New Bishop and his wife


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We just got a new bishop in our Ward and when they announced his name I knew we would have a problem.He is married to a very very dominate wife.She wears the pants in the family.I have seen her berate this man in public and him cower from her. I am in a leadership position and he brought me in his office to talk with me. He wants to change some things where I teach.As we talked he said " Now (insert wifes name) said we should do this" I was not shocked because I have seen these two in action before. What is bothering me the most is I am afraid to tell our new bishop anything personal let alone the problems in my calling. I know there is nothing i can do but thought some of you would have some thoughts on handling the next 6-10 years.

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Any time he says his wife "said we should do this", I would tactfully redirect it with one of the following phrases, whichever you think will get the point across:

"What do you think?"

"Well, your wife is not the bishop or the (whatever your calling is). While I appreciate her insight and will take it into consideration, I will do this however I deem best."

"Thank you. I will pray about her advice."

etc.

Subtle reminders that he should be the one making "Bishop" decisions and you should be the one making decisions regarding your calling will likely need to be repeated many times. And always remember that matters in the church are supposed to be led by the inspiration of the Lord, and that revelation is granted to those who hold stewardship over something. You could remind/counsel him to seek the Lord's revelation about things to do with his calling, remember to do so yourself for yours, and remember that callings are delegated out for a reason. Nobody can do everything, nor should they try.

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I would suggest as a first thing is to gain a testimony (if you don't already have one) that your bishop however flawed or imperfect he might be, is Called of God. That the Lord has chosen him. That he is the right person, in the right place at the right time to be your bishop, in spite of all his flaws.

This will help you have the right mindset. That you are there to help a fellow saint struggling with a huge burden (bishop is huge calling). This means doing your calling as best you can and JudoMinja has some good suggestions to help him if he struggles, but that is really all you can do. In the end he is the bishop and has the authority to over rule. Should he make poor choices he will have to answer for them.

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Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe is right. You are entitled to as much revelation in your stewardship as the bishop is. If you feel you should be doing one thing and the bishop feels you should be doing another, now you'll have to discuss, compromise, negotiate, and pray until you both come to a mutually satisfying solution. If at any time he tells you to go against your inspiration because of how his wife feels, respectfully remind him that his wife has no stewardship in your calling.

Be firm that you're happy to work with the bishop in these matters, but that you will not work with the bishop's wife's husband.

Also, if you aren't comfortable with your bishop's wife knowing personal things about you and you don't feel like the bishop will keep those confidences, you shouldn't tell him anything personal. If he asks why you won't discuss personal matters with him, be honest and say you aren't 100% confident that personal matters won't be discussed with his wife.

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I received excellent advice.Thank you.I raised my hand to sustain this man as Bishop and I need to trust that the lord knows what he is doing.It sure messes with my testimony when stuff like this happens.

I'd suggest you ignore (for the time being) the bishop's weaknesses and concentrate on your own testimony. A "weak" or "spineless" bishop should not threaten your testimony, because your testimony doesn't (or shouldn't) come from him. It's revelation from God, and it will carry you through much tougher trials than a milquetoast bishop.

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We just got a new bishop in our Ward and when they announced his name I knew we would have a problem.He is married to a very very dominate wife.She wears the pants in the family.I have seen her berate this man in public and him cower from her. I am in a leadership position and he brought me in his office to talk with me. He wants to change some things where I teach.As we talked he said " Now (insert wifes name) said we should do this" I was not shocked because I have seen these two in action before. What is bothering me the most is I am afraid to tell our new bishop anything personal let alone the problems in my calling. I know there is nothing i can do but thought some of you would have some thoughts on handling the next 6-10 years.

If he is dominated as mush as you suggest here then you are looking at 3 maybe 4 years only; my bet.

Anyways, I wouldn't make much of this. He may have just referred to a suggestion from his wife which he finds interesting and logical only so he may not necessarily be doing just what she tells him to do. Also it takes about a year for a new Bishop to get used to the role and fit in, so I'd give him time to settle before telling him anything personal or anything about my calling. In the mean time I'd just concentrate on my issues and what I need to do.

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I would ask the bishop if he personally had prayed and received from the Holy Ghost inspiration on what should be done. If he said "no" but only received the suggestion of his wife, I would thank him and say that you sustained the bishop in his calling, and not his wife as bishop. Then I would tell him I would go home and pray about the suggestion and see if I received my own witness of it. If I received a witness to do it, then I'd do it. If not, then I'd return to the bishop and ask him to pray more for his own calling, and receive counsel from his counselors and others called to serve with him in the Ward Council. (IOW, read the manual!). Unless his wife is RS/YW/Primary president, she shouldn't be counseling the bishop in his calling.

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I was thinking that this might be the growing experience that he needs. Hopefully he will have the self-reliance and self-confindence to go out on his own, ponder, pray, and do those things that his calling requires of him rather than passing it on to his wife. Maybe he just needs that boost he could get with this call.

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