Help

[anon20]

To explain the story, I began with a huge interest in sex, brought-on by my best friends in elementary school. It didn't take long being a tech wiz to find that naked girls were not just available, but common on the internet. Surprisingly to me, it didn't take long to find-out how to make my erection satisfying either. Like they say about cigarettes and alcohol, sometimes it only takes one, and from the point, going just a day without it is difficult. From age eleven to age today at age twenty, I've fought with this. I'd be lying if I said this is my first time trying to stop, but I suppose that's the point of an addiction.

I'm a Mormon and grew up as such, so my first great attempt to stop this came at about age fourteen. I talked with my bishop about it. I felt so ashamed, as he'd asked about this specific thing before and I'd lied to him about it. I stopped for about one week, but I guess I wasn't ashamed enough. When I failed the first time, I didn't have the guts to tell him again, so I just ignored the problem again.

I continued my personal attempts to stop it on my own, but my mind lost to my body time and time again. Several years later, I found myself preparing to serve as a missionary. Everything except my secret was in* order. I still didn't* get over my problem so, once again, I just ignored it. Soon I found myself in an environment with good people everywhere, no talk of the subject, and no internet. I was in the missionary training center. Soon, one week, two weeks, three weeks passed without a problem or relapse. One day was particularly hard, had a relapse about three and a half weeks in, but then another four, and entire month without even masturbating. I'd become a new person, I felt great, other than the fact that that I believed myself to still be a sinner for not confessing my sin... but I had more energy than ever and was as high as the clouds. Soon, I arrived in South America, where I was sent to serve as a missionary. I tried and tried and tried to avoid the thought of sex, but if any of you here know what South America is like, you'll know that you see pornography everyday without touching a computer. They call Las Vegas bad... I tell you its nothing.

Within a week of arriving here, I was back to my addiction, and back to my grumpy-old-self. Three months of fighting a losing battle with myself, I went to talk to my mission president. I thought I'd be going-home and entering an addiction clinic, and I thought that by telling him my problem I'd figuratively be opening Pandoras Box and telling everyone I know 'I can't serve a mission because I'm addicted to porn!' It took such an effort to tell him because of that, and I was counting on receiving real help. To my dismay I was told 'just get over it.' "Don't spend too long in the shower" and "count to forty" were the only suggestions I received... things I'd done before. When I tried to bring it up with him again, he just basically told me 'I don't want to hear about it, get back to work.' From personal experience, I can tell you its hard to have the drive to wake-up at 6:30 in the morning to walk door to door in the hot South American sun to talk to people about Jesus and how he solves problems, especially when I've got my own that's not getting fixed.

I reached the point where I gave-up, but now I'm back on track and want to quit. If I really want to go home, I have the choice to do so, but the humiliation will be... incredible. I think there are few who can truly understand this. Either way I'm willing to do the necessary, and I would like suggestions to help me get-out of this nine-year-old hole I've fallen-in. The biggest question on my mind if I should quit the mission to get this fixed.

[Vort]

Don't leave your mission, Elder. Keep on keeping on. I would send you to your mission president, but apparently he's not in a position to help you out. If you trust your parents and can share this with them, do so. Otherwise, just obey your mission president. Work hard, do the best you can. Go a day at a time. If you relapse, climb back on the horse.

God loves you. Honor him by serving him as best you can. You will not be condemned for your weaknesses if your efforts are honest.

Don't ever look at pornography. Ever. Under any circumstances. If there's a poster of a naked lady, look the other way. Never, ever search it out in magazines or on the internet. Avoid it like the vile poison it is.

I also suggest that you avoid this and all other internet sites that aren't "lds.org" or "myldsmail.net". You're on a mission. Keep your mind on your mission. Think in Spanish or Portuguese. Come back and talk to us after you've come home, at which time you can talk to your stake president and see if he can help you. I know the Church has a porn addiction 12-step program that meets at stake centers once a week.

Good luck, and God bless you. See you after your mission.

[Wingnut]

I know the Church has an addiction 12-step program that meets at stake centers once a week.

Fixed.

[Vort]

Fixed.

I didn't realize it was a general addictions program, but I guess that makes sense.

[Wingnut]

It's called the Addiction Recovery Program. It's non-specific, and from what I understand from people who have run it or attended it, participants are actually discouraged from sharing their specific addiction, and rather encouraged instead to focus on using the structure of the program to access healing through the Atonement. Depending on local needs, some stakes (mind included) may hold two types of meetings: one for pornography addiction, and one for all other types of addictions.

