I had an affair...I'm now feeling very alone & vulnerable.

[SeekingHope77]

I had a very brief affair, about 6 weeks in total from when I met the guy. I've had an an emotional affair with a different guy as well for a year prior. The most recent affair moved very quickly from one stage to the next, finally ending with sex and many tears. I went immediately to confess to my bishop, within hours of the act. I immediately felt great godly sorrow and remorse for having let it go that far. I've been on the road of repentance for 4 weeks now. I told husband everything that same day. He was devastated, as he should be.

We've been married for 15 years and have 5 children. We've had a very good relationship; rarely arguing, lots of laughs, best friends, some issues with frequency of intimacy but that was about it. He is a very emotionally even person....never gets really mad, but also never gets really excited. I'm a very passionate person but I've mellowed out since being married to him. I don't think i realized how much a craved feeling desired. He has never been very verbally passionate about "wanting" me sexually. Of course he did but it was kind of an unspoken thing, not a lot of romance and expressions of desire.

I also have "daddy issues, not growing up with my dad in my home and feeling unloved by him. I became addicted to feeling desired by other men. Passionate men who were able to express verbally how sexy I am, how irresistible I am, how much they wanted me.....etc. This last affair was very different than what I'd ever experienced in my marriage. The man was married with kids but very experienced sexually from prior to being married. It felt so great to be told those things i wanted to hear. I felt so guilty whenever I was with him and he knew that. I tried hard to resist his advances but couldn't shake the high of feeling desired.

It's over now and I've been a very good girl for this last month. But I'm very lonely. I cant talk to anyone about my situation, other than my husband and bishop. I have good days where I keep very busy and accomplish a lot. Then there are sad days where I feel very lonely and down on myself and I miss feeling loved. I know my husband loves me but our relationship is very different now, strained....for obvious reasons. I pray many times a day, read and study scriptures and the Miracle of Forgiveness. I just feel like I have no one on my side, encouraging me to hang on, applauding my efforts....etc. My husband is focusing on being closer to the Lord and learning forgiveness, so that my emotional needs are not a priority. I don't even feel like I deserve to be cared for. But that doesn't change the fact that i still crave to be loved and desired. I just feel very vulnerable now. I don't know where to fill that need. If anyone has any positive words of encouragement or advice, having been in a similar situation on either end, I would greatly appreciate it!!!

Edited August 14, 2012 by Lemonherb
edited by request. needed paragraph breaks.

[annewandering]

Do you see a therapist? Have you ever heard of sex addiction? You might want to discuss that with a therapist. I would suggest an LDS one since sex is not regarded the same outside of the church. I dont think they can understand the implications as well.

[Dravin]

Lemonherb, would you mind editing your post to put in some paragraph breaks? A solid wall of text is very difficult to read on a monitor.

[SeekingHope77]

Is that better Dravin?? Sorry its so long. I'm not good at concise.

[rameumptom]

You are looking in the wrong places to avoid being lonely, etc. Only looking to Heavenly Father through Christ's atonement can we feel true peace, comfort, and love. No individual can supply enough to sate our need, although a spouse may come close.

I'm glad you feel remorse. It is the beginning to looking at the lie you have been telling yourself for a long time now. In seeking and playing with other relationships, you have lied to yourself until you believed your own lies. Only once you stepped too far over the line, did your conscience finally get your attention.

You need to focus on relating to God and your husband. Stop focusing on sex. The world focuses on sex, as if it is the great source for love in the universe. It is not. Many people go a lifetime without sex, but have a superbly intimate and loving relationship with a spouse. Why? Because they seek the form of relationship that may include sex, but is not dominated by it.

Alma taught his son Shiblon to "bridle all your passions that you may be filled with love." You chose to allow your passions to control you. It is as if you were on a fast horse, exciting at times until you lose control and it bucks you off. Then, you are left alone in the dust, hurting. To bridle your passions means to take conscious control of them. You can choose not to be lonely. You can choose to be fulfilled and fulfilling in a life of giving, rather than taking. But you first must learn to control and bridle the passions, which can include loneliness and sexual desire.

If we are miserable, it is most likely because we have allowed Satan to interfere in our happiness. We've allowed him to deceive us with a lie that is enticing and pleasing to us, even until we believe the lie. While you feel remorse for your sins, I would imagine that part of your loneliness now stems from the fact that you know you cannot have sexual relations outside of your marriage. Again, this is a deception of Satan - to make you miserable over the things you cannot have, but feel you deserve. God calls us another way: to focus on the covenants we've made, serving those around us, and showing true love of Christ, expecting nothing in return. As we do so, we are filled and fulfilled by the Holy Spirit, which is a constant companion for those who seek Him, and does not leave us alone. We then must choose happiness on God's terms, and not our own selfish terms.

