Question About Blessings

[MorningStar]

What's the best way to handle it when a child asks for a blessing and the dad doesn't make a move to grant their request?

[skippy740]

For the child to experience the blessings of the gospel, I would ask home teachers, quorum presidents or Bishopric.

In this case, someone will feel bad. I vote for that person to be the father that cannot or will not perform the blessing... instead of the child who asked.

[MorningStar]

An awkward situation for sure, but I agree.

[pam]

In asking someone else, perhaps it will open the eyes of the father to the responsibilities they have as not only the parent but as a Priesthood holder.

[annewandering]

Has he ever given one before? If not then maybe you could encourage him to do it. Better at the time but even now it can be done.

Does he feel unworthy?

[MorningStar]

One can only guess. Yes the dad knows how. Puts mom in an difficult position when child tells her they need a blessing, dad says OK, dad flakes, mom reminds him the next day, and dad decides to go back to bed instead of calling someone before church. Mom doesn't want to push him into it in case he doesn't feel worthy but also wishes he would pick up the phone and make sure their son receives a blessing whether he participates or not.

[Guest]

One can only guess. Yes the dad knows how. Puts mom in an difficult position when child tells her they need a blessing, dad says OK, dad flakes, mom reminds him the next day, and dad decides to go back to bed instead of calling someone before church. Mom doesn't want to push him into it in case he doesn't feel worthy but also wishes he would pick up the phone and make sure their son receives a blessing whether he participates or not.

In this case, I would kindly tell the dad that I'm going to go call Brother X to do it at nPM unless he feels he'll be ready by then.

You say dad put mom in a difficult position - I say dad got put in the difficult position of facing his own inadequacies first. Mom needs to find a way to get the child a blessing at the same time provide a way to support her husband in whatever challenge he is facing. Isn't that amazing just how much we, Moms, get to do to keep our family chugging along?

For my birthday I told my husband, I want to do nothing. He says, "what do you mean?". I say it again. I want to do absolutely nothing. That's the birthday present I want to have this year. I've been dreaming of doing nothing since before Christmas. :)

[cryophil]

I think manipulating the dad by going around him is really bad form.

[pntkl]

These, Our Little Ones - Liahona Dec. 2007 - liahona

The Why of Priesthood Service - general-conference

Hebrews 5:1-14 

When the house Patriarch does not fulfill their duties, especially under the Priesthood--the needs of the household, even the Priesthood, cannot be ignored. No worthy Priesthood holder is in need of manipulation, to serve in their calling. Neither is it righteous, to coerce someone into doing something they are not willing or worthy to do expediently.

LDS.org - Support Materials Chapter - Church Organization

Doctrine and Covenants 20:1-84 

More so, it is nothing, under any poster's authority, to supersede the order of His Church, which this matter must be dealt within, if the Patriarch is slothful in their duty or not forthcoming of their worthiness. It is an offense to the child, to delay the blessing he is not simply wanton of, but is prompted to, by the Spirit. The correct order begins with the Bishop, who in righteousness is given special discernment, over such matters. He is the authority, over these matters, as long as he is within his covenant. If he is not in accordance with the teachings of the gospel, we are so charged, to find the next authority, in order of the structure given through the Son of God [in only the most egregious circumstances does this ever occur].

Love,

T.J. Wood

[applepansy]

If possible try to find out why the father is hesitant to give the blessing. If he still doesn't want to give the blessing, find someone else. I know any contention doesn't help bring the spirit close. However, it only takes the faith of one for a blessing to work.

Later try to find out why the father is hesitant. Has he been taught how to use his priesthood? My father in law never gave any of his children a blessing until they were adults. I think only two of the five have received a blessing of any sort from their father after they reached adulthood. Blessings were never a family affair. If a man never sees the priesthood used or is a convert, then giving a blessing can be intimidating.

[MorningStar]

It's kind of a double edged sword. If he's not feeling worthy and not ready to tell the truth about why he's not feeling worthy, asking him might tempt him to give a blessing unworthily to hide whatever is going on, which is not what the mom wants and she is especially concerned because it happened in the past. She doesn't want to embarrass anyone or call any attention to a possible problem, but she desperately wants her child to receive a blessing. But if he has a different reason not having to do with worthiness, he might feel really embarrassed if she asks someone else to come over while he's napping and wakes up to discover their child has received a blessing.

[log2]

Ask him anyways. It is his duty in the Priesthood to provide the blessings thereof for his family, or arrange for them to be administered to.

When it was time for my son to be named and blessed in church I felt deeply unworthy and asked a worthy brother to bless him. I was not in the circle.

Edited April 30, 2012 by log2

[MorningStar]

Ask him anyways. It is his duty in the Priesthood to provide the blessings thereof for his family, or arrange for them to be administered to.

