Girlfriend is going to wait....We're scared!

[SwilliamT]

I'm merely looking for advice as well as words of comfort. Here I the situation:

I'm 18, almost 19, going on a mission in July (Scotland/Ireland if you ask) and I'm excited about going, but I do have a girlfriend. I was taught to avoid this before the mission, and I understand why, but I wasn't looking for a relationship, it sort happened. Like all couples in this predicament, we are terrified. But we know it is what The Lord wants. She is scared of what would happen while we're apart. We love each other so much! And if I was an RM, we'd be planning a wedding right now. We've prayed for and felt God's approval throughout the 6 months we've been together. So I want to know what can we do to relieve some fears and stress to recognize God's hand, without potentially ruining our relationship?

Please don't criticize. The last thing I need is someone telling me I should dump her so I can focus, or something to that effect. Thank you for any advice you can give. I love the gospel!!

[Anddenex]

If the relationship is meant to be she will be available when you return home from your mission. If the relationship is not meant to be, even when you return home, you will recognize this also.

When I served in the MTC, I shared a personal experience as moved by the spirit. I did not know why I was prompted to share this experience with these Elders; however, the spirit prompted and I obeyed. After we took a break one of these Elders approached me and said, "I know why you shared this...it is because of me."

He then relayed his love for a young woman. They had dated for two years, and would have been scheduling a wedding. However, he was on a mission and thinking upon her. We discussed, we talked, I shared some thoughts. Before, they left, I was moved to a new schedule and no longer taught their class.

He served in the Ogden Utah Mission. Long story short, due to a random circumstance, an answer to my prayer, I actually met up with this missionary six months into his mission at Wendy's. I asked him how he was doing. His response, "Brother Exon, I am having a blast and staying on my mission was the best decision I have ever made...oh, by the way... I dear Janed my girlfriend. If our relationship was meant to be, she will be available when I return home. If not, the Lord already knows other women I would be happy with."

Serve the Lord faithfully. Your thoughts should be on serving your mission honorably, and not on a woman. I had a companion on my mission that served with all his might. He dated a young woman all through HS, and the only time he would ever talk about her was on P-day, and only when he was writing her a letter. Other than that, he would never talk about her. The moment he was finished writing his letter to her he would put her pictures away. And would not think about her until the following P-day.

They are married with five children. Thus, serve faithfully, and remember what ever happens happens. If she waits, great, if she doesn't, great!

[pam]

Just try not to worry about the what if's. Both focus on what you are doing and why you are doing it.

One thing she will need to remember is, your time will be limited and she won't get a letter every other day. But I'm sure she knows all of that.

For her, it's best to write letters of encouragement for the work you are doing. Try not to make the letters about your relationship and the loneliness of being apart. It just makes it harder on the missionary.

Congrats on your mission. I'm a bit envious of your mission call. I'd love to go there. Both of you just trust in the Lord that all will work out in the way it was meant to be.

[MrPickles]

Just try not to worry about the what if's. Both focus on what you are doing and why you are doing it.

One thing she will need to remember is, your time will be limited and she won't get a letter every other day. But I'm sure she knows all of that.

For her, it's best to write letters of encouragement for the work you are doing. Try not to make the letters about your relationship and the loneliness of being apart. It just makes it harder on the missionary.

Congrats on your mission. I'm a bit envious of your mission call. I'd love to go there. Both of you just trust in the Lord that all will work out in the way it was meant to be.

I have to agree with Pam, the focus should be on your mission, you are young and feelings run strong at your age. Don't let this get in the way of your ability to serve the Lord.

I served a mission and it was the greatest experience of my life. I also had a girlfriend when I left. We broke up a couple months into it. I was not meant to be. She has gone on to have a great life and so have I.

Write letters but focus on your goal, hindsight being 20/20 I would/should have broken up with her before my mission.

[Jennarator]

Like my mom says "if it's right, it will still be right in two yeas."

She says it for missions and other things that make a person wait. She say "two years, three years, six months.......whatever."

Right waits. If it wasn't right it won't/

I went on a mission and left my boyfriend who was an RM. He said he'd wait, he didn't and as much as I loved him then, I'm glad he didn't wait. I don't like fish, he is a fisherman (hobby not for a living) I don't like dogsin the house he has dogs in his house. I am friends on FB withhim, I I am so glad that we didn't end up together!

[slamjet]

...

Please don't criticize. The last thing I need is someone telling me I should dump her so I can focus, or something to that effect. Thank you for any advice you can give. I love the gospel!!

So how is that answer criticizing? You'll find that to have a successful mission you will need to focus on it. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it. Dump her or not, keeping her should not be your priority while on your mission.

[EarlJibbs]

You have the support and blessing from me (randome guy on the internet). For what it is worth.

My story: My wife and I dated before my mission. We even talked of Marrage. We knew we were compatable and it could work. We didnt break up before the mission, but we had an agreement. That there would be no sort of commitment for either her or myself while I was gone and that we would see how things were when I got back. I told her to date. I even encouraged some of my friends that were home to take her out.

She wrote me faithfully for the entire mission. She mentioned a few dates she had gone on. And I knew who they were. There was some talk of love, but really only that she loved me. Nothing like planning a wedding.

I got back, she didnt have a ring on her finger, we dated and that was that. I found out after I got back that she had been through two serious relationships. One she broke off after I got back. (After I beat him off with a stick) :)

We really were best friends before I left, and that is how we stayed while I was away. I was prepared at any moment to receive a "dear John" letter. I had accepted that there could be more than one person in the entire world that I could be married to. I think she did the same.

With that said, be careful, it can be a distraction. But honestly, if you are putting forth your full effort while out, the only time you really have to think about it is in your nightly prayers or on your p-day. If you have time to dwell on those thoughts enough to make you homesick or not effective, your not busy or devoted enough in my opinion.

Take what you want from my experience. Leave the rest. Just know that there are a few stories that turn out okay.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I had a companion on my mission that served with all his might. He dated a young woman all through HS, and the only time he would ever talk about her was on P-day, and only when he was writing her a letter. Other than that, he would never talk about her. The moment he was finished writing his letter to her he would put her pictures away. And would not think about her until the following P-day.

They are married with five children. Thus, serve faithfully, and remember what ever happens happens. If she waits, great, if she doesn't, great!

I love this story. I think this is a good solution in this situation.

I just wanted to add...for your girlfriend, mostly....Pres. Benson knew his wife before his mission too. They were dating and then he went on a mission. He returned and they started dating again...BUT...the Spirit prompted her that if they married right away, he would not be able accomplish all that he should, so SHE went on a mission and he waited for her...then they got married.

So my suggestion is for you to follow the example of Anddenex's companion, and for your girlfriend to consider Sis Benson's example...perhaps she could serve a mission too! If not, she can still have hope in that story.

Good Luck!

[NeuroTypical]

So I want to know what can we do to relieve some fears and stress

Maybe I'm nuts, but what's wrong with experiencing fears and stress? Isn't that what happens to normal people in situations of massive change and uncertainty?

From my perspective, maybe you just sit there and hug each other as you both experience fears and stress. Enjoy the time you have, and count down the days until you leave.

[SwilliamT]

I know we're going to feel stressed and scared. And really there's no worry. We're going to focus on what we need to. We both have felt that we are meant to be together. And two years is a short time to wait for eternity, so it's possible. Thank you for your stories.