sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) hate rejections Edited September 1, 2012 by sshannonbb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 I doubt this will help in the short term, but it might help a lot in the long run:Recognize that what you felt for this young man was not "love", at least not in any Godly or eternal sense. You were attracted to him and you thought highly of him. You constructed a fairy tale around your perception of him. But your perception of him is wrong. He does not feel the way you thought he felt, he does not think the way you thought he thinks, and frankly, he simply is not the person you thought he was. You were in love with a construct of your own mind, not with a living, breathing human being.There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointment or mourning the passing of the faux reality you created in your own mind. It's painful, no sense denying it. So give yourself a week or two to process it. But then realize that you haven't lost anything real, because what you thought was "real" wasn't.Sorry if this seems cold. I don't mean it as such. I'm sure your pain is very real indeed. But this "relationship" you thought you had with this young man never existed, except in your mind. You have lost a dream, not something real and solid. And you surely would have found out eventually that your dream was just as insubstantial as it has proven to be, even if the young man had returned your feelings to some extent.Give yourself a few days or weeks to get over it, then go on your way and live a happy life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Looking back at my experiences of dating, before I met Kristi, I wish I would have relaxed more.I wish I would have read this book "Being Human" before I was married, as one element of the book focused on embracing our pain, our hurt, accepting it for what it is, experience.I wish I would have cried my heart out, one-night, the next day recognize that the sun rises also with new hope.I wish I would have recognized the importance of honoring someone's agency and embracing that agency.I wish I would have been able to look at the girl that broke my heart, and knowing what I know now, saying, "Thank you." I would not have been able to meet Kristi, unless you broke my heart. And then, embrace their friendship again (after some time of being able to control my feelings, in other words, I am not trying to move a relationship forward that ended). Instead of allowing myself a little bit of spitefulness, ok, maybe a lot with one girl.Take this comment as you will, these are my regrets and my regrets alone, and actions I wish I could take back, but am grateful for the atonement. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Thanks I needed this rejection from him in order to stop liking him. I know it'll take week perhaps months but at least I can stop wondering or waiting to see what will happen .. I'm surprise that I have the guts to tell him .. I ll feel better soon I hope !! I can now move on with my life .. I was in pain for these 5-6 months because of this guy cause of my feelings toward him.. One day I'm ok the next I'm upset and sad just because of him.. But from today on I m not going to feel that way ever again.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 If you were my little sister, I'd come and take you to my house. We'd sit on my bed and I'd let you cry it all out. I'd listen to the whole story late into the night. I'd tell you that you were beautiful. I'd find 16 ways to say he was a stupidhead. I'd make you a tea...paint your toenails....and rub your back. I'd share with you some of my worst break up stories. And then hopefully I'd make you laugh a little through your tears. And then we'd make a voodoo doll with his new girlfriends face on it. :) I'm sorry sweetie. It will get better. I promise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Aww thanks miss halfway :) I totally would be laughing so hard if that was to happens haha.. I guess time heals !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Misshalfway, can I be your little sister? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Misshalfway, can I be your little sister?Misshalfway, can I also be your little brother. This is the 2000s, if girls can play sports, then I can cry too! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Haha you guys r funny .. Thanks all for ur advice :) totally appreciate it! Vort might be right !! Like when I was chatting with him as he is coldly told me that he doesn't like me more than a good friend he doesn't seem too sad .. He seem like he s somewhat proud and happy that I'm hurting .. Maybe he s not the nice guy that I thought he was after all .. I just need to move on and not like him ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Sure! You can all be my honorary siblings. I'll make food for you and you all can sit on my bed. But no one can have more than one brownie. The rest are mine. And we are talking about our feelings. This is not negotiable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Haha you guys r funny .. Thanks all for ur advice :) totally appreciate it! Vort might be right !! Like when I was chatting with him as he is coldly told me that he doesn't like me more than a good friend he doesn't seem too sad .. He seem like he s somewhat proud and happy that I'm hurting .. Maybe he s not the nice guy that I thought he was after all .. I just need to move on and not like him !I very much doubt that he is "proud and happy" that you are hurting. It is not fair to project your disappointment and anger and blame him.Your story is unclear. He was on his mission when you knew him, correct? That was the time for him to be focusing on his mission only...not you or any other woman. If he was doing that, he was doing the right thing.Did you ever actually