Your perception of ex Mormonism

[jerome1232]

A few people have described "ex-Mormons" as bitter and angry. It is unusual that there is even the term "ex-Mormon". You rarely hear a former Catholic, for example, called "ex-Catholic".

That's just not true, I've seen this type of terminology used by all kinds of x-insert-religion here'ists. There are atheists who wage a war against all religion because of their bitter experience with one religion and use some type of ex-theist terminology in a derogatory manner. I've seen very anti-Christian ex-Christians who use the same kind of terminology (ex-bible-thumper, ex-Jesus-freak etc...) to denote their past in a similar matter.

Bitterness and anger are the common theme when that is done.

[Dravin]

I actually do know some ex-Catholics who call themselves "recovering Catholics", quite a few of them actually. They are usually the ones who have joined another church and want to tell the world about how the Catholic church is a Mary worshiping cult and how they never really knew Jesus until they left.

I wonder how correlated the relationship is between how involved a religion is in someone's life and the incidence of angry/bitter/anti type excommunicants. I could easily see how the more energy one put into one's former faith, either of one's own volition or as required by parents, the more deceived one feels they were, to see all that effort as wasted by what they perceive to be a huge lie. With all that effort perceived as wasted they try to give it value by warning others. A Jack Catholic, Baptist, or Mormon type excommunicant, in my extremely limited experience isn't the type to be antagonistic excommunicants.

*No, I'm not forgetting. I'm aware correlation doesn't equal causation, it's just without correlation I've got a non-starter on my hands.

[Backroads]

A few people have described "ex-Mormons" as bitter and angry. It is unusual that there is even the term "ex-Mormon". You rarely hear a former Catholic, for example, called "ex-Catholic". Are ex-Mormon really bitter and angry, or is it jut a perception? If they really are, what makes them so bitter? I know some ex-fundamentalist Christians who are bitter, but that is because they grew up in super-legalistic homes (like quiver-full homes). But, Mormons are not like Bill Gothard-type wack-jobs, so what causes the bitterness?

I can't help but wonder if it's a regional/culture thing, what you hear.

[Bini]

Irishcolleen, I guess I'm on the same page as you in regards to not hearing the usage "ex Catholic" before, or at least, minimally. I have heard "ex Mormon" tossed around quite a bit. I couldn't agree more with what, Dravin, had posted. I think when someone puts their heart and soul into something, and then for whatever reason things go down the tubes, they feel betrayed and cheated of something. I think this could apply to those that fear ever committing to a relationship again because their previous companion had let them down, whether seemingly or reality.

[Bini]

I left the Mormon church a few years ago. I'm not bitter or angry or anything, I hope I don't come across that way. There are still many things I love about the church and for a while when I realized I no longer believed in key parts of the Mormon church I even debated with myself about staying in the church just for the things I do like. In the end being honest with myself and others was more important and so I left. At this time I have no plans to return to the church but if I ever felt God was leading me back there I would return. Are some ex-mormons bitter and angry? Yes of course but most I've met aren't, they are just ordinary people trying to live their lives as best they can. The angry and bitter ones are the loudest voices though and so they get the most attention.

Ploomf, thanks for sharing your experience.

[Backroads]

I couldn't agree more with what, Dravin, had posted. I think when someone puts their heart and soul into something, and then for whatever reason things go down the tubes, they feel betrayed and cheated of something. I think this could apply to those that fear ever committing to a relationship again because their previous companion had let them down, whether seemingly or reality.

I also agree with Dravin. And I find this to be a perfectly valid situation for feeling hurt and feeling the need to even retaliate. I can't fault someone for feeling horrible about devoting all of themselves to something and having that something, for whatever reason, fail for them. We can't simply say "You have no reason to feel bitter and angry about this!"

But I still stand behind my opinion that, while they may have cause to feel bitter and angry, they shouldn't but should instead work on making peace with the situation and moving on. I don't think it's healthy for them to sulk (mentally, spiritually, and probably even physically--stress on the body and all) and I don't like it when I have to be a symbol of the Church they want to attack.

[Bini]

I also agree with Dravin. And I find this to be a perfectly valid situation for feeling hurt and feeling the need to even retaliate. I can't fault someone for feeling horrible about devoting all of themselves to something and having that something, for whatever reason, fail for them. We can't simply say "You have no reason to feel bitter and angry about this!"

But I still stand behind my opinion that, while they may have cause to feel bitter and angry, they shouldn't but should instead work on making peace with the situation and moving on. I don't think it's healthy for them to sulk (mentally, spiritually, and probably even physically--stress on the body and all) and I don't like it when I have to be a symbol of the Church they want to attack.