A therapist may be helpful here. However, the greatest therapist is Christ and his atonement is the solution to your problems. I suggest you join an LDS addiction recovery program for sexual addictions. Information is available at providentliving.org

They will teach you how to bring the atonement of Christ into your life, how to make the changes you need to have true happiness, and how to regain control of your passions.

[Dravin]

Is that better Dravin?? Sorry its so long. I'm not good at concise.

Yes, much better, thank you. I understand that in the rush to get our thoughts out they can meet the paper (or posting interface as the case may be) pretty much as they come without much editing.

[SeekingHope77]

I'm glad you feel remorse. It is the beginning to looking at the lie you have been telling yourself for a long time now. In seeking and playing with other relationships, you have lied to yourself until you believed your own lies. Only once you stepped too far over the line, did your conscience finally get your attention.

You need to focus on relating to God and your husband. Stop focusing on sex. The world focuses on sex, as if it is the great source for love in the universe. It is not. Many people go a lifetime without sex, but have a superbly intimate and loving relationship with a spouse. Why? Because they seek the form of relationship that may include sex, but is not dominated by it.

.

Thank you Rameumptom for your input. Honestly, before I EVER sought attention from other men i would try desperately to attach myself to my women friends. I was always wanting to hangout and talk and have their attention. They had their priorities straight and chose to spend more time with their family. But that was hard for me, to feel like i wasn't a priority to anyone. It honestly is not (IMHO) a sex addiction. In fact that was always an issue in my marriage, me not having much of a libido. With this last guy, i would have been completely satiated by words, time, and attention. Thats why the emotional affair happened and lasted much longer. I didnt need the physical attention, i knew my husband was willing to give me that. In fact, the expressed attention i received from the emotional affair actually helped my self esteem and consequently increased my libido for my husband. Obviously, it was still very wrong.

Im very aware that i need to lean on my Savior and seek the help of the Holy Spirit. I'm doing great accomplishing my goals to create good spiritual habits. Unfortunately, I'm still feeling lonely. I'm a very social person, i was always on Facebook trying to be involved with my friends. Now, I'm off of Facebook completely, not going to the gym anymore, hardly leaving the house. I have to overt my eyes whenever i see men in public. I just need people more than anyone i know.

[scatyb]

have you communicated very clearly your needs to your husband?

Here are some thoughts FWIW. There is not scorn or disdain here, just some thoughts.

I know you feel terrible and I know you have needs. For one, it's very hard to be so introspective when you're serving someone else. Right now, if anyone needs to be served your husband is it. Make him a a gourmet meal or do your best in that area as often as possible. When he gets home, take him away and rock his world. Tell him what you want, what you need and make him feel like the man you desire like he's never known. Throw everything you have into serving him and keep communication OPEN. As a man, I really need to be told at least twice if something is important. You need to give him EVERY chance to fill you with what you're wanting, he needs reminding nearly every day, and I can attest that it's A LOT easier to fill someone else s cup when yours is spilling over. Do this often. Cleave to him and forget yourself in him. Yeah yeah, easier said than done. I know.

Again just some thoughts.

Also, what are you feeling in all of this? What are your thoughts? What are you willing to do?

Edited August 14, 2012 by scatyb
new thoughts.

[annewandering]

By the way sex addiction is not about sex so much as seeking something lacking in your self, in your life. Dont dismiss it out of hand. You may be right. I dont know. What I do know is you need help to solve your problems. God, therapist, support groups. All will help.

Reading scriptures and praying will help but if you have a bleeding wound, it is generally suggested to seek a doctor as well.

[SeekingHope77]

have you communicated very clearly your needs to your husband?

Also, what are you feeling in all of this? What are your thoughts? What are you willing to do?

My husband knows my needs, we've talked about it a lot in this last month. It's something that doesnt come natural to him. He tries to fill my needs, but it fizzles out eventually. I've always just told myself that I'm so blessed to have what I have in him that I hated to make him feel bad about himself for that small thing. His sexual needs have always been more of a priority in our marriage. My needs have always been harder to verbalize.

