the ex wants me to give up my kids

[shdwlkr]

Just got an email from a lawyer asking me to give up my rights to my kids because the ex wants me too.

I get to see two of my kids every other weekend and yes it is a long trip but I just can't see giving up my kids for money costs.

I am so mad my blood just boils to think the ex thinks I would give up my rights to my kids for money that I would save if they were not in my life.

They have been working hard to drive a wedge between me and my kids I see and the one kid I haven't seen in almost two years. Yes there is a court action on that one going on.

My question to those of you who might be in my situation would you give up your rights to your kids? why? and have you done this?

I just can't me looking at myself in the mirror if I did this and know that I let money take more importance in my life than my kids.

thanks for you comments

[annewandering]

Don't do it. Your kids need to know they are not disposable. At one time family psychologists recommended it but it was a rotten idea.

[shdwlkr]

I have no intention of doing it even though it may leave me with a degree that I can't complete as I can find no place to do my actual live work.

I am just so upset with her even asking me to do this.

Yes it costs me a lot of money to go get my kids and take them back when I have them. Think right now around $400 a month in diesel fuel. I drive a big pickup that likes to drink diesel fuel. I need it for the small farm I hope to get started later this year.

I know why she wants me to do this as the kids are not happy with her and she thinks if she can get them so they don't see me things will get better for her. How sad to know she feels I think the kids are not worth anything to me.

You need to know she also sees the kids as possessions not people and I just can't think of any good reason to walk away from my kids.

[Guest]

Shame on her. It sounds like she's not even thinking of how it would affect the kids even if you did agree to it.

I would never ever ever ever give my kids up.

[rameumptom]

I think you need to determine what would be best for your kids. Many young women who are pregnant do the unselfish thing by giving up their kids for adoption. It may not be the thing they want to do, but it is the best thing for the child.

We do not know the background regarding your previous marriage and divorce. Your fault? Her fault? Both? Was there violence or abuse involved?

That we are only getting your side of the story does not give us everything in order to give advice. I do not know whether you are the world's greatest Dad or a woman beater. I just cannot judge this. And we should not be giving you advice from such thin information.

You need to determine the causes of the divorce. You need to determine if your ex has reasons to want to keep the kids away from you. You need to determine if you being in the life of your kids is a blessing or a hardship on the kids. This isn't about you. This is about what is best for the kids. If what is best is for you to remain engaged in their lives, then fight on. If not or you are unsure, then do a lot of praying and soul searching to determine what the kids need.

As it is, I'm concerned that you would bring such an issue to a forum like this. It seems you are either looking to justify your desire to fight your ex, or you really are unsure whether you are fit to be the father. It is none of our business. And if it were our business, we could not judge it from just a short paragraph.

So, go speak with the Lord. Make sure you are seeking the Lord's will, and the best for the kids, and not just for your own pride.

[Jennarator]

How sad. I know my husband's ex is working hard to make sure he sees his children as little as possible. I think the only reason she isn't asking him to give them up is because she needs the money he sends for child support, because she refuses to get a job.

My hsband would never give them up! We drive far and miss a it of work and all to see them, and it's worth it. Our house is the only place they learn about the gosple, and resposibility. She doesn't work and makes them go to afte school care, then when they get home she either makes a junk food meal or takes them to McDonnalds. Then she ignors them the rest of the night and lets them play computer or DS.

At our house they play outside, and do chores and go to church.

But the main thing is that my husband loves his kids and would fight for them, no matter what.

[Gwen]

Fight for your rights as a father. I also suggest if you have to go to court find all the ways you can to include language against her alienating the kids. We've had to deal with that and it will, in time, take it's toll on the kids no matter how well you are fighting it now. Good luck. Feel free to message me if you want to discuss details on some of the things we did.

[NeuroTypical]

Just got an email from a lawyer asking me to give up my rights to my kids because the ex wants me too.

...

would you give up your rights to your kids?

Nope. Emails are free - why not just email a two letter, one word response back? I don't understand why everyone is getting all upset about this. They're just asking you a question, right?