I started thinking about the FLDS. A lot has happened in their community over the last decade. While some remain devoted and tucked away behind their guarded walls, others have left and are seeing a new light for the first time - perhaps - even hope. I've caught several (different) programmes highlighting families that have packed up and left. Interestingly, those families were torn between still wanting to serve their prophet, and yet, they also realised that the way things were, just didn't feel right. One of the programmes had followed a family and the children for several years on and off, observing and documenting how they have and are adjusting to the outside world. Their opinions expressed, say five years ago, were very different to their present opinions. The older children expressed great disappointment in how they were taught, both academically and questioned their faith because of what their leader had been convicted of. I suppose, to their counterparts that remained in the FLDS communities, these families that have left are nothing short of apostates. Some of the wives had some very harsh words regarding the life they had once lived, which again, could be seen as "bashing". All that said, I agree, with what I understand these families have gone through - yeh - they're probably well justified in their feelings of hurt and betrayal.

[ploomf]

I do agree with Dravin because I have met a lot of people who are angry that they put so much of themselves into something that they now believe to be a lie. On the other hand I was pretty active, I went to church, held a calling, read scriptures, and said my prayers (well nightly ones anyway, I could never remember morning prayers) and I'm not angry at the church. I don't believe anymore but I still can't regret my years in the church, it made me into the person I am today.

One of the most bitter angry people I know is a relative of mine that left the LDS church and joined the Catholic church and was for a while bitter against all religion except Catholicism then she left the Catholic church and became an atheist and was bitter against all religion for a few years and now she is a non denominational Christian and she's against all religion except for her particular brand of Christianity. When she found out I was thinking of joining the Catholic church I thought she was going to have a stroke right there. So I think individual personality plays a big part in it to.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Bini, if you are curious about why people leave, then you might find this helpful:

Top 5 Myths and Truths about Why Committed Mormons Leave the Church | Mormon Stories Podcast

[Bini]

Bini, if you are curious about why people leave, then you might find this helpful:

Top 5 Myths and Truths about Why Committed Mormons Leave the Church | Mormon Stories Podcast

I get why people leave and I understand the reasons are not all the same. My initial question was regarding the perceptions and stigmas of ex Mormons. I got some fantastic responses.

[Guest]

I don't personally know any former Mormons who are amicable toward the Church, or even indifferent.

[Guest]

Bini, if you are curious about why people leave, then you might find this helpful:

Top 5 Myths and Truths about Why Committed Mormons Leave the Church | Mormon Stories Podcast

Incidentally, I know one of the guys who was very involved in conducting and interpreting this survey, and he has since left the Church and is very antagonistic.

[Bini]

Incidentally, I know one of the guys who was very involved in conducting and interpreting this survey, and he has since left the Church and is very antagonistic.

As a result of conducting and interpreting the survey?

[Guest]

As a result of conducting and interpreting the survey?

Oh, I doubt it. The last few years he's had one foot out the door, anyway. This survey was his entry into "Open Mormonism", where he found a variety of excuses to not only fully leave, but to become an enemy to the Church and also agnostic.

[Guest]

I guess my point in bringing it up is that I happen to know that some of the people involved are not exactly objective, and I've been suspicious of how they choose their pool of people.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I guess my point in bringing it up is that I happen to know that some of the people involved are not exactly objective, and I've been suspicious of how they choose their pool of people.

Objective about what? Objective about the church, yeah likely not. But to me that isn't the point. The people surveyed were people who were dealing with challenges to their faith for whatever reason. I wouldn't expect them to be objective about something they are experiencing doubts about. But objective about WHY they are having issues? Yes, I think they are objective about that.

I am objective about what has caused my faith struggle, and it is not one of the top 5 myths, and not covered in that presentation either. But the point is, whether or not people can be objective about why they are struggling then based on my own experience I would say yes, we can. (and no, I wasn't part of the survey)

[Soulsearcher]

I consider my self an ex mormon. I don't see it having to be a negative term, just as has been pointed out a term that states what it is. I haven't have my name removed because i don't see a purpose, but i know i'll never come back. I didn't leave because of doctrine or policy or being insulted or offended, i just didn't believe or find peace of heart or soul. I know some people tend to think i'm angry or against the church, but really i'm not. I might have disagreements with some parts, but there's no real anger or hostility, just opposing view points that can be dealt with respectfully. That's not saying there isn't conflicts with individuals but not the whole.

[Echo2002]

I guess the only Ex-Mormons I have issues with are those who repeat the same old myths or lies that people who have never been members do. Also those Ex-Mormons that think current members are just sheep following the heard or we are blindly following the faith.

If they are Ex-Mormons because they feel like they've found truth somewhere else, more power to them, they have that right. Who am I to tell them they are wrong?

[Dravin]

If they are Ex-Mormons because they feel like they've found truth somewhere else, more power to them, they have that right. Who am I to tell them they are wrong?

