Disappointed in my husband's Valentine gift to me

[Suzie]

Do these women not realize that there are innumerable friends who are either single and lonely or who have Neanderthal husbands who don't do anything for them who will be hurt or at the very least be made to feel sad or wistful by reading their posts. In my opinion, it's best to just keep Valentines Day to yourselves... (unless of course you come to lds.net to ask how to handle a prickly situation. That's different.)

I think I understand your point but don't you think you are perhaps taking it a little too far? First let me say that I am not a fan of Facebook or any social network site because I like to be anonymous, having said that I don't see anything wrong with a wife sharing with her friends on Facebook about all the great things her husband does for her. You ask if it is bragging, perhaps it is, I don't know. I would say a lot of people brag about their families specially their children, in and out the Church you hear things like "Tommy is so smart because he got great grades at school" or "How my Erica is serving a mission in Japan and learning the language so quickly!!" and so on.

I understand the importance for being sensitive and compassionate about other people, but I am not sure where the line is drawn in this sort of situation because with this reasoning, we won't do or say anything at all because otherwise it might hurt someone.

[dahlia]

Leave it alone. I remember one Mother's Day when I came home from a walk to find my late husband making tacos. You have to remember that this was before Mexican food was so common. I thought of it as cheap food, unworthy of Mother's Day and let him know it.

I don't know if I hurt his feelings, but I'm pretty sure I went over the line and failed to appreciate that he was making dinner for me. What a mistake. He's been gone more than 20 years now. If he came back and made tacos I'd just shut my mouth and be happy. Get my drift?

[Dravin]

I understand the importance for being sensitive and compassionate about other people, but I am not sure where the line is drawn in this sort of situation because with this reasoning, we won't do or say anything at all because otherwise it might hurt someone.

Indeed.

Talk about your wonderful spouse? What about all those single and unhappily married people?

Talk about your wonderful loving siblings? What about all those people from dysfunctional families?

Talk about your wonderful parents? What about all those who are orphans?

Talk about your wonderful kids? What about all those who can't have kids?

Talk about the fun night at the amusement park? What about all those people who can't afford such things?

Talk about the wonderful hike you had out in the woods? What about all those people who lack the health to go on hikes?

Talk about the neato pilaf recipe? What about all those who can't cook?

Edited February 17, 2013 by Dravin

[Bini]

Suzie and Dravin, EXACTLY.

I actually was going to start a brand new thread regarding this topic but got caught up watching UFC. Anyway, I've posted pictures on Facebook of my baby shower, the birth of my daughter and Mothers Day. I may or may not have friends that struggle with infertility, or have husbands that don't acknowledge Mothers Day but I don't share my special moments to rub it into their faces. Personally, I'm happy for others and the good things they experience. I much prefer it to reading posts like: UGH. Husbabd is playing XBOX again ALL DAY! Sometimes I wonder why we're even married.

[carlimac]

Now I think a few of you are over reacting to what I said. A baby shower, a new baby, a son or daughter's mission call or marriage or simply a wonderful walk in the woods? Of course share! Those are events that are either for public celebration or can be edifying to those who read about it. But how a couple celebrates Valentine's Day is a personal thing and honestly a little embarrassing to read about. They were gushing shamelessly about the loot and pampering they got from their hubbies. I just think it's unnecessary and tacky to put that on facebook. Just my opinion. You don't have to agree.

[Bini]

Overreacting? Maybe not. And yes, I still disagree, and it's not a big deal that we share different views on it :) A friend of mine recently won a free cruise to some exotic location and posted it on Facebook. She and her son have been so excited over it. She's mentioned it several times already. I'm really happy for her! That's so awesome! Even the Facebook status: "Neener Neener Neener! I'll be off cruising for free, in the sun, having fun!" Was not offensive to me. I've shared some pretty cool gifts that I've received on Facebook, too, and my aunt loves seeing those.. She lives far far away and misses out on a lot. Anyway, I have no regrets of posting pictures of the nice things my husband did for me on Valentine's. I don't feel it was inappropriate in any way.

