Bini Posted March 8, 2013 Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 I have a concern that has only recently bothered me. My extended family is huge. There are still more than a handful of people that I don't know, will probably never meet, and this includes their children. So here's the situation, sometimes grandma (my MIL) hosts these overnighters for the grandchildren. (The point of these is to give mummy and daddy a breakaway.) In total there are 5 kiddos aged 5 to 13. We don't participate in this because our daughter is only a little tike. But I'm having an upcoming surgery and won't be able to function for awhile, and grandma graciously volunteered to tend our daughter while hubby tends to me at home, only this arrangement will span one of these overnighters - and I'm uncomfortable with it. Like I said, I don't know theses children well and don't know two of them at all! I know the older grand kids but they're all teenagers or college-aged and not involved in this. Anyway, there is one little boy I'm more worried about more than any of the other children. He's 8 I think and is the son from the girlfriend of my BIL. He has problems that stem from a dysfunctional relationship (pre BIL) and I don't know what those problems entail but I heard this from his own mother the one time I had met her. What all this boils down to is should I be worried about my daughter mixing and mingling with these other kiddos? Especially, the little boy? How do I address the times she's in the kitchen and the kids are playing without her constant supervision? Should I be worried or am I totally paranoid? I've been so focused on being assertive to potential adult threats but not so much when it comes to children. My daughter is 1.5 and only says a few words, so she could never tell me if someone hurt her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted March 8, 2013 Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) I think its perfectly appropriate to not participate. Can your husband go get her for that one night? Explain your concerns to him and let him explain to his mother. I don't know your MIL, and I'm sure she's a lovely woman. So is my MIL, yet we have our differences. I never allowed sleep overs at the in-laws for similar reasons. Even then my kids were influenced and got in trouble with their cousins as they got older. But they weren't 18 months old. Edited March 8, 2013 by applepansy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted March 8, 2013 Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 It is perfectly normal to be worried about your daughter when it involves situations and people you have no control over. Having surgery will be stressful enough, I would not add to that with worrying over your daughter. If it makes you too uncomfortable I would find other child care alternatives. M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted March 8, 2013 Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 You politely decline, and leave it at that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted March 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 Applepansy, DH could pick her up every night and drop her off in the morning despite it being a bit of a hassle. We haven't ruled that out. Maureen, unfortunately we don't have any other babysitting options but fortunately grandma is wonderful with our daughter, only, the situation is different with other kiddos in the picture as I don't know them well. LM, you recommend to avoid this occasion entirely? We haven't ruled that notion out, either. Thanks guys, at least I feel better in knowing that what in feeling is valid. It's just so hard to know if something is likely or unlikely to happen when you don't know the individuals well but even then, there's no guarantees. I don't doubt grandma, at all, she has our daughter's best interest to heart but she cannot be in one place at all times with 5 other kiddos running about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted March 8, 2013 Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 Trust your instincts. If something makes you uncomfortable analyze it well and decide if it should be listened to. Set appropriate boundaries accordingly. I would find out more about the boy's issues. It may be that just the unknown is what is bothering you. Once you know more you may feel better..... or at least feel more justified in your decision. It also gives a chance for family to explain what actions are being taken to keep your child safe if there is a danger. "Danger" can be "small things". If the kid has biting issues then I would consider my child in danger. If your child had issues it would be your responsibly to come up with a plan that keeps others safe, even if that means not participating until you got it under control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted March 9, 2013 Report Share Posted March 9, 2013 You've been given some good advice. See if you can find out more information about the young boy. Just an aside: I consider my cousins my best friends. The highlight of my life was visiting with my cousins. I have so many fond memories of spending the night with them. But, I realize that not all families are as close as mine were. Follow your instincts. See if you can get to know the little boy better. Can you invite him over to your house prior to your surgery so you can see how they interact with one another? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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