I'm feeling extremely humbled. I hardly feel deserving of any efforts to fill my needs. I absolutely agree with you that I need to lose myself in him. When I'm feeling hopeful and positive that is exactly my priority. But on those days when I feel so much self pity and sorrow, its difficult to feel emotionally motivated to serve. I've told him I'm willing to do anything to make him happy and earn his trust back. He's had a hard time outlining those points, other than me becoming a perfect housekeeper, wife, and sex kitten. It's my mood swings that frustrate me. On my good days things are great, I do everything I can to please him. But when he's feeling down about my sins he's not as receptive and that makes me sad too. I'm aware that these are all consequences for my actions. I'm no good to him all depressed and having a pity party. I wear my heart on my sleeve, i can't hide my sadness.

I really appreciate your advice, its very helpful!!

[Misshalfway]

I don't agree that you should "lose yourself" in your husband. In fact, I think that is the very thing that got you in this mess in the first place. I actually think you need to find your "self" and nurture the guts out of her!! Once you get that anchoring in place, you'll know better how to love others. Love always starts at home.

Loving others and sacrificing for others does not mean that we don't take care of ourselves. When we don't take care of our basic needs, our body yells at us. When we don't sleep for example, we can't function. When we don't eat, we get hungry! When we are too hungry, we start breaking our own boundaries. Cuz when we are starving, we will break the glass and steal the bread.

Our emotional needs for attachment and connection are no different. Something in you is starving to death! And it sounds like you have found yourself breaking the glass trying to find the bread.

What are you emotional needs? Do you know what they are? When they cry out for someone to care for them, can you hear and respond? Can you respond to these cries the same way you'd respond to a crying baby? With immediacy and nurturance?

[scatyb]

I know for me, I had needs that weren't being met or received. My wife was the same. Two way street on this one. I have a tendency to get down(sometimes really down) when things are tough and when I was rejected I felt absolutely terrible. It became very easy for me to then push my wife away even if she was trying to cheer me up. It was difficult for her and I of course was being somewhat selfish. She has(not often but on occasion) taken things to a whole new level though and will take charge, rally her spirits and determine that she will make things right.

If another piece of "advice" is palatable, then maybe try this and see what happens. I can understand what your husband is going through. I can also understand your emotional and mental state when his spirits get low. Just one night, rally your your spirits and try to cheer him up regardless of how you feel. If he pushes you away, be ready for that; there's a good chance it will happen. However, don't be deterred, without being too vulgar, literally take the bull by the horn and be everything too him. You, this marriage, your family are everything he loves, they are(at the risk of getting flogged) at the core of a righteous man's sexual desire. There is no true exaltation without eternal increase and there is no eternal increase without sex and intimacy. Many don't like this fact, but men express love through intimacy and sex. Sure there are other methods of expressing love, but for a man, to truly be one with wife and God, to be one flesh, this is it. I'm not saying that everything can be fixed just through sex. But, there are few ways better to lift a man's spirits, get him to say HALLELUJAH!, motivate him, and show him how much he is admired and cherished than through this means. You have shared this once special thing reserved for only your eternal companion with someone else and I think he needs to know and be shown you and this gift are indeed his and for no one else.

Just try this experiment. I hope this is not too pushy.

Edit: Also, unless asked, I will say no more on this. I really don't mean to say things I shouldn't or offend anyone.

Edited August 14, 2012 by scatyb
finis

[Guest]

Armchair therapist here:

I am fairly certain your problem is a lack of self-worth. As in completely zero. That's the problem that you need to solve. This lack of self-worth drives you to find worth through external validation - from your husband, and if he doesn't provide enough of it, from others. This is very destructive because it becomes a craving that puts the control in other people's hands. Your worth totally depends on somebody else.

People with self-worth can stand alone and not feel the need for attention. They don't get antsy in their own skin. Because they are comfortable in it. They know who they are and they love who they are. They see their flaws as projects to work on, not something to beat themselves up about.

Your first stop is to know that you are a Child of God. God loves you so much that He sent His only begotten Son for your salvation. That's how much you are worth to Him. You don't need a guy, a husband, a friend to make you feel worthy of love. God already proved that to you when Jesus died on the cross. You should be able to stand alone and feel loved. So gain a testimony of that and you're well on your way to not having to crave for temporary love and being able to realize eternal love.

[SeekingHope77]

What are you emotional needs? Do you know what they are? When they cry out for someone to care for them, can you hear and respond? Can you respond to these cries the same way you'd respond to a crying baby?

With immediacy and nurturance?

