Looking For God

[Guest jackvance99]

sometimes, in fact, most of the time, when i kneel in my room to pray i feel a sense of dread and darkness engulf me. my words seem to echo against the walls. i never feel lonelier than when i am alone praying, cut off from light, and warmth, and all that could be termed good. to deal with this i then go for a walk - up the side of a hill, or into the forest. i kneel down to pray again, but feel weird. even when i get over that feeling, the above mentioned feelings resurface. i am always searching for god, but never seem to find him. i always feel that the dark abyss is ever so near, ready to swallow me.

[Ray]

You don't need an introduction, or instructions, from me, Jack.

You can find God if you want to, when you want to.

If you seek, you WILL find. God has promised that to all of us.

Just don't give up, ever, and you will eventually find Him.

And it could be that you did or almost did at one point, but then for some reason, turned away.

Are you determined to keep on looking until you find Him?

He is out there.

And there are only so many places where He can hide. :)

[Gwen]

from Joseph Smith History

"11 While I was laboring under the extreme difficulties caused by the contests of these parties of religionists, I was one day reading the Epistle of James, first chapter and fifth verse, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

12 Never did any passage of ascripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.

13 At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to “ask of God,” concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture.

14 So, in accordance with this, my determination to ask of God, I retired to the woods to make the attempt. It was on the morning of a beautiful, clear day, early in the spring of eighteen hundred and twenty. It was the first time in my life that I had made such an attempt, for amidst all my anxieties I had never as yet made the attempt to pray vocally.

15 After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was aseized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.

16 But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.

17 It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!"

the reason i coppied this here is to remind that satan does have power and does try to interfeare with our gaining a relationship with God. i am by no means saying that you will have a vision or visitation, but to encourage you to continue in rightous desires and the answers will come, do not be discouraged by unseen powers which desire to distract you.

God Bless

[Jason]

Jack, perhaps Im assuming too much, but maybe you just need to sit down and be honest with yourself?

[CrimsonKairos]

You describe the agony of feeling the darkness. This means you must have felt the light at some point in order to know the difference between the two.

Were you doing anything differently in your life when you felt the light than you're doing now?

If so, consider ways to alter your lifestyle to regain the feeling you lost and desire.

If you're not doing anything differently now than you were then, your inability to feel God's love and influence may have more to do with brain chemistry than God abandoning you (trust me, I know).

What do you think? Is this darkness due to a lifestyle change, or perhaps something else altogether?

[shanstress70]

Jack, I have read other posts from you and it seems as though you suffer from depression. I could be wrong, but perhaps it's something physiological for you. Maybe it would be helpful for you to seek a therapist. In my state, even if you don't have insurance, there is a branch of the state health dept that focuses on mental health and fees are based on a sliding scale. It's possible that this is true in your state... maybe you could get free therapy. It's worth looking into... IMO.

I went through a similar issue, BTW, never being able to find God or any answers. I finally got the answers I was seeking after persisting. My problem was not depression, although I have suffered from that in the past as well. My problem was thinking I had to have proof instead of relying on faith. I also was able to open my mind a bit about who God is and could relate to him on a personal level.

[David3]

Hello Jack:

I believe you can find God if you want to, and i would know because i have. It may be all in what is important to us, and what we desire above all else. Ever since i was a young child on easter sunday hearing what jesus did for all of us, was supprised of the example i heard, and disired to be like that myself. As a young child on a farm didnt have much for material posessions, so i didnt know to be dicietfull to get them. I have spent my life looking for God, and if Jesus was a real man that walked on this earth.

They say there are people who are spiritually gifted, and those who are worldly gifted. One end of the spectrum to another as for what people can become in their life. I am on the spiritual side, and work to gain the material side while others seem to find the material side easy. As a child being tormented by unseen beings and not being able to say much about it lived in fear, and it was this driving force that led me to find God. God is the template, and using the template creates the pattern. The desires of the heart to do whats right, to want to do the right things knowing from God they are right is the template. My desires to be more than i was and to help God where greater than my fears.

At the age of twelve i went into the woods to pray, and as hard as i tried couldnt get a answer from God. Later in the summer as my dad was talking to his friend about his weeping willow tree, and how messy, and the great number of bugs it attracted were debating if he should remove the tree. As they agreed the tree should be removed God sent his spirit to tell me he was going to remove the tree. As summer was nearing its end a freek tornado came down out of the sky to remove this tree in a neiborhood without causing damage to any structure.

Two years later my parents moved, and the following the year my anxiety and my fears had grown. As i watched and seen religions fighting between themselves i wondered how anyone could know who was telling the truth. The only way i would know was to ask God. I asked God without answer, and during my sleep found myself in a dead forest where nothing was alive. The grass didnt grow, and no living animal was about. I saw a lion stalking the forest untill it noticed me, and came to kill me. This being was alive, and not a dream. It was going to kill me and i knew i was going to die, and i called on God to save me. When the beast saw who i was became very supprised and ran away. I prayed again without answer. In the morning on a early spring day, a very clear day, a very nice comfortable day, i woke to go into the bathroom but instead found myself standing in a field of grass. I didnt know anything strange as i didnt know any better. I walked by a white house with four white pillars on the front, and a big red barn in the back. I walked up a hill untill the hill ended, and i was standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking a valley with a grove of trees. As i stood there golden rays of light broke from behind me as breaking through a viel of clouds, and shinned onto the grove of trees below. A voice with athority, firm and comforting spoke very clearley and said, " I am your king, and i am your Lord, and for you sins the branchs will fall". There stood in the midst of the grove of trees, one very large tree, and looking like Oaks. At that very moment a lighting bolt came from the sky and struck off a dead branch from the very large tree. I then found myself standing back in the bathroom and did not notice anything strange took place, the only thought i had was to ask and see what God could have meant because i didnt know.

