Home Teachers never visit

[saxon68]

Hello Newbie here.

I wanted some ideas, suggestions.

I am a single male, no children, mid-40's. In no way am I perfect, 

I have lived alone for about 14 years. Even spent some months not going to church.

When I think back to when (about 9 years ago) I was not going to church, I was suffering anexity and depression. I had a parent facing a cancer operation. I would go to church and people wanted to know how Dad was, but never how are you.

Two years ago he was diagnosed with a separate lung condition, sadly it is a terminal condition and 3 to 5 years is the common life expectancy. Again, I hear how is your Dad, never how are you.

 

Over the 14 years I have lived alone I would think on average I have 1 Home Teaching visit a year.

 

Even when I was not going to Church my then HT Companion was dragging me out Home Teaching and his faithfulness,  love did more than Home Teachers, because I never saw the Home Teachers.

 

I am praying for answers to things at the moment, I pray that HF will send Home Teachers so I can talk to them. But I know they have free agency, Right now I struggle to know if The Lord does not love me or if the members of ward do not love me.

 

Right now, the thing that keeps me going to church is a calling as a Primary Teacher and that my current HT companion and I will attempt to arrange visits with our families before/after Sacrament. Right now though I know the Sacrament is important, I find hearing some speakers in the meeting, difficult as I really am fed up with the ward in general and that aside from my HT companion I have no contact with the members during the week.

 

Sorry if this a bit if a rant, just feel lonely and feel that despite my prayers the loneliness increases as I worry about my parents health issues. But no one in the ward, seems to care about me as the individual.

[Silhouette]

Regarding home teachers, you should make it known to your Priesthood leader(s) that your assigned home teachers are not coming, and that you wish to be given new ones.

Regarding your feeling that your ward doesn't care about you, you should set up a meeting and talk with your Bishop about this.

You come across as a very quiet, humble individual, which is good, but perhaps you ought to try to be a little more proactive in finding solutions to the issues you've raised. The people in your ward probably do not even know that you are feeling this way. Tell them. Start with your Bishop and your Priesthood leaders.

People who are hurting us often don't realize that they are doing so. They can't fix it if they don't know anything is wrong.

[PolarVortex]

Silhouette is exactly right, in my opinion.  Couldn't have said it better myself.  The people in our wards are not mindreaders, and yet it's amazing how often I behaved as if they were.

 

If nobody asks how you specifically are doing, don't wring your hands and give up.  Make an effort to ask how the other person is doing and make it clear that you are happy to talk about yourself.  I used to be very shy and modest about talking about myself (I have a lot to be modest about) and it accidentally sent signals to people that I didn't want to talk about myself at all.  They were polite and backed off, which is not what I wanted.

 

People will be very interested in you if you are interested in them, and if you are upbeat and positive they will be even more interested.  My old Baptist pastor in Texas was exactly right: Give away what you want for yourself.  It sounds weird, but it works often.

 

Best wishes...

Edited November 20, 2014 by PolarVortex

[Guest MormonGator]

I've tried to set up meetings with people on my list, but despite my sparkling personality, they don't seem to want to me meet anytime, anyplace and anywhere. :-(

 

I really like home teaching too...

[Traveler]

There are ways to get home teachers in homes.  But there seems to be difficulties from time to time getting home teachers in homes.  Sometimes it is because homes are unwilling to schedule home teachers and sometimes home teachers have problems getting themselves to homes.  My favorite story about home teaching involves my brother.

 

My brother was talking to his brother-in-law on his wife side of the family.  The brother-in-law told a story of trying to contact someone on his home teaching list - that would not answer the phone.  So he and his companion went over to the home and knocked on the door.  The inactive member that was only a deacon (now rather old) answered the door and screamed at the home teachers that he wanted to be left alone by the church - then ran and got a shot gun and waved it at the home teachers threatening them if they ever showed up again.  My brother listened to the story and recognized the unique name of the inactive members as a possible cozen.  Wondering if this was our wayward cozen he called him on the phone to see if the story was about him.  Long story short - it was our cozen and he now has regular visits from home teachers - is still inactive but likes his home teachers.

 

If your home teachers are not visiting you - call them and go visit them at their homes.  I promise they would prefer to come to your home next month -- so if you keep visiting them, they will eventually do their home teaching at your place.

[Silhouette]

Silhouette is exactly right, in my opinion. Couldn't have said it better myself. The people in our wards are not mindreaders, and yet it's amazing how often I behaved as if they were.

If nobody asks how you specifically are doing, don't wring your hands and give up. Make an effort to ask how the other person is doing and make it clear that you are happy to talk about yourself. I used to be very shy and modest about talking about myself (I have a lot to be modest about) and it accidentally sent signals to people that I didn't want to talk about myself at all. They were polite and backed off, which is not what I wanted.