Misshalfway, i think I am (after 15 yrs of marriage and 35 yrs of life) starting to figure out my emotional needs. I do need validation, but it must be sincere. I can tell when its forced and that just feels insulting. Unfortunately, those needs arent easily met on my own. I tell my husband when i need friends, when i need adult conversation, etc... He's always been willing to let me get out with friends. He doesn't trust me so much anymore. Those days are over. Im not sure how those needs will be filled.

[SeekingHope77]

Armchair therapist here:

I am fairly certain your problem is a lack of self-worth. As in completely zero. That's the problem that you need to solve. This lack of self-worth drives you to find worth through external validation - from your husband, and if he doesn't provide enough of it, from others. This is very destructive because it becomes a craving that puts the control in other people's hands. Your worth totally depends on somebody else.

People with self-worth can stand alone and not feel the need for attention. They don't get antsy in their own skin. Because they are comfortable in it. They know who they are and they love who they are. They see their flaws as projects to work on, not something to beat themselves up about.

Your first stop is to know that you are a Child of God. God loves you so much that He sent His only begotten Son for your salvation. That's how much you are worth to Him. You don't need a guy, a husband, a friend to make you feel worthy of love. God already proved that to you when Jesus died on the cross. You should be able to stand alone and feel loved. So gain a testimony of that and you're well on your way to not having to crave for temporary love and being able to realize eternal love.

Anatess,

You hit the nail on the head here!! I need to know and understand my self worth. I've always envied people with a healthy self esteem. I wouldn't have near the problems I've had if i knew what i was truly worth. I've told my husband for years, i still don't believe him completely when he tells me how much he loves me. I think to myself, "How could he, I'm so incredibly flawed!"....

I don't really know how to change that opinion of myself without the input of others.

[Dove]

Hello, Lemonherb;

Thank you so much for relating your experience(s) here~ I soo relate to what you are saying/going through. While I have a wonderful and loving husband, I still feel quite lonely at times. I, too, am passionate and intense. I, too, love being desired, wanted and known....and not just on a sexual level.....While my parents didn't divorce until I was in Jr. High, my dad was very obviously physically abusive. Yet, it wasn't until years later that the sexual abuse came out. I relate this because, I, too, as a result of the sexual abuse, related to older men/father figures in a very abnormal way of sexualizing them rather than relating to them in a healthy way of what a young person would do in having father figures in her life. Did that make sense? I soo needed a father figure in my life. The only way I knew how to relate to older men that could have filled that role was in a sexual way, due to the sexual abuse I had as a child.

This being said, it took me years to realize the true "Father figure" I needed was my Heavenly Father. To know that He loved me perfectly and appropriately. I still struggle with the abuse of my childhood. It haunts me everyday of my life. I look at it in the same way I look at my diabetes. I can "manage" the effects of the abuse in my life today; but, I'll never be fully healed in this life....

May I offer some suggestions to you? First of all, don't hate yourself or be hard on yourself. You are not the judge of yourself, God is. Seek His love and forgiveness for you. Have compassion for yourself. The Spirit will let you know the extent of His displeasure with you as you go through the repentance process, if this is indeed needed. However, I have always experienced the love of God as being far less judgemental and unkind than any human love I have experienced. Do your best to trust in Him right now. Let Him do the judging, not you.

Another suggestion I would give would be to pray for the self-honesty to come to a deeper understanding as to how the abandonment of your earthly father is still effecting you today. Counselling may help you with this endeavour. The Spirit surely will.

Also, I, myself, don't ascribe to any 12 step program. I have attended many meetings. I don't fully agree with going back and finding everyone in my history whom I have offended/maybe offended, to apologize to and try to make "amends." Perhaps I'm wrong in saying this point of view. I have prayed about this and feel that instead of focusing on past wrongs to instead focus on what current behaviours I need to repent of in this moment. To fix the here and now, rather than trying to undo what I cannot in the past. Maybe, at some point in time, I can work the 12 steps and feel happy doing so. Right now I choose not to.

Another suggestion I would give is to not expect your husband to be able to fill all your needs, if any. Also, realize that no human being, other than you (through the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ) can fill your needs. Focus on, not only serving others right now; but, on developing those talents that make you happy and that you can use in the service of others. If you're passionate, maybe an acting class, or writing class, or something in the arts where you can sing your passion out with beauty. Whatever you can do and enjoy doing, go for it. My sister-in-law used to tell me, when I was still single at 35, that if I wasn't happy being single, I would be no more happy being married. That my happiness wasn't contingent on another person or my marital status. I agree with this. I have found often throughout my life that most of my human relationships are very short and transitory. I have very few long term friends, other than my sweet husband. Even a girlfriend I've had from childhood is living her own life with gusto, a lot without me. What I'm trying to say is that, while socializing with others, loving and being loved by others, is important, there's many hours where you will be alone. Strive to love yourself and grow in self-esteem/self-confidence to be comfortable in your own skin. You know, I have felt lonely in a crowded room. Strive for your own autonomy. Rely on yourself more as well as our Heavenly Father, His Son, and the Holy Ghost.

