alll I can.

I don't even know what advice I am asking for, I just need help.

[Jennarator]

I guess I should also say I feel this is all my fault, I wanted a baby, too, ut I knew I get this sick. SHouldn't have done it.

[Guest]

Congratulations! I'm sorry; that's really miserable! Do the meds do anything for you?

[Jennarator]

The side effects are worse than the help......

[Guest FixingTheWrongs]

If you really are in dire strates talk to the Bishop and Relief Society and ask for some help. Depending on your situation the church does provide food and some monitary relief if needed. See if there is a sister in the ward willing to come help out around the house and take care of a few things until you get back on your feet. Many people have to swallow their pride and just ask for help now and again.

I don't know what to do about your husband. Men will never know what it is like to carry a child or physical trauma to a womans body. I've read up on it online when my wife was pregnate and it sure opened my eyes at the time.

[Guest]

I was on bedrest for 4+ months the last pregnancy. My ward brought meals in at least a couple of nights a week. I'm blessed to have family around, but I had lots of offers to help with housework, laundry, kids, etc. Get the word out and accept help when people offer!

This is maybe a dumb question, but have you tried the Unisom/B6 combo at bed time? It helped tremendously for me, but then I didn't have hyperemisis. I was just terribly nauseated and couldn't eat.

Edited August 22, 2011 by Eowyn
forgot something

[Jennarator]

My husband is trying, but I can't do everything when I am well, so I don't expect him to do what he normally did, plus all I did.

I am 13 weeks and just sick of being ick. The bishop can help some, but I don't know anyone in the ward that can come clean my house. It is really getting neglected. Making me more sick, in a way. Some people I feel, think "well I have had kids and didn't need help so neither should anyone." But my condition is real, and people think it's in my head. My doctors know it's real......

[Guest]

It's not your job to find someone in the ward to do it, though. Speak with your visiting teachers, speak with the RS president. It's part of her calling to assess needs and see that they're taken care of. Emphasize the real need. Educate her on hyperemisis, and that it's not just a touch of morning sickness that you're too wimpy/lazy to deal with, if she doesn't get it. Once that happens, she passes it on to the compassionate service leader who will go about finding sisters who can help.

[Jennarator]

But isn't it my own problem if i know I get sick when pregnant??

[JudoMinja]

I've only been pregnant once, but I was VERY sick and I know it was not in my head. Some of it may have been caused by the stress of my bad home situation, but that did not change the fact that it was very real. For the entire first tri-mester I was so ill that I could only hold down some very basic bland items- Kix, triscuits, rice- and only in small amounts. I was taking Bonine (a motion-sickness medicine deemed okay for pregnant women) or I wouldn't even have been able to hold that down. Even with that, I was throwing up at least three times a day. The second tri-mester was a little better but still terrible. It wasn't until my third tri-mester that I felt mostly normal, and at that point it was difficult to bend over and I kept having issues with wetting myself.

My mother always got very ill during her pregnancies too, and she was hospitalized several times just to keep from getting dehydrated. I probably should have been on bed rest through my entire pregnancy, but due to my circumstances and situation at the time, I wasn't able to go to ob appointments. I went to my very first appointment and got a great descriptive handout of what to expect throughout the pregnancy and I went by that on my own to make sure I was okay, then got checked out at one more appointment before it was time to give birth. Afterwards, I went through at least a month of post-partum depression that certainly didn't make things any better.

It was very hard, and I had very little support, but I made it through. The apartment became a major mess, truly unbearable, but I survived. I think if I had been more accepting of help from church members and actually asked for people to come help clean or do dishes or make meals or ANYTHING that would have been helpful, I would have been so relieved for the support. As it was, I insisted on just doing the best I could on my own and only asked for help when it was "necessary" for something like a ride to the store.

I've been where you are, and I want you to know that it is okay if your house becomes a mess. It may be causing you more anxiety and stress than you think you need, but it's okay. You just need to prioritize things and do the absolutely most important stuff and try not to worry about anything else, and if it really needs to get done and you can't do it, ask for help. Share with your visiting teachers or your RS president what you are having a hard time doing for yourself and they will find away to get the help for you.

Always remember- your number one priority is your health! Everything else can sit on the back burner for now.

[JudoMinja]

But isn't it my own problem if i know I get sick when pregnant??

Some people do. That doesn't mean it is your fault. Doesn't mean you have to "fix" it. Doesn't mean you have to do everything yourself. Do what you can. Maintain your health. And ask for help.

[rameumptom]

Jenn, women get pregnant. Sometimes it is planned, sometimes not. Sometimes women get sick with it, sometimes not. We had a sister in our ward who became pregnant and spent almost 6 months in bed. The Relief Society helped out each and every week with cleaning and several meals.

