I'm Tired of Suicidal Thoughts

[Timpman]

I hope this is not the wrong place to put this thread. Almost every morning I think "I don't want to be alive anymore" or "I want to do die." Nearly every day I think about suicide. I am also saddened by the following:

I do not wish to minimize the reality of clinical depression. For some, solutions to depression and anxieties will be found through consultation with competent professionals. But for most of us, sadness and fear begin to melt away and are replaced by happiness and peace when we put our trust in the Author of the plan of happiness and when we develop faith in the Prince of Peace.

The Rock of Our Redeemer - general-conference

That "MOST of us" part gets to me. I believe I am not included there. For me, sadness and fear do not melt away to be replaced with happiness and peace when I trust in the Lord. That's a bummer.

There is no imminent danger, here. Don't call the police or anyone else. I am just looking for some hope.

[Traveler]

I served for a number of years as a Scout Master. The motto "Do a good turn daily." Seemed to be the best therapy for happiness. However,I am no expert beyond what works for me.

The Traveler

[Guest]

Some people can't pray depression away, because there is a physiological issue. My friend has been telling me about the enormous difference in how she feels since she was put on an antidepressant. I'm not saying they're for everyone, but I do believe that some people NEED them to have a fighting chance at beating depression. But so many of us think we need to boot-strap our way through and "just" be happy. Maybe that's not possible with a little help. Is this something you've considered?

[Dravin]

I hope this is not the wrong place to put this thread. Almost every morning I think "I don't want to be alive anymore" or "I want to do die." Nearly every day I think about suicide. I am also saddened by the following:

The Rock of Our Redeemer - general-conference

That "MOST of us" part gets to me. I believe I am not included there. For me, sadness and fear do not melt away to be replaced with happiness and peace when I trust in the Lord. That's a bummer.

There is no imminent danger, here. Don't call the police or anyone else. I am just looking for some hope.

The counterpart to the most is those who consult competent professionals. If you aren't doing such I recommend it.

[skippy740]

I'd take a look at St. John's Wort as a start - particularly if money is tight.

St John's wort - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Timpman]

Thanks for the comments, everyone.

[Timpman]

I'll be fine. Don't worry about posting anything more.

[applepansy]

St. John's Wort works for me. Prescription anti-depressants have too many side effects and made me sick.

For the most part cheerfully putting other's needs before my own keeps me from falling in the black hole.

[applepansy]

I'll be fine. Don't worry about posting anything more.

I'm glad you'll be ok. I think its important though to realize you're probably not alone.

[Hala401]

I hope this is not the wrong place to put this thread. Almost every morning I think "I don't want to be alive anymore" or "I want to do die." Nearly every day I think about suicide. I am also saddened by the following:

The Rock of Our Redeemer - general-conference

That "MOST of us" part gets to me. I believe I am not included there. For me, sadness and fear do not melt away to be replaced with happiness and peace when I trust in the Lord. That's a bummer.

There is no imminent danger, here. Don't call the police or anyone else. I am just looking for some hope.

I am sorry for your pain. I had non reactive suicidal thoughts most of my life. In fact I had one this morning. However, from 2006 to 2010, I spent 3 hours a week in a program called "Dialectical Behavior Therapy". For the first two years, I thought it was pretty lame, but I went. It is a program to change the way we think about things.

For example, this morning I got up feeling uneasy and even after I prayed, I still felt very melancholy for a number of reasons that just aren't important now. So, today because I could, instead of eating a good breakfast, I went to Mcdonalds, got some food and left for a road trip, and a nice walk.

We can't always just run off, but some other things we can do when the darkness sets in is to have a warm bath, with scented candles, eat some ice creme, go for a walk, call someone and ask them how they are doing.

I just don't think that we have failed Heavenly Father when we are blue, and he has given us the tools to make ourselves feel better.

If you would like to talk, please message me.

Much peace

Hala

[bcguy]

Does depression run in the family? is so, what are they taking?

Is your current situation creating the depression? job loss, no income, family problems, death in the family?

A doctor may subscribe to you zoloft, velafexing, and so on. But consider them as a last possibility because of cost.

Take up fish oil supplements. Also, consider attending a session with a specialist that deals with transcranial magnetic stimulation.

Transcranial magnetic stimulation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia It would be better to energize those neurotransmitters that are not passing the serotonin between them, This is the primary cause of depression.

Also, change diat "take the sugar out", and get lots of sleep. Lastly, exercise creates a sence of well being and peace.

