Devastated

[valdree]

My non member husband of almost 10 years has just left me and my 5 year old son and I am totally destroyed. He was having internet sex with lots of women online but also told me eventually that he has had sex with more than one woman in real life. I love him so much, my world has been blown. apart. How do I cope with this?

[notquiteperfect]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this.  You deserve soooo much better.

 

As far as coping:

- for starters, change your phrasing.  You're not "destroyed".  Incredibly hurt, yes but destroyed, no.  A person who's destroyed can't get through this but you can and you must (for yourself and your son)

- be glad that it's now and not later (after more kids, more years, more cheating, etc.)

- find a good lawyer!

- take one day at a time

- create a support network for you and your child

- stay positive as much as you can (thoughts and words) - negativity will only keep/bring you down

- let this challenge serve it's purpose to bring you closer to Christ

 

prayers and {hugs}

[Windseeker]

Hi Valdree, 

 

I'm a dude..but have experienced the same thing and was left with 4 kids. I feel for you and know what your going thru. They say that coping with a divorce is harder then dealing with a death and I believe it.

 

You need to put your faith in Heavenly Father and know that things will get better. This experience is so hard, but can make you so much stronger and closer to your Heavenly Father. 

 

One thing I discovered was running and yoga...believe it or not. But running and yoga really helped my deal with the physical symptoms of the stress I was going thru. It was actually the first thing my psychiatrist recommended and I thought he was an idiot at the time. But after a week of running the aches and pains I was feeling in my body were gone and I could drop the SSRI drugs he was giving me completely. 

 

..anyway strange advice perhaps. 

 

I have a feeling one day we will look back and be grateful for our challenges and we'll witness the hand of the Lord in helping us weather the storms.

 

learn also to be grateful. Despite our challenges we can look around and find things to be grateful for. It didn't take long to look around and see people that had it much tougher then I did. In my same ward a women with 12 kids had her husband run off to China and marry someone over there leaving them destitute and they were British living in the States so they were basically made illegal as his job was what allowed them their residence here. 

 

anyway take it a day at a time, be grateful and seek support from the Lord.

 

much love from a brother

[PolarVortex]

My father abandoned my mother and me when I was five years old.  My mom put all her focus on my happiness and well-being and leaned on her own mother, sisters, and friends to help her through.  It was hard, but she got back on her feet and survived.  My father later felt terrible for what he had done, and I think he might have come back to us, but he died, sadly.

 

I don't mean to sound trite, but prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  Reality has a way of unfolding somewhere between those extremes.  Leave the door open to reconciliation with your husband and spend extra time making your son feel loved and safe, but start thinking about whether you're better off with or without your husband.  Get some professional advice on your legal and financial options.

 

I'm sure this feels like your world has been blown apart, as you say.  Your son will be better if you focus your energy on being a strong adult in this very tough situation, or at least to the extent that you can.  But do surround yourself with loving friends and family and talk, talk, talk to them. 

 

Best wishes.  What happened to you sounds very terrible, but there's a path forward from almost all tough situations.  I hope you find the right path and the strength to follow it.

[Drpepper]

I might sound naive but is internet sex simply pornography or something else?

[NeuroTypical]

Wow Valdree that's horrible.  I'm so sorry.

 

You have to get a lawyer.  Now.  You have to protect your 5 year old.  Do it, even though you're in turmoil.

[Silhouette]

I might sound naive but is internet sex simply pornography or something else?

It is something else. It can involve real time communication of a sexual nature with another person, via a chatroom or some similar means. It often involves cameras on one or both sides.

Edited September 28, 2014 by Silhouette

[valdree]

Thank you for the replies. Right now I just wish there was a button to press that would make it all go away. I cant even hate him, I love him. This weekend havin him visit our son was torture. :-(

[Roseslipper]

my hugs and prayers go out to you dear sister.