Tomboy worried about what other sisters will think

[Meerkatarmy]

HI!

I am strongly considering being baptized into the church, I feel I have found the church for me the scripture makes sense and I have experienced the guidance of the Holy Spirit. However, I have what may seem like a trivial problem. I am a tomboy I wear dudes clothes and to church I wear dress trousers and shirt and will be investing in a suit. I just do not feel comfortable in skirts and if I were to wear one t church I feel my focus would be on what I was wearing rather than concentrating on what is being said. My worry is that I when I go it to relief meetings the women are going to look at me like I have walked into the wrong room or think I am a freak. I have avoided the meetings for this reason but I can't forever and don't want to.

In my last church I was forced to wear girly clothes or made to stand outside and people grabbed their children away from me like I was the child snatcher or something!

I know people will probably be thinking just put n a skirt it isn't that hard. So the question is will the churches people accept me the way I feel God and the Church has?

[Quin]

Don't know about the UK... But here in the States, I wore pants/trousers to church for more than a year, (2?) when "Wear pants to Church Day" made me go; Say Wha? Oh. Am I not supposed to be wearing trousers to church?

It hadn't even occurred to me not to wear trousers.

When I converted the only dresses I owned were slinky, über sexy, spaghetti strap gowns for military balls & cocktail dresses. I wasn't going to wear them to church! So I dressed in business attire, which for me, was trousers & a dress shirt.

A few years down the road, I do actually wear skirts and dresses, as well as pants/trousers. Usually in the winter months, where I can be wearing knee high riding boots and under armor leggings (the kind people wear not only under clothes but just for exercise all by themselves) with a skirt. If I can't chase my boys out of a tree by climbing up after them, or run full tilt boogey down a street if there's a need, I don't feel comfortable. I'm a single mom & ex-military/first responder. If something needs sorting, I'm not going to be stuck because of my clothes.

In my ward, out of about 100 women, generally 3-5 are wearing pants/trousers on any given Sunday. Sometimes I'm one of them. Sometimes not. There's never been any kind of an issue.

Q

[Guest]

I sometimes wear pants to church. But I'm uber girly, so they're girly pants. If you just like to wear pants and not necessarily want to look like a man, there are a thousand and one girly ways to wear pants. It's not really the pants that make the regular ward look twice, it's what they thought was a man sitting in RS.

Just my opinion.

[Suzie]

HI!

I am strongly considering being baptized into the church, I feel I have found the church for me the scripture makes sense and I have experienced the guidance of the Holy Spirit. However, I have what may seem like a trivial problem. I am a tomboy I wear dudes clothes and to church I wear dress trousers and shirt and will be investing in a suit. I just do not feel comfortable in skirts and if I were to wear one t church I feel my focus would be on what I was wearing rather than concentrating on what is being said. My worry is that I when I go it to relief meetings the women are going to look at me like I have walked into the wrong room or think I am a freak. I have avoided the meetings for this reason but I can't forever and don't want to.

In my last church I was forced to wear girly clothes or made to stand outside and people grabbed their children away from me like I was the child snatcher or something!

I know people will probably be thinking just put n a skirt it isn't that hard. So the question is will the churches people accept me the way I feel God and the Church has?

Hi Meerkatarmy, is it that you are worried that people see you as a freak or that women in Church think you are a lesbian? A lot of people assume that if you happen to have short hair and dress in a more masculine way. There is little you can do about people's perceptions.

If I was you, I would wear whatever makes me comfortable as long as it is modest. :) Church is supposed to be a place where you look forward to go every Sunday and where you are comfortable.

[Meerkatarmy]

I have no desire to make my pants look girly, I don't mind looking like a dude in fact I like it.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I know it's hard not to worry about what other people think, I struggle with it myself. But I have a motto (that I remind myself of often).

"Only One opinion matters."

One opinion, Christ's. You could say Heavenly Father also, but since they are of one mind, I stick with One.

