richard7900 Posted September 29, 2015 Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 (edited) I'm a failure in my work-life not because I'm not intelligent, not because I have no ambition, not because I don't work hard - but because I find it hard to make a decision. I have decision paralysis and a bad case of it. Has anyone had this and overcome it? Edited September 29, 2015 by richard7900 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard7900 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 (edited) Let me tell you where I'm at: I am basically an engineering type. For years I tried to convince myself to do something else in life, but got nowhere, then I (belately) came to the conclusion that I should have followed engineering, which was with me from a very young age. Depression took away my feeling for the subject (and pretty much any other subject) and that made me err into thinking engineering was not for me. I also belatedly realised that the proper context for my engineering was self-employment. Okay, so I feel I am on solid ground now - I am en engineering type and self-employment is the proper context. But, I'm having a great deal of trouble making a decision about what business idea or product idea to select. I worry that I am unable to make a decicion at this level. Even when I have the neccessary data. Edited September 29, 2015 by richard7900 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 29, 2015 Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 Like everything else to an engineer, decision-making is simply acting on the next step. So, the first thing to do is to lay out the plan that identifies the steps to the goal. Then once you have that plan, then you just need to act on the first step. After that is accomplished, you act on the next step. One at a time until you make it to your goal. By this method, an engineer can move a mountain. You may experience that after taking the 60th step, you realize you're headed down the wrong path. It's okay. At this moment, you simply have to redesign the plan from that point forward. Then you'll have another step to act on. You might think, what a waste of time and effort expended on those 60 steps! This is the wrong thinking. The 60 steps were very useful in teaching you where the right path is. Without those 60 steps, you wouldn't have known that there was a right path. When you find yourself getting paralyzed by decision-making, apply tunnel-vision like a horse with blinders. Reduce your vision to that one step infront of you. Then you only have to choose one thing to do and it is easier to go ahead and act on that step. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pkstpaul Posted September 29, 2015 Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 The book "The Magic of Thinking Big", helped me. There is a chapter describing how "action cures fear." It has been a motto in my life now since I was 18 years old. You may not realize what you are facing is fear. Indecision is inaction. Take movement forward and the fear will go away. Afraid to make a phone call, stand up and reach for the phone. You'll feel the fear evaporate. Same with writing or drawing a plan. Take the first step. hagoth, carlimac and Windseeker 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishcolleen Posted September 29, 2015 Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 Why not give yourself a deadline to make certain decisions? But, word the decision so that inaction will be a decision by default. For example: 1. You need to decide between making "product a" and "product b". 2. Give yourself one month to decide between the two products. 3. If you haven't made a decision by the end of the month you will go with "product a". Having a default action might help. If "product a" is not the right decision you will choose "product b" before the deadline. If you don't decide, a default action is already in place. You might have someone else tell you what the default will be and follow up to make sure you are taking some sort of action. The other thing, have you considered hiring an executive coach or life-planning coach? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard7900 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2015 Lets imagine that there are five "batteries" in series connected to a lamp. When the lamp is lit that means success. The five batteries are intelligence, effort, support-network, knowledge and spirit. If any one of those batteries is missing the lamp fails to light. I need more of the spirit battery, i.e Holy Ghost. And I currently have no support network. I'm okay with intelligence, and effort. Have some knowledge, but could be better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard7900 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) I need a support network, but there is one problem - I've managed to convince myself that no-one knows anything. Because I've never come across anyone who seems to know what they are talking about. Sad. I've got to be wrong though? Right? I'm wanting someone to prove me wrong, that there are some people who know what they are talking about. The first thing to do is correctly identify my problem. Edited September 30, 2015 by richard7900 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 30, 2015 Report Share Posted September 30, 2015 I need a support network, but there is one problem - I've managed to convince myself that no-one knows anything. Because I've never come across anyone who seems to know what they are talking about. Sad. I've got to be wrong though? Right? I'm wanting someone to prove me wrong, that there are some people who know what they are talking about. The first thing to do is correctly identify my problem. So this is how I would approach this. You know you need Spirit and Support to get the light turned on. So, I will, for now, set that lamp aside and design a plan to solve the Spirit. So the problem scope becomes much simpler. So, write down the ACTION steps to get Spirit. Pick the first one and do it. When you've successfully accomplished that, then you can apply the same process for Support. Make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pkstpaul Posted September 30, 2015 Report Share Posted September 30, 2015 I need a support network, but there is one problem - I've managed to convince myself that no-one knows anything. Because I've never come across anyone who seems to know what they are talking about. Sad. I've got to be wrong though? Right? I'm wanting someone to prove me wrong, that there are some people who know what they are talking about. The first thing to do is correctly identify my problem.You can ask me. I'm smarter than anyone I know. carlimac 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hagoth Posted October 1, 2015 Report Share Posted October 1, 2015 When I have difficulty making a tough decision, I'll write out a pro/con list, I'll consider it, make a decision about it, and pray about it. If it's a more complex decision than usual, I'll put he pro/con factors on a spreadsheet, assign a value from 1 to 10 to each one of the factors for importance level of that factor in my life (1 being unimportant to me and 10 being extremely important) in the second column, in a third column I'll put a score of 1 to 10 for how bad or good that factor is for me (1 being bad and 10 being really good). Then I multiply the two columns, and put the result in a fourth column.Then I add up the scores in the fourth column to get a raw overall score to see an indication of how important that possible decision is to me. Then I repeat all that for any other option that competes with the first option. That gives me an objective idea of how each option weighs against one another in importance. Then I choose one of the options, usually based on its weighted score. And take it to prayer for confirmation. That said, it's extremely rare when I have a decision so complex that I have to take it to a spreadsheet.to help think it through. Hoping some of that is helpful. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted October 1, 2015 Report Share Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm going to be blunt. Eventually, like all fears, it boils down to two choices. You either let it control you and submit to it, or you conquer it. IE-I'm terrified of water (not really, I was born to swim. This is just an example). Because I'm terrified of water, I've missed out going to the beach with my friends, going to water parks, going out on boats, even fishing. Think of all the fun you are going to miss if you let this fear conquer you! Same with dogs. I'm afraid of dogs (again, not me, I own several). Because I'm afraid of dogs, I don't go to my friends homes who own them. I stay inside and don't do anything. Yes, those are extreme examples, but see what I mean? Remember something though-in the long run, unless you are running a huge corporation/military/government with thousands of people under you, your choices aren't that epic. You probably won't even remember it in three weeks. Edited October 1, 2015 by MormonGator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard7900 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I think the answer to my problem isn't so much a process, but an acceptance problem. And what I need is conditioning, or a different mindset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlimac Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I've had this in the most public and embarrassing of circumstances in the past. I still deal with it to a certain degree. It's associated with two things for me. Perfectionism and depression. My whole family (my siblings) suffer with this. I don't know if it was how we were raised, a combination of our genes working against us or what, but I ended up getting treatment for depression which has helped some. One thing that doesn't help is over analyzing it. The best thing to do is to just do something, anything. Get up and move, Accomplish something. Even if it's a small task that doesn't have anything to do with a career choice, I find that a little success breeds bigger success. Best of luck. I feel your pain! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 19, 2015 Report Share Posted October 19, 2015 Are you afraid of failure? If you make a mistake do you own it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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