ldswithgreeneyes

Wow...I have never heard that before. How original...

Follow some of the advice here or hire a housekeeper.

Really? Unless the woman just got out of a relationship (particularly a bad one), why would you assume she does not want to be coupled? I liked being part of a happy couple. I like taking care of someone. I liked being a wife. Interesting....

Um, yeah, you need to get out. Like yesterday!

Honestly, I think it is easier for men. I do. I feel women are more apt to feel open to dating a single man than the other way around. I can see where you are coming from on hooking up with the first guy that comes along. I am very, very careful as to who I bring into my children's lives..so that is not an issue.

It could have been any church event really. It just happened to be a baptism. Thank you so much for your sage advice. I know precisely where to file it.

Go out where? Just out to live my life or somewhere specific? I do try to be positive and cheerful. It just gets hard. It's hard to be all bubbly and happy when you are hurting inside.

I am going to ask about singles' activities. I do know that there is an active midsingles ward but it is an hour away. I will try it but need to know logisitics (when and where it meets,etc) I will not use the internet. I have children and need to be safe. You don't have the sa me security that dating by introduction brings. I have let friends and family know I am looking but their pat answers are "We know no available men" and that might just be the case, kwim?

Listen to lemonherb!!! I can tell you that once you are older and have kids it is hard. I am 38 and people still think of me as "young". I love my children and will never be ashamed of them, but it is so hard to find a good man. I am at the age where males my age are a)married b) married but cheating(happens all the time) or c) gay. It really fails. It might be too late for me but it is not too late for you. Talk to your Bishop!!! I will pray for you.

Leave now. You are still young and don't have baggage. At your young age, there is still hope. Do it now before you lose your nerve and become pregnant. Just run.

I heard it varies from mission to mission. Depends on what the MP dictatesI wrote to a former missionary of mine and he wrote back. I also wrote a nice letter to his family and they wrote a nice one back to me. Stick with a letter from you and your family and stick to a simple message..like "Hi.How are you? Can you use specific prayers?' That sort of thing. Use the next nine months to build yourself up..it will make you a better person and, perhaps, a better girlfriend to this elder or a better girlfriend for someone you find down the road.

I am having a bad day..well, actually a bad week..and am trying to feel better. I will get to the point. I am 38, mother of two wonferful girls and I am lonely. I have been divorced for four years and it is heartbreaking living in a coupled world. I go to church every week and tears fill my eyes. Why? Because I see how much my ward's husbands love their wives and I am alone. I try to stay positive and participate and stre ngthen my testimony ..but today for example..there is a baptism in a few hours. I promised to make cookies and so I am going to show up for it..but you know what? I really don't want to go. Yes, I'm thrilled for the new member but why go and feel awful? Why go and be reminded that no man wants me and likely never will? Don't get me wrong. I love the Church. I love my faith. I would rather have it than not. I just don't know what to do...

Having spoken to IRL friends who have completed missions, I have heard about the spiritual love(for lack of a better phrase) that the missionaries have for their investigators. I also realize that the chances of him feeling any special sort of way about me are pretty close to nil. But remember..I am not saying that I am desperately in love with him either. I scarcely know him. I do think he is special but that is a far cry from " Let's get married!" LOL. I am sorry about your misssionary friend. Unlike the lady who pursued him, I would not be able to pick and move as easily..and even if I could, I would not. That is not my style. I just do the best I can....attending meetings..participating..praying that Heavenly Father helps me in being in the right place and the right time so that I can find a righteous man to love me. It's been awhile:rolleyes:

A few more things...I've said a couple of times now that I get why a missionary in particular is off limits. I understand why having feelings one for is wrong. And, frankly, I think I can do better... So I don't know why people keep bringing it up. As far as the age thing goes...well, I guess we will agree to disagree. I have to ask..would you be so up in arms if the genders were reversed? I don't think I am superior but I am not going to run and hide in a corner because I am a single mother. I know this is what some expect people in my situation to do. We *all* have value.

I agree with everyone else about reaching out and trying to connect with others. When do you start school? That is sure to be a distraction. I might also gently suggest that you get into counseling and, if your depression worsens, to consider an antidepressant. Counseling and using meds might improve the quality of your life. It does not hurt to seek the advice of a trained professional about this..

OP-I am sorry you are sad. I feel that is human nature to want to be loved, and I don't blame you for your sadness. I have been there too and have worked hard to leave the sadness behind me...or to at least put it away. I think Anddenex is right on about "being happy" We choose happiness. Single or married. This is not to say you should not aspire to a relationship. When you get to a certain age, the love of your life isn't going to come to you...you sometimes have to search..not in desperation but in being a little more proactive than, say, in your 20s where social opportunites are at their height... And yes..many women may not want someone in your situation. I've been there, done that on the other side. Just keep trying. Don't quit...