People will be very interested in you if you are interested in them, and if you are upbeat and positive they will be even more interested. My old Baptist pastor in Texas was exactly right: Give away what you want for yourself. It sounds weird, but it works often.

Best wishes...

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

When people ask about your father, I think it IS their way of asking about you.  :)  Sometimes you have to "read between the lines".  

 

"How's your dad?"  could mean "sorry you and your father are facing this, I wish there were something more I could do..."

[Louloudi]

I've felt the same way for a while.  Since Ijoined the chutch, there have only been the bishop, the missionaries and maybe 3 members who talk to me.  The others may say hello, but that's it.

 

Until i said how I feel to them, I don't think they knew.

 

It can be hard - especially if you're not feeling great yourself. 

I have really bad anxiety and the thought of going to church can often be frightening, although the idea of haivng to try and talk to people I don't really know is terrifying.

 

My home/ visiting teachers have never come to see me.  They sent a facebook message intoriduing who they are and what they would be doing - then have never heard from them again and this was in July.  They hardly speak to me at church either.

 

it's not easy - but then again, members aren't perfeft are they.

 

Definitely speak up tot he bishop about it - as I have learnt, the help is there, you just ahve to ask for it and allow people to help.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Louloudi

[tubaloth]

Not really much else to add.   

 

I think most of your feelings you should talk to the bishop.  Lucky its Tithing settlement time.  (maybe you should take two slots).    But I think you need to explain to the bishop what the root of your feelings are.   Its not that you aren't getting home teachers.    

I'm also sure there is probably some ward christmas party.  Maybe you can ask around and see if you can help with that some.   

I guess what I'm saying is the way you feel apart of the ward is by serving the ward.   I'm pretty sure you would do anything for any kids in your primary.   Now we just need to get that same feeling for the rest of the ward.   Its not going to be easy, and it might not show fruit for a good while.   

 

My current HT companion would never go out if I didn't drag him out.   I have had good and bad Home Teachers over the years.   For a while I got so use to not having them I kind of liked it (more nap time).  But after having good ones for so long I do kinda miss them.   

 

You can't do anything about that,  all you can do is be the best HT to your families and bring the spirit into their home. 

[Traveler]

Just for the record - I am convinced that the reason that G-d instituted the home teaching program (and many other callings) among the saints and the reason he calls us priesthood holders as home teachers is simply, with out the program and the call - we would not visit one another or do things that ought to be done.   The purpose and reason for home teaching (or any calling) is to get us to do stuff we would not otherwise do.

[sxfritz]

I agree with Silhouette in asking for new teachers. There are people who love home teaching and visit every month. There a a few pairs in every ward. Then there are the rest of us and there are some that will never go. I personally have a phobia that makes the contact difficult - not impossible, just difficult. So, please don't judge those who are not regular. Regular HT are actually fairly rare.

 

One point of the HT is to bring your concerns back to your leaders or bishop. If they aren't doing it, you should.

[Silhouette]

I agree with Silhouette in asking for new teachers. There are people who love home teaching and visit every month. There a a few pairs in every ward. Then there are the rest of us and there are some that will never go. I personally have a phobia that makes the contact difficult - not impossible, just difficult. So, please don't judge those who are not regular. Regular HT are actually fairly rare.

One point of the HT is to bring your concerns back to your leaders or bishop. If they aren't doing it, you should.

[lds-convert-sw]

I understand about the home teachers not coming. My wife and I, our home teachers would never come. I was angry, until I relized why, one of my home teachers has a disabed son who needs a lot of assistance, and when he's not at home, he's working to support his family. I'm not saying this is the case for you, but sometimes things aren't as they seem.

[Roseslipper]

I love you, not because I know u because I don't. Sounds weird but I don't care. I love u because you are . my brother In Christ. We should all care for one another. I think most of us do.I understand your feelings. True non of us r perfect. We all r busy with this or that. We need to let go of our hurt which is not an easy thing to do. I also agree that u should talk with Your bishop pour your heart out to him, help him to do his calling. Remember he's not perfect either. We are all learning and on our journey, which is not easy. Home teaching, by should work I think it's one of the most important calling s. What are the two most important commandments? Do what you need to get where u want. Heavenly Father love s u and care s about u soo very much. His plan is awesome there's no holes in it, only in each of us His children. Through our calling s we learn, we grow

[Roseslipper]

And @ times we r stretched beyond what we think we could do. to become like the father we do need to be stretched some time s it is or can be hard. Donotput all trust in man, let s learn to trust in the Lord

Edited November 23, 2014 by Roseslipper

[Macattack]

I would call my home teaches and ask to schedule a visit if I were in your shoes.

It sounds lke you. are having a difficult time. Sometimes our first reaction when the church is not providing what we need is to back away from The church.This is not the best reaction. The best reaction is to "Lean into the church", so you have the oppertunity to feel the spirit in greater abundance. I truley hope things work out for you. God bless.

Edited November 24, 2014 by Macattack