For those interested, you can find a meeting here: Addiction Recovery Program

Oh, and you need not be LDS/Mormon to participate.

[anon20]

I can honestly tell you I didn't think I'd ever find myself in this situation. I appreciate all the help I can get.

If there were ever a missionary that wes trunky, it'd be me, I'm on the internet for heaven's sake. I'm here though, because I need to talk about this so I can get my head straight. Sadly I can't even talk about this with my companion. I've prayed and fasted and studied to the point everything is sore and tired, and I don't know what more to do. I've received the answer in prayer, or what I thought was an answer in prayer, that I should go home, and that is one of the biggest influences that caused me to talk to my mission president, but I was told my answer came from 'other sources' than that of the spirit.

This is not the only reason for my going-home either. I have no drive to work as a missionary, being here stresses me to tears, and I'm pulling everyone else around me down, not to mention wasting my time in not helping anyone, especially myself. They say obedience is the key, and I busted my butt to be 100% for my first ten months, and after falling with a bad companion, I picked-up again for three months. Just recently I've had another relaxed companion with whom we didn't leave the house. I don't have the will-power to kick-start myself again, especially while I'm wasting away in a branch that has twenty members when the sun is shining and two, including the missionaries, when the sky is gray. My current companion is suffering greatly because I'm pulling him back. Wouldn't it be best just to get-out of the way?

[pam]

If you are currently on a mission, why are you posting on a website to discuss your problems. My understanding is that missionaries are only to use the internet to promote the gospel. Even their facebook pages can only be about that.

[anon20]

If you are currently on a mission, why are you posting on a website to discuss your problems. My understanding is that missionaries are only to use the internet to promote the gospel. Even their facebook pages can only be about that.

...hence the question.

[Guest]

You're on a message board asking a question because you're on a message board asking a question?

[pam]

...hence the question.

Talking about your problems on a forum is not promoting the gospel so therefore would be against the rules of the missionary program.

[pam]

Also with my job I work with a couple of reps from the church missionary program. There are currently only about 5 missions that are authorized to use the internet for gospel promoting at this point.

[estradling75]

Seems to me you are carrying a lot of guilt that you should not be.

You are worried about your worthiness to serve a mission. You confessed to your mission President he advised you, and told you to continue to serve. He holds the keys and and is called of God to judge worthiness. Don't second guess him on this matter.

You are feeling guilty, worthless and frustrated that the Lord hasn't made this all go away in answer to your prayers. But you need to understand that your sex drive is one of the most powerful most potent drives you have. And God gave it to you for a reason. He is not going to just make it go away just because you are struggling while learning to control it, no matter how much you ask. He will however help you pick yourself back up and move forward as you struggle to master this gift he has given you. And he will forgive you every time you have to pick yourself back up.

Satan however wants you to think that if your mastery of this great gift isn't instant and total then you are a worthless failure. Reject this idea every time it comes to you. Focus on your success in control not on your failures and your successes will grow.

Like everyone else you have sins and challenges to over come. Having sins has challenges does not make you unworthy... Unless you choose to let them.

[Wingnut]

My understanding is that missionaries are only to use the internet to promote the gospel. Even their facebook pages can only be about that.

Yep! My brother is a "facebook missionary" and isn't allowed to even "like" photos I post of my daughters, much less comment on them. He can keep me in his news feed and see all my stuff, but is instructed to keep personal communication to his once-weekly emails.

Also with my job I work with a couple of reps from the church missionary program. There are currently only about 5 missions that are authorized to use the internet for gospel promoting at this point.

I didn't know that. My brother is in the Mesa, AZ mission, and his email this week (or last?) said that they were going to be getting iPhones and iPads soon, to aid with online missionary work.

[Lakumi]

You're on a message board asking a question because you're on a message board asking a question?

[pam]

Yep! My brother is a "facebook missionary" and isn't allowed to even "like" photos I post of my daughters, much less comment on them. He can keep me in his news feed and see all my stuff, but is instructed to keep personal communication to his once-weekly emails.

I didn't know that. My brother is in the Mesa, AZ mission, and his email this week (or last?) said that they were going to be getting iPhones and iPads soon, to aid with online missionary work.

They all will be eventually. They are working mission by mission. Right now they've completely implemented it in 5 missions. With more very soon to go online.

I haven't heard about Iphones but I know IPADS are going out.

[pam]

Anyway....this thread is closed as missionaries should not be posting to lds.net.