I'm confused! :(

[Qgirly]

So i was inactive for a while and for the last 6 months or so i've been pretty active with going to church and have a calling called compassionate service person which is cool i don't mind and all oh by the way two months ago i went through a surgery on my foot for bunion so i am about 70 percent better now though i'm still unable to walk around alot i'm still limping and ive been doing my job as a compassionate service though one thing earlier today i got a text from one of the leader on my service asking if i can provide meals for this man and his mom since the mom is not feeling well. By the way her son is around late 20s i know him from the missionaries in our ward since everytime the elders comes over my house for dinner they would bring him with them since he is always free to come by my house. I don't mind at first and all but now its getting to me how he eat alot everytime he comes over and there are times where he would want to take some home too just because i offered it to the elders to take the left over food home. He never bring dessert or anything of that sort either. he comes over to my house to eat. Does he know that the only reason why he's at my house because the elders invite him over since they can't be with me alone. Don't get me wrong but its been going on for soo long and i'm sick and tired of feeding that guy and today as i mentioned i got a text from the leader of compassionate service lady earlier and she asked if i can bring him and his mother a meal for the next few days. I feel though as if this guy requested this from my leader because he knows what kind of food i provide since everytime he's over at my house to eat im always serving the elders really good food. Now he want me to come bring him and his mom food. He's not disable in anyway. I feel that he need to feed his family. Am i acting rediculous for feeling this way?? i'm on a leave of absence from work right now i'm not completely back to normal yet. I don't feel comfortable providing meals to him and his mom. I haven't replied back to my leader yet because i don't know what to do. We suppose to get bad weather tomorrow and this weekend i don't drive in the snow esp. with my foot being like that.

Oh don't get me wrong i do love serving the missionaries food since they are out doing the lord work but with this guy i do mind.

[CalledToServe]

Giving service is meant to be a blessing to us spiritually. If you don't want to provide the service, then it won't be a blessing to you. The scriptures say that if a man gives a gift grudgingly, then it would have been better if he hadn't given it at all. I can tell you from experience that that is true. You really aren't helping much if you are giving a gift grudgingly (not yourself or anyone else).

So that leaves you will two options, either turn down the opportunity to serve or seek to have your heart changed through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I'm not going to tell you which one is the right option for you--I don't know. I will say that the right option is the one that will make you feel happier. So you might think about how you will feel either way and decide which option will bring you the most happiness. Asking the Lord to guide your thoughts while you consider the options will help you as well. You'll have greater insight into which outcome will help you feel happier.

[Qgirly]

Yes i want to serve but i also don't want to serve those that are able to do it themselves it's justlike im enabling them. I feel as if i am being taking advantage of. If i was to say yes and i'll do it. This man will cont. to request it.

[Bini]

I'm not certain how these things work but can you bring your concerns up with your bishop? It's true that charity is a blessing not only to the receiver but the giver as well, however, not all arrangements setup are appropriate. Since the bishop (or whomever arranges these), cannot have eyes and ears to observe every visiting teaching, home teaching, service project, or charitable act, sometimes it's up to the individual to bring up concerns or issues that need to be addressed. At that point, the bishop or whomever, can advise you in what to do, or rearrange things entirely to a better fitting.

[Qgirly]

i totally agreed with u on this i think i need to talk to the bishop about it. i would love to do it if the mom live by herself but she live with her son and her son is not sick. I love to serve but only to those that really needs it.

[Qgirly]

i feel horrible for feeling like this but coming from someone like me who would never depend on anyone unless i really have to i just feel that if one can help themselves, one should do it. i had surgery on my foot and yes i was offered by church relief society and hometeachers to stop by to bring me food but i've always turned it down because i can order the food myself from a restaurant nearby or depend on a family s member to provide me food even though i was on crutch and couldn't walk around at all. I was basically crawling around my house alot but never once i would bother anyone for help.

[Vort]

When we serve each other, both parties are blessed, the one receiving service and also the one giving service. My advice is, don't call for takeout and crawl around on your floor to avoid receiving service if your Relief Society sisters or other fellow Saints are asking to help take care of you.

[Qgirly]

i'm not use to asking or getting help from anyone i have always been very independent i don't feel comfortable accepting helps from anyone..

[Vort]

I understand how you feel. However, I'm suggesting that, even if it's a bit difficult and uncomfortable or embarrassing or whatever, let them give you service. It will make your life easier, it will be a blessing to them, and it will probably build bridges of friendship. Six months (or six weeks) down the line, it will be your turn to give service to someone who needs it.

[Anddenex]

As the compassionate service coordinator you do not need to be the one who is always preparing and serving meals.

