Felling overwhelmed

[An Investigator]

Hi,

 

I just need some advice as I'm feeling overwhelmed to be honest.  As most people know I'm due to be baptised in May,  Im looking forward to it, I have attended the Church for over 3 months, I go to RS stuff, I have a firm testimony.. In short the Church makes me happy.

I'm struggling with the ward,  I just want to be left alone to go to Church with my kids.   I really don't like all the friendshipping it's just so false to me, my last Church I was the youngest person by 20 years and I became friends with some of these older ladies over time but I can't even go to the toilet at Church without someone trying to speak to me.  I find it exhausting.   The Missionaries keep showing up at my home with members too. To me I want to go to Church to worship God, if after time I make friends with people great but all this attention and wanting to do things for me (which I say no to all the time BTW) just makes me want to stop going to Church.   I'm 32 I have friends already.

Also because of all this attention when I do have genuine problems I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to who is genuine so I end up talking to people on the Internet instead.   In example last week was stake conference but no one invited me so I didn't know I was allowed to go as a non Church member.   My family has been giving me flek for joining the Church.  I got sent loads of Anti stuff over the Internet in a forum and can't get it out my head and my old Church keeps telling me how much they miss 

I think maybe I should just stop going for a couple of weeks, see if I want to be baptised.  I can't even go back to my old Church as I no longer think it's true.

 

 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Hello Investigator,

Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed.  I understand what you mean.  I've been a member since I was 12, but recently due to me personal issues, I have struggled with the fellowshipping also.  I have trust issues, period.  So our Relief Society Presidency wanted to meet with all the sisters last month.  I couldn't see the point of it.  They said they wanted to get to know us.  How can you get to know me with one 15 minute visit?  Part of me knew that the old me would do the same thing if I were in the Relief Society Presidency, but another part of me thought the whole thing was silly and wanted to avoid it.  

They were quite persistent, so finally I told one of the sisters, who was trying to make an appointment with me exactly how I felt about it.  She is a friend and she totally understood and told me it was fine.  Somehow feeling understood and listened to made all the difference.  I decided to go.  I still thought it was silly, but I decided to go along.  Here's the crazy thing: I went and had a great time.  The R.S. Pres. and I talked for way over our allotted 15 min., oops!  But I'm glad I went.

What does all that mean for you?  Well, simply that I hear you.  The fellowshipping is hard for me to accept sometimes too, but I found that when I let my guard down just a bit...they were sincere.  

About the anti-mormon stuff.  I'm sure the people that show that to you mean well (well most of them anyway...but they are deceived).  The people that create that stuff don't mean well, they know they are lying or twisting things...they don't mean well, but that's another story.  The thing to know about anti-Mormon literature is that it is lies.  They use half-truths and take things out of context.  For example, they say that we believe Christ and Satan were brothers.  That sounds shocking and scandalous...because it is a half truth. Here's the truth.  We are all children of our Heavenly Father.  So in that sense, we are spirt brothers and sisters of Christ, and we are also spirit brothers and sisters of Satan.  And yes, they are spirit-brothers.   

So don't let that anti stuff eat away at you.  There are answers.  Ask the missionaries, or try fairmormon.org.  They are great at answering hard questions.

About not attending church...ask yourself who is the author of that idea.  Or in other words who is whispering that in your mind?  Who benefits from you not attending church?  The Savior or Satan?  You know the Savior would not suggest that you stop attending church, He loves you and He wants you to be there....even with those silly overly friendly Mormons.   Satan, on the other hand, would love for you NOT to go to church.  He wants to make you doubt the church.  He can more easily do that if you stop attending, and don't get answers to your questions.  He would love nothing more than for you to stop attending.  

One final thought about the over-zealous fellowshipping...in time it will calm down.  I guarantee it.  It's human nature.  Think of it this way...when someone dies, people gather around and support the grieving family members...it can almost be suffocating at first, but then as time passes, people move on...and often it ends up unfortunately that the grieving person...who is still grieving....ends up alone.  Sad but true.  

So give it some time and later you might be here complaining that your home teachers don't visit and no one talks to you at church....etc.  I hope that doesn't happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did.  It's human nature . . .

Most importantly, pray about it.  I hope you'll prayerfully consider what I've shared.  

Best of luck. 

[An Investigator]

Thanks for the reply

I know you are right about attending Church, it's probably more important I attend not less right now.  

My parents died when I was a teenager so it's not a trust issue per say, more that I have had to be very independent from an early age.   I'm definitely better at helping others then being helped.  