While I do think we should dress our best (whatever that may be for YOU) to show our reverence, I also think the Lord is more concerned with what is in our heart than whether you wear pants or a skirt.

If you were in my ward, I would seek out a friendship with you because you aren't afraid to be yourself. I admire that in people. :)

[Suzie]

I know it's hard not to worry about what other people think, I struggle with it myself. But I have a motto (that I remind myself of often).

"Only One opinion matters."

One opinion, Christ's. You could say Heavenly Father also, but since they are of one mind, I stick with One.

While I do think we should dress our best (whatever that may be for YOU) to show our reverence, I also think the Lord is more concerned with what is in our heart than whether you wear pants or a skirt.

If you were in my ward, I would seek out a friendship with you because you aren't afraid to be yourself. I admire that in people. :)

PERFECTLY said my friend. :)

[Meerkatarmy]

Thanks very much guys! I am gay and I know that may cause issues in the church but I belive God made me this way and I will not spend the life God gave me being made to feel bad or in self loathng

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

That would make me want to be your friend even more because I think being gay would be very difficult--not just in our church, but any church, and not just at church but in the world. There is still much misunderstanding and--let's just say it--cruelty toward gay people-- to be overcome.

All the more reason to remember "Only One opinion matters." The Lord knows you and loves you, try to remember that always. :)

[Suzie]

Thanks very much guys! I am gay and I know that may cause issues in the church but I belive God made me this way and I will not spend the life God gave me being made to feel bad or in self loathng

You are welcome to Church! Even though you will not be able to control how people sees you (and really, it isn't because you are gay, I think generally speaking people are like that). I wish I could tell you that if you join us, nobody would ever gossip about you or look at you differently and so on, unfortunately people are people everywhere including Church and depending on your location, well you know some people will have a more conservative approach.

I'm quite different in this aspect, not really conservative in this particular point, I don't care if you are straight or gay, how you come dress to Church or whatever else, as long as you are there with us.

[Wingnut]

An LDS chapel is the only place I know of where this

is considered dressier and more appropriate than this:

[estradling75]

The standard for how one dresses on Sunday is very clear. You are going to worship God and so out of respect for him it is your best. If your best is flip-flops, torn jean shorts and a ratty t-shirt then that is how you come.

However the church is a hospital for sinners not a show case for Saints. Everyone there is struggling with something, most of the time you will not see it. One of those sins a person can be struggling with could be 'criticizing others' And if that is what they struggle with then you might find yourself seeing their sin on full display as they share their issues with how you dressed. The only thing you can do then is note that one individual or small group are not in harmony with what the church teaches on the matter.

As for you being gay that is also something that many have strong opinions about. The church's policy on the matter can be found here Mormons and Gays

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

LOL, Wingnut, I love that. So true.

[Meerkatarmy]

I am more than aware what the church thinks of homosexuals. I believe God made me this way, did not choose to be this way. Therefore I choose to believe God has a plan for me rather than the hatred his people may or may not have of me. Only God can judge me.

[estradling75]

I am more than aware what the church thinks of homosexuals. I believe God made me this way, did not choose to be this way. Therefore I choose to believe God has a plan for me rather than the hatred his people may or may not have of me. Only God can judge me.

Excellent... Since you know and seem to be more worried about how members will respond to you dress.. I will assume that you are ok with the official position and just have to deal with the individual members and my initial advice holds

[Leah]

Thanks very much guys! I am gay and I know that may cause issues in the church but I belive God made me this way and I will not spend the life God gave me being made to feel bad or in self loathng

I am curious as to why you started off saying that the reason you want to wear pants to church is because you are a tomboy. They are not the same thing. You can be a tomboy without being gay and vice versa.

If you want to wear pants to church, then wear pants to church. I am not sure that your sexual orientation is relevant in that regard. Straight women wear pants. Gay women wear dresses and skirts. It's not all one or the other.

