Can men and women who are not married to each other be friends?

[beefche]

All my close friends that I hung out with before I got married were mostly male.  All my close high school friends are male (they're from my sports team).  All my close college friends are male (engineers).  My work friends are mostly male (engineers)...

 

I'm screwed.

 

 

Why? I'm not saying that your relationships with your male friends are inappropriate. Again, you and your husband set the boundaries and rules for your marriage. If you both are fine with relationships with someone of the opposite sex, then fine.

 

But, you can't expect me or others to have the same rules for our marriage/relationships.

[Guest]

Why? I'm not saying that your relationships with your male friends are inappropriate. Again, you and your husband set the boundaries and rules for your marriage. If you both are fine with relationships with someone of the opposite sex, then fine.

 

But, you can't expect me or others to have the same rules for our marriage/relationships.

 

 

I'm simply saying... if I or my husband had to apply that same set of boundaries, I'm screwed.  I'm not saying anything about yours.

 

Although, I still posit that there's an entire country out East who pride themselves with long-lasting friendships that makes their seatmates from kindergarten indistinguishable from their brothers.  This wouldn't be possible in this kind of rules.

Edited December 23, 2015 by anatess

[beefche]

 

 

Although, I still posit that there's an entire country out East who pride themselves with long-lasting friendships that makes their seatmates from kindergarten indistinguishable from their brothers.  This wouldn't be possible in this kind of rules.

 

 

Perhaps, but we don't live in that culture. Our culture is highly sexualized (IMO). And we can see from popular movies/TV/music that being with a married person is ok as long as you are "in love." 

 

I've been in a situation where a married man mistook my genuine friendship (in which we were alone on 1 occasion, but all others were with he and his wife) as something more. It taught me a very strong lesson. I will never have a close friendship with a married man (if I were single) and never with a man (since I'm married). 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I keep thinking about this thread and the idea that men and women can't be friends because our culture and men in particular are highly sexualized, so does that mean that a man and a woman can be friends if at least one of them is unattractive, let's say seriously overweight? Does that solve the problem?

[Guest MormonGator]

I keep thinking about this thread and the idea that men and women can't be friends because our culture and men in particular are highly sexualized, so does that mean that a man and a woman can be friends if at least one of them is unattractive, let's say seriously overweight? Does that solve the problem?

 This is her polite way of calling me unattractive.   

But again, Lit makes a great point. We live in a hyper sexualized society.  

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

This is her polite way of calling me unattractive.

But again, Lit makes a great point. We live in a hyper sexualized society.

LOL, oops, no that's not what I meant. I was thinking of myself. I've been cast in the friend role by a couple guys that I would have liked to be more-- back in my single days. :)

[Guest MormonGator]

LOL, oops, no that's not what I meant. 

 Totally kidding.  :)

[heinzlet]

Does the evolved, more spiritually enlightened man have the ability to overlook anything physical and have a very close emotional relationship with a very physically appealing, emotionally satisfying, spiritually enlightened female?  Yes, he does.  But that is not the average man or woman.

 

THIS. I consider myself a more spiritually enlightened man, not to boast or anything, but throughout the years I've got to the point in which I'm able to see with spiritual eyes, it's a matter of keeping His name in remembrance, being aware that each of us is a spiritually begotten child of God. When we choose to follow His example and when each of our words carry His love we'll never be led astray. So why not share of His light with everyone? I'd already be dead in college without this, but I am not, I'm constantly talking to everyone, befriending everyone, spreading His love. And yes, I do have close female friends, but guess what, they well know my principles and love for my Savior, and as sister Bednar said, His Light can really shine through our countenances, touching the hearts of men, thus strengthening our relationships even more.

[Guest]

I keep thinking about this thread and the idea that men and women can't be friends because our culture and men in particular are highly sexualized, so does that mean that a man and a woman can be friends if at least one of them is unattractive, let's say seriously overweight? Does that solve the problem?

 

Well, I more or less said this already.  I guess it got overlooked because no one commented on it.  But I may have only been partially correct or partially in error depending on how you look at it.  It isn't just about the attractiveness.  It is the possibility/probability of romantic involvement.  But attractiveness is a large part of the possibility rising.  And who knows what one person considers attractive as opposed to the next?  There were actually several so called supermodels that I thought were unattractive.

 

But it can happen even if you're not thinking about attractiveness.  Look back at the example I gave of my old flame.  She was still attractive.  But I'd lost all feelings for her.  I was trying to be a "friend" like Anatess is talking about.  I even loved her as a sister and a child of God.  I obviously believed it was possible.  But the very moment I recognized the probability was significant, I cried out in my mind "MAYDAY!!"  At that point, no, it was not going to be possible.

 

It is erroneous to say this is only about men.  The tendency to be stimulated by look alone is more commonly associated with men (heck, look at Jacob at Rachel's well).  But it happens on both sides.  Romeo and Juliet.  I know, fictitious.  But you know it happens.  My sister had a poster of several heart throbs on her bedroom door as we grew up.

 

Whether it is physical attractiveness or other desirable qualities it is the potential for romance that is the enemy of friendship.  Some have a firm control on it.  Others less so.  Each needs to set their own rules to keep a lid on it.  Some are more restrictive than others.

[The Folk Prophet]

Whether it is physical attractiveness or other desirable qualities it is the potential for romance that is the enemy of friendship.

 

Does this mean I'm not friends with my wife?

[Guest]

  I hope you were joking.  But to be clear to anyone else...  The context of the statement was about people we are NOT married to.

[The Folk Prophet]

  I hope you were joking.  But to be clear to anyone else...  The context of the statement was about people we are NOT married to.

 

I still think it inaccurate. The enemy of friendship? So one cannot be friends with someone they're dating? I hope that's wrong. I would hope that friendship is very much on the table for someone one is romancing.

[Guest]

Ok.  Again, more context.  The OP and thus my responses were about a married man and a married woman who are not married to each other.  In such a situation if romantic interest becomes a "significant" possibility...

[The Folk Prophet]

The context would be inclusion of a word like "just" or "only". Can women and men who have romantic interest in each other at any level be friends? Yes. Of course. Friendship and romance are not mutually exclusive. But can men and women who have romantic interest in each other at any level "just" be friends. Different question. Either way, potential romance is not the enemy of friendship.

[Guest]

This last post could be taken several different ways, so I'm not sure which way you intended.  I'll try again with a different method.

 

1) My lack of context in my previous posts was because I thought it was reasonable to assume that the conversation in this thread was about two married individuals, one male, one female (assumed heterosexual) not married to each other having a platonic but still meaningful friendship.  So my statement was intended to say:  If this hypothetical friendship begins to have a significant level of romantic feelings, then such romance is the enemy of that friendship.  Those clarifications were missing from my previous posts because I believed that the context of the thread already provided them.

 

2) "Just" or "Only" is the very basis for making my statement.  I don't see how it could be taken otherwise given the context of the thread.  I thought that we all understood that if that "friendship" developed romantically that it would be a "no" to OP's question.  Did I misunderstand the OP?

 

It may seem really obvious or even stupid.  But with all the discussion here, the answer to the OP is "Yes, unless they can't."

Edited January 2, 2016 by Guest