New Employees

[Canuck Mormon]

My sister sent this to me yesterday.

Subject: How to properly place new employees

1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.

2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.

3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.

4. Then analyze the situation:

a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.

b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.

c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.

d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in

Planning.

e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.

f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.

g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information

Technology.

h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.

i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking

for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.

j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.

k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.

l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been

moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, make them Members of Parliament and/or Senators.

[Dr T]

That's good. Thank you for that CM

[CrimsonKairos]

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha, classic.

[Sarah]

That was amusing :)

[StrawberryFields]

[Shade]

i'm gonna highlight "L" & mail it to my CEO!!!

[Vanilla]

The very sad thing about this is how true it is!!!!

[Gwen]

i came accross this, thought it was funny. figured it fit here well enough.

WORKER JED

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed,

A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed,

But then one day he was talking to a recruiter,

Who said, "they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer..."

(Windows, that is... PC's... Workstations...)

Well, the first thing ya know ol' Jed's an Engineer.

The kinfolk said "Jed, move away from here."

They said "California is the place ya oughta be,"

So he bought some donuts and moved to Silicon Valley...

(Intel, that is... Pentium ... big amusement park...)

On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube.

Fed him more donuts and sat him at a tube.

They said "your project's late, but we know just what to do.

Instead of 40 hours, we'll work you 52!"

(OT, that is... unpaid... mandatory...)

The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad.

Schedules started slipping and some managers were mad.

They called another meeting and decided on a fix.

The answer was simple... "We'll work him sixty-six!"

(Tired, that is... stressed out... no social life...)

Months turned to years and his hair was turning grey.

Jed worked very hard while his life slipped away.

Waiting to retire when he turned 64,

Instead he got a call and escorted out the door.

(Laid off, that is... de-briefed... unemployed...)

Now the moral of the story is listen to what you're told,

Companies will use you and discard you when you're old.

So gather up your friends and start up your own firm,

Beat the competition, and watch the bosses squirm.

(Millionaires, that is... Bill Gates... Steve Jobs...)

Y'all come back now... ya hear'.

[Maureen]

ALmom, I enjoyed that so much, I turned my radio down, just so I could sing along. :)

M.

[Canuck Mormon]

ALmom - that was hilarious.

I work in that industry, and the sad part is that's quite true. Still very very funny