I had an affair...

[raynetta66]

I am an endowed married LDS woman. I've been married to my husband for 24 years and we have three kids. I serve in the Primary, and go to church every Sunday.

My husband and I were separated for five years 10 years ago, and when he asked me to come back, I did because I felt that I would regret it if I didn't try one more time to make it work. I also felt that my kids needed both of their parents. But, I think those five years did us in. We've both been miserable, and we haven't had sex since before our separation. I could blame him, but that wouldn't be fair. We both made mistakes in our marriage and I am the one that cheated.

My affair was a one time thing. It is over. He was a friend of mine, and things got out of control and I broke my temple covenants. There is NO way that I will fall again because I've stopped communication with him. I feel so remorseful and guilty that I can't even seem to function without breaking out in tears. I haven't told my husband yet, because I just can't right now. Every time I try, I burst into tears and can't.

I have every intention of going and starting the repentance process. I even called and made an appointment with my bishop, but he's out of town for the next two weeks. I have prayed night and day to my Heavenly Father since my affair, and I have felt an overpowering amount of love from Heavenly Father. I am willing to accept whatever my punishment is.

I will NOT partake of the Sacrament until I discuss this with my Bishop. I have also stopped wearing my garments. I also intend to surrender my temple recommend when I meet with my Bishop in a few weeks.

But, I need some advice.

1. Even though I have stopped, should I stop wearing my garments until I see my Bishop?

2. Will I have to go to a stake court, or will this be a bishop's court?

3. What happens to my temple sealing and my children born in the covenant?

4. What can I do in the two weeks before I see my Bishop to help me prepare for this spiritually?

I appreciate any advice that you can give me. I just feel so horrible and full of guilt and remorse. I can't stop crying and I just wish my Bishop was in town now so I can confess this and start the repentance process.

[annewandering]

Wear garments please unless you are told to not wear them. Nothing happens to your childrens bic. Your temple covenants are already broken so your sealing is not in effect, I am guessing, until you have completed repentance. Pray. Study. Learn to love yourself a bit more.

Maybe you can turn this into a motivation to improve your relationship with your husband? A mediocre marriage is no excuse for adultery but it isnt helping.

Courage. You are doing very good already. You know and FEEL the need for repentance. Dont let that go.

[estradling75]

Wear your garments until/unless you are instructed not to as part of working through things with the Bishop.

Most likely you will be in a Bishop's Court. Stake Court is usually for Priesthood holders, although this is something Bishop and Stake President can change if they feel the need.

You have broken your part of the Sealing. Assuming that your husband has not the blessing of the Sealing remain in effect for him. And your kids still have it. You can get your part back once you repent.

Fast, pray, read the scriptures, follow the promptings of the Spirit on what you need to do.

[NeuroTypical]

Hi raynetta - congratulations on starting the repentence process. I believe you will find the experience to be a blessing.

I even called and made an appointment with my bishop, but he's out of town for the next two weeks.

...

1. Even though I have stopped, should I stop wearing my garments until I see my Bishop?

Garments are meant to be a reminder of covenants made, not a symbol that all is well. I'd wear them until hearing from the Bishop.

2. Will I have to go to a stake court, or will this be a bishop's court?

You can't be certain there will even be a court, although there probably will be. Anyway, it's a matter of stewardship. Stake Presidents have stewardship over Melchizedek priesthood holders, so you will probably not head there. Your bishop will be able to say for sure.

3. What happens to my temple sealing and my children born in the covenant?

Every case is different. Only your bishop will be able to tell you. In general though, our church isn't big on busting up families on earth or in the eternities.

4. What can I do in the two weeks before I see my Bishop to help me prepare for this spiritually?

It sounds like you are doing it. Praying. Willingness to do what needs to be done in order to remove this burden of sin. Breaking off all contact with the guy. I think you are on the right path.

If I understand correctly, you do not want to tell your husband because of the further harm it will cause him and your marriage. That is understandable. Your bishop will help you figure out how to proceed with your husband.

Remember D&C 61:2: "I, the Lord, forgive sins, and am merciful unto those who confess their sins with humble hearts"

You may want to read up on the repentence process. Here is a good link:

Gospel Principles Chapter 19 - repentance

Your bishop should have a big box of tissues sitting there. If not, let him know you'll need one. :)

I once had to sit in the bishop's 'hot seat'. I wasn't sure if my family would survive what I had to say. The process was one of the most spiritual and cleansing experiences of my life. You're doing the right thing. Keep on track. Go to the appointment.