[Hala401]

I am sorry. I do not mean to be argumentative, but did you know that in the US, Doctors and other practitioners are given a commission on drugs prescribed? I was prescribed very heavy doses of Welbutren, Celexa, and Trazidone. I have not been on Welbutrin and Celexa since early 2007, and take a small fraction of what I used to take of Trazidone. I am now told that Welbutrin increases suggestibility, and does not relieve Depression, and Celexa, an antianxiety med causes dramatic weight gain.

The DBT did help me a lot, but in light of my experiences, I think the most significant thing one can do for a chronically depressed person is to help them to see what is causing the depression. In my case, it was a bad marriage and untreated extreme childhood abuse.

The most healing thing that has happened to me in the last 10 years was for the Holy Spirit to reveal to me, how much Heavenly Father loves me, and he placed me, for the first time in my entire life with people who are loving and kind and endeavor to follow God.

Much peace

Hala

[pooter1]

I understand why people are tired of living in this world but aren't you afraid of what the next world will be for you if you take your life? I to suffer from depression and have wanted to die but never wanted to kill myself because of the fear I would have of facing Heavenly Father. Some things that have helped my depression is work work work!! If I am busy I am not thinking of my problems.Service to others is also helpful.Scripture study,Prayer,Blessings from the priesthood.I am also on prozac which helps but what I have said before is what has helped me the most.Oh and also talking to others was so helpful. You CAN live with depression.Satan knows this weakness so he will probably try to stomp all over you but God is stronger than Satan and you CAN overcome him!!!

[Hala401]

I understand why people are tired of living in this world but aren't you afraid of what the next world will be for you if you take your life? I to suffer from depression and have wanted to die but never wanted to kill myself because of the fear I would have of facing Heavenly Father. Some things that have helped my depression is work work work!! If I am busy I am not thinking of my problems.Service to others is also helpful.Scripture study,Prayer,Blessings from the priesthood.I am also on prozac which helps but what I have said before is what has helped me the most.Oh and also talking to others was so helpful. You CAN live with depression.Satan knows this weakness so he will probably try to stomp all over you but God is stronger than Satan and you CAN overcome him!!!

I'm not depressed, but do once in a while have thoughts of suicide. I am not going to over spiritualize on this, because they are just thoughts, and when I did what I was supposed to do, the thought went away.

For the first time in my 65 years, I believe that Heavenly Father loves me, and I no longer believe that when painful things happen to us, Heavenly Father is mad at us. So, aside from the devout reverence that I feel for Heavenly Father, I do not fear him, other than knowing full well that he created my body from mud, and can tear me apart to my most basic elements at any time.

[Timpman]

I am sorry for your pain. I had non reactive suicidal thoughts most of my life. In fact I had one this morning. However, from 2006 to 2010, I spent 3 hours a week in a program called "Dialectical Behavior Therapy". For the first two years, I thought it was pretty lame, but I went. It is a program to change the way we think about things.

Thanks for your thoughts. I need to do some more cognitive therapy. I am not good at sticking to it.

Does depression run in the family? is so, what are they taking?

Yes, it runs in the family. I'm not sure about who has taken what meds.

A doctor may subscribe to you zoloft, velafexing, and so on. But consider them as a last possibility because of cost.

I have tried Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Ativan, Paxil, Prozac, Celexa, and a few others. I have been on Effexor (venlafaxin) for 9 years. I hate it, but can't leave it. I should check out transcranial magnetic stimulation.

[Hala401]

Thanks for your thoughts. I need to do some more cognitive therapy. I am not good at sticking to it.

Yes, it runs in the family. I'm not sure about who has taken what meds.

I have tried Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Ativan, Paxil, Prozac, Celexa, and a few others. I have been on Effexor (venlafaxin) for 9 years. I hate it, but can't leave it. I should check out transcranial magnetic stimulation.

Cognitive Therapy is vastly different than Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It really seems silly at first, but I have learned that I can change my own thoughts, and that has been powerful in my life.

Also, there is this farcical idea that we need to be the person that everyone else thinks we should be. We need to be who we really are, and not who our families, friends, or our employers think we should be.

[Timpman]

Okay, I'll study DBT.

[Yehshen]

Hi:

I just read your post. I'm sorry you are feeling badly. Please don't take the general conference statement personally.

My questions to you: are you a perfectionist? I know some psychologists consider depression a feeling of self-hate. I wonder if you are expecting too much of yourself and don't see the good part of you.