When it was time for my son to be named and blessed in church I felt deeply unworthy and asked a worthy brother to bless him. I was not in the circle.

Thanks, Log. :) So what does one do when the Mom asks the Dad, Dad says, "OK" and goes back to bed. She asked the day before too. Both times he said "OK" and then didn't do it or call anyone else to do it.

[log2]

I would suggest to ask him directly if it's ok if you call someone else to give the blessing. In my opinion, if he makes no relevant answer, and doesn't move on it still, he's in dereliction of his divinely appointed duty and it's yours to make up the slack. Make the call if you feel, after prayer, it's appropriate and necessary. I would also suggest counseling with your home teacher / bishop - that might be during the same call.

In all things, follow the Spirit.

Edited April 30, 2012 by log2

[estradling75]

Thanks, Log. :) So what does one do when the Mom asks the Dad, Dad says, "OK" and goes back to bed. She asked the day before too. Both times he said "OK" and then didn't do it or call anyone else to do it.

When I read this my thoughts went to communication failure. Generally when I respond to my wife with a simple "OK" without any further follow up, its because she has given me what I regard as an info dump. Such info dumps can contain such things as "I need to go shopping," Or "The kids needs new shoes." While these are clear expressions of needs in the family she usually handles them so for me its simply a heads up that she is going shopping or that the kids will shortly have new shoes.

There are also the times when my wife softens the request to the point that I don't realize it is a request. For example recently my wife ask me, "Could you go get my cell phone out of the car or should I?" What she meant was, "Will you go get my cell phone out of the car?" but she added the rest in an attempt not to appear bossy. What I heard was, "Lets discuss who should go get my cell phone out of the car?" Weird subject but ok... Needless to say that did conversation did not go like either of us expected it to.

Now I will admit that when the subject of Priesthood blessing comes up I am less likely to parse statements as info dumps or desires to simply discuss, but that comes from experience and training which the Husband in this case might not have.

So to answer the question this is how I would do it. Ask again, when he says ok again follow up with, "Great. Priesthood blessing fall into your area of responsibility. You need to make it happen. When can our child expect this to happen?"

This should bypass any communication problems, if he lacks experience it begins teaching him his role. It also lets him set the time frame which gives him some control while also giving a lever to hold him accountable.

Be advised that this would also have a very good chance of bringing to the surface any potential issue the Husband might have. Not a real big deal if it is lack of understanding or experience, much bigger deal if it is worthiness or failing faith. Personally I think if it is a variation of the last two it should be brought out so it can be dealt with, but its not my relationship and not my call to make.

[applepansy]

Estradling, good observations and advice.

When it was my husband and my 2nd son was about 2-3 months old, we were at his parents and he was in their pool. The baby wouldn't quit crying. I was specific. I was specific 3 times. I finally went back out the fourth time...2 hours AFTER the first time I had asked... and said "If you won't give your son a blessing then I'll be leaving with the kids and going to my Dad." His whole family heard that one.

My MIL didn't hear the part "If you won't" so afterwards my MIL said to me "You didn't need to go to your Dad. My son holds the priesthood." So I had to tell her I had asked your son three times and he ignored me.

The baby has been crying for hours and stopped almost immediately after the blessing.

Priesthood blessings continued to be a problem until my husband decided he needed to learn to use his priesthood.

[MorningStar]

Sometimes the husbands are concerned about overusing priesthood blessings and they say, "Nah, they'll be OK." One of our sons was a baby and I could tell his illness was becoming more than just a cold and I asked my husband if he would give him a blessing. He blew it off like he was fine and when 2am came and our son was still screaming, I was positively fuming. He didn't want to bother anyone at 9pm. Better than the middle of the night. Whether we're moving or need any other kind of help, he has a hard time picking up the phone to ask people because I think he has a bit of a social phobia. One of my brothers-in-law was hesitant to give his wife a blessing when they struggled with infertility for years because he has this fear of making blessings too common. I don't get it.

I know women tend to be nervous nellies when their kids gets sick. My best friend's husband can't stand how quick she is to take the kids to the doctor rather than just wait and see if they get over it on their own, so I can understand not wanting to give a blessing over every boo boo, cold, etc., but I think if the mom doesn't have a history of making a request for every little thing and the child has asked, and the child can't keep down the medicine that could save them from going to the ER (the doctor indicating that there is a good chance it will come to that despite the prescribed treatment), I don't understand why the sound of the child coughing, puking, and crying for hours isn't enough for the dad to make the blessing happen whether he has personal issues or not. I don't know how he can listen to that and decide that covering his bum is the top priority, the irony being that his unwillingness to do anything is a red flag that he could be hiding something and hurtful no matter what the reason is.

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