[Vort]

I'm sensitive to this, but also confused. I assume my family and friends love me and will therefore rejoice in good things that happen. But (for example) when my son scored very well on his college entrance exams, I didn't FB it or even tell anyone besides my mother. It wasn't until one of my sisters found out and openly announced it that most heard about it. But why should that be? Why should I act ashamed of my son doing well on an important test?

When a sibling does well, gets an important job or a promotion, I think it's great. When a niece or nephew gets accepted to their first-choice college or does exceptionally well in a performance, I rejoice. Why would my family's success somehow diminish me? I truly do not understand that. But I do sense it in others, to the point that I find myself guarded in how I talk about things lest I be thought to brag. How silly. How petty. How unfortunate. If we are to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, surely we should also rejoice with those who rejoice, as in the parable of the lost piece of gold.

[viannqueen3]

To the OP-

I feel your pain. My husband came home from work on Valentines evening with dead flowers in tow. He had stopped off at a grocery chain that morning and picked out an inexpensive bouquet of roses. I'm not entirely sure what happened, if he forgot to put them in water while at work or what but they were completely DEAD by time he got home. I let him know how happy I was that he gave them to be but I'm honestly kind of miffed that he didn't return/exchange them on the way home when he saw what happened to them. It was just so obvious. So I was the one that had drag two kids to the store to exchange them the next morning.

Generally my husband has had a pretty good track record for special holidays of at least remembering to get something. However two years ago I think pretty much out of pure laziness he didn't get me anything for Mother's Day. I really didn't say much at the time but I was pretty upset by time we left for my MIL's and it was a long and quiet two hour ride where I pretty much cried on and off the entire time. I was SO HURT. I'm embarrassed that it bothered me so much but I'm sure that sent the message through clear. I'm pretty sure that's the last Mother's Day he will pull that again.

[dahlia]

I hope I didn't sound like you shouldn't say something to your husband because there are people out there without husbands. What I was trying to get across is that not everything is worth the battle. Sometimes you have to let people be who they are, which may mean you don't get the gushy stuff you want.

If you want certain things for Valentine's, Mother's Day, etc., you may need to ask for them. I don't know any mind readers, yet we women constantly think that men have that capability.

[carlimac]

Overreacting? Maybe not. And yes, I still disagree, and it's not a big deal that we share different views on it :) A friend of mine recently won a free cruise to some exotic location and posted it on Facebook. She and her son have been so excited over it. She's mentioned it several times already. I'm really happy for her! That's so awesome! Even the Facebook status: "Neener Neener Neener! I'll be off cruising for free, in the sun, having fun!" Was not offensive to me. I've shared some pretty cool gifts that I've received on Facebook, too, and my aunt loves seeing those.. She lives far far away and misses out on a lot. Anyway, I have no regrets of posting pictures of the nice things my husband did for me on Valentine's. I don't feel it was inappropriate in any way.

I think you're missing the point. Win a cruise? Yes share that! But there is a difference between posting something to be celebrated publically and something that is personal just between two people. The difference is subtle.

If you feel fine about what you posted that's OK. Just keep in mind there may have been a few friends rolling their eyes.

[beefche]

carlimac, I don't get it. First you say that sharing things such as this is insensitive to those who are without husbands or in a bad relationship. Now you are saying that it is just too personal.

[pam]

I thought this thread was about classylady's feelings regarding her Valentine experience.

[beefche]

pam, is this your first time on a forum?

[pam]

pam, is this your first time on a forum?

Oh hush.

[carlimac]

carlimac, I don't get it. First you say that sharing things such as this is insensitive to those who are without husbands or in a bad relationship. Now you are saying that it is just too personal.

I'm not looking for a fight here. I simply think it's insensitive and tacky (and a bunch of other adjectives) to post what your husband did for you on Valentine's Day on facebook. There can be more than one reason and I can bring them up in separate posts without contradicting myself. Sorry I didn't spell them ALL out in my first post. You guys are trying to make this more complicated than it is. Really.

