MorningStar Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 Classylady, was it your idea to write letters to each other? I could write a 10 page letter to my husband, but he's not super wordy and it's not his style. A few suggestions might have been nice, like service coupons (foot massage, make you dinner, creative dates, etc.) My best friend loves her husband's work ethic and ability to manage money, but she also finds him unromantic because he's cheap, which is how he managed to save a lot of money. I asked her if she would prefer to have a husband who doesn't support her well and blows money on flowers, candy, jewelry, etc. or a husband who provides a house, furnishings, stability, etc. I also pointed out that that is who she married. He never brought her flowers when they were dating, so he assumed she was OK with that. He feels like he shows love by bringing home the bacon. Anyway, it might be better to tell him next time that Valentine's gestures are very important to you and that you would like him to put a lot of thought into your gift, even if you can't spend any money. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine_Lily Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 I would say - Let it go! Growing up as the only girl in the family with 3 boys and now married to a "boy" (haha), I have learned that many men do not know how to express themselves in letters. When my husband was a missionary, I would write to him. I would write two to three pages about what was going on, ask questions about his mission and so on. I would wait all week to receive a letter in hopes he would reply with the same about of pages as me. I quickly learned, however, that he wasn't the best letter writer. I would get letters back to him with a little less than a paragraph. Sometimes I would get lucky and get two paragraphs, but that was rare. My point is, most men find it difficult to express themselves through words. Its easier for them to express their love through actions. He probably didn't know how to express himself and decided it would be sweet to provide quotes about love in order to make up for his lack of words. Please let this go and appreciate the letter he gave to you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted February 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2013 Classylady, was it your idea to write letters to each other? I could write a 10 page letter to my husband, but he's not super wordy and it's not his style. A few suggestions might have been nice, like service coupons (foot massage, make you dinner, creative dates, etc.) My best friend loves her husband's work ethic and ability to manage money, but she also finds him unromantic because he's cheap, which is how he managed to save a lot of money. I asked her if she would prefer to have a husband who doesn't support her well and blows money on flowers, candy, jewelry, etc. or a husband who provides a house, furnishings, stability, etc. I also pointed out that that is who she married. He never brought her flowers when they were dating, so he assumed she was OK with that. He feels like he shows love by bringing home the bacon.Anyway, it might be better to tell him next time that Valentine's gestures are very important to you and that you would like him to put a lot of thought into your gift, even if you can't spend any money. :)No, it wasn't my idea. It just sort of came about. Usually, he buys me a card, roses and chocolates, and some years we go out to dinner. I usually try to do something nice for him, like buy a card, make a special dinner, or give him some red valentine balloons. Knowing we had no money to do anything like that this year, I wasn't expecting anything at all. But, I decided that what I could do, was write him a nice love letter via email, which is what I did. I sent it to him the night before Valentines (Valentines Eve?). He read it, and loved it, and said he wanted to write me a letter too. "This will be our valentine's day gifts to each other", is what he said. So, my expectation was a letter similar to what I had written for him. It had taken me several hours to write my letter. I knew he wouldn't spend as much time on mine as I had on his. That isn't his style. He has written me love letters in the past, so I knew what to expect. I was just totally surprised by what he did send--his version of a valentine. I was expecting a love letter, not a valentine.The disappointment came about because of expectation on my part. I got over it quickly. We've talked and joked about it. All is well. DH says he wants to now send me a love letter. I'll just have to wait a couple of days for it because he's so busy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted February 19, 2013 Report Share Posted February 19, 2013 I may have already posted this but if not.. I'm glad this has boiled over and there's nothing left in the pot! :) Sounds like you and your husband have a loving relationship, and disappointment with our spouses from time to time is normal, really it is. I think the key is to think through just how important it is for us to make a point on whatever issue it is that bothers or hurts us. If it's something one can live with day to day, without much focus on it, probably best not to cause contention over it. If it's something that really festers in one, then absolutely, it should be brought up and discussed with your spouse, regardless of how big or small it may seem. I know that my husband always wants to know how I feel, even if the issue isn't particularly a big deal to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarlJibbs Posted February 19, 2013 Report Share Posted February 19, 2013 I'm not looking for a fight here. I simply think it's insensitive and tacky (and a bunch of other adjectives) to post what your husband did for you on Valentine's Day on facebook. There can be more than one reason and I can bring them up in separate posts without contradicting myself. Sorry I didn't spell them ALL out in my first post. You guys are trying to make this more complicated than it is. Really.Yeah, heaven forbid that we let our "friends" know what is happening. If you really know the people posting anything, you will know their tone they do it in. The problem is when you accept anyone you know to your FB page (...oh, I saw met you at a conference once...I remember you from gradeschool...) and you never talk to them or havent in a million years. Then what you say can be seen as "insensitive" and "tacky"....etc...A rule could be, if you saw your friends in person and would talk about stuff... why not post it on FB. And the other rule would be, if you dont like what your friends post on FB, are they really your friends? As soon as I start seeing things from people on FB that I dont like and I never see them in real life? Gone!This post was hijacked :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlimac Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yeah, heaven forbid that we let our "friends" know what is happening. If you really know the people posting anything, you will know their tone they do it in. The problem is when you accept anyone you know to your FB page (...oh, I saw met you at a conference once...I remember you from gradeschool...) and you never talk to them or havent in a million years. Then what you say can be seen as "insensitive" and "tacky"....etc...A rule could be, if you saw your friends in person and would talk about stuff... why not post it on FB. And the other rule would be, if you dont like what your friends post on FB, are they really your friends? As soon as I start seeing things from people on FB that I dont like and I never see them in real life? Gone!This post was hijacked :)I tried to minimize the damage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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