Been reading these threads recently

[mnn727]

Been reading these marriage threads recently and see a lot of people who are apparently not treating their spouses as someone they want to spend eternity with..

Now, my marriage is not perfect HOWEVER:

When I come across something my DW is doing that drives me nuts I ask myself, will this really matter 1000 years from now in the eternities? if the answer is no, then I let it go, if the answer is yes, then I calmly and with love discuss it with my eternal companion.

We don't always agree, but calm discussion and love sure disapates a lot of problems before they become major deals.

I also try to show DW that I love her, not just tell her. How? Pick something that your spouse likes doing that you maybe don't particularly care for and learn to like it. Send them flowers or candy, or tickets to .....(whatever they want but wouldn't buy themselves), treat them to a day at (again whatever they would like but wouldn't spend themselves on their own) every so often. Help them around the house or the yard. Keep the kids quiet when they've had a bad day. HAVE A DATE NIGHT ONCE A WEEK! and treat them like you are still dating.

And as I said in another thread, this verse saved our marriage during our honeymoon when we were having a really hard time making the adjustment:

2nd Nephi 31:20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. (and I will add 'and you will have an eternal marriage')

Edited September 17, 2012 by mnn727

[Anddenex]

Been reading these marriage threads recently and see a lot of people who are apparently not treating their spouses as someone they want to spend eternity with..

Now, my marriage is not perfect HOWEVER:

When I come across something my DW is doing that drives me nuts I ask myself, will this really matter 1000 years from now in the eternities? if the answer is no, then I let it go, if the answer is yes, then I calmly and with love discuss it with my eternal companion.

We don't always agree, but calm discussion and love sure disparate a lot of problems before they become major deals.

I also try to show DW that I love her, not just tell her. How? Pick something that your spouse likes doing that you maybe don't particularly care for and learn to like it. Send them flowers or candy, or tickets to .....(whatever they want but wouldn't buy themselves), treat them to a day at (again whatever they would like but wouldn't spend themselves on their own) every so often. Help them around the house or the yard. Keep the kids quiet when they've had a bad day. HAVE A DATE NIGHT ONCE A WEEK! and treat them like you are still dating.

And as I said in another thread, this verse saved our marriage during our honeymoon when we were having a really hard time making the adjustment:

2nd Nephi 31:20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. (and I will add 'and you will have an eternal marriage')

I second mnn727 thoughts.

[classylady]

I third it.

[MorningStar]

I believe most marriages are worth fighting for. But then there are the truly awful ones where the husbands throw canned meat into their wives' chili.

[garryw]

during our honeymoon when we were having a really hard time

I've never heard of someone having a hard time during a honeymoon, but congrats on your success in getting through the hard times.

[Misshalfway]

I've never heard of someone having a hard time during a honeymoon, but congrats on your success in getting through the hard times.

That's because nobody talks about it.

[Guest]

I got married on a Tuesday and had a major fight that Friday.

We're for real. If we would have lasted longer than that without fighting - it would be fake - we're too different to get along that easily the first week we started to live under the same roof.

We've been married 15 years. It lasted that long because we are committed to the marriage. Divorce is not an option.

In the Philippines, divorce is illegal. One's attitude in choosing a spouse, treatment of a spouse, etc. changes when the paradigm changes. Because, whether anybody consciously plans for it or not, there is always that subconscious saying, if it doesn't work out, I'll just walk away and find someone else...if divorce remains an open option. The shift is cultural - ingrained in society - so the value of marriage changes, becomes more disposable, which also changes the value of spouses. This change breeds selfishness. Because, if you don't get what you want out of the marriage, you can just get out and find another one that you think will give you something better.

In the Philippines, there is legal separation, but you can't remarry (unless one spouse dies). So that if you're in an abusive situation, you have an escape route. In an abusive situation, being single is preferable to being married. But, if you're unhappy in your marriage and there's no abuse going on, you get to choose - am I better of single? If not, then you get to work harder at fixing your marriage.

Edited September 17, 2012 by anatess

[Backroads]

I believe most marriages are worth fighting for. But then there are the truly awful ones where the husbands throw canned meat into their wives' chili.

MorningStar, we're trying to avoid the extreme cases here. Lets' focus on marriages that have hope.

[Blackmarch]

Been reading these marriage threads recently and see a lot of people who are apparently not treating their spouses as someone they want to spend eternity with..

Just like to point out that if someone feels that they are doing fine or ok, I'd doubt they'll ask for advice

(IE advice colmns tend to be lightning poles for certain things)

Now, my marriage is not perfect HOWEVER:

When I come across something my DW is doing that drives me nuts I ask myself, will this really matter 1000 years from now in the eternities? if the answer is no, then I let it go, if the answer is yes, then I calmly and with love discuss it with my eternal companion.

We don't always agree, but calm discussion and love sure disapates a lot of problems before they become major deals.

I also try to show DW that I love her, not just tell her. How? Pick something that your spouse likes doing that you maybe don't particularly care for and learn to like it. Send them flowers or candy, or tickets to .....(whatever they want but wouldn't buy themselves), treat them to a day at (again whatever they would like but wouldn't spend themselves on their own) every so often. Help them around the house or the yard. Keep the kids quiet when they've had a bad day. HAVE A DATE NIGHT ONCE A WEEK! and treat them like you are still dating.

And as I said in another thread, this verse saved our marriage during our honeymoon when we were having a really hard time making the adjustment:

2nd Nephi 31:20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. (and I will add 'and you will have an eternal marriage')

I like this advice.

[mnn727]

Just like to point out that if someone feels that they are doing fine or ok, I'd doubt they'll ask for advice

(IE advice colmns tend to be lightning poles for certain things)

I agree totally, i just hope that someone that does not think theyare having a problem will read my advise and think about it.

[Backroads]

I agree totally, i just hope that someone that does not think theyare having a problem will read my advise and think about it.

Thoughtful adherence to your advice might prevent a good number of problems, thus significantly reducing questions.