Should I tell my parents, or no?

[JodyTJ]

I'm 19 years old, and live with my parents (like very 19 year old), and my parents are, to say the least, are not fans of the LDS Church. My parents often confuse Mormons with Jehovah's Witnesses, and are annoyed when a missionary or a Witness comes to the door. I obviously know the differences (they are huge), but never argued with them. When I first ordered a copy of the Book of Mormon, they didn't know. However, when the missionaries came, they were mad. My parents told me to tell the missionaries to never come back, and I did, grudgingly. Anyways, after close to a year of secretly learning more about the Church, I've finally taken the step to meet the missionaries..... secretly. I don't want them to find out, because they will put a stop to me being converted.

Should I just tell them, or should I tell them after the fact? Or should I not tell them at all, or sometime later in the future, when I'm out of the house?

[TalkativeIntrovert]

Do you know why they are not fans of the church? Is it due to beliefs or something else?

I can understand them getting mad about strangers knocking on the door - I am not happy about that myself, I even have a "Do not knock" sticker in my door. But that is not about what they are selling or promoting - it is about keeping my home a haven.

It is important to know why they would stop you from being baptised.

[Just_A_Guy]

Jody, the key to softening your parents towards Mormonism is going to be when they see how it makes you a better person. I would respectfully submit that starting your formal relationship with Mormonism via concealment and subterfuge--even if otherwise justifiable--would be counterproductive.

[JodyTJ]

Do you know why they are not fans of the church? Is it due to beliefs or something else?

I can understand them getting mad about strangers knocking on the door - I am not happy about that myself, I even have a "Do not knock" sticker in my door. But that is not about what they are selling or promoting - it is about keeping my home a haven.

It is important to know why they would stop you from being baptised.

I think the main reasons for them not liking the church is: 1) the door knocking, 2) they don't believe in the Book of Mormon, and think it's a joke and, 3) they say because I was born Catholic, I should stay Catholic.

Edited August 16, 2013 by JodyTJ

[Praetorian_Brow]

You're 19 and this would be a good opportunity for you state more of your independence and for them to realize that you are an adult. As stated before, sneaking around the subject only brings more drama.

[Lakumi]

Yeah lies have a way of tangling themselves together, its hard to keep it going forever. I haven't told my dad yet, really because it hasn't come up, he would be supportive 100% my mom already is.

Its me who is ultimately afraid, I would imagine it would be easier the other way around though (eg what you are going threw)

[JodyTJ]

You're 19 and this would be a good opportunity for you state more of your independence and for them to realize that you are an adult. As stated before, sneaking around the subject only brings more drama.

That's exactly how I feel, and since I am 19, I can make the decision to get baptized.

[Backroads]

I would prepare for the worst (but expect the best). It is not unheard of to get kicked out of the house.

[JodyTJ]

I would prepare for the worst (but expect the best). It is not unheard of to get kicked out of the house.

I don't think they'll kick me out of the house... they don't hate the LDS Church that much.

[MorningStar]

I agree that you should tell them instead of hiding it. If they would stop you from converting, then they don't see you as an adult. You are an adult and adults should be able to inform others of their decisions.

[JodyTJ]

I agree that you should tell them instead of hiding it. If they would stop you from converting, then they don't see you as an adult. You are an adult and adults should be able to inform others of their decisions.

You're 100% right. I think I will tell my mother, since she'd take the news lighter. My step father is the biggest obstacle... he's loud and doesn't let anyone's opinion be heard. He's also Dutch, so he's pretty stubborn.

I expect my mother to argue a little bit with me, but soon as I tell her I'm an adult, and it's my decision, I think she may open up to it. Maybe.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Sounds good, but you should still keep in mind that your interest in the church should not be just for the sake of some form of independence chip, as they will notice that. I hope you will attempt to convey that you feel that this is an important step for you, rather than an excuse to establish independence.

[LaughingMan]

I agree with Praetorian. Have a calm, educated discussion with your Mom. Assure her that its something you've thought deeply about, prayed about, and learned as much as you can. Try to not take it personally if things don't go well, and don't overreact, because in my experience much of the time people tend to blow things they're not expecting a little out of proportion only to be accepting of things later on.

[Dark_Jedi]

By all means tell your parents. That is part of keeping the commandment to honor your father and mother. Don't do it for any other reason than it is the right thing to do.

[JodyTJ]

Sounds good, but you should still keep in mind that your interest in the church should not be just for the sake of some form of independence chip, as they will notice that. I hope you will attempt to convey that you feel that this is an important step for you, rather than an excuse to establish independence.

I'm not doing it to stick it to them or use the church to gain independence, far from it. It's just my parents tend to overreact, and that's what I am nervous about.

[Backroads]

Just keep in mind that you are an adult. Since you doubt they would kick you out, you don't have much to worry about in extreme regards. But you also say they will pretty much chew you out about it. Remember to stand firm anyway, be respectful, but remembering that as an adult you don't owe them anything in your religious choices. I think that after they've blown off steam and recognized your right to make your own choice, things should start smoothing out.

[JodyTJ]

Just keep in mind that you are an adult. Since you doubt they would kick you out, you don't have much to worry about in extreme regards. But you also say they will pretty much chew you out about it. Remember to stand firm anyway, be respectful, but remembering that as an adult you don't owe them anything in your religious choices. I think that after they've blown off steam and recognized your right to make your own choice, things should start smoothing out.

You're probably right. I'm basically going to let it be known to them that I am 19, and it's ultimately my choice. They don't have to come to my baptism if they don't want to (it would be nice if they did), or join the church.