My mother being saved for a year being forgiven by her mother in law after she was saved, then my mother forgiving me had passed some blessing along a line. Seeing this made me want to find out even more, and thought i would ask her first. Over the years i had asked prechers, pastors, reverents, or anyone i knew, and thought it very strange no one knew. If they knew God like they claimed then also they would be able to tell me the meaning of the venture God showed me. The important thing was that i looked.

After many years of searching i found the meanings behind Gods venture, wether in the body or out of the body i do not know. The trees were people, men as trees walking, and much like the blind man calling out to Jesus there are some people who come into full contact with the world, and experainc the world differently than most people. Those who can see, see because they are tought to avoid certain things, and fully believing it is good for them to do so. For those who can not see, living life blind without truth or the light of the gospel must in seeking God come into full contact with the world to discover what not to do. Those who are blind and seeking God are given the holy spirit to help them and guid them to the truth. This is the pattern. Our false beliefs are torn off from us as we discover each truth, and then being confirmed by God in our quest of the truth. If taken down to the roots then we start over with God the right way, though for those growing up with God seeking him the pattern comes into play. Age by age, event by event is no different than any other who has done it before. Those who are seen as men as trees walking are mature in God, and growing under his care. This cant be done unless there is a willing fight against being dishonest, and this is the petition given to God in order to show himself among wanting to know and wanting to help uphold what God wants.

Seven years had passed by with many events unfolding before my eyes, but many interventions by the unseen ones to overturn my quest for the truth. At the age of twenty two i became aware of my state of being. I didnt feel i was worthy to stand before God and ask him anything, and was not happy knowing he existed and not being able to ask him. Within my disires to know what God wanted from me, and what to do as to not want to make mistakes anymore, and the desire to be able to speak to God lead to me ask again for help.

On a very nice early spring morning, very clear day and comfortable i went out into my living room to read my bible. I had just found a new version of a new testement written in new english i could understand, and translated from a greek text. I had been reading it for a week everyday in the morning before work, and praying. When i had gone out and began to read it, i was curious to discover the letters standing out from the bible like looking through a magnifying glass. When i read i found it curious all those people did exactely everything i had done. I wanted to confirm this and asked some freinds to listen as i read becasue i wanted to know if it sounded like me, and me not knowing any better read aloud only to find sour looking faces when i looked up. I knew they couldnt understand or would they care if i explained it to them. It was at this time i had found the scripture that explained what took place seven years before, and in 2 corinthians 3 it explained the as looking into a mirror, and the transformations by the glory of God. This is what took place when i looked into a mirror in the bathroom but thought it had no meaning. I know a man who was taken to heaven and shown unspeakable thing.

At that moment all the blame was gone, i didnt swear, and i could only see the best side to everyone. There was now room in the world for everyone else. Over the years looking for God, i lived every story in the bible as i learned and was confirmed by God from heaven. This took place untill i was fourty years old. At the age of thirty eight i finally asked God to show me who i was, and what i was, and who my people where, then he sent some people to me door. I didnt know for sure, and wasnt untill i asked God what to do that he told me to see what they had to say. When i went i was very shocked to find that another person had gone through the same things for the same reasons, and had the same thoughts i did. How could i say that everything i had seen, and the things i had wittnessed were not from God?

I didnt write to mock anyone, or to make anyone upset. I write from my heart so you may know what is possible. Maybe seeing that there is someone alive during this time and not just reading about them you may also know what by example and compair the two as for help in times of trouble. God is love, and he wouldnt do anything you wouldnt want him to do, and overcoming fear as to step over the cliff and to trust God with your faith by the guidance of the holy spirit. Jesus said that if you know him, you know the father. meaning they have a like mission. Jesus said it not what my father told me to do, its what he showed me to do. Jesus said its within us to be able to find God.

I dont have any church athority, im not recognized as being anything or anyone. If anyone decides to believe this post then you are blessed above all others. If God wanted me to be anything he would have made it that way. I never knew about the LDS church, and i didnt know anything about thier doctrines. I didnt find out untill i was thirty eight years old.

[Blessed]

Jack, you have been in the same situation as David the psalmist. So take heart and read some palms and know that you are not going through this alone.

[Ray]

To sum it up, again, for you:

You can know God if you really want to... because God truly wants you to know God.

Really.

God has said so.

Do you believe God has said that you can?

... you won't say No if you believe you can know God.

... and if you're thinking you really can't, don't believe it.

Knock, and the door will be opened.

Seek, and you will find.

Do you know God did say that... if you don't, do you want to know?

Then ask God... and keep asking, until God answers.

Forget about what others say if they say you can't know God.

They really do not know what they're talking about.

I know you can know God, because God said you can.

God has said we all can, if we want to.

End of story.

[Kattehaar]

"I never feel lonelier than when i am alone praying"

I can only tell about my own experience searching for God. To feel God, is to feel the greatest and most powerful source in the universe. When I pray, or feel Gods presence, it is an deep emotion within my heart.

In the beginning I thought my feelings were of loneliness. Later on as I progressed I recognized these feelings as much more. If you listen to them, and just let them be what they are, try to understand what these feelings wants to tell you.

Understanding the emotions God gives us, sure takes time. Keep praying, ask God to reach you, and ask to understand and feel him.