Go to your RS president and tell her what you need. Even if they can only clean once a week and a couple meals, it will lessen the struggle you have. Go to the bishop for storehouse aid. That will help provide meals while you have one less paycheck coming in. I would assume you have paid a faithful tithe. You've helped others. Now give them a chance to bless you back.

[Madriglace]

The sisters in the church are looking for ways to be of service ... start with your visiting teachers ... if they don't come (shame on them) go to the RS President. In our ward we have a Compassionate Service book that goes around each week so we can sign up for anything that comes up during the week that we are available to help with ...do them a favor, let these good sisters serve you so they can be blessed.

[MorningStar]

This is what helped for my friend:

Taking meds the doc gave her every 6 to 8 hours.

Eating at least a little something every 45 minutes whether she wanted to or not.

Taking a stomach acid reducer 30 minutes before she gets up and eats.

What helped her the most was drinking Classic Coca Cola and she never drinks anything caffeinated. She said it helped her force herself to eat and she was very skeptical at first. It really worked like a charm.

If that all fails, ask your best friends for help. I know how frustrating this situation is when you're already worried about money and can't hire someone to come in. I was on crutches for 4 months when my boys were 6, 3, and 2. It was a nightmare and we were poor. I really had to narrow down what I truly needed so I wouldn't overwhelm anyone. My husband had started a new job a month before and would leave at 6am and not come home until 8pm. If I could have hired a nanny or housekeeper, I would have.

Prayers for you! I know what you are describing is real. Several friends have gone through this.

[applepansy]

BAbies are a blessing. I know this is hard to hear when you're so sick. But they are!

Hyperemesis can be both dangerous for the baby and for you. Have they done TPN yet?

Ask for help. The RS President will be able to find people to help with the housework. Right now your health and the health of the child is most important. Everything else takes second place.

Do not feel guilty! You're doing what our Heavenly Father has sent us here to do, which is provide a good home for those spirits who still need bodies.

You're in my prayers.

[Jennarator]

What is TPN?

[Jennarator]

Ok, I looked it up. The Dr said he was thinking about doing that. My husband thinks my medical will not approve it......

[applepansy]

Jenn, I'm sorry you're going through all this. Call the insurance and see what they will cover. Your health and the baby's should come first right now. You'll feel better too.

[applepansy]

I have say something about the subject title. You are not causing your own problems in this instance. Having a baby shouldn't be viewed as a problem and you are certainly not making yourself sick.

I know it is hard to stay positive when you feel like your insides are trying to be on the outside, but please don't beat yourself up over this.

[Jennarator]

It's medicaid. They only cover the bare minimum. They won't even cover the medicine that helps, just the stuff that wacks me out.

[applepansy]

It's medicaid. They only cover the bare minimum. They won't even cover the medicine that helps, just the stuff that wacks me out.

Its been over 10 years and many things have changed in that time, but I worked in Home Care and we took care of hyperemesis patients in home. Some were on Medicaid. What got it covered was the doctor documenting the need. Maybe your doctor's office can help you get this approved??? Its worth asking.

BTW, Congratulations! :)

[classylady]

Jenn, I'm so sorry you're having these problems with your pregnancy. I'm excited for you, because I know from your prior posts that you've wanted another baby. The desire for children for many women overrides the discomfort and and in some cases life threatening complications. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Please ask for help. If I lived close I'd be there in a heartbeat. Don't be so embarrassed at the state of your home that you're afraid to have others come in and help--that's been me in the past. Even the young women in the ward might be able to help--someone to come in and pick up toys, gather things in a pick-up basket to be put away, someone to help clear the table and counters, do dishes, sweep and mop floors,etc. Young women can help as a service project, or RS can come in and help.

Your emotional health is important too. Sounds like you're depressed along with being physically ill. Let your doctor know how you're feeling. Just know you have many of us here at LDS.net who care about you. Even though we can't be there in person for you, we're here to offer emotional support and prayers. Hugs!

[pam]

But isn't it my own problem if i know I get sick when pregnant??

No it's not. Many women get pregnant knowing the risks and the side effects. You are being much too hard on yourself. Allow the sisters in the ward to do some compassionate service. Then when you are able, pay it forward.

Bringing children into the world is part of Heavenly Fathers plan.

I'm with classylady. If I lived closer I too would be there in a heartbeat.

[Jennarator]

I am very depressed. I put that on my dr paperwork, but nobody adressed it. I know I have anxity as well, but the dr did say there is nothing that can be done about that.

Thanks for the well wishes, I do want the baby, just not the pregnancy. :)