You can call another member of the ward and ask them to serve the family. Part of any calling is the ability to delegate and allow others the opportunity to serve families also.

I agree it is difficult when a person, who is not disabled calls up and says, please provide a meal for my family. We had a similar case in our ward, however it might be a little different in some cases. The husband didn't work, however when his wife was sick, who worked, he would call the relief society president and ask for meals.

We spoke with the bishop, informed him of the circumstances, and he agreed. The husband was responsible to make meals for his own family. It is one thing if they don't have the means, it is another if they are not acting in accordance with their responsibilities and duties. After speaking with bishop, he informed the father of his priesthood duties and that he was to prepare meals for his own family, the church would help when needed, not because he was unwilling to do his part.

If you are tired, ask another ward member. Ask the relief society president if she knows of a family who would be willing to bring a dinner. Ask about two families, so the service is provided to other members as well.

[Qgirly]

Anddenexx that is soo true though i'm not a compassionate service coordinator i m one of the compassionate service person the coordinator is the one who texted me earlier to see if i can provide this family a meal for the next few nights. i don't like to say no i don't want to do it either.

[Anddenex]

Anddenexx that is soo true though i'm not a compassionate service coordinator i m one of the compassionate service person the coordinator is the one who texted me earlier to see if i can provide this family a meal for the next few nights. i don't like to say no i don't want to do it either.

Understood, even compassionate service assistants are able to delegate. Part of their role, as with the coordinator, is to find others who might be able to help. However, I may be speaking out of line, because I don't know how your ward is set up, but from my perspective, the point is that a family is fed. Who they are fed by matters very little.

If the brother continues asking for dinners, when he is fully capable of providing meals for his mother and himself perfectly, then speak with your bishop.

[Qgirly]

no it's the son and i know him. he comes over my house all the time with the missionaries for dinner but when i wasn't well right after my surgery he never call or fb me to see how i am doing but always comes over with the elders and eat alot. i would order the elders food from olive garden and tgif i think he think that i would do the same for him and his mom if he was to request meals. i'm just fed up with him i guess though this week i had the elders come by to pick up lunch from me real quick instead of have him over with them because im tired of feeding him also and today i got a text that him and his mother want meals. he's a man he should be taking care of his mother.

[Qgirly]

i'm just really fed up with him if this is another family i would do it without thinking twice.

[Anddenex]

This is why I share, instead of allowing anger to build up inside, delegate the meals to another family. The anger, or frustration you are experiencing, only will affect you, not them.

I agree with other posters who have shared the importance of allowing yourself to remember the atonement. We all need to be reminded at times of what is most important.

[Finrock]

Good evening Qgirly. I hope you are feeling better! :)

i'm not use to asking or getting help from anyone i have always been very independent i don't feel comfortable accepting helps from anyone..

I understand the feeling. I do not like to ask for help. But, if you think about the covenants you've made we are also promising to give up our burdens. When we allow others to help us we our being humble. We must acknowledge that we can not carry our burdens alone and so we can use our bishops and stake presidents as a proxy for the Savior. Cast your burdens and allow the atonement to heal you.

It can be difficult to let go of hurt feelings. Especially when we feel we are being taken advantage of. I know how this feels. I haven't found a way to let go of these feelings except by repenting, forgiving, and then allowing the Savior to take away my feelings of dislike towards my brother or sister. God is powerful enough to take away your bad feelings if you repent, forgive, and then allow Him to do it!

Respectfully,

Finrock

[applepansy]

So i was inactive for a while and for the last 6 months or so i've been pretty active with going to church and have a calling called compassionate service person which is cool i don't mind and all oh by the way two months ago i went through a surgery on my foot for bunion so i am about 70 percent better now though i'm still unable to walk around alot i'm still limping and ive been doing my job as a compassionate service though one thing earlier today i got a text from one of the leader on my service asking if i can provide meals for this man and his mom since the mom is not feeling well. By the way her son is around late 20s i know him from the missionaries in our ward since everytime the elders comes over my house for dinner they would bring him with them since he is always free to come by my house. I don't mind at first and all but now its getting to me how he eat alot everytime he comes over and there are times where he would want to take some home too just because i offered it to the elders to take the left over food home. He never bring dessert or anything of that sort either. he comes over to my house to eat. Does he know that the only reason why he's at my house because the elders invite him over since they can't be with me alone. Don't get me wrong but its been going on for soo long and i'm sick and tired of feeding that guy and today as i mentioned i got a text from the leader of compassionate service lady earlier and she asked if i can bring him and his mother a meal for the next few days. I feel though as if this guy requested this from my leader because he knows what kind of food i provide since everytime he's over at my house to eat im always serving the elders really good food. Now he want me to come bring him and his mom food. He's not disable in anyway. I feel that he need to feed his family. Am i acting rediculous for feeling this way?? i'm on a leave of absence from work right now i'm not completely back to normal yet. I don't feel comfortable providing meals to him and his mom. I haven't replied back to my leader yet because i don't know what to do. We suppose to get bad weather tomorrow and this weekend i don't drive in the snow esp. with my foot being like that.