I think their biggest fear is that I will also try to convert them and become a "religious nut," or something like that. And none of that will happen. I'll make it clear to the missionaries and other members that my parents want nothing to do with the Church. Obviously if my parents have a change of heart, I will gladly help them join, but if they don't want to, that doesn't bug me.

I am aware that I am an adult, and I strongly believe I can make my own decisions (please don't get the idea I'm one of those young adults who's still stuck in a 15 year old mentality), but I do respect my parents. I just really love this church, and don't want anyone to stop me joining it.

[Lakumi]

You're probably right. I'm basically going to let it be known to them that I am 19, and it's ultimately my choice. They don't have to come to my baptism if they don't want to (it would be nice if they did), or join the church.

I think their biggest fear is that I will also try to convert them and become a "religious nut," or something like that. And none of that will happen. I'll make it clear to the missionaries and other members that my parents want nothing to do with the Church. Obviously if my parents have a change of heart, I will gladly help them join, but if they don't want to, that doesn't bug me.

I am aware that I am an adult, and I strongly believe I can make my own decisions (please don't get the idea I'm one of those young adults who's still stuck in a 15 year old mentality), but I do respect my parents. I just really love this church, and don't want anyone to stop me joining it.

my family would never join either but for different reasons (everyone in my family, including my parents, have an extremely different idea about faith and God, my parents encouraging us kids to find our own answers.

We never had like prayer or scripture readings, hearing people talk about that is so alien to me.

I mean before I had any interest in LDS (even right up until after the first church service) I would go to several different churches simply to see what it was like. I had no intention of ever taking up a religion (feeling I was incompatible with any of them)

I haven't gone to any others since going to the meetinghouse, just the meetinghouse.

[JodyTJ]

my family would never join either but for different reasons (everyone in my family, including my parents, have an extremely different idea about faith and God, my parents encouraging us kids to find our own answers.

We never had like prayer or scripture readings, hearing people talk about that is so alien to me.

I mean before I had any interest in LDS (even right up until after the first church service) I would go to several different churches simply to see what it was like. I had no intention of ever taking up a religion (feeling I was incompatible with any of them)

I haven't gone to any others since going to the meetinghouse, just the meetinghouse.

My parents are, I guess, agnostic? They do believe God exists, they just don't like the concept of going to church and living a Christian lifestyle.

Personally, I have studied with Jehovah's Witnesses, and talked to Pentecostals. So, like yourself, I've looked around. But I think the LDS Church is where I should be. I truly believe the Holy Ghost is guiding me towards this church.

[Lakumi]

My parents are, I guess, agnostic? They do believe God exists, they just don't like the concept of going to church and living a Christian lifestyle.

Personally, I have studied with Jehovah's Witnesses, and talked to Pentecostals. So, like yourself, I've looked around. But I think the LDS Church is where I should be. I truly believe the Holy Ghost is guiding me towards this church.

Oh I have looked into every major religion man has and many of their denominations, so much more then Christianity

[andypg]

This is a little like me. I have always been a devout Catholic (the most devout in my family). Though after some depression, I lost touch with it and the one thing that helped was the LDS Church. I told my dad that I was attending church and meeting with the missionaries. He wasn't thrilled but understood it was something I needed.

after like 2 meetings with the missionaries, he told me he didn't like me visiting with them. So I did so in secret and continued to go to church (that part he knew about). But I had to promise that I wouldn't convert.

fast forward a few weeks, I had a strong desire to be baptized. I knew it was what I had to do. I didn't plan on telling him because I had told him I wouldn't convert and he didn't seem too happy. Finally, I told my friend, who forced me to tell my dad or threatened to send a cryptic text to him saying to talk to me. So I told him. You should have seen his face. Pure shock. Though his girlfriend stood up for me and reminded him that this makes me happy.

now I find out that my dad is more comfortable with me going back to college because he's seen how happy I am and he knows it's because of the LDS Church. He's still surprised, but knows this has helped me and makes me a happier better person.

What I am trying to say is, they will see a change for the better. They will see the positive effects the Church has on you.

Saint Paul reminds us to always be ready to give an account of the source of your joy!

[SenSixB]

If it were me I would say take the lessons with the missionaries...possibly do it at another members house? Being that you are 19 you are aloud to do things on your own,(definitely don't lie about it though) but when you are done with the lessons and choose to convert, thats when I would tell them in a respectful way, if you haven't read the BOM then read it, if you have tell them how you feel about it all and that you feel this is the path you need to take, and that you hope they respect your decision.

[JodyTJ]

If it were me I would say take the lessons with the missionaries...possibly do it at another members house? Being that you are 19 you are aloud to do things on your own,(definitely don't lie about it though) but when you are done with the lessons and choose to convert, thats when I would tell them in a respectful way, if you haven't read the BOM then read it, if you have tell them how you feel about it all and that you feel this is the path you need to take, and that you hope they respect your decision.

My lessons are coming up pretty soon (two and half weeks, roughly), but I may take this route. I did plan on telling my mom tomorrow (her and I are going on a 1-on-1 two hour drive), but I may hold off until I finally make the decision to get baptized. I guess I'll have to wait and see. :)

[ElectofGod]

Pray to heavenly father and have him guide you in the best approach. The Lord may have it come out naturally in a conversation. Pray to have their hearts softened. Either way, the Lord will show you all things which you should do. What feels right? As you read the book of Mormon the Lord will show you what to do or it may come out in that drive before than.

Your family is important so I would avoid secrecy as others have said. Accept each other even if your beliefs differ is the ideal but not always plausible.