Pregnant Daughter

[mom42]

I'm new to this sight and hope I know what i'm doing. I was just looking for someone who might be going through or have gone though what i'm going through. I have a 19 year old daughter who is pregnant. This has been the hardest thing I've ever been though. I have three children and she's my youngest and my only daughter. We have always been very close. She was a girl that had everything going for her and some how got caught up hanging out in the wrong places with the wrong kind of people and is now having a baby with a boy she hardly knows that comes from a COMPLETELY differant world than her. She knows all of this and knows he is not at all what she would choose but she says she keeping this baby even though this baby will have to grow up knowing his fathers life. She knows this baby will probably never be part of an eternal family cause this boy will never allow anyone to adopt this baby. I could go on and on this situation is sooo complicated. This has though brought me closer to my Heavenly Father. I KNOW He has been carrying me through this. At first the hardest was that planning and preparing my sweet daughter for her wedding day seeing her in the temple knowing she saved herself for this special person for just this day, won't be happening the way I had dreamed. I know that can still happen it's just taken an alternative course and I do know thats what she wants. I'm sure this is going to change her life, I'm just scared for what her furture and ours has to bring. Our lives have been to easy, and I quess I wanted it to stay that way!

[the_jason]

The next step for you both is to speak with your bishop. He has authority to give you counsel and can give you a lot of things to think about. Ultimately the decision is your daughter's, but it can never hurt to hear from other people.

The most important person in all of this is the baby. It's great that she wants to raise the child, but that may not always be what's best. I'm sure she wants the baby raised with the gospel and there are plenty of married couple who are not able to have children and who would give the child what they really need.

My brother and his wife are a perfect example. After giving birth to a perfectly healthy child, their next 2 attempts led to complications and ended in death. They'd been trying to adopt for years when a mature young woman, the same age as your daughter, went through the same thing. After much counsel with her parents, bishop, and the Lord, she decided to give the child what it needed most: a gospel-centered family with BOTH parents. Our whole family thanks her for her selflessness.

I'm not saying that adoption is the only way, but it's most often the best way for this situation. Your daughter should be open-minded and always thinking of the child's best interest, not her own. I hope she is willing to listen to those who care about her and do what is right.

[StrawberryFields]

What a selfish beast you are!

Not really, but if this is the hardest life has given you so far then count your blessings.

She may have enternal family to give this child just with another man.

[BenRaines]

I believe the eternal part will work itself out. I have two divorced daughters whose ex-husbands would be able to raise our grandchildren if something were to happen to our daughters. That is what scares me.

I agree visit with your Bishop, you and your daughter. You may find that the donor, who created the child, may not want to have the personal and financial responsibility that comes with raising a child.

Ben Raines

[mom42]

Thanks for everyones coments and suggestions but we've done it all taked to the bishop she spends time with the Relief Society Pres. (this wards great) we go to LDS services monthly. We've gone over ALL the aspects of adoption, single parenting ect. If this boy wasn't in the picture she would of done adoption from the begining she always knew that was the best thing for this baby and this SHOULD be about whats best for this baby. This baby is innocent and is intitled to a family, two parents that are married and love each other. This father wouldn't even consider adoption. He had an unhappy life was abandoned by his parents has had no positive male roll models in his life and has no clue as to be a parent. She cares about him and his feelings and feels bad for him. He wants somthing to love but it's about him not whats best for the baby.

Hes from another race and culture and

they don't see eye to eye on anything and he associates in a world that sooooo far from the gospel that it's scary..... need I say more. There's so much to this situation that would leave anyone reading this feeling speachless, I can't even write it all, and no one would be saying I was selfish,so far from that I'm a mother who's spent her life devoted to my family and I love my children more than life and I'd would do anything if I could to make there life better. These two are making decisions for themselves not for this baby. Not a day goes by that I don't "count my blessing" always have and always will. I've always been told to not compare your trials to others trials. Mine may seem small compared to some but there BIG to me cause there as big as I had but like I said they help me and my family grow...would I give this one back, in a heartbeat....can we do this, yes because we have a loving Heavenly Father whos always there for us. I don't need advise, we've covered eveything, just like to talk to other mothers (parents) that know what I'm feeling.