Oh don't get me wrong i do love serving the missionaries food since they are out doing the lord work but with this guy i do mind.

As a compassionate service leader, it is not your responsibility to cook and take meals to every family who needs help. Your job is to get on the phone and call the sisters in the ward until you find one who can. Most wards have a list of who to call first.

In most wards, the visiting teachers for that sister are called first. If they can't then you go from there to anyone else.

I think its great you're feeding the missionaries. Try to put your feelings towards the man who comes with them aside. Maybe he is taking advantage but it doesn't matter. If you don't want to feed him invite someone else to come to dinner on the night you feed the missionaries.

Yes i want to serve but i also don't want to serve those that are able to do it themselves it's justlike im enabling them. I feel as if i am being taking advantage of. If i was to say yes and i'll do it. This man will cont. to request it.

Since you can't possibly know what the circumstances are your feeling that someone is taking advantage of you is just that....a feeling. You don't know the circumstances.

So.... either turn down the opportunity or change your attitude.

i totally agreed with u on this i think i need to talk to the bishop about it. i would love to do it if the mom live by herself but she live with her son and her son is not sick. I love to serve but only to those that really needs it.

This really bothers me. First... your concerns should be addressed with the RS President since your calling is under her stewardship. Only after you talk to her and nothing happens should you talk with the Bishop.

However... again. You don't know. Nor should you know. As compassionate service leader your job is to facilitate service to those the RS President under the direction of the Bishop has determined need "compassionate service." Its it not our place to judge. Its ok to bring issues to the attention of our leaders. But before I said I wouldn't take a meal into someone because they had a son who was capable I would check to see if I had a beam in my eye.

1. Compassionate/Meaningful service is never convenient. 2. Only the Lord knows the hearts of all men. And 3. If you give unselfish, truly compassionate service you will be blessed.

Edited February 8, 2013 by applepansy

[applepansy]

As the compassionate service coordinator you do not need to be the one who is always preparing and serving meals.

You can call another member of the ward and ask them to serve the family. Part of any calling is the ability to delegate and allow others the opportunity to serve families also.

I agree it is difficult when a person, who is not disabled calls up and says, please provide a meal for my family. We had a similar case in our ward, however it might be a little different in some cases. The husband didn't work, however when his wife was sick, who worked, he would call the relief society president and ask for meals.

We spoke with the bishop, informed him of the circumstances, and he agreed. The husband was responsible to make meals for his own family. It is one thing if they don't have the means, it is another if they are not acting in accordance with their responsibilities and duties. After speaking with bishop, he informed the father of his priesthood duties and that he was to prepare meals for his own family, the church would help when needed, not because he was unwilling to do his part.

If you are tired, ask another ward member. Ask the relief society president if she knows of a family who would be willing to bring a dinner. Ask about two families, so the service is provided to other members as well.

Is such cases sometimes what is really needed is education and not a meal. :)

[Qgirly]

i totally agreed with everyone on here i totally do ! i don't like to talk or share my feelings with others. I need to learn how to do that. i don't want to talk to bishop about the guy who comes over my house to eat with the elders because i don't want the missionaries to feel bad since it's not their fault at all. i don't know alot of male friends that live close by and other men from my ward are not always free to come out with the missionaries so they would always ask that same guy because he doesn't have a job. he's always free.

thanks for your advice everyone i will pray about it though i don't think i can get out of my house today or this weekend anyway since there will be a bad snowstorm.

[Anddenex]

i totally agreed with everyone on here i totally do ! i don't like to talk or share my feelings with others. I need to learn how to do that. i don't want to talk to bishop about the guy who comes over my house to eat with the elders because i don't want the missionaries to feel bad since it's not their fault at all. i don't know alot of male friends that live close by and other men from my ward are not always free to come out with the missionaries so they would always ask that same guy because he doesn't have a job. he's always free.

thanks for your advice everyone i will pray about it though i don't think i can get out of my house today or this weekend anyway since there will be a bad snowstorm.

My reference in speaking with your bishop is not in concern of him visiting your house with the bishop. The reference in speaking with your bishop is inline with him asking for food to be brought to his home, when he is fully capable of cooking a meal himself.

[Qgirly]

ohh ic ok yeah i think that would be ok to talk to bishop about it then thanks