I hear you that you are basically ok, just blue. But I'm wondering if you are seeing yourself as others see you. A good friend of mine committed suicide last fall. He was brilliant, kind, extremely well respected, had a magnificent testimony (actually was reason I converted), and tons of friends and family. I'm helping to settle the estate, and have now reviewed some of his private writings. He saw himself differently...(all bad).

So, please try something for me. Take care of yourself the way you would recommend that some else treat themself. The dialetic therapy...I'm not too familiar with it...I think it involves reframing thought patterns in a way that could be helpful.

[Hala401]

Hi:

I just read your post. I'm sorry you are feeling badly. Please don't take the general conference statement personally.

My questions to you: are you a perfectionist? I know some psychologists consider depression a feeling of self-hate. I wonder if you are expecting too much of yourself and don't see the good part of you.

I hear you that you are basically ok, just blue. But I'm wondering if you are seeing yourself as others see you. A good friend of mine committed suicide last fall. He was brilliant, kind, extremely well respected, had a magnificent testimony (actually was reason I converted), and tons of friends and family. I'm helping to settle the estate, and have now reviewed some of his private writings. He saw himself differently...(all bad).

So, please try something for me. Take care of yourself the way you would recommend that some else treat themself. The dialetic therapy...I'm not too familiar with it...I think it involves reframing thought patterns in a way that could be helpful.

I am not much a proponent of medications, perhaps because they were so badly misused on me. They may be nessessary for a time, I think the goal would be to learn to live ones life with a clear view that Heavenly Father loves us. I am speaking soley for myself.

Now, to be clear, there are biochemical things that happen like Manic/depressive, Schizophrenia and other problems that must be medicated.

[Hala401]

Okay, I'll study DBT.

I do not claim to be an expert, but only a survivor. Some times it is our own biochemistry, and other times depression can be a result of systematic abuse by those who are supposed to take care of us.

There are several good books out on Dialectical behavior modification, and as I said, at first it all seemed really lame to me. At first I felt that it was ludecrous to think positive thoughts about myself when I was in fact, quite stupid and inept. Over time, I found out that those ideas are often instilled in us by those around us who ought not do such things.

If you begin to study DBT, it is not a quick fix at all but I hope that as in my case, as you work, you will have little epiphanies where you realise that your thinking about a certain issue is perhaps too harsh on yourself.

Today for example, I have been reading on maschochisim (I am not venturing into a talk about sex here) and learned that the need for punishment is often accompanied by several other self destructive conduct issues. One of mine is procrastination, and an almost hystercial avoidance of problems that seem insurmountable. DBT has allowed me to be able to be quite kind with myself while examining these issues.

I know that some parents get quite defensive when a child's issues are brought up, and let me assure everyone reading this that it is not my intention to spell out how bad some parents are. In my case, my parents were very disturbed, but since becoming a church member, I can see that they tried as hard as they could.

Much peace

Hala

[Timpman]

Eight year ago I was nearly 25 years old. I was suicidal. I kept items in my car to complete suicide. I knew how and where, but not when. Then one day I was ready to do it. I was cold-hearted enough to leave my wife and two small children behind. But there is something else that saved me. My wife was pregnant and I wanted to meet the baby. I couldn't leave a pregnant woman behind. So I spent a few days in the psychiatric ward of a hospital.

Here I am now thinking the time is near. I don't want to be alive anymore. My wife sometimes asks "Are you suicidal?" It sounds accusatory and I lie to her. I have slowly broken her spirit. She used to be an angel to me, but someone can tolerate depression cycles for only so long.

[Timpman]

Eight years ago I was nearly 25 years old. I was suicidal. I kept items in my car to complete suicide. I knew how and where, but not when. Then one day I was ready to do it. I was cold-hearted enough to leave my wife and two small children behind. But there is something else that saved me. My wife was pregnant and I wanted to meet the baby. I couldn't leave a pregnant woman behind. So I spent a few days in the psychiatric ward of a hospital.

Here I am now thinking the time is near. I don't want to be alive anymore. My wife sometimes asks "Are you suicidal?" It sounds accusatory and I lie to her. I have slowly broken her spirit. She used to be an angel to me, but someone can tolerate depression cycles for only so long.

[skippy740]

Timpman,

For the sake of your family, please go and get some help... TODAY.

[Yehshen]

So do you have a plan now?

[Timpman]

I don't have a plan. I wish I did. I am only trying to stay above water and keep my job.