[the_jason]

The baby is not just entitled to a mother and father, but a mother and father who love each other. Part of the happiness of a child is knowing how important their parents are to each other. Your daughter is not doing the child any favors by marrying the boy just so the child has a father, and since they aren't currently married I'm not sure the father has any say in the matter anyway. I still see selfishness in this equation.

[mom42]

The baby is not just entitled to a mother and father, but a mother and father who love each other. Part of the happiness of a child is knowing how important their parents are to each other. Your daughter is not doing the child any favors by marrying the boy just so the child has a father, and since they aren't currently married I'm not sure the father has any say in the matter anyway. I still see selfishness in this equation.

Thanks jason, I totaly agree this is a about selfishness especially on his part, her to, but shes not a contentious person and wouldn't do anything to hurt him so I think she worries more about him than the baby. She's convinced herself that she has a loving supportive family that will love and set good examples for this baby and that it will be okay. She's right she has all that but we still can't keep this baby completly away from this father and his life. She always see the good in others and just wants to see the good in this father. I know this is so hard for her that she trys to ignore the obvious and in the end its the baby that sufers the most. She will always show love and respect for this man for the sake of this baby. She is an amazing girl. I just have to keep PRAYING!!!

[Maureen]

The baby is not just entitled to a mother and father, but a mother and father who love each other. Part of the happiness of a child is knowing how important their parents are to each other. Your daughter is not doing the child any favors by marrying the boy just so the child has a father, and since they aren't currently married I'm not sure the father has any say in the matter anyway. I still see selfishness in this equation.

jason, you're preaching to the choir. sheryl has already stated that her daughter would be in favour of adoption if the father would give consent; but that's not the case.

What rights does the father have in relation to adoption?

Generally, the father has rights in regard to the adoption of his child which include receiving notice of the adoption and being given an opportunity to contest the adoption.

http://www.wprc.org/fathersrights.phtml

M.

[bluesaphires_n_diamonds]

The father has every right to be notified of a impending adoption or intrest in one! As my son and his ex-g/f was involved in a situation concerning something kinda simular to this situation but the ex-g/f's parents wanted these two kids to give the baby up for adoption my son the father was totally against it...Luckly for us both the kids at the time (age 16) decieded to keep the baby they never married each other but they BOTH RAISE his precious little girl she's now 6 yrs old,and the joy of all our live's both my son and his ex-g/f were raised in the LDS church and come from good parents... It's very hard to know just how to advise our children in situation's like this but for us the decision for them to keep and raise my precious little granddaughter is the joy of our lives. I wish you much luck with you and your family!! Bluesaphires_n_diamonds :)

[mom42]

The father has every right to be notified of a impending adoption or intrest in one! As my son and his ex-g/f was involved in a situation concerning something kinda simular to this situation but the ex-g/f's parents wanted these two kids to give the baby up for adoption my son the father was totally against it...Luckly for us both the kids at the time (age 16) decieded to keep the baby they never married each other but they BOTH RAISE his precious little girl she's now 6 yrs old,and the joy of all our live's both my son and his ex-g/f were raised in the LDS church and come from good parents... It's very hard to know just how to advise our children in situation's like this but for us the decision for them to keep and raise my precious little granddaughter is the joy of our lives. I wish you much luck with you and your family!! Bluesaphires_n_diamonds :)

Thank you so much for your comments, I really just need to hear others experiences it helps give me hope. I know i'm not alone but helps to hear it from others. It helps to have a couple comments without advise, that I don't need, there's nothing that we haven't covered over and over and over and we'll probably go over again. Your words of encouragement mean alot. Thanks

[Sarah]

What a selfish beast you are!

Not really, but if this is the hardest life has given you so far then count your blessings.

She may have enternal family to give this child just with another man.

so.. is it impossible to have eternal family if say only the mother wanted to be sealed to her children? meaning as in.. if the father, married to the mother were not lds.

[Brother Dorsey]

<div class='quotemain'>

What a selfish beast you are!

Not really, but if this is the hardest life has given you so far then count your blessings.

She may have enternal family to give this child just with another man.

so.. is it impossible to have eternal family if say only the mother wanted to be sealed to her children? meaning as in.. if the father, married to the mother were not lds.