date? Did he ever ask you out or express - clearly - that he had any romantic feelings towards you?Correct me if I am wrong, but from what you have posted, it sounds like it was a one-sided crush. If that is the case, he is not responsible for YOUR feelings. YOU are the only one responsible for your feelings.Sure, it's disappointing when someone you have a crush on doesn't return the feeling, but it is far from the end of the world. He is simply not the right person for you and there is no reason to be angry with him for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Short term it seems so big, because the relationship has filled up so much of your life. It hurts. Hurting can be a good thing. We mortals seek happiness, and when it doesn't happen, our lives crash down around us. Instead, we should be seeking meaning, understanding, and wisdom in our lives. In doing so, we can find joy in the happy moments, and peaceful calm in the tough ones. There is much for you to learn from the breakup. Take your time and learn from it. It is okay to cry when you need to, but realize that it hurts a lot now, because it just happened. 20 years from now, you may not think about it much, and be happy in new relationships and experiences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) LEAH yeah you're right he's probably not proud or happy but i'm not in front of him so i wouldn't know if he's happy or proud or sad.. yes he was a missionary in my area for 6 months and that's how long ive known him. how could i not fall for him or have a crush on him when i spend once a week with him and see him at church almost every sunday. i didn't want to have a crush on him but can i help it?? he doesn't owe me anything and i do realize that i can't be mad or angry. i can't force it. i'm not mad at him. i told him how i feel because i need him to reject me in order to move on with my life. I just need to hear it from him that he doesn't have feelings for me. he told me he only see me as a really good friend and nothing more and i can totally get that and i do still want to remain friends with him but i'm hurt right now so i deactivated my fb account for now until i am over him. i don't want to have to see his wedding pics or status all over his fb once he get married. today i'm feeling a lil better than yesterday so i'm glad i cried soo much already for these past 4-5 months and i cried some more last night. Edited August 30, 2012 by sshannonbb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 rameumptom It's not a break up it's a rejection. I poured my heart out to this returned missionary and he doesn't feel the same way but why did he asked me all these questions about my love life for ex. what's going on between u and your ex and are u dating anyone right now? i don't get it so i told him how i feel and he made it so clear. in a way i am happy that i was able to tell him and now i'm hurt but at least i will be able to move on and perhaps months from now i might start to date again and eventually fall in love with someone who truly cares about me and love me and be happy. i did what i had to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 The length of sadness is in inverse proportion to your age. But you will get over it.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 i hope so :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 LEAH yeah you're right he's probably not proud or happy but i'm not in front of him so i wouldn't know if he's happy or proud or sad.. yes he was a missionary in my area for 6 months and that's how long ive known him. how could i not fall for him or have a crush on him when i spend once a week with him and see him at church almost every sunday. i didn't want to have a crush on him but can i help it?? he doesn't owe me anything and i do realize that i can't be mad or angry. i can't force it. i'm not mad at him. i told him how i feel because i need him to reject me in order to move on with my life. I just need to hear it from him that he doesn't have feelings for me. he told me he only see me as a really good friend and nothing more and i can totally get that and i do still want to remain friends with him but i'm hurt right now so i deactivated my fb account for now until i am over him. i don't want to have to see his wedding pics or status all over his fb once he get married. today i'm feeling a lil better than yesterday so i'm glad i cried soo much already for these past 4-5 months and i cried some more last night. You said you're 33 and he's 21, right? Not that you're old enough to be his mother, but you're in different stages of life and it probably didn't occur to him that you would ever develop feelings for him, so asking about your dating life is just a question from a friend. I'm 4 years older than you are and I see the missionaries as kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 I'm 4 years older than you are and I see the missionaries as kids.You're only 37? Pshaw. A mere child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 You're only 37? Pshaw. A mere child. You thought I was younger. RIGHT?