I Read my child's diary

[Guest MormonGator]

11 minutes ago, Compassion101 said:

Ok, so first of all...I was surprised at all the comments.  Thanks for your input.  2nd....I not a "she"...but I found it interesting how assumptions can be made in a post.  4th...i find it interesting how some posts were quick to point the finger at parental failures.  I'm sure Lehi was a good parent with kids not following what was taught in the home perfectly.   3rd...I decided to have a talk with my daughter while going out to have a shake. 

I prayed hard to know what to say....I wasn't sure if I was going to tell her how I knew, if I was going to talk specifics, if I would tell her Mom after...

I didn't want a forced confession.  I wanted her to be willing to open up to me and to realize that all the fear and reasons for secrets was not necessary.  Most important, I wanted her to know that mom and I love her, that we will always love her and that nothing will ever change that.  

We talked about school, friends,  and then I told her that I have some important questions to ask her....one being what her relationship with Paul has become.  She said they were just friends.  But that is when the spirit took over and put words in my mouth....i can't exactly remember word for word but that is not important.  What is important is that the spirit took over.  

She has been afraid to say anything due to fear.  Fear of never seeing Paul again, fear of being moved to a new school, fear of losing her friends over her breaking the rules.  We talked about how it is so important to have standards and rules ahead of time so when you are in the moment, you can make a decision easier.  We talked about how she will handle the next time it happens when she is around Paul and the rest of her friends leave them alone.  We talked about respecting each other and how much she deserves someone who will respect her and her family rules.

Most importantly we talked about God and how she struggles with having a relationship with Deity.  She brought up how she doesn't know if she wants to believe in God and the Big Bang theory is what she is leaning toward.

Once again, the spirit took over stating How wonderful, gifted, beautiful, smart, and fun my daughter is and no big bang has the ability to make something that special.  I testified to her that the plan is real and most important that she is loved.  We talked over an hour.  Tears. Testimony. Trust.

I told her for now I won't tell Mom, that I would like her to get the courage to do so.  I told her I wouldn't lie to her Mom so I will eventually tell her if she refuses but I want her to have time to make the decision on her own.  

Ended in hugs and feeling the spirit.  I have learned much from this experience.  Most important lesson is that I must be spiritually on top of my game so I can be ready to receive revelation to help my kids.  President Nelson said it best that the Lord is ready to bless us more.

I definitely have a journey ahead with my daughter, but I feel we now have a foundation of trust built upon this first experience where we can have more talks (and shakes) in the future.

God bless you and your family @Compassion101! 

[Jane_Doe]

@Compassion101, that was a freaking awesome post!  Thank you for sharing!

Hey, if you're daughter is having questions/concerns about science vs God, feel free to send me a PM.  I'm a phD scientist AND uber-reiligous-- my faith compliments my science and vise versa.  You can have both (they aren't opposites), and I'd be thrilled to talk to your daughter about it. 

[Midwest LDS]

2 hours ago, Compassion101 said:

Ok, so first of all...I was surprised at all the comments.  Thanks for your input.  2nd....I not a "she"...but I found it interesting how assumptions can be made in a post.  4th...i find it interesting how some posts were quick to point the finger at parental failures.  I'm sure Lehi was a good parent with kids not following what was taught in the home perfectly.   3rd...I decided to have a talk with my daughter while going out to have a shake. 

I prayed hard to know what to say....I wasn't sure if I was going to tell her how I knew, if I was going to talk specifics, if I would tell her Mom after...

I didn't want a forced confession.  I wanted her to be willing to open up to me and to realize that all the fear and reasons for secrets was not necessary.  Most important, I wanted her to know that mom and I love her, that we will always love her and that nothing will ever change that.  

We talked about school, friends,  and then I told her that I have some important questions to ask her....one being what her relationship with Paul has become.  She said they were just friends.  But that is when the spirit took over and put words in my mouth....i can't exactly remember word for word but that is not important.  What is important is that the spirit took over.  

She has been afraid to say anything due to fear.  Fear of never seeing Paul again, fear of being moved to a new school, fear of losing her friends over her breaking the rules.  We talked about how it is so important to have standards and rules ahead of time so when you are in the moment, you can make a decision easier.  We talked about how she will handle the next time it happens when she is around Paul and the rest of her friends leave them alone.  We talked about respecting each other and how much she deserves someone who will respect her and her family rules.

Most importantly we talked about God and how she struggles with having a relationship with Deity.  She brought up how she doesn't know if she wants to believe in God and the Big Bang theory is what she is leaning toward.

Once again, the spirit took over stating How wonderful, gifted, beautiful, smart, and fun my daughter is and no big bang has the ability to make something that special.  I testified to her that the plan is real and most important that she is loved.  We talked over an hour.  Tears. Testimony. Trust.

I told her for now I won't tell Mom, that I would like her to get the courage to do so.  I told her I wouldn't lie to her Mom so