Thank you for all of the posts. I am new to the Church and new to its culture and I am trying to find my way.

I wish for anyone the life that Heavenly Father leads him to live. I don't know. When you put it like that, it sounds like a nightmare. But you are not being fair in your assessment. I can't speak for all ladies my age but many thirtysomething single mothers offer kindness, warmth, the opportunity to selflessly love and nurture children, career stability, experience of all kinds and a resilience and strength not found in their younger counterparts. As a single mother, I have to be secure with myself and have confidence. I never would have made it this far without it. As far as worrying about people "whispering" about me, yes, maybe I worried about that back in high school. But I'm an adult and I can't be worried about that today. I have too much on my plate. As I have said before, as long as everyone is consenting and an adult, then it is between the two of them and everyone with an opinion can go pound sand. I am firm in what I want because I have tried other things and they do not work. Heavenly Father has blessed me and despite my drawbacks, I do feel that I have something to offer a man. Which man is up to Heavenly Father, me and the man. So I think that while we all agree that missionaries should be left to focus on their work, we will have to agree to disagree on whether or not age differences in relationships are acceptable or not.

Well, more and more women are having child in their late 30s and 40s. And it seems to work. A few months ago I had some, ahem, female trouble and had to get a scan done of my ovaries..sorry if TMI...anyway, the tech cheerfully told me I had "eggs releasing like crazy". In other words, I could get pregnant if in the position to do so. I have been hearing that 40 is the new 30 and with scientific advances, I believe this more and more...

I can understand that....marriage *is* tough:(

As a convert, I understand that dating in the LDS world is a bit different than in secular situations. Obviously, there is no sex before marriage. So a few questions 1) Does dating move quickly into marriage..or at least a proposal? 2) Do men take the lead on dates as in asking, planning and paying? 3) How do dates end? I ask because I have read that sometimes an LDS man will offer a handshake when he really wants to jump on you(sorry for the poor phrasing)? I am just trying to decipher what actions may come...

Missionaries aside and talking about the "real world". Would you say the same thing if a 38 year old man wanted to date a 20 year old woman? Again, talking about the world in general

Here is my opinion. I was married for eight years and my ex husband was awful to be about my weight. Absolutely awful. I have a curvy body (read big boobs which most men tend to enjoy) and am tall so I carry my weight well..but I could lose about 20-30 lbs. Sort of in the middle. Overweight but not 500 lbs either. The way ex carried on I was the heaviest woman in the world. Men like this never change. I guarantee...you can lose the weight but then there will be something else..there always is. My honest advice? Let him go. I believe you deserve more and I believe that Heavenly Father wants more for you. Let him go and let him do "better" (at least in his eyes).

Thank you to everyone who responded. I can honestly say that I found value in each response...a few things.. 1) A lot of people buy into the stereotype that every single mother is looking for a father for her children. Well, my kids already have a dad. He was a lousy husband to me but is a good father to the children...go figure. So while a great husband and loving stepfather is needed here, I am not desperately seeing a father figure for them per se. 2) As I mentioned before, I would never act on these feelings while he is on a mission. No way! I have spoken to former missionaries IRL and they reiterated what some of you had to say about how what they are like during the mission vs what they are like before and after, how people appreciate them because of their dedication and whatnot...It is easy to see how feelings can develop. They are helping people grow in the Gospel and perhaps these investigators(along with Ward members) take the place of the missionaries' family and friends for a short time and gives them comfort in that respect. It is a nurturing relationship for all. Like I said before, I respect the missionaries and what they are trying to do. 3) Someone mentioned..sorry, I forget who...that I should "work on myself". Honestly, I had to laugh. OOoookkkk...let me see, I work full time, attend church and RS meetings, go to school, raise my children, volunteer in their school, manage to slap on some makeup and cute clothes and do my hair everyday..what else can I be doing? Believe me, if anyone else knows how else I could improve, do let me know!:) 4) Finding "more suitable" men..I live in an area where people are mostly married. It is not like I live in a pool of unmarried, righteous men right there for the taking:/ There are no single men in my ward. The midsingles Ward is an hour away..I am looking into that very soon. 5) The age difference..well, I dunno. Lots of couples with age differences make it. As long as everyone is an adult and is consenting, then I see no issue with it. One thing I have found is that Mormons come across a bit mature as the average bear. Anyway, thank you for all of your advice:)

Thanks for the post Beefche. Would you please pray that Heavenly Father sends a good man my way? Thanks