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 yes but we're not numbers we're human beings and i don't even look my age i look younger than my age .. yes i understand about our age differences and i tried to not like him but it's not that easy but im glad i got my answer and it's over now and all i have to do right now is to get over it and work towards my goal and enjoy life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 LEAH yeah you're right he's probably not proud or happy but i'm not in front of him so i wouldn't know if he's happy or proud or sad.. yes he was a missionary in my area for 6 months and that's how long ive known him. how could i not fall for him or have a crush on him when i spend once a week with him and see him at church almost every sunday. i didn't want to have a crush on him but can i help it?? he doesn't owe me anything and i do realize that i can't be mad or angry. i can't force it. i'm not mad at him. i told him how i feel because i need him to reject me in order to move on with my life. I just need to hear it from him that he doesn't have feelings for me. he told me he only see me as a really good friend and nothing more and i can totally get that and i do still want to remain friends with him but i'm hurt right now so i deactivated my fb account for now until i am over him. i don't want to have to see his wedding pics or status all over his fb once he get married. today i'm feeling a lil better than yesterday so i'm glad i cried soo much already for these past 4-5 months and i cried some more last night.You are not the helpless person you are trying to convince us - and yourself - that you are. So you took lessons once a week from him. So what? The implication is that you were somehow required or were helpless to develop a crush simply because of that. That is simply not true. Millions of women take missionary lessons and don't develop crushes.I do not understand people who do not take responsibility for their own feelings and actions. Cupid does not exist. No one is shooting arrows into you making you helpless. You developed a crush because you chose to and you indulged that crush by fantasizing about someone who was off-limits and took it to the extreme of telling him you had "feelings" for him. Those were all actions you CHOSE. To blame others or the universe for YOUR thoughts and actions is immature at best.You could have spared yourself the disappointment you are feeling now had you made different choices. But you didn't make a different choice, and you are experiencing the consequences of the choice you made. It is simply a part of life.Surely, at your age, you understand that crushes are passing fancies and not a real relationship. The only relationship you had with this young man is that of missionary and student. So it is not like you are breaking up with someone with whom you had a romantic relationship. The romantic part of it was all in your head. The comforting part of that is that it will be much easier to move on then had it been an actual romantic relationship.I don't know that it was necessary to leave FB all together (unless that was the only way to stop yourself from contacting him again), but I do think it is a good idea to distance yourself from him and focus on church and your callings, your job, doing service...other things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 perhaps there are some things he did out of kindness towards me like on my birthday he showed up on my front door with chocolate and i wasn't even home. i thought that was nice of him and his companion. i like the way he looked at me and i love the way he talk to me. we were somewhat close it wasn't just a missionary and a student.I have them over for dinner often as well. we were more like friends and he even said it himself that he considered me as a really good friend to him. i deleted my fb alltogether because we have more than 6 mutual friends and i can't take it if one day soon i'm sure he'll have pics of his gf all over his fb.. i know i didn't have a relationship with him but i really like this guy and i need to move on with my life. i can't keep on being on fb .. i'm on 24/7 so i need to stop being on it and get on with my life beside fb and work. i guess it's all in my head. i was in a relationship and marriage for 12 yrs. i have never dated much and i'm pretty naive to believe that he actually have some sort of feelings toward me as well maybe it's just me i did felt the connection between him and i. i'm a woman and my intuition is pretty off this time around. my intuition is pretty accurate most of the time but i'm so wrong. i have been crying for these last couple of months because of this guy my feeling for him was really strong and today i felt relief because i got my answer that i was looking for all along. I mentioned this many times. I just want to move on .. and in order for me to move on is to pour my heart out to him and see what he say. i m still hurt trust me but i know that i will eventually will move on.. my feeling for him is very geniune and i want nothing but the best for him and i can't be his friends right now its because i'm hurt and i can't take it if i see pics of him and his gf together maybe one day i will get back on fb and add him as friends again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 yes i could of saved my myself the dissapointment that i'm feeling right now by stay away from him and not develope a crush on him and i tried that i even prayed to heavenly father everynight as well to forget about him but my feelings for him got stronger and stronger. i cried almost everyday. i hate the feeling of liking someone who is off limit! but the heart can't help it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 You said you're 33 and he's 21, right? Not that you're old enough to be his mother, but you're in different stages of life and it probably didn't occur to him that you would ever develop feelings for him, so asking about your dating life is just a question from a friend. I'm 4 years older than you are and I see the missionaries as kids.★☆Age is taboo for a lot of people. That said, I was 23 and my then-boyfriend-now-husband was 41. We have been happily married for four years, and have a beautiful little girl. Just sayin' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sshannonbb Posted August 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 Well ur a girl and he s a guy .. Our society is accepting of that more than us girls being with way younger guys .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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