[Gwen]

It's never just asking a question. It is something to be upset about. My husband has been there. I've been at his side through it all. It should not be taken lightly when someone wants to remove your parental rights.

When my husband first divorced the ex told him she would never stop fighting until she had full custody. Being naive (and listing to a stake pres who gave him bad advise that he wasn't supposed to comment on anyway) he chose to give up joint custody. He still had all the visitation rights of a father, it would stop the fighting, so what harm could be done? He thought he was being honorable by not "cutting the baby in half". Guess what? that "full custody" came back to haunt him. She used that term to take away so many rights of his. He had no say in his son's medical or school decisions. Every time things went to a legal authority they would say "but you don't have joint custody, you must have lost it for a reason" and there was a cloud of distrust put on him. They just assumed he lost the right, not that he would have given it up. It took till his son was over 12 and a ton of money and court fighting to finally get joint custody. By then I'll be honest, there was so much alienation that it really didn't matter. By then it was too late.

[Just_A_Guy]

Just got an email from a lawyer asking me to give up my rights to my kids because the ex wants me too.

I get to see two of my kids every other weekend and yes it is a long trip but I just can't see giving up my kids for money costs.

I am so mad my blood just boils to think the ex thinks I would give up my rights to my kids for money that I would save if they were not in my life.

They have been working hard to drive a wedge between me and my kids I see and the one kid I haven't seen in almost two years. Yes there is a court action on that one going on.

My question to those of you who might be in my situation would you give up your rights to your kids? why? and have you done this?

I just can't me looking at myself in the mirror if I did this and know that I let money take more importance in my life than my kids.

thanks for you comments

I think you should try to make sure whether your ex is really trying to get you to give up visitation completely, or whether the ex is just trying to transition to a "long-distance" parent time schedule like many states recognize. If it's the latter, you need to talk to a lawyer to compare the current parent-time regimen with your state's statutory "long-distance" parent time schedule.

[JudoMinja]

To give up parental rights is to completely sever all ties to the children whatsoever. No child support. No visitation. Not even a right to see them in the hospital. This is the kind of thing that should only be allowed when a parent is causing harm to the children, or would potentially harm them by interacting with them. Don't do it.

[Gwen]

To give up parental rights is to completely sever all ties to the children whatsoever. No child support. No visitation. Not even a right to see them in the hospital. This is the kind of thing that should only be allowed when a parent is causing harm to the children, or would potentially harm them by interacting with them. Don't do it.

Giving up parental rights as a legal term this is true.

However, there are varying levels of giving up your rights that can be just as damaging. Like our situation of not having joint custody. We did have to pay child support but still had no say about dr's or school or baby sitters/daycare, etc. Due to "full custody" she could deny who we chose to let babysit, prevent us from picking him up from school, etc. If she were to steal him and hide (or just unreasonably deny a visit) then the only charge against her would be "interfering with visitation" but if we did the same it would be "kidnapping and interfering with custody". Your hands get tied in so many ways you can't even see until it bites you in the backside. Not to mention the yrs of damage done by her constantly being able to say things like "it doesn't matter what daddy said, he doesn't even have custody, I make the decisions in your life." He learned very well that mommy makes the decisions and daddy has no power.

[JudoMinja]

Oh yes. Custody technicalities and terminology can become a real headache. Especially if/when some of the people involved are more concerned about themselves than they are about what is best for their children. It can be difficult for the courts to determine what is really in the child's best interests, but from what I understand they lean more towards joint custody now, unless proof can be provided to show that it would be in the better interest of the children for a parent to have sole custody.

No matter how everything is splayed out custody-wise though, both parents maintain their parental rights, which is a separate issue from their custody arrangements. The courts cannot take away someone's parental rights without a really good solid reason for doing so. Someone can, however, voluntarily give up those rights- and it sounds like this is what shdwlkers ex wants him to do. Legally speaking, if you give up parental rights, it's as if you were never their parent. No one should ever do this, unless they truly think it would be in the best interest of the children to be completely cut out of their lives.