I think I'm just freaking out abit too.. I mean who complains about people being nice to them? People who want to keep them at arms length to make a good impression?  I don't think they get alot of converts. Certainly not ones that stick around anyway, the last active convert before me converted quite a few years ago.  everything just seems so alian compared to what I'm used to.  Thanks for the fair Mormon website I will have a look.

 

 

 

[Sadliers]

"15    ¶ So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. 

16    He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. 

17    He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep." (John 21:15-17)

 

It is a command from Jesus to nourish others in the gospel. Wouldn't it be hard to do that without the fellowshipping?

 

Once a person has made a commitment to baptism Satan does a full-court press to dissuade them. But it won't just stop at baptism, it will continue for the first little while afterward, too. Might that irritability feeling be a subtle attempt to stop you?

[LeSellers]

12 minutes ago, Sadliers said:

it won't just stop at baptism, it will continue for the first little while afterward, too.

That's why it is imperative to go to the Temple within a few weeks, days if possible, to do baptisms for the dead. Do people from your own "family file names" if it's even remotely conceivable.

In the meantime, work on getting those names. Satan hates your decision, but immersing yourself in the work of salvation blunts his attacks.

As to what you can do to dilute the genuine love of your ward members, just ask people to ratchet their overt approaches down a notch or two. People really are concerned about you, and they know how  hard these last few weeks are going to be. They want you to know you can rely on them.

Lehi

[NightSG]

4 hours ago, An Investigator said:

To me I want to go to Church to worship God, if after time I make friends with people great but all this attention and wanting to do things for me (which I say no to all the time BTW)

Say yes a time or two.  Even make it easy stuff like helping you rearrange some furniture or finish up some repair that needs more than two hands, and watch how quickly they disappear afterward.

I got help hauling a couple things up the stairs about a year ago, and haven't seen my home teachers or even the missionaries since.  Only time even my HT companion has showed up was when I turned off my phone after Church so I could get a real Sunday afternoon nap.

[tesuji]

Dear Investigator,

I want to commend you for being baptized.

If you haven't already, you might talk to the bishop, ward mission leader and/or missionaries and tell them you feel "over-loved."

My advice would be to just carry on. Just like Heavenly Father is real, Satan is also real and he does not want you to be baptized. Always remember the feelings you've had so far from the Holy Spirit, telling you this is all true.

Life is meant to be a school and a trial. Your faith will be tested. The scriptures talk about enduring the end after you are baptized.

However, if you continue in the path, and keep seeking the Lord's will for you and trying to do it, you will find great joy and blessings, even though you will certainly have times of difficulty. Daily prayer and daily scripture study are vital, as is going to church every Sunday. These will keep your faith nourished and teach you how to walk the path ahead.

I wish you the best.

[Jane_Doe]

4 hours ago, An Investigator said:

I mean who complains about people being nice to them? 

Me!!

I'm naturally a VERY introverted person, who likes to handle things myself and enjoy privacy.  Mormon "can I help you with anything" culture used to drive me crazy!  During my undergrad years, I flat-out resented those offers and the constant socialization opportunities-- why won't people just leave me alone!  I would literally practice trying to be invisible at church, so that I wouldn't have to deal with other people.  When the didn't work, I did ditch church for several months-- to avoid happy smiling faces of people asking how I was and if I needed any help.  Man, that was a mistake.  Yes, personal scripture study and meditation is good, but our community of believers is also essential, and when I isolated myself on an island... it was very much a spiritual drought.  

My advice is to learn how to say "no, thank you" and not feel bad about declining help when you don't need it and don't resent them for asking.  If you don't want visitors, again "no thank you".  If you're not interested in small talk, decline that as well.   But, on the flip side, learn how to say "yes" when you genuinely do need help.

Another example from my life.  I got REALLY good at declining help- I manage things on my own.  When my baby was due, I had everything set up at home- zero help needed.  Well, then baby and I got flight-for-life to emergency care in another state, and all my planning was for naught.  I didn't need help in the other state- it was actually my hometown and I was inundated with friends, so I again declined all the help offered from church people.  But when we and baby finally got to go home.... I underestimated the gas required to traverse a -40C blizzard with 120 km/hr winds, and ended up taking refuge in this middle-of-nowhere rest stop, out of gas.  That's a point I really needed help, so for the first time in my life, I did actually call my visiting teacher and said "Could you help me?"

[Jane_Doe]

On a more lighthearted note, growing up my family had a running joke with our home teachers:

Whenever they would ask “Can we do anything to help you?”