Now, if you are saying you dress in order to look like a man, we'll, anywhere you go, you are likely to elicit some sort of reaction in people (spoken or not), so church might not be any different.

[Suzie]

I am not sure that your sexual orientation is relevant in that regard.

I know the comment is not for me but it would help to clarify that the OP replied about her sexual orientation based on my question:

Is it that you are worried that people see you as a freak or that women in Church think you are a lesbian?

[Wingnut]

Maybe she's both gay and a tomboy, Leah...

[Meerkatarmy]

It wasn't me who bought up the sexuality thing, someone else did I just meant it is incidental I am gay I know gay women who wear long flowing dresses and straight women who live in baggy jeans; I know tomboy doesn't equal gay.

I don't dress to look like a dude it is just a side effect of wearing dude clothes!

[Leah]

I know the comment is not for me but it would help to clarify that the OP replied about her sexual orientation based on my question:

And again I am wondering why sexual orientation is relevant. Straight women wear pants, too, so why inquire about sexual orientation? Pants equals lesbian? Is that why you asked? What about those lesbians who prefer skirts?

Some women wear pants to church. You have supported that. The only way I am seeing where her sexual orientation might be relevant is if she is deliberately trying to appear male. I could see where that would be confusing in some situations, whether it be at church or elsewhere.

If pants are okay to wear to church, then pants are okay to wear to church. Orientation would be irrelevant.

[Meerkatarmy]

Woah chill dudes. I only really asked as I am a tomboy ie can get mistaken for a guy some times and how that would go down in relief meetings.

I don't think any one has claimed if you were trousers your a lesbian or if you wear a skirt you can't be gay.

[Leah]

Maybe she's both gay and a tomboy, Leah...

And your point is.....what?

I said gay and tomboy are not the same thing. Plenty of straight women are tomboys, plenty of lesbians are as girly as it gets. I was not the one who inquired about her sexual orientation, that subject was introduced by someone else. I don't see the need to inquire about a woman's sexual orientation simply because she said she wanted to wear pants to church and/or she stated she was a tomboy. I asked how that was relevant and didn't get an answer. No surprise there. Some people just need to be contentious with those who don't agree with every little word they utter, I guess.

Women don't get tossed out of church for wearing pants, no matter what their sexual orientation is. She needn't worry about that if she's a tomboy, a lesbian, a lesbian tomboy, a straight tomboy or whatever label you want to slap on her. She's a woman who wants to wear pants to church. True, it's not the norm, but no one is going to bar her from church because she has pants on.

[Leah]

Woah chill dudes. I only really asked as I am a tomboy ie can get mistaken for a guy some times and how that would go down in relief meetings.

I don't think any one has claimed if you were trousers your a lesbian or if you wear a skirt you can't be gay.

You asked about wearing pants to church. Another poster responded by asking if you are gay, seeming to make an assumption about your sexual orientation. Which was silly and irrelevant.

Not all tomboys are mistaken for guys, so the clarification that what you were talking about is the fact that you can look like you are a guy was a good thing.

I think - at worst, and just based on your self-description - that there is a slight possibility that someone might initially mistake you for a guy - again based on your description of being mistaken for a guy sometimes and not simply on the fact of wearing pants - as may happen anywhere. But the reaction beyond that should be one of welcoming and kindness.

[Bini]

Leah, READ.

Suzie didn't ask whether OP is gay. What she did ask is whether OP was concerned that Relief Society women might assume that she's a lesbian based on her tomboy appearance. Let's face it, RS isn't known for dress diversity, it's very much the norm and perhaps even expected for women to wear a dress or skirt.

[Suzie]

Another poster responded by asking if you are gay, seeming to make an assumption about your sexual orientation. Which was silly and irrelevant.

Please quote me where I asked the OP if she is gay and if you cannot find such quote, I would please ask you to recognize your own misreading and retract the statement publicly.

Next time, please take the time to read before you go around throwing those sort of statements with no basis. Thanks.