Daughters Make-up

[Windseeker]

Ok I have some concerns about my daughter who's 14. She's doing this whole Scene Kid thing.

Looks like this -

She's a talented artist and got accepted to one of the top art schools in the nation. I took her to the train for her first day of school and saw some of the other students who all looked preppy. I felt sorry for how out of place my daughter feels. I'm thinking I should tell her not to wear eye shadow to school.

For the Strength of Youth says this.

"All should avoid extremes

in clothing, appearance, and hairstyle. Always be neat

and clean and avoid being sloppy or inappropriately

casual in dress, grooming, and manners. Ask yourself,

“Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were

in the Lord’s presence?”

Someday you will receive your endowment in the

temple. Your dress and behavior should help you prepare

for that sacred time.

Do not disfigure yourself with tattoos or body piercings.

If girls or women desire to have their ears pierced,

they are encouraged to wear only one pair of modest

earrings.

Show respect for the Lord and for yourself by dressing

appropriately for Church meetings and activities,

whether on Sunday or during the week. If you are not

sure what is appropriate, ask your parents or leaders

for help."

How would you approach this or would you even bother?

[Guest]

It's a big thing in Japan - Gyaru make-up. No big deal.

I wouldn't tell her not to wear eyeshadow. Instead, I will continue to teach her the principles of respect and representing Jesus Christ in all her words, thoughts, deeds, and artful expressions, including how she presents herself. I will also discuss the health risks of cosmetics. Then let her decide how best to apply those principles. No piercings and tattoos though.

[Bini]

I like the look but it's not appropriate (the piercings and tattoos) for LDS. The makeup, agreed, not a big deal.

[Windseeker]

She wants the piercings and tattoos but that's not happening on my watch. She's a quarter Thai and quarter Vietnamese and then half me (Scotch Irish) and she's got beautiful eyes. Aren't mixed kids gorgeous!

I went in to tell her it's time to go and she was sitting at her mirror straightening her hair and her eyes where just shining. Then she came out 5 minutes later with the black eye-shadow and it just drowned everything out.

Her older sister is the pretty cheer leader popular type and always giving her a hard time for not being just like her. That and some other issues have caused some major anxiety problems for my youngest girl. So thank you both for your advice! I don't want her thinking I'm embarrased by her, I know that's the first thing that will go thru her mind so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut.

[Bini]

I cheered my sophomore year in high school and hated it. It was my attempt to "fit in" after moving from Asia to the US. Dropped out the following year. I would say that cheerleading and the crowd that goes along with it, isn't for everyone, it wasn't for me. It's important for your daughter to be herself :]

[Windseeker]

It's important for your daughter to be herself :]

I told her older sister don't be surpised if her (younger sisters) daughters all end up being the cheer leaders and your daughters are all into eme/scene. She didn't like that too much. But life is funny sometimes. None of my kids are big into Kiteboarding and Surfing or even like the beach, and I live for that stuff.

[Guest]

I want a daughter to do gyaru make-up with... I've been trying to convince my 2 boys that I only want to practice putting it on them (they have the perfect eyes for gyaru - me, I don't - I have the small Asian eyes) and then I'll immediately take it off before they even leave my bathroom. They said... NO WAY, JOSE. Not even with all kinds of bribes...

[Windseeker]

This reminds me of how funny it was when Japanese would tell me that Americans all look the same. How do you describe a perp in Japanese. Well...he's got black hair, brown eyes... you get the drift. I thought all Asians looked the same when I first went to Japan. After a while I started seeing Japanese people who reminded me of people I knew back home, even redheaded girls I knew in high school and my own dad. They definitely don't all look the same anymore.

In Japanese they sometimes describe people as shouyuu gao (soy sauce face)

or sousu gao (sauce face) ...lol

One face has large rounder eyes and prominent features; the other has smaller eyes and less prominent features. Can you guess which is which?

There are beautiful examples of both and is more a matter of preference and time period. Think Japanese wood block paintings.

