Kids at Mutual on Wed. Nights.....

[gapeach]

Hey y'all! I have a question that I would like some advice on...I am in Young Women. We often have snacks and food (for varies activities). We have a family in the ward that has 2 boys in Scouts. They also have 4 other small children that are up there on Wed. nights (3 are in Cub Scouts and a little girl that just comes).

Question--> Every time we have food, they come around wanting some--the kids that is. We had a party in the kitchen for one of our girls (she got her YW Recognition Award) and they just walk on in and are like, "Can we have some?" It's not that I don't mind, but sometimes I do. It's every time. I don't know. We never turn them away, but I just wish they would only come if we invited them or after everyone has got theirs. They have even come down to our YW room peaking in looking to see if we have food. Any suggestions on what to do?

Thanks y'all! :)

[pam]

Maybe you need to have your YW leader speak to the parents.

I would be annoyed too especially when it's for a special occasion. Sounds to me like they have learned they won't be turned away.

[applepansy]

Maybe there are things going on you might not be aware of. Your YW President is the first person to talk to. She's in ward council meeting and should be able to help one way or another.

[gapeach]

Yeah...the YW pres. knows about it. Our YW are even getting tired of it. I think I'm going to talk to the Bishop and see what he says. Like you said, there maybe things going on, but still...I think there also needs to be some form of level of respect (or whatever you may call it) that the kids need to give. We have our Evening of Excellence coming up soon and there should be no reason for them to be in there, since we are not inviting the whole ward (and they have no sisters in YW). They just need to know that they can't go around doing that....but yet we aren't so mean that we turn them away. Thanks for y'alls replies though! :)

[pam]

It makes me wonder why the little girl is there. Unless the parents are using the church as a babysitting service.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I don't blame you for being annoyed, but by giving them food everytime you are telling them it is ok. Someone needs to say to them as kindly as possible, "I'm sorry, no. This is just for the girls."

[Backroads]

I agree with LiterateParakeet. If you're okay with giving them a snack sometimes, give them a snack sometimes. But don't be afraid to give a polite "no" when it's not okay.

Chances are, the kids won't be too upset and they will understand the sweetness of the times when they do get a treat.

[applepansy]

As I reread this thread I thought of all the things that might be going on their home. Is Mom sick? Is Dad away at work? Is there enough money for food?

The parents might be using Wednesday as a babysitting service but maybe its necessary. You might never know. If your leaders are aware and are letting it happen then there is something you don't know about.

If your YW's leader hasn't done anything then she might be well aware of circumstances which are not common knowledge. Talk to her again before you go over her head.

[Wingnut]

Here's what I'm hearing: This family has six kids, five of which need to be at Church on Wednesday nights. So they all come and stay. Mom & Dad hang out in the foyer, oblivious to their kids' behavior. They kids are just not aware of social norms: they see food, they ask for it. It doesn't sound to me at all like they're starving or neglected. It just sounds like normal kid behavior, especially when you consider that they're almost all boys. Young boys have excellent food-dar.

[Vort]

LiterateParakeet has answered the immediate problem: Just say, "Oh, this is a young women's class, boys. These treats are only for our class." In fact, it need not wait until they ask. When they enter the classroom/kitchen/wherever, you can immediately (and gently) let them know that it's a class, not a public meeting, and they should leave quietly.

As for the larger situation in context, Wingnut's analysis might be the most useful.

[gapeach]

Thanks for all the comments! I do appreciate them! Here is a little more of the situation...the mama is in Cub Scouts and they meet at 5:30. Daddy isn't home yet from work, so she brings all the kids (including the baby she just had). The kids are home-schooled and my husband told me last night, "I bet she doesn't feed them before they come to church and that's why they come 'looking' for food." They moved here about a year now. I know they have struggled with money, but I have been to their home. They have food--just not the junky food we usually have at church (like chips or cookies or cakes). The smaller kids run free in the church, while the mama is usually just in the foyer with the baby. She is usually talking or reading.

Thanks for the suggestions. I plan on mentioning to the YW Pres. again. We have all talked about it before, but just come to the conclusion that if we have extra I guess give it to them. The YM Pres. is like, "If they come wanting food, I'm not gonna turn them down." To me, it's not even about that--I don't mind giving ever so often, but like this past Wed. when we were doing something special for one of our girls for getting their reward, I didn't like that they come in there. Maybe it's my issue and I need to work on that. Thanks again ya'll!! :)

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

my husband told me last night, "I bet she doesn't feed them before they come to church and that's why they come 'looking' for food."

Do you have boys? I have four and let me tell you they are always hungry. It doesn't matter if they just ate a 5 course meal, 5 minutes later they think they are hungry especially if there is junk food involved.

[gapeach]

No I do not and yes I understand that.

[Misshalfway]

I agree with a lot of what has been said. I think there is a way to both meet the needs of the family (if indeed the children are hungry) AND teach the children limits and manners. Saying no to the treat giving isn't saying no to helping the family. I don't think you should let their "need" make you feel guilty about saying no.

[applepansy]

:DMy mom used to say she needed a fridge with a revolving door. I didn't get it until I had four boys. Now I have a 4yo who needs a revolving door on the fridge...but then so does his 27yo Dad.

[Misshalfway]

I know. You need a revolving door for all the kids....and then for all their hungry friends too. :)