So, what happens if I don't marry?

[Chosenfrozen]

My wife and I were married in the temple , but have been separated for 5 years now. We've put off divorce for visa reasons, but plan on divorcing this year. I can see myself possibly falling in love again someday, but I was burned so badly that I don't know if I'll ever want to marry again. And I'm leaving this relationship basically with nothing but the clothes on my back, so even if I did want to remarry someday I doubt I'd be able to financially support a family.

So if I don't marry and am not sealed to anyone, I 'm assuming I can't enter the Celestial Kingdom. So is there really a point in my staying active in the Church? I know I can be a tool for Heavenly Father to bless the lives of others, but am I effectively cutting myself off from Him if I choose to stay single?

[classylady]

Elder L. Whitney Clayton said this in general conference: "There are those whose marriages are not as happy as they would wish, as well as those who have never married, are divorced, are single parents, or for various reasons are not in a position to marry. These circumstances can be full of challenge and heartbreak, but they need not be eternal. To those of you in such situations who nevertheless “cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power” to persevere, may heaven bless you richly. Seek after the ideal of forming an eternal marriage, including by striving or preparing to be a worthy spouse. Keep the commandments, and trust the Lord and His perfect love for you. One day every promised blessing concerning marriage will be yours."

Read that last sentence again. "One day every promised blessing concerning marriage will be yours."

Edited September 3, 2013 by classylady

[pam]

My wife and I were married in the temple , but have been separated for 5 years now. We've put off divorce for visa reasons, but plan on divorcing this year. I can see myself possibly falling in love again someday, but I was burned so badly that I don't know if I'll ever want to marry again. And I'm leaving this relationship basically with nothing but the clothes on my back, so even if I did want to remarry someday I doubt I'd be able to financially support a family.

So if I don't marry and am not sealed to anyone, I 'm assuming I can't enter the Celestial Kingdom. So is there really a point in my staying active in the Church? I know I can be a tool for Heavenly Father to bless the lives of others, but am I effectively cutting myself off from Him if I choose to stay single?

Not being sealed to someone doesn't exclude one from the celestial kingdom. It will just exclude them from receiving the highest glory within the celestial kingdom. Even then, I still believe that Heavenly Father is so loving and so fair that those that never had the opportunity will have that taken into consideration.

[Leah]

Not being sealed to someone doesn't exclude one from the celestial kingdom. It will just exclude them from receiving the highest glory within the celestial kingdom. Even then, I still believe that Heavenly Father is so loving and so fair that those that never had the opportunity will have that taken into consideration.

That's a key point....."never had the opportunity". That is far different thing than making a conscious choice to stay single because one is bitter about a failed marriage.

I had a very interesting and educational discussion just yesterday with my bishop on this very subject. I would suggest that anyone contemplating this course of action do the same with their bishop. Especially if they are a priesthood holder.

[Lakumi]

I'm not getting married, and I don't think going up to the Bishop and saying "hey, so like I'm a Misanthrope, so for those reasons I never want to get married...or have people come over to my home, ever..."

(though I do plan on talking about the home thing but for different reasons)

its an uncomfortable subject I don't often speak about, much like most of my mental instabilities... hard to explain that to a missionary but no matter.

Some people in this life just know that they won't have a successful marriage, well not enough...

I also know I wouldn't be a good father but that's another topic

[drham3rd]

chosenfrozen, I also thought the same after my failed marriage...but God had other plans and I'm very happy with my bride of 3 months! Just remember that you may feel that way now but never say never! God has a way of showing you His will and you just never know who and how that other person will come into your life!

[NightSG]

So is there really a point in my staying active in the Church?

Yes; you will do your penance by suffering through Single Adult activities until you can't take it anymore and marry whatever will bother to return your phone calls just so you don't have to go to another dance.

At least that seems to be the process.

[Lakumi]

Yes; you will do your penance by suffering through Single Adult activities until you can't take it anymore and marry whatever will bother to return your phone calls just so you don't have to go to another dance.

At least that seems to be the process.

ohhh a singles activities... good ones heh heh heh

oh no you're serious...

well no one can make me go to those

Edited September 3, 2013 by Lakumi

[Quin]

My understanding, which may be neither full nor correct, is that there's time.

As in a good millennia or so.

Q part 1

[Quin]

I divorced an abusive man.

Stats say that if I date within the first 5 years or so of being divorced the likelihood ill just marry abusive-jerk part deux. AKA, wait. Learn to have standards.

I'm not a patient person. The first year of separation & then the first year of divorce ALL I wanted were strong arms to hold me.

Yup. Confirmation of statistics.

My definition of "what I want" needs arms.

Wow.

Lets raise that bar a little, shall we?

In the intervening years, I've come to believe very firmly I would have made up that statistic... Because the further I get away from being in a sick marriage, the more I realize exactly how sick and twisted it was. Oh HECK no. No. Non. Nyet. Ie.

Equally sick was the desperation I felt at "missing out". Like by choosing to get into a good place in my own life I might "miss out" on the right guy.

Bwaaaahahahaha waaaaaah hahahahaha.

Nope. Know what I've learned?

The kind of guy who is attracted to the train wreck version of me is NOT the kind of guy I want to conquer the world with. Nope. Huh-uh. No way. I want the kind of guy attracted to the shazaam version of me. Or at the very least the competent version.

Which, at long last my point; you feel like you're a mess right now.

That's a good reason to hold off and square yourself away (my bias above), WITHOUT getting all bitter & doomsday about it.

Because if you find the person who can laugh through the start-up times, and revel through the glory days, and not fall to bits during the colonoscopy years... Awesome. But FAR more often, like is attracted to like. Once you're on your feet and sorted, you'll start meeting people who are also walking around without DRAMA tattooed on their foreheads.

So for all of me... It's okay to pour energy into yourself while you still can. Make yourself the best version of you can. Without thinking that this is the end of the line, so you'd better give up on ever finding and being love.

Q pt 2

[Chosenfrozen]

Thank you guys very, VERY much. You've given me some hope and a lot to think about. You even made me laugh, which I didn't expect. This place is really a blessing. I'm glad I found it.

[Sadsister]

Never, ever give up on the church and the Savior. Do all you can do, and He will not withhold blessings from you...whether they are in this life or the next. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage....no reason to start dating anytime soon. But, please do not pull away from the church or Heavenly Father.