I'm really hurting... Need someone to listen...

[TheOnlyJared]

I just went through the worst breakup I've ever had. I've made a lot of mistakes, all of which I deeply regret. I'm having a really hard time because I'm honestly extremely lonely. I mainly need a friend. Someone to talk to that may be going through something similar. Someone who needs me as much as I need them. I just moved back to my college town and honestly have nobody to really hang out with. So I spend a lot of lonely nights. So please, don't hesitate to PM me or comment on the forum. I appreciate any help I can get.

[pam]

Are you going to be attending school?

[Guest]

I've been through it. I reached out desperately for relief from friends, but honestly none of them could help me much. Pray, pray, pray and keep yourself busy. The more time you put into helping other people, the better you will feel.

[TheOnlyJared]

Yes I will be attending school Pam.

Eowyn, I've been trying very hard to stay busy and I pray constantly. But it still doesn't fill every second. I always eventually get back here. Heartbroken and wishing there was something I could do to get her back. All I wanna do is cry all the time because it's the only thing that makes me feel better...

[Guest]

Personally when I think back to that time, I probably should have gotten some therapy and/or medication. I was too ashamed that I couldn't just get over it. It was a really hard breakup after a long relationship, and meant changing all of my life plans. It is a period to mourn, and it is hard. Allow yourself that. Don't be afraid to get help. At least get a priesthood blessing. Crying all the time is no way to live. :hug:

[TheOnlyJared]

Thanks. I'm trying to get as much help as I can. I talk to a couple of my church leaders regularly and I have a counselor that I meet with. I'm just having a very hard time letting go.

[Guest]

I adopted a dog yesterday. I tell ya, he's super amazing. His previous dad lost his job and couldn't afford his care anymore. He was very lonely yesterday, even with my 2 other dogs and the entire family giving him lots of attention. Today, he stayed in the office all day with me and now he's my shadow... showering me with lots of unconditional love and affection. I love dogs. I have 3 dogs that follow me around. So even when the husband goes to work and the 2 kids go to school, I never get lonely.

Maybe that's what you need. Adopt a dog. For life.

[TheOnlyJared]

Anatess, I would love to adopt a dog. Id give anything to do so. But I have no money and I live in a student apartment that doesn't allow dogs... I've wanted a dog for a very long time, but its kind of impossible right now.

[Guest]

Anatess, I would love to adopt a dog. Id give anything to do so. But I have no money and I live in a student apartment that doesn't allow dogs... I've wanted a dog for a very long time, but its kind of impossible right now.

Then there's your goal. Work hard, study hard, prepare yourself so that you can be in a position to adopt a dog.

[TheOnlyJared]

That's a good idea. Ill work toward that. I have so many things I wanna work toward. But until I start reaching those goals I'm still alone. I don't do well on my own...

[sonicsonicboom]

"He that hath friends must shew himself friendly" - that's almost a quote from the bible somewhere, I think in Proverbs.

My advice to you - get out the house and get doing things. Sports clubs, college clubs, anything of that sort. What are you interested in? When you go out and meet new people, show an interest in them, ask them questions, smile and be cheerful - you can be cheerful even if you don't feel happy. Be a light for others and forget yourself and your problems. Dare I say your verging on self-pity a little here

You have a lot to offer - we all do - when it comes to helping others. If your lonely, only you can change the situation.

On top of this, you need understanding from the Lord. Prayer won't always help without work as well. So get on your knees to ask for help, then get off them and do something about it! the Lord will bless you as you put in efforts to get busy and serve others. Wallowing, won't do any good. Read your scriptures every day for inspiration and guidance and pray about the right things - where to invest your time, who to focus on, guidance on what to do.

And it terms of girls - don't worry about them! that's the best way to actually get another one. Smile, work, be happy, and get out the house!!!

[Bini]

Don't look for love. Focus on healing yourself and getting yourself back together. Pray often, attend church meetings on Sunday. Get involved in the community through community service, or some other form of volunteer work. If that's not your cup of tea, find a hobby that you can get into and develop a talent. Maybe something that requires you to work with your hands. Busy hands keeps from an idle mind..

[Dove]

Hello, TheOnlyJared;

You're situation leaves me hurting for you, too.....I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I have often felt lonely myself throughout my life. I've had several instances where no one was around me physically; yet, the Spirit would reassure/tell me that I was not alone. The Spirit has told me this repeatedly.

So, what to do to feel better? I would suggest praying to understand where this intense feeling of loneliness is coming from. Pray to feel His love for you. It has helped me to pray to have more self-esteem and love for myself. While this may sound selfish, remember the scripture to love our neighbour as ourselves~ How can we love our neighbour if we do not love ourself?

Most important to me in feeling better is to draw closer to God through scripture study and prayer. Reach out to others, too, both to help them and to get support through this difficult time.

Oh yeah, by the way, if you can't get a dog right now, I know in many places you can volunteer at a dog shelter and take the dogs there walking. This might help.

For me, there have been no easy answers to my sense of loneliness. A lot of it is building up my self esteem through God's help....Becoming self confident and comfortable in my own shoes. Please, do not beat yourself up for the things you did/didn't do in the relationship you had with the girl you're speaking of. Prepare yourself for the time when another relationship will come into your life.

The best

Dove

[TheOnlyJared]

Thanks guys... Dove, thank you for your thoughts. To be honest I think all I'm really looking for is comfort. I've done everything people have suggested to me and I'm working toward those things. But I'm figuring out that all I need is comfort. A shoulder to cry on. Someone I feel really cares and feels my pain. Not very many ppl can do that for me because they either don't have my trust or I'm just not comfortable hugging them. I honestly hate being this dramatic but it's honestly how I feel. I have a very hard time holding that in.

