Hala401 Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 I know someone, a newer member, convert as you would say, who says they were on the cusp of giving up when they encountered the Missionaries. They tell me that their life has changed so much and if her stories are true at all, she has been through quite a lot. Her life is so different than the one that I have enjoyed. So, when she says that she was once suicidal but is not now, that Heavenly Father has changed her life, can I trust that? When she talks about suicide, it sort of creeps me out. I mean, I support her but I want those thoughts to be like totally over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 The gospel does not solve people's problems. Rather, it gives them the tools to deal with and perhaps even resolve those problems. You cannot know if this woman truly is past being suicidal or if she's in a "honeymoon" period of her gospel knowledge where everything is bright and new. But you can be her sister and walk the path beside her, helping her and supporting her when she stumbles, just as other Saints will (hopefully) do for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 My wife occasionally works with troubled kids and addicts. She's lost track of the number of times she's heard people talk about suicide. There are a few ways to reduce the melodrama and emotion of hearing about it. Social workers and such folk, have some guidelines in responding when a patient is discussing suicide. Just hearing "I'm gonna kill myself" usually isn't cause for alarm, or even an increased heart rate. There is a huge, massive difference between someone feeling like they want to kill themself, and someone actually planning on doing it. Someone who is just feeling like it, you offer a sympathetic ear, or a hug, or some shared tears, or whatever the relationship can provide. Someone who says "I have a bottle of pills and I'm going to take them tonight" - then you start calling 911 and whatnot. You hear a specific means and timetable, you take action. Otherwise, well, just a few weeks ago someone totally wasted called my wife up, yelling slurred words along the lines of "If you don't come over here right now, I gonna kill myself!" My wife said "yeah, I already told you I wasn't going to your stupid funeral" and hung up and went back to sleep. The person is still out there today, staying drunk and trying to get in touch with my wife. So, someone saying "was once suicidal but is not now, that Heavenly Father has changed my life"? That's reason for celebration. You jump for joy when you hear that. Someone once was lost, but now is found - was blind, but now they see. This person doesn't really have a reason to lie, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 Thank you. I just know that humans are chronic liars at times, but perhaps this time their expression of happiness at having those feelings leave them is genuine. Denial is a phenomenon that can really trick us, even when we are supposedly educated enough to know about it. All I can do now, I suppose, is pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to lead her, even in the dark times. I am not God am I. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 I know someone, a newer member, convert as you would say, who says they were on the cusp of giving up when they encountered the Missionaries. They tell me that their life has changed so much and if her stories are true at all, she has been through quite a lot. Her life is so different than the one that I have enjoyed.So, when she says that she was once suicidal but is not now, that Heavenly Father has changed her life, can I trust that? When she talks about suicide, it sort of creeps me out. I mean, I support her but I want those thoughts to be like totally over.Why would you not believe that Heavenly Father can change someone's life? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 Nobody is God, but remember that you can talk to him and ask him how to deal with this person. The Atonement is amazing in that it is more than being resurrected and forgiven, it is a promise to lift all kinds of pain and suffering for those who actively seek after it and strive to live the Gospel as best they can. It sounds like this person really reached out and had heart-pouring conversations with God and was given the tender mercy of peace. It's available to everyone who would reach out and sincerely ask. As for knowing who to trust, that's a gift worth pursuing. In religious speak it's called discernment. The more you begin to live closer to God and learn to listen and act on the feelings of the Spirit, you will find that you will begin to know how sincere a person is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 LMM, is this your wife's line of work? She sounds amazing, and I couldn't handle what she deals with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 I know someone, a newer member, convert as you would say, who says they were on the cusp of giving up when they encountered the Missionaries. They tell me that their life has changed so much and if her stories are true at all, she has been through quite a lot. Her life is so different than the one that I have enjoyed.So, when she says that she was once suicidal but is not now, that Heavenly Father has changed her life, can I trust that? When she talks about suicide, it sort of creeps me out. I mean, I support her but I want those thoughts to be like totally over.Everyone has down days and if she has had serious suicide thoughts before she may again. I would keep the suicide hotline number (1-800-suicide) nearby just to be on the safe side. I dont know why you cant believe her and be cautious at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 LMM, is this your wife's line of work? She sounds amazing, and I couldn't handle what she deals with.Not really - at least, she doesn't have a degree or gets paid for it or anything. They've just always come out of the woodwork to find her. She busted up her first gang fight at 14.Yes, she is amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEthePrimate Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 I know someone, a newer member, convert as you would say, who says they were on the cusp of giving up when they encountered the Missionaries. They tell me that their life has changed so much and if her stories are true at all, she has been through quite a lot. Her life is so different than the one that I have enjoyed.So, when she says that she was once suicidal but is not now, that Heavenly Father has changed her life, can I trust that? When she talks about suicide, it sort of creeps me out. I mean, I support her but I want those thoughts to be like totally over.It is possible she does feel better. I'm not going to be the one who says the gospel can't transform people's lives.BUT, it would be a good idea to keep an eye on her. Sometimes people feel better for a while, as the result of a change like joining a new church, or getting