We would answers “Why yes!  You can change that light bulb!”, and pointed to the light apparatus 30 ft in above us and required a fancy ladder to get to.  We’d all get a laugh out of it (this light was always out and was totally unneeded).  But then, every few years somebody would actually change it for us! 

[LeSellers]

2 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

Whenever they would ask “Can we do anything to help you?”

We would answers “Why yes!  You can change that light bulb!”, and pointed to the light apparatus 30 ft in above us and required a fancy ladder to get to.  We’d all get a laugh out of it (this light was always out and was totally unneeded).  But then, every few years somebody would actually change it for us!

I guess I'd have been one who changed it.

In Italy, we had a sister whose husband was on TDY (temporary duty) for three or four months in Turkey. My 7 year-old son and I replaced her license plate bracket and headlight because it needed doing.

In California, that same son (then 15) and I replaced a family's roof because it leaked into their bedrooms.

It's just how Home Teachers do it: whatever the family needs, if we are able, we do it (or let the quorum know so they/we can).

Lehi

[Sunday21]

Dear investigator,

Congratulations on your baptism. I am sorry that you feel over loved. I bet you have a pretty intense workweek and really need to chill on the sabbath, right? I bet if you smile and say, no thanks, people will get the message. Please don't stop going to church! Maybe sit in the back? Good luck!

[An Investigator]

Thanks everyone! 

I've decided to go back to basics so to speak.. Make sure I'm reading my scriptures and praying etc. And I feel much better already.  x

[Sunday21]

10 minutes ago, An Investigator said:

Thanks everyone! 

I've decided to go back to basics so to speak.. Make sure I'm reading my scriptures and praying etc. And I feel much better already.  x

Good for you! Let us know how you are doing.

[NeedleinA]

On 3/28/2016 at 6:01 AM, An Investigator said:

I got sent loads of Anti stuff over the Internet in a forum and can't get it out my head

Personally for me, Anti stuff usually comes from three main sources. 
1. Complete fabrication, 100% lie.
2. Actual truth/event, but taken out of context and spun/twisted, becoming half truth.
3. Actual truth/event, so far advanced that they are intentionally giving meat to a baby versus milk in an effort to confuse. Similar to dropping a Calculus book in the lap of a child and saying "See, you don't get it do you!".

If Anti stuff leads you to confusion/darkness/doubt/sadness, well, those are opposite to the fruits of the spirit: clear direction/brightness/faith/joy. I would obviously suggest, stop reading it. "IF" you have something stuck in your head, that you just can't shake, like LP said, fairmormon.org is a great start AND we are happy to hear about it too. When it comes to Anti-Mormon techniques #2 & #3, there really isn't that much new out there. They rehash arguments that have been around for decades acting like it is something new and revealing. When it comes to #1, well... anyone can make up any lie they like. 

6 hours ago, An Investigator said:

Thanks everyone! 

I've decided to go back to basics so to speak.. Make sure I'm reading my scriptures and praying etc. And I feel much better already.  x

This is wonderful and this is the main point..."And I feel much better already"!

[letmeoff]

On 28/03/2016 at 10:01 PM, An Investigator said:

Hi,

 

I just need some advice as I'm feeling overwhelmed to be honest.  As most people know I'm due to be baptised in May,  Im looking forward to it, I have attended the Church for over 3 months, I go to RS stuff, I have a firm testimony.. In short the Church makes me happy.

I'm struggling with the ward,  I just want to be left alone to go to Church with my kids.   I really don't like all the friendshipping it's just so false to me, my last Church I was the youngest person by 20 years and I became friends with some of these older ladies over time but I can't even go to the toilet at Church without someone trying to speak to me.  I find it exhausting.   The Missionaries keep showing up at my home with members too. To me I want to go to Church to worship God, if after time I make friends with people great but all this attention and wanting to do things for me (which I say no to all the time BTW) just makes me want to stop going to Church.   I'm 32 I have friends already.

Also because of all this attention when I do have genuine problems I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to who is genuine so I end up talking to people on the Internet instead.   In example last week was stake conference but no one invited me so I didn't know I was allowed to go as a non Church member.   My family has been giving me flek for joining the Church.  I got sent loads of Anti stuff over the Internet in a forum and can't get it out my head and my old Church keeps telling me how much they miss 

I think maybe I should just stop going for a couple of weeks, see if I want to be baptised.  I can't even go back to my old Church as I no longer think it's true.

 

 

They act that way because they genuinely love you, but you get to choose what love you think is real.