[beefche]

I just don't understand your reasoning. You say it is insensitive to those without a significant other or in a bad relationship. But how is that any more insensitive than posting you are so blessed to have 10 children to those who are unable to have any? This isn't complicated. You state that an instance of being insensitive to others should make us cautious in what we post. Explain to us what we can post that will not be insensitive to SOMEONE?

[Guest]

I'm with carlimac. I think it's very tacky to brag about things you've been given on FB. I wouldn't do it any more than I'd walk up to my friends and gush over all the money my husband spent on me. Now and then I express my gratitude for a kind and thoughtful husband, but I don't post picture after picture of "stuff" saying "Lookie lookie what I got!" The way I was raised, it's not polite to brag about possessions or talk about money. That's different from celebrating life events.

[Guest]

Maybe "immature" is a better word than "tacky". At any rate, my mama wouldn't approve. :)

[pam]

I'm with carlimac. I think it's very tacky to brag about things you've been given on FB. I wouldn't do it any more than I'd walk up to my friends and gush over all the money my husband spent on me. Now and then I express my gratitude for a kind and thoughtful husband, but I don't post picture after picture of "stuff" saying "Lookie lookie what I got!" The way I was raised, it's not polite to brag about possessions or talk about money. That's different from celebrating life events.

Now I do remember a certain pair of boots.

[Guest]

Don't make me unfriend you.

It's not every day that a man picks out a really cute pair of boots, you know.

[carlimac]

I'm not going to belabor this anymore. If you can't tell the difference...oh well.

[pam]

Don't make me unfriend you.

It's not every day that a man picks out a really cute pair of boots, you know.

You wouldn't unfriend me. You love me too much.

Who else leaves you salmon in a wheatfield?

[Vort]

In humble gratitude, I present this list.

• I'm humbly grateful for the eleven million dollars in unearned income I made last year. After appropriate deductions, I paid nearly fifty thousand dollars in tithing, for which I am also humbly grateful.
• I am humbly grateful for my enormous house and the staff of servants who care for it. I am humbly grateful that I find the patience to deal with them in charitable ways, instead of constantly berating them for the really awful way they do their jobs. (Yes, I certainly could do better than they do, though I am far too humble to have told this to the servant who asked such an impertinent question before I summarily fired him.)
• I am humbly grateful for my bishop, even though he probably couldn't find his rear end with both hands.
• Finally, and mostly, I am humbly grateful that I have been blessed with this attitude of gratefulness and humility, because it serves me very well and keeps me from feeling overly superior to all the idiots and fools that surround me. I remember that they, too, are fellow travelers on this great journey we call life, just lots stupider than me. But I don't think myself so far above them; rather, I'm just humbly grateful that I'm not as abysmally ignorant as they.

I should post this hymn of humble gratitude to Facebook so that everyone will read it and feel happy.

Edited February 18, 2013 by Vort

[Guest]

In humble gratitude, I present this list.

• I'm humbly grateful for the eleven million dollars in unearned income I made last year. After appropriate deductions, I paid nearly fifty thousand dollars in tithing, for which I am also humbly grateful.
• I am humbly grateful for my enormous house and the staff of servants who care for it. I am humbly grateful that I find the patience to deal with them in charitable ways, instead of constantly berating them for the really awful way they do their jobs. (Yes, I certainly could do better than they do, though I am far too humble to have told this to the servant who asked such an impertinent question before I summarily fired him.)
• I am humbly grateful for my bishop, even though he probably couldn't find his rear end with both hands.
• Finally, and mostly, I am humbly grateful that I have been blessed with this attitude of gratefulness and humility, because it serves me very well and keeps me from feeling overly superior to all the idiots and fools that surround me. I remember that they, too, are fellow travelers on this great journey we call life, just lots stupider than me. But I don't think myself so far above them; rather, I'm just humbly grateful that I'm not as abysmally ignorant as they.

I should post this hymn of humble gratitude to Facebook so that everyone will read it and feel happy.

Crap, I didn't know my nutty narcissistic SIL posted here (well, not the money part, but most certainly the gratitude for humility and spiritual/intellectual superiority).

[carlimac]

Maybe "immature" is a better word than "tacky". At any rate, my mama wouldn't approve. :)

Nor mine!