Edited July 5, 2012 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[applepansy]

My heart is breaking for you. I applaud your courage. I don't have anything to add except I agree with the advice you've gotten here.

I do wish you the all the best and hope things work out the best for you.

[NightSG]

Your bishop should have a big box of tissues sitting there. If not, let him know you'll need one.

Stop by WalMart. Over by the men's dress socks will be the bulk packs of cheap white handkerchiefs. IIRC, 5 for $3 or 12 for $5.

It just adds insult to injury when you're crying your heart out and a generic disposable snotrag disintegrates all over your face. I usually try to carry at least 2-3 real cloth hankies to church, taking friends to court appearances, or any time a friend says "I need to talk to somebody about..."

Besides, I think it helps someone realize that you really do care about them and think of their troubles when you've gone to the effort to have one ready.

Edited July 5, 2012 by NightSG

[FunkyTown]

I... Don't know what to say here.

You haven't had sex in 10 years. In the past ten years, you've spent 5 away from your husband.

Yes, the affair was wrong. No one can deny that. You broke your temple covenants and that's bad.

But let's be fair: Your marriage isn't really a marriage. You have to try to make this marriage work and it will be up to your husband if he wants to try.

Do you honestly want your kids to think that the relationship you have with your husband is a normal one? The affair was only the final straw in a decades long slide towards having no marriage.

[raynetta66]

Thanks everyone for the words of advice and encouragement.

Funkytown, you are right. We were actually separated for 5 years, and reunited for 11, those 11 years have been the sexless one. I don't condone my affair, but I did have a lot of factors that I feel caused me to weaken to the temptation. My husband and I are more housemates than spouses.

I don't want my kids to think that my marriage is a normal one, nor do I want them to think that turning to an affair is right either.

Thank you everyone.

[reclaimingournation]

I... Don't know what to say here.

You haven't had sex in 10 years. In the past ten years, you've spent 5 away from your husband.

Yes, the affair was wrong. No one can deny that. You broke your temple covenants and that's bad.

But let's be fair: Your marriage isn't really a marriage. You have to try to make this marriage work and it will be up to your husband if he wants to try.

Do you honestly want your kids to think that the relationship you have with your husband is a normal one? The affair was only the final straw in a decades long slide towards having no marriage.

Lets be fair, God ordained this marriage. This was a real marriage. Do not downplay the marriage because of th ehealth f the marriage. Pray, study, repent, and work with your leaders. God has given us perfect truth and given us a way to progress. The only way we can progress is by being truthful with ourselves and not allowing justification to creep in. I stand with you and will send my families prayers.

I know from experience that Tithing, a true heart felt full honest dedicated to the lord tithe is one an excellent way to bring the family together in purpose.

My family has been through its ups and downs. The one thing I have learned is that Gods love is perfect and that he pairs us with people that will help us prepare for what ever we need to prepare for in the next life. Be perfectly honest with yourself,your family, your ecclesiastical leaders, and God. God will guide you.

We stand with you and your loved ones in prayer.

Best Wishes-

ConcernedMajority

[raynetta66]

Thank you Concerned. I am in no way justifying my infidelity, that was my doing and only mine. I know in my heart that Satan used my depression over my marriage and my loneliness to tempt me, and I was too weak to withstand it. I am praying day and night until I see my Bishop. I did not partake of the Sacrament today and will not until I can do so worthily. I am reading all about repentance and have felt an overwhelming sense of love from my Heavenly Father.

Thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement. It has truly helped me feel great love and kindness!

[reclaimingournation]

Thank you Concerned. I am in no way justifying my infidelity, that was my doing and only mine. I know in my heart that Satan used my depression over my marriage and my loneliness to tempt me, and I was too weak to withstand it. I am praying day and night until I see my Bishop. I did not partake of the Sacrament today and will not until I can do so worthily. I am reading all about repentance and have felt an overwhelming sense of love from my Heavenly Father.

Thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement. It has truly helped me feel great love and kindness!

I hope (expect) that when I need some advice that you will chime in! Ever since we joined the church, I have relied on my ward for advice. Thank goodness for the relief society and the elders quorum.

[raynetta66]

I certainly will be happy to chime in. :)