[Dove]

Hello, TheOnlyJared;

Your honesty is poignant~I hope you can find some comfort here at LDS net...A lot of people here are caring and concerned, as perhaps evidenced by the many replies you've received.

I kind of feel bad because what I wrote for you to consider was meant only as a suggestion; not to tell you you're not doing good enough. Or, perhaps it's more that what I described didn't fit your come from. It seems you've gotten some clarity on what you need at this time; which is great. I'll keep you in my prayers that you will indeed find that "shoulder to cry on."

Dove

[ClickyClack]

Each morning, pray and ask for help finding good friends, and for help in facing your challenges. Ask the Lord for direction, and make goals for the day. During the day, work on finding good friends, and on overcoming your challenges. Each night, pray and talk with the Lord about how you worked on both of those that day, and how it went with meeting your goals.

When we're down, it's easy to turn to wishing, but as a good friend of mine says, "Working will win, when wishing will not!"

Edited August 12, 2012 by ClickyClack

[SeekingHope77]

Hang in there TheOnlyJared. We all have our periods of trial. Try to find people around you that may need a friend. Talk to shy people in your ward, at school, strangers in the grocery store. One of my favorite books in the world is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Excellent read!! Anyone who wants friends and wants to learn how to be a friend should read this book!

When school starts join some clubs, sports, etc. Trust me, you are not alone. Many, many people out there are feeling alone. I am one of them. Set yourself some goals to work toward, ie: Talk to 5 strangers today, Get in touch with 2 old friends, Join a community/school club, Join a gym and take classes. I hope this gives you some hope!!

[ldswithgreeneyes]

I agree with everyone else about reaching out and trying to connect with others. When do you start school? That is sure to be a distraction.

I might also gently suggest that you get into counseling and, if your depression worsens, to consider an antidepressant. Counseling and using meds might improve the quality of your life. It does not hurt to seek the advice of a trained professional about this..

[TheOnlyJared]

you know the funny thing is that i have either done or am currently doing all those things. I talk to a counselor, bishop, and a mentor who knows me very well and it very wise. I think this all comes down to finding a good way to cope with all this. I have been fortunate to be blessed with a sound enough mind to know that suicide is not the answer because if there's anything that would drive me to do something like that it would be this. This has all come down to having some patience which is very hard for me.

So the bottom line is I really need a friend to talk to. Someone who will let me rant and give input when I ask for it. I just need someone there no matter what. I am working on relying more on the Lord and making Him my best friend, but there are just times when I am in a moment of weakness that I need someone imperfect to talk to. I guess there are times when I find ranting to a perfect being an intimidating experience. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but the idea of Him already knowing exactly what I'm going through makes it hard.

I am so thankful for all of your support in all this. Feel free to keep posting anything that you feel would help. I am always looking for new ideas of how to cope with the situation. If you would like to know the story of what happened to me so you can better understand please message me. its a long story, but it might help you understand where I'm coming from.

[Starscream]

Hey man, how are doing since the last time you posted? I would realy want to know your story. Im also going through a breakup (my girlfriend of a year wants to date other people) and i would appreciate it very much if you would tell how are doing, and if you are doing better i would like to know what helped you the most. Thanks

[TheOnlyJared]

Starscream, pm me.

You will all be happy to know that I am doing MUCH better! I am focusing on staying positive and being the best person I can be. I have goals that I am working toward and I am more focused than I've ever been. I told Amber last Saturday that we couldn't be friends until she broke up with her boyfriend. So I was preparing to not speak to hr for at least a few months, possibly never again. I finally hit a point where I was determined to be happy. I expected the worst and hoped for the best. Well on Friday I got a call from her and she was crying. She asked if she could come talk to me. I said she could. So she came over and told me that he broke up with her. Apparently he went to the temple and realized that their relationship didn't feel right. So they're over. Later that night she asked me if she could come cuddle with me and I told her no because my bishop asked me not to date and I believe we need to rebuild our friendship, I don't know where all of this will take me. Honestly, I am not too worried about it anymore. Heavenly Father will make it happen if it's meant to be. I am just going to be the best person I can possibly be, knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Thank you all for your wonderful help. It means so much that people care enough to help a random stranger. I consider you all my brothers and sisters and I hope that I will be able to meet you all face to face one day in exaltation. If any of you ever need someone to talk to please let me know.

[sshannonbb]

im feeling exact same thing right now i know what you're going through !! these last couple of months have been nothing but pain for me!! i cried cried and prayed prayed !! but my heart is still hurting!!

[alucarD1975]

Wow I must have a heart of stone, I read every post and to be honest I feel bad for you. But for a totally diffrent reason.

[TheOnlyJared]

Sshannonbb,

Things get better, but only after you get closure. The pain is still there, but you learn to deal with it until you can fill the void... Make Heavenly Father your best friend and you will find peace. He wants you to be happy. He'll never let us suffer longer than we have to. The moment I got closure and began to let go things got better. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not there just yet, but I know it'll come. Just remember that you don't need anyone but Heavenly Father. If you remember that you will find happiness.

Alucar,

Why do you feel bad then?

[sshannonbb]

why do i feel bad?? i fell strongly for someone who is a lot younger than me!! and he is now an RM. I love him but there is nothing i can do about it! it hurts like crazy just thinking that one day he'll be married and i'll see his wedding pics all over his FB. I have been praying and praying perhaps one day i will feel better as time goes by. thanks for ur advice :)