I would like to share an experience with you where I was totally alone on New Year's Eve in 1999. It was the big New Years Eve before the year 2000. I had recently broken up with my then boyfriend in order to be chaste and to become active once again in church. I had invited several people to be with me that night. No one accepted my offer. It was bittersweet to go to "First Night" in Salt Lake City and see some of those people walking around without me. I had no one with me! As I listened to a symphony in the Tabernacle on Temple Square, the Spirit strongly bore witness to me in that moment that I was not alone. It was so clearly said to me. While I don't understand it to this day, I know there was a message in that for me and my loneliness.

Love yourself, through the atonement. Then, love your neighbour as yourself. Go easy. Love your husband the best that you can with the pure love of Christ. No expectations and no demanding that he fulfil you anymore. You cannot find your fulfilment in another person totally, perhaps even marginally. Only you and your Father in Heaven can do that.

The best of luck

Dove

[MorningStar]

Are you going to counseling? There might be a certain level of validation that you're not getting, but I know a sister who is endlessly lonely and no amount of validation makes her happy. I encouraged her many times to go to counseling, but she keeps hoping people will give her the attention she feels like she needs.

[Guest]

Anatess,

You hit the nail on the head here!! I need to know and understand my self worth. I've always envied people with a healthy self esteem. I wouldn't have near the problems I've had if i knew what i was truly worth. I've told my husband for years, i still don't believe him completely when he tells me how much he loves me. I think to myself, "How could he, I'm so incredibly flawed!"....

I don't really know how to change that opinion of myself without the input of others.

Step 1:

When you wake up in the morning, go to the mirror and recite: "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." Okay, so I stole that from the movie, The Help. But, it is completely applicable here.

Step 2:

Perform service. As much as you have the energy to do. Take on a service project. My dad went through 6 months of chemo therapy and he had to go to this room in the hospital with about 20 other cancer patients and get infusions - sitting there for 6 hours. I was thinking to myself - these people could use some sunshine in their lives. When I would go with my dad, I would bring them snacks and lunch and magazines, etc. Yes, I paid for all of it - sacrificing my spending allowance. I would help some of them who are barely mobile to go to the bathroom. Just stuff like that. I've been toying with the idea of going to that room once a month and doing the same things even after my dad finished his chemo. It is a very rewarding feeling to be able to help somebody with just very simple stuff that mean so much. I never saw these people again. I didn't even know their names. I doubt they remember mine. But, it didn't matter. The good feeling of having made a difference even just for one day in a cancer patient's life lasts for a long long long time.

Step 3:

Before you go to bed, get on your knees and thank God for all the things you experienced that day. Bad or good. Thank Him. It's easy to Thank Him for the good things. But find any sliver of good in the bad things and Thank Him for those too. For example: Dear Heavenly Father, I thank thee for my broken leg today. This broken leg made me realize how lucky I am to have a leg... Or something like that.

That's it for stage 1.

Edited August 15, 2012 by anatess

[SeekingHope77]

Are you going to counseling? There might be a certain level of validation that you're not getting, but I know a sister who is endlessly lonely and no amount of validation makes her happy. I encouraged her many times to go to counseling, but she keeps hoping people will give her the attention she feels like she needs.

I used to meet with a therapist and i felt like it wasn't dealing with my immediate issues. I do think my husband and i will start counseling through LDS Family Services. I used to get hired to perform my hobby for many people. It was wonderful to have people seek me out for my talent. It got very stressful for me though, juggling family and work. I had to quit. Since then I've really missed that validation. I know i cant count on others to make me happy. I've just always been that way, as long as i can remember. My parents weren't the gushing type, telling me how wonderful i was. I always ate it up when i heard it from others. Girls aren't as likely to gush over you because they're insecure themselves. But as a teenager i was always boy crazy. My world revolved around it. Kinda pathetic really. I really do need to work on loving myself. I'm horrible at it.

