pam Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett. Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Love it Pammy. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Quote
pam Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright. Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat? (lame but it was brought up by your last toast post) Quote
pam Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Why is it said that an "alarm clock is going off" when it is really coming on? Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground? Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts! Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Beautiful Pammy. I LOVE those! Thank you for them Quote
pam Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves? What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card? Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT" If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them? Quote
prisonchaplain Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 I may have shared this before, but why do people tell me to watch out AFTER I hit my head? Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Those are all great too! I grew up asking those types of questions. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Quote
pam Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils? Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? If "Fantasy Island" really granted wishes, why wasn't Tattoo 6'6" ? Can bald people get a hair line fracture? Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of? Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Those are wonderful! I really like those a lot. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Quote
pam Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why do they report power outages on TV? Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Keep rolling them out Pammy. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'? Quote
Guest Yediyd Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Isn't it a bit unnerving that your docter calls what he does with you...his "practise"? Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a "wet paint" sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Quote
Guest Yediyd Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 How do angels fly? They take themselves lightly. Quote
Vanilla Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Okay Dr. T, Pammy, and Yediyd...you three are cracking me up!!!! Thanks for the morning dose of humor! Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Quote
Canuck Mormon Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 This isn't a new quote but it's quite funny. It's from Stargate SG-1 the TV show. The alien, Tilq says to an idiot army general "In my culture, I'd be well within my rights to kill you" The funniest part is that he says it with a straight face. I know, my humour is warped!! Quote
Dr T Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? Quote
Guest Yediyd Posted July 16, 2007 Report Posted July 16, 2007 <a href="http://www.wisdomquotes.com/002977.html" target="_blank">"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world."Joel Barker "Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly."Stephen Covey "You can motivate by fear. And you can motivate by reward. But both of theses methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self-motivation."Homer Rice "Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life."Dr. David M. Burns "What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal."Albert Pike "Give what you have to somebody, it may be better than you think."Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quote
Dr T Posted July 16, 2007 Report Posted July 16, 2007 At sporting events why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? Quote
Iggy Posted July 16, 2007 Report Posted July 16, 2007 Worrying about something that may never happen is like paying interest on money you may never borrow. -Unknown Quote
Dr T Posted July 16, 2007 Report Posted July 16, 2007 Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? Quote
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