With the Lord....all things are possible! Remember...He has made it possible for LDS women and men to marry in the millenium. For instance: A woman marries a non-LDS, but she is a faithful saint, she goes through the Temple and takes out her endowment....she lives a righteous life...as does her daughter and other children the couple has. Those children also grow up in the church and receive their endowment. The non-member husband never joins the church...they all pass away in time...then comes the Lord and those faithful endowed members will come forth in the morning of the first resurrection or the beginning of the millenium. During this time the woman can fall in love and marry a resurrected LDS male...then they can have her children (and maybe his if they are faithful members) sealed to them....thus an eternal family!

I have two step children who will be sealed to my wife and I when they receive their endowment...when children become adults they can choose whom they want to be sealed to....Mom and stepdad or dad and stepmom...the only requirement is that they are endowed...which could take sometime (after a mission or marriage in the Temple). Have no fears, the Lord will make it possible for your daughter to be sealed to her children, period!

[momof3]

I went through a similar experience when I was 17. I talked to the bishop and family services, saw the movie about adoption, and couldn't for the life of me feel good about adoption. I had a beautful baby boy, finished high school with High Honors, moved to Utah & went to BYU and met my husband. We were sealed as a family when my son was 2 and that was the best blessing I could ask for. He's now 9 and doing well, but I still cry when I see the adoption movies, because it hits so close to home.

But I know of many girls who should give their babies up for adoption, I've seen that side of it, too. It's great that the girls can sacrifice and do that for their babies. The families they go to really appreciate their sacrifice. So it's great that your daughter wants to do what's best for the baby. I'm sorry that the father is making things difficult, but you're right Heavenly Father will carry you through this. I wish you the best.

[mom42]

Thanks so much for the responses. My daughter has her mind set on keeping this baby now no matter what. We've all come to accept that and are actually getting excited for this baby. We're just praying she'll just always make the right decisions for her and this baby and that means not putting up with the father selfishness and irresponsible behavior. She's an amazing girl she deserves better.

Momof3 your outcome is just what i imagine for her and she can have just that if she just wont settle. I really feel strongly that she wont settle but I never know anymore what to believe.

I'm just trying to have faith!

Bro. Dorsey thanks for you words of encouragement. I have to remind myself everyday that through the savoir all things are possible.

[Outshined]

A family in our ward went through almost the exact same thing. The daughter was 18, and was going into the Navy as an officer. When she went for her final physical on her departure day, she was told she was pregnant, and discharged. Her family was crushed, as they had high hopes for her.

The father was a non-member, also from another race and culture, and still in high school. The Young Women's president gossiped and treated the girl like she was a terrible person, and almost made her stop attending Church. My wife and I just ignored her condition and treated her as we always had, and for a while we were the only family she would talk to at Church. I think that's important; not to rub it into the parents' faces that they made a mistake. I went out of my way to talk to the father and make him feel welcome.

Long story short; they got married, he graduated and has joined the church, and they now attend regularly, and even want to be sealed in the Temple. I think a big part of their success was members who did not judge them, but supported them and showed them love.

[vinny15]

A family in our ward went through almost the exact same thing. The daughter was 18, and was going into the Navy as an officer. When she went for her final physical on her departure day, she was told she was pregnant, and discharged. Her family was crushed, as they had high hopes for her.

The father was a non-member, also from another race and culture, and still in high school. The Young Women's president gossiped and treated the girl like she was a terrible person, and almost made her stop attending Church. My wife and I just ignored her condition and treated her as we always had, and for a while we were the only family she would talk to at Church. I think that's important; not to rub it into the parents' faces that they made a mistake. I went out of my way to talk to the father and make him feel welcome.

Long story short; they got married, he graduated and has joined the church, and they now attend regularly, and even want to be sealed in the Temple. I think a big part of their success was members who did not judge them, but supported them and showed them love.

Im glad there are members like you. Its sad that members who represent a great church can be so hurtful, but it just goes to prove that people shouldnt leave the church because of what members have said. We are not perfect, but the church is, wich goes to say that Jesus died for our sins and God is our God and that we have living prophets.

[JcDean78]

These things happen. It is sad but the reality that they do happen. Any ward that shuns the parents or the child should be ashamed.