married, or moving someplace new, but with time the effect can wear off. So be her friend, keep an eye on her, and if there are warning signs, then talk to her about it in greater depth.This is not something I take lightly. I have known two people who committed suicide, one of whom was quite close to me, and a third who made several attempts. Also, somebody in my high school killed himself my senior year. Sometimes people feel suicidal due to traumatic, but temporary, things that happen in their life, but when things get better for them, their feelings improve, especially if they are able to talk about them and work through their feelings. Other people have mental illnesses, which may involve a chemical imbalance in the brain, which don't just go away, and so those people need counseling, and possibly medication.But don't panic--it is possible your friend really is okay, and may continue to be okay. The only way to know is by being their friend and paying attention to what they say and do, and caring enough to do something if the need presents itself. Peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted March 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 I think the reason that her plight makes me so sensitive is that I was quite ill and suicidal for a while after my divorce, but as you say, I did recover and life is now happier for me than it was before because I am not always wrong, or at fault for something. I will watch her. Gwendolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEthePrimate Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 I think the reason that her plight makes me so sensitive is that I was quite ill and suicidal for a while after my divorce, but as you say, I did recover and life is now happier for me than it was before because I am not always wrong, or at fault for something.I will watch her.GwendolynI think it's great that she has a friend like you. And thank you for bringing this topic up. In my opinion it is important to get this stuff out in the open, so that people know they're not alone in having suicidal ideation, and/or can get ideas and support from others in helping those who do. It may not be something we'll want to talk about every day, but if we keep it all "hush hush" that will tend to further isolate people and contribute to the problem. This is a super important issue for me, so I really appreciate your willingness to talk about it.Take care, and have a great Sunday tomorrow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunnySheila Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) So sorry you are having to go through this at the moment Gwendolyn, it can be difficult dealing with people who are going through something you've experienced (hope I read what you've said in this thread right). *Hugs* Unless you have good reasons to not believe her (like knowing someone is a chronic liar - known one girl like that who isn't LDS and got to the point where I couldn't believe a thing she said) support her by believing what she's said to you and just being an ear, unless of course you can't handle it (is too much). Personally, from experience, I know that the gospel, the scriptures, Heavenly Father can change so much in one's life. I know it has for me. Am going through a tough time at the moment due to stuff (stuff out of my control), but I know that if it wasn't for Heavenly Father, I'd probably be taking things alot worse than I am at the moment. I don't think it's denial of the impact of traumatic experiences to say that one's life has been imensely healed by the Heavenly Father, or the gospel, or revalation etc... for me, prior to and when I joined the church, I went from feeling completely abandoned by God, angry for feeling abandoned, to finally being able to start forgiving others for vile actions, and being able to make peace with the Heavenly Father. That doesn't mean though that one isn't going to go through hard times after conversion as anyone will tell you that mormons of all backgrounds and ages and life-experiences are going to at some point experience tough times, so tough that they may find themselves thinking about suicide etc... It can be hard when you come from a non-traumatic background to understand someone's perspective on stuff like suicide, suicide ideation of someone who does come from a traumatic back-ground. It can be hard for people to believe that person too, because it's much easier for someone whose back-ground is rosy or ok to cope with the idea that someone they know has been through traumatic experiences by disbelieving that person. I hope things go well for you with her, and hope that she finds the help she needs. You are an amazing person for being there for her even though the topic of suicide creeps you out and even though you doubt her honesty on that or other issues. Wish the whole world was filled with people like you! :-) P.S. oh and sorry if I've misunderstood anything you've tried to get accross on this thread, hope I haven't misread what you're trying to get accross, it's so hard on the internet to communicate well, so sorry again if anything I've said sounds offensive or misunderstanding because it's only meant well. Cheers :-D Edited March 11, 2012 by FunnySheila Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunnySheila Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 Also, on the issue of it being a sensitive topic for you I can relate. I had to break off a friendship with a friend a couple of months ago because she is currently in an abusive relationship. Have seen her husband hit her, and I just can't watch what's happening for her because having been in a violent relationship, watching it happen to her really upsets me and makes me want to take a baseball bat to him when I've seen him hurt her. So I'm sorry that it's close to home for you when she talks about the suicide-ideation, hope it doesn't touch on too many raw nerves for you. Again, *Hugs*, you are a wonderful person for being there for her. ::smile:: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted March 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 You've SEEN her husband hit her? Wow, there are a hundred things I want to say about that, but I know that unless she is willing to leave the slug, there really is little you can do. Perhaps you could at least talk to the Police, or not. I was horribly beaten by my stepfather until I was about 15, and when I say horribly, I cannot emphasize that enough. I've heard men say, "well she asked for it", both about me and about other women. I will say that contact with LDS Missionaries, the reading the book of Mormon, the attending church, tithing, and the ministrations of the Holy Spirit have been absolutely healing in a way that is miraculous to me. I hope that your friend gets help. As for my friend, Heavenly Father will guide me and use me in the way that he wishes. Much peace Hala Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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