nellyleyva92 Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) Thank you everyone. Edited December 14, 2012 by nellyleyva92 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Oh, you sound just like me at your age! The truth is, you are second guessing your choice, jealous of the new girl, and nervous not to have him as backup. I've been there! But that is not love. Being with someone because you "should" love them and they look good on paper isn't fair to either of you. You have been having feelings for a long time that he isn't right for you. He has felt it too, which would explain his insecurity. Let him go and save both of you a lot of hurt and time. Work on being happy independent of a boyfriend and a right guy will come along at the right time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellyleyva92 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Thank you so much. I wish he had been the right one. Now that I know he isn't I wish he hadn't spent so much money, and work for me. It feels so bad to have caused him many problems with his money, his family and his feelings. It was my fault and it makes me feel so bad. Even more the fact that he must be regretting all his efforts for someone like me. But well, I will improve myself so I can find the right person in the right time. It is good that he is now blessed with someone right for him :/ But it would have been better if he hadn't dumped me all of a sudden for her hehe. Thanks for your words, I will grow up and see this from a wiser perspective, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Don't feel bad or guilty. That's what dating and exploring relationships are about. Be happy that he has found someone that can love him back. It wasn't a bad thing that you couldn't reciprocate the feelings he had for you. It's okay. Now time to move on and explore some more relationships until you find the one that you know is right for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulsearcher Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Don't feel bad or guilty. That's what dating and exploring relationships are about. Be happy that he has found someone that can love him back. It wasn't a bad thing that you couldn't reciprocate the feelings he had for you. It's okay. Now time to move on and explore some more relationships until you find the one that you know is right for you.I agree that it wasn't a bad thing she couldn't reciprocate, but really it was a bad thing not to be up front and honest about this from the get go. As the nice guy that keeps getting strung along because of the reasons she says, it hurts to hear it, but a lot less if you do it sooner rather than have us invest in the person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellyleyva92 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Yeah, sometimes I feel grateful that he found her, I try not to be jealous and compare myself with her. But I end up feeling like a loser and thinking that his friends and his family must be telling him: "Look what you've got! Much better than Nelly! (me) ;)" And I am here, being the rejected, the girl who was never worth it, alone in a new place, with all these guys I don't like. I don't feel like dating someone else, gettting to know a new family, etc. I feel scared about it and I am in a stage in which I feel I will never find someone that could be my best friend, someone I could talk about anything, feel safe, feel loved, laugh, tell jokes, trust ... and that if I do, it would be unfair to him. Quite honestly I feel like I still owe him my feelings, that he would still feel jealous and that if I date he will never be back, which I've been daydreaming about. But I know that just won't happen, I'm trying to kill the hope. Ufff.... But Thanks for your words, now it seems to be something normal that just happens... I hope it doesn't take me too long to feel ready and free to explore again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 If it helps, the guy that I was in this exact situation with ended up taking paths in life that would have made me miserable, from his career choice to the places he's lived (very far from my family) to eventually going totally apostate. So in hindsight I can see now that it would not have been a good match for either of us. We were the best of friends but we wouldn't have been happy together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 I've dated plenty of guys who, on paper, were "the right one". And I have had feelings of "maybe I should have put more effort into the relationships". And maybe I could have. But I also believe that if you aren't interested, you aren't interested. Honestly, let it go, work on other relationships (that aren't even romantic--friends, family, etc) and you'll eventually get past this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 I had a similar experience with one of my old boy friends. I was living in Salt Lake City at the time and drove up to Logan to visit a friend. She introduced me to her home teacher. The following week I decided to do an endowment session at the Ogden Temple. He happened to be there, and he saw it as a sign that we were meant to be. And we started dating. He was "crazy" about me. Every weekend he would drive down to SLC to visit. He was a wonderful young man. But, no matter how I tried, I just couldn't fall in love with him. I felt smothered by the whole relationship because he was so intense. I finally told him I didn't think it would work. He was heartbroken. Then about three months later I got a wedding invitation in the mail from him. I couldn't understand my reaction. I was the one who had broken off our relationship, yet, I was hurt that he was able to move on so quickly. Maybe, it was just my pride? Years later I found out that he had bi-polar issues. He and his wife have been able to work through all his difficulties, and from what I understand it's been severe problems. I'm thinking that the reason I felt smothered by his intense love for me was probably due to his bi-polar personality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Also, you're in mourning, even if this guy wasn't "the one". Don't feel you made the wrong decision, but accept you are grieving nonetheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 One of the Seventies came for a YSA convention and I asked him annonymously if I should have married a man with all the qualities, but that I couldn't love. He answered: I'm afraid you are the problem. I think you are not focused on exaltation and you, sister, you have problems. I think Heavenly Father must be angry and disappointed with me, too.It's been more than two months crying and feeling so trashy.What would you suggest me to do??? :'( Will I ever overcome this feeling? Do you think I've lost my happiness forever, or my blessing promised in my Patriarchal blessing? 1. Why does "My Best Friends Wedding" enter into my mind?2. You are experiencing what is called a double-mind, in this case a double-heart.3. I wouldn't worry to much about the Seventy's words to you. Yes, there is a problem, the problem is being double-minded. 4. Accept your decision, move forward, let him move forward and don't look back.5. Yes, you can overcome this feeling if you choose to not look back.6. If there were such a thing as soul mates, then yes, you lost happiness forever. However, for the majority of us 99%, there probably isn't a soul mate, thus you can find happiness with someone else.7. If you find someone else, and continually compare him to someone else, it will be tough to find happiness with anybody else. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellyleyva92 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Man, it did help! You made me remeber of a guy I dated who also wanted to marry me, but I felt insecure about it too. And he seemed to be an outstanding man in the Church. Later I learned how miserable my life would have been. He broke the Law of Chastity many times, left the Church, and rebelled against God. I just hope this last guy doesn't take wrong paths later. I really apreciate him and wish him well. For some reason I don't know we were not right for each other. Thanks for sharing that. It helped indeed and made me feel less guilty. Probably it was not my selfish desires at the end. Wow thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellyleyva92 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Lol, my ex boyfriend was very intense, too! I thought he was normal, that he was just so in love. But probably he's not very normal. I'm very grateful with these comments because they have made me realize that being too intense doesn't really mean true love, and if I didn't feel it was right, then it wasn't right! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellyleyva92 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) Oh yes, I think I have been double-minded. When he was there, I didn't feel it was right, but when he dumped me, I doubted. Then I asked the Seventy and his words made me think that I had lost a blessing and I was such a wicked. Maybe I should have clarified in my question to him that I had prayed and I didn't have good feelings. Anyway, feeling this way doesn't come from God definitely. I will move on and stop regretting. That's the best. Thank you! Edited December 3, 2012 by nellyleyva92 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garryw Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 I prayed Heavenly Father to help me want to marry this cute young manI don't really get that sentence. That's like praying for Heavenly Father to help you like the color pink when your favorite color is green.In other words, you did the right thing. Congrats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 However wonderful the guy was, if you didn't want to marry him, you did both of you a favor by not marrying him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 I don't really get that sentence. That's like praying for Heavenly Father to help you like the color pink when your favorite color is green.In other words, you did the right thing. Congrats.I mostly agree. . . except if they were already married. I do believe that Heavenly Father can change our hearts when we really need it to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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