What we do with our knowledge of the truth can be inappropriate (by being overbearing for example), but that said, who am I to tell them they are wrong? I am one with a testimony and knowledge of the truth as borne by the Holy Ghost. And so is every member of this Church with a testimony of its truths.

Edited February 23, 2013 by Dravin

[Tough Grits]

Do other religions labels themselves "ex" (ex-Christian, Ex-Buddist, Ex-Muslim, Ex-Jewish, and so forth) ?

I do not think that I have ever heard anybody from the above religions refer to themselves that way. Nor have I heard others referring to people from those religions in that manner when they have left that resepctive religion. I have never heard anybody refer to me as an ex-atheist. Is this just a "Mormon" phenomenon?

I don't shun my former atheism. It was a part of my life and how I identified myself until I was 24. I am not ashamed of it. In fact, I incorporate my former atheism into my current posts and my testimonies, because my former atheism is what helped me to know that this Church is true. I cannot deny what I once was, and I don't want to, because I truly feel that it is because of my former atheism that my current testimony is as strong as it is.

I find this thread and the comments interesting. I know people who no longer attend Church. These are the types of people that I have encountered:

• Attend, still believe, but have been excommunicated (maybe more than once) and still cannot overcome the sin/behavior.
• Don't attend, but still believe. They don't attend due to health, cost of travel, or simply because they choose not to get up and attend every Sunday.
• Don't attend, still believe, but are offended. They will not return until "so-and-so" gets released, moves, or dies.
• Don't attend, still believe, but do not feel worthy enough to attend. They acknowledge that how they are living is not in harmony with the Church, they don't have plans to remedy the behavior or sin, and so they stay away.
• (so far, these "believers" are no different in my mind than the "believers" who attend Church, but do so infrequently, or are habitually late to sacrament, or who partake of the sacrament unworthily, or who sit in the lobby during the rest of the meetings, or who leave Church altogether after sacrament, or who do not accept callings, or who are Sunday worshippers but do not follow the standards or beliefs the rest of the week, and list could go on.)
• Do not attend, don't believe, and would prefer to be left alone-by all churches.
• Do not attend, don't believe, and have found another Church.
• Do not attend, still believe, but fight against the Church and the other "hypocrite" members and the blind sheep.
• Do not attend, don't believe, and fight against the Church and the apostate religion and apostate members.

Just my observations. ~TG

[dahlia]

I was wondering- as anyone come across ex-Catholic or ex-Southern Baptist sites? I ask because usually people who want to leave an organization, just leave. I don't know why ex-Mormons have to set up websites and blogs to let everyone else know they've left the Church.

I guess from what I've been exposed to online, I'd see an 'ex-Mormon' as someone who's gone beyond just leaving the Church and has to say something negative about it, and a 'former Mormon' as someone who's left the Church and doesn't have an ax to grind.

[ploomf]

A quick Google search for ex Christians revealed at least 6 different forums and this was just on the first page of search results (I have no idea how active they are but they are there). I personally know more people who call themselves recovering Catholics than I do ex Mormon (most of my dads side of the family are ex Catholics). A search for ex Muslim forums also yielded several results. So this appears to be far from an ex Mormon thing. It makes sense to me though, religion is a huge part of a persons life, especially if you were raised in it. When you lose your faith in a religion it's a big thing, especially if your family and friends are still part of that faith. It's only natural to want to seek out others who have gone through the same thing and get advice and support.

[Tough Grits]

I personally know ... people who call themselves recovering Catholics...

Wow. I have never heard of that! That is interesting. Do you know if they are neutral or hostile towards the Catholic church now? I guess either one, depending on the person and their experience.

[selek]

One thought that occured to me while I was reviewing the thread earlier today:

"Ex-"smokers, "ex-"addicts, "recovering" alcoholics, ex-prositutes, and ex-used car salesmen all define themselves by something they are not anymore.

In every instance, whatever categorization they use (be it smoker, addict, alcoholic, Congressman, etc.), it is nearly always something they are running away from.

The negative connotion is implicit and well-nigh inescapable.

Those who call themselves "ex-Mormon", "ex-Catholic", or "formerly sane" are implicitly revealing a negative attitude towards their former allegience, condition, or lifestyle.

Whenever someone says, "She turned me into a newt!", followed by the statement, "I got better...", that individual is implicitly stating that "being a newt" is a less-than-desirable state of affairs.

On the other hand, I occasionally refer to myself as ex-Navy when there are far, far worse things I could have been (such as Air Force).

Now....if you need me, I'll be looking for a little peril at Castle Anthrax.

[ploomf]

Wow. I have never heard of that! That is interesting. Do you know if they are neutral or hostile towards the Catholic church now? I guess either one, depending on the person and their experience.

Most of the people I know who refer to themselves as recovering Catholics are very hostile to the Catholic Church.