[SeekingHope77]

Love yourself, through the atonement. Then, love your neighbour as yourself. Go easy. Love your husband the best that you can with the pure love of Christ. No expectations and no demanding that he fulfil you anymore. You cannot find your fulfilment in another person totally, perhaps even marginally. Only you and your Father in Heaven can do that.

The best of luck

Dove

Thank you Dove!

What beautiful thoughts you shared! I'm overwhelmed by the kindness these complete strangers have shown me with their compassion and advice. Its sad, but even this attention is wonderful to me! Maybe i could have avoided an affair if i joined this forum a long time ago! Its wonderful to have righteous latter-day saints supporting me and encouraging me in this time of great need for me. Im plugging along, day by day, hour by hour.

[Ktbee]

I'm new to this forum and would like to say that I commend You for taking action immediately when your conscience told you to. To take responsibility for such actions, not knowing the outcome, well...that takes an incredible amount of courage!

Also, yep, you might consider getting some objective help with a professional. Seems like you might be seeking intimacy through sex with other men. it takes two people in a marriage to be intimate. You husband needs to be responsible for his role in this situation.

Perhaps you feel you are not enough just the way you are, so maybe you shoud delve deeper into what you are trying to supress or satisfy.....chances are high you don't feel worthy of love .

One more thought... It's a powerful emotion....feeling desirable and sexy....especially after playing the role of wife and mommy for so long. That could be a project between husband and wife. You can be that sexy lady for your husband, and he can encourage you. Actually, you really might surprise each other. So what if he's not expressive. It's probably not a personality flaw....expression is learned.....help him to understand this and it takes the pressure off of him to change who he is . I believe a good man who is invested in a relationship will want to please and make his wife happy. Like our friends comment above.....men Need clear and respectful direction and communication. Beware, however, if you have to say it more than twice in a day....it's nagging. you are loved, you are loved, you are loved, hang in there!

[SeekingHope77]

To take responsibility for such actions, not knowing the outcome, well...that takes an incredible amount of courage!

Also, yep, you might consider getting some objective help with a professional. Seems like you might be seeking intimacy through sex with other men. it takes two people in a marriage to be intimate. You husband needs to be responsible for his role in this situation.

Perhaps you feel you are not enough just the way you are, so maybe you shoud delve deeper into what you are trying to supress or satisfy.....chances are high you don't feel worthy of love.

Ktbee, thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words. At this point, I definitely think therapy would be good for me for sure and for our marriage. I can't blame my husband for my horrible decisions. But I do wish we could make some changes to prevent those feelings from resurfacing. I have self esteem issues for sure. I don't quite understand it completely. I hope a therapist could shed some light on it for me and give me some suggestions on how to improve my situation. I take it day by day for now. Most days are pretty good. I'm encouraged to stay on the path of righteousness and to become totally forgiven for my transgressions. Its a long road though.....

[mnn727]

Misshalfway, i think I am (after 15 yrs of marriage and 35 yrs of life) starting to figure out my emotional needs. I do need validation, but it must be sincere. I can tell when its forced and that just feels insulting. Unfortunately, those needs arent easily met on my own. I tell my husband when i need friends, when i need adult conversation, etc... He's always been willing to let me get out with friends. He doesn't trust me so much anymore. Those days are over. Im not sure how those needs will be filled.

Having been in your husbands shoes with my first wife I can understand his not trusting you very much right now.

I really would suggest couples counseling for both of you, preferably with an LDS Counselor.

I'm really not impressed with the non-religious counseling my wife and I got as they do not respect religious/moral values and I believe led to our eventual divorce. Do you have LDS Social Services where you are?

[SeekingHope77]

I really would suggest couples counseling for both of you, preferably with an LDS Counselor.

I'm really not impressed with the non-religious counseling my wife and I got as they do not respect religious/moral values and I believe led to our eventual divorce. Do you have LDS Social Services where you are?

Yes, I told my bishop that we'd like a referral to Family Services. I actually saw a therapist for myself last year. She was LDS but had her own private practice. It definitely made a difference not having to explain our lifestyle and culture to her. I know that therapy is a really good idea for both of us separately and for our marriage.

[angel33]

I too had an affair. So very painful to do. Daddy issues alone can cause this but I now know I am very weak and had a sex addiction I did not know about. Sex addiction is way more then just about sex and I needed to be loved constantly too. Now only god does this for me. I don't have to burden my husband with this. Feeling alone is a symptom not really the problem. Your core needs to feel loved by our father above. Seek counseling as I really do read much about my self in your post. Sex addiction my be a problem you have not looked at. Hope your doing ok.