sinclair Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 I have been searching for an LDS support site and am excited to have found it! I asked my husband to leave the house about a month ago. After 14 years of him leaving me everytime we got into a big fight, I finally took a stand about being verbally abused. I know every marriage has problems, but don't many fight fair? My H, took me to the temple, and now throws it in my face that I control him with my religion, that he denounces it, etc. etc., then acts like he didn't say it. He calls me names (swears) and dismisses me when I ask him to stop or if I as for his help or even if I'm trying to explain why I'm sad or frustrated about our marriage. He had (has?) a problem with prescription meds and has been to rehab. This is his first year in "recovery" but I don't think it is working. All of the cranky, critical, mean, behaviour is still there. So here is the lonely part, it is almost 2am and I cant sleep. I am so sad the kids and I are going through this. He acts like he has never been better now that he is away from me. I too feel better that he is not in the house yelling at us all of the time, but am miserable because I don't want to be a statistic, I don't want our kids to grow up like this, I want to be with someone who fights fair, loves me and shows me he loves me. My therapists and yes that is plural (marriage couples counselor, personal therapist) have told me to detach and move on. The other is trying to get me to take care of myself by sticking to my boundaries. Well ok, I am but guess what, it is making me more sad. I guess I am just a glutton for punishment, who can't admit that I married a weak man who doesn't appreciate his wonderful family and who would rather give up on us than fight for us and admit he has an anger problem and the aftermath of drug addiction and it is these things, not me that is causing the majority of the problems. Anyway, just wondering if there was anyone else out there in my boat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabelma Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 I haven't been in the same position but my parents seperated - my Dad still blames my Mum publically despite having had countless affairs. And my brother had a recent (well 2 years ago) split from an abusive live in girlfriend I wanted to say I think you are amazing, to be at the stage you are at already, you are right he doesn't deserve you or even close and he is lucky you stuck with him as long as you did. Do you go to Single Adult things? You do need a crutch to get over the 2am thing its miserable then especially as a single woman and you can't get a blessing easily. Have you had loads of blessings? When I am going through a really rough time before I got married I would make sure I had a blessing every Sunday at church. You are one amazing lady. -Charley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 I have been exactly in your shoes. The only way I got out was to leave a beautiful home with my 3 kids and move into a 2 bedroom apartment. Hardest thing I ever did. I felt all the emotions. How could I do this to my kids was the biggest. Now 9 years later I realize it was the best thing I could have done. Financially it was a terrible struggle and still is. Emotionally...I've never been better. With the exception of one of my children they haven't seen their dad since we separated. Not my choice but his. Do I get lonely? Yes but when I consider the alternative I prefer the loneliness. But I now know who I am and what my strengths are instead of constantly being told what my weaknesses are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck Mormon Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 When me and my ex-wife seperated, I was in a state of shock mostly. I can't completely understand what you are going through, but I can tell you this. Stay strong and close to the church, and it will get better. My ex-wife, after 7 years of marriage and 15 years together, came home and told me she preferred women. So not only was it a rejection of me, but also of my whole gender. What a bummer. I was inactive at the time and when I started attending church again, my life turned around. That was 5 years ago now, and my life couldn't be any better. Stay strong and remember that Heavenly Father loves you, and is there for you. My prayers are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Try to stay strong, take as much good advice as you can. Do not be tempted to return to your previous situation with him just to avoid being a statistic, it would be harmful for you and your children's well being if you did. I separated from and got divorced from my ex 9 years ago, and I still have occasional nightmares that I am back with him..the feelings those nightmares give me remind me of why I left him in the first place and why being back with him is the last thing that I really want or need now. Your children will benefit from the loss of endless arguments between you and your husband, and you will grow more independent and stronger for when you approach a new relationship in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Sinclair, it is nice to have you posting here. These boards can be helpful. Think of them both as an adjunct to your personal therapy and as a chance to communicate with a new group of people. What helps cheer you up? :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debbiie Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 im a mom of 6 beautiful children 1 girl and 5 boys:grouphug: it is a daily struggle tryin to b mom and dad especially wen dad is home. to explain wut conclusion i can possibly think of why this all happen is we met 16 yrs ago been together since... for the we had our daughter after a yr into our relationship... i loved this man with all my heart and soul... we lost our son who was born still in 2003:angel: and ever since then my husband has chose other ways of healing his heart by poising his soul and body.... i try to teach him the word of wisdom... i had him attend church with me but i guess i drove him away cause at the time i found the church i needed the elders and do lots of church things to help me with the death of our son.... as it was helping me i didnt realize he was slowly slipping threw my fingers.... now here it is 10 yrs later and all he does in the past 10 yrs is lie well he calls it deny to me its the same as lieing. he steals and he get very demanding ways sometimes to a point he belittles me... i love this man but i believe staying in this situation anylonger is just a way of enabling him to continue his selfish ways... i just wish my children could meet the man i feel in love with not the may i fight with....i no this is why my children are out of control acting out of anger.... they argue and amongst each other for the simple fact is they witness how we act....:(:huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 Thread is 5 years old and the OP is long gone. Thread closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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