[Bini]

Anatess, do you have Chinese in your bloodline? My one adoptive sister is also Filipino but has a lot of Chinese in her - you really see it in her facial features. I know some Filipinos get the Spanish eyes, I had a classmate that was Spanish Filipino, and she's gorgeous. I got big eyes and naturally very tan skin. People commonly mistake me for being Indian from India, or Indonesian/Malaysian by first impression. I've even had other Filipinos tell me that I'm NOT Filipino because of my face and dark skin.. LOL Sorry to disappoint! LOL

[Misshalfway]

She wants the piercings and tattoos but that's not happening on my watch. She's a quarter Thai and quarter Vietnamese and then half me (Scotch Irish) and she's got beautiful eyes. Aren't mixed kids gorgeous!

I went in to tell her it's time to go and she was sitting at her mirror straightening her hair and her eyes where just shining. Then she came out 5 minutes later with the black eye-shadow and it just drowned everything out.

Her older sister is the pretty cheer leader popular type and always giving her a hard time for not being just like her. That and some other issues have caused some major anxiety problems for my youngest girl. So thank you both for your advice! I don't want her thinking I'm embarrased by her, I know that's the first thing that will go thru her mind so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut.

You sound like you've got a pretty good handle on things. :) It's so hard in those early years especially when you are trying to differentiate yourself from an older popular sibling. You sound like such a supportive mom! Like you've found the sweet spot of guiding them but giving them space too.

With my own kids, I'm completely against the piercings and tattoos, but I'm a little more flexible with make up and hair color. I've let all my kids get highlights when they've asked. They have to pay for it though. (We do it in the summer so the teachers don't have issues.) BUt I'm finding that they don't want to be as radical as I might allow. Like my son is the keeper on his soccer team and he wanted pink hair. I was all for it. But when we actually sat in the chair, he opted for subtle blonde. I keep trying to get my kids to rebell a little, but they are just not having it. :)

[Guest]

Anatess, do you have Chinese in your bloodline? My one adoptive sister is also Filipino but has a lot of Chinese in her - you really see it in her facial features. I know some Filipinos get the Spanish eyes, I had a classmate that was Spanish Filipino, and she's gorgeous. I got big eyes and naturally very tan skin. People commonly mistake me for being Indian from India, or Indonesian/Malaysian by first impression. I've even had other Filipinos tell me that I'm NOT Filipino because of my face and dark skin.. LOL Sorry to disappoint! LOL

My mom is 3rd generation Spaniard, my dad is pure Malay - directly descended from the Malay tribe that killed Magellan - before the country became the Philippines. No chinese blood that we can trace. The Malays have the small eyes like the native Indonesians. The Spaniards have the bigger eyes. My face is a complete mixture of my mom and dad. That is - if you put my picture next to my mom, people think I look like her. But then when you put my picture next to my dad, people think I look like him. But I got my dad's eyes. My mom is drop-dead gorgeous. She has that Spanish-Filipino look that you're talking about! Even now that she's in her 70's she still looks very pretty. She looks even prettier in my opinion with her wrinkly face. Oh, my grandmother is also drop-dead gorgeous. My mom and my grandmother look almost alike!

Oh, and speaking of make-up - both my mom and grandmother don't use make-up except for face powder and some eye-shadow/eye-liner and lip gloss. No foundation, nothing. They have that perfectly toned skin without blemish that looks like it has built-in foundation!

[Windseeker]

You sound like such a supportive mom!

I be a Dad and a way over sensitive one at that. I'm the one who frets over the kids. My wife also thinks I'm a girl which worries me cause she has a PhD in Phisiology .

I had some amazing parents, I played more with my sisters barbies then she did and I used to dress up in her dresses and dance around the room when my Mom had her visiting teachers over. My parents never said anything to me or worried about me even after I returned home from my mission, became a flight attendant and lived with 8 gay guys (all on different flight schedules) in upper west side Manhattan. They gave me lots of space to be me. I'm trying hard with my kids and so far it's worked out with my son who used to be a lead singer for a post-hard core band. Lately he's been discussing where he'd like to serve his mission (He's turning 18). Yeah!

But this youngest daughter who has always looked up to him even has him worried and I had to intervene when he joined his older sister in lecturing her for her "emo" behavior. She has been cutting herself and this will be her second week of therapy.

So maybe there's allot I failed to mention with my concern about the make up.

She desperately wants friends yet does things to repel other kids. So she has handpicked her friends from online who go to schools in the area (friend of friends) to hang out with. We are meeting her 'scene kid' friends this weekend. We are trying to be supportive but it's not been easy. I think the advice was just what was needed. I don't need to dump one more thing on her. I need to have faith and trust in Heavenly Father that this will work out. I need to give her some room to be herself just like my parents gave me.

Edited August 20, 2012 by Windseeker

[Misshalfway]

Ah poo. There I go again. Living up to my name.

Sorry. Windseeker! You are such a supportive DAD! And a very manly one at that.

[Connie]

I went in to tell her it's time to go and she was sitting at her mirror straightening her hair and her eyes where just shining. Then she came out 5 minutes later with the black eye-shadow and it just drowned everything out.

Based on what you've written here, i personally would make it a point to always compliment her on how beautiful her eyes look whenever she is not wearing heavy shadow. In other words, when you think she looks great and her eyes are shining, tell her so. Otherwise i wouldn't make an issue of it, i've seen worse.

[Vort]

Is that a photograph of your daughter, or just an example of the style you're talking about?

[count58]

Wow what a beautiful young lady she is. If i had a daughter as gorgeous as yours i'd be stoked! anyway everyones taste is a little different personally i love the way she does her make up it makes her eyes stand out. If i owned a modelling agency i would have to say i would honestly want her to be a model for teenagers as there style and dress sense is different to ours and i like it. Im only 22 myself and i have cousins around her age and they all wear the make up like she does no matter what the conditions are or where they are going just like myself so i dont see anything wrong with it. Parent to parent its ok to be concerned but the way she looks is completely normal for her age especially if you lived in New Zealand. As for tattoos and piercings, i got my belly button pierced when i was 14 with my Mums consent and got my first tattoo when i was 17 most of my family have something pierced or a tattoo so i dont have a problem with getting them just no tattoos until shes older

[Windseeker]

Wow what a beautiful young lady she is. If i had a daughter as gorgeous as yours i'd be stoked! anyway everyones taste is a little different personally i love the way she does her make up it makes her eyes stand out. If i owned a modelling agency i would have to say i would honestly want her to be a model for teenagers as there style and dress sense is different to ours and i like it. Im only 22 myself and i have cousins around her age and they all wear the make up like she does no matter what the conditions are or where they are going just like myself so i dont see anything wrong with it. Parent to parent its ok to be concerned but the way she looks is completely normal for her age especially if you lived in New Zealand. As for tattoos and piercings, i got my belly button pierced when i was 14 with my Mums consent and got my first tattoo when i was 17 most of my family have something pierced or a tattoo so i dont have a problem with getting them just no tattoos until shes older

That's not my daughter. I just used that picture as an example.

Here is an actual picture of my daughter it's ambiguous enough I suppose.

She's very artistic and wrote that on her arm herself, it's not a tattoo. It sounds like she would like New Zealand...I know I would for the kiteboarding

[count58]

Wow she is stunning very beautiful. I love her style of writing, she looks to be the artistic type of person. Yes New Zealand is a beautiful place depending on where you go. Wellington is generally the most windiest place so would probably be great for kiteboarding. You are lucky to have such a gorgeous daughter. Maybe you and your family should come for a visit to New Zealand, Christchurch can be a bit shaky from time to time with all the earthquakes we have but it is still a nice place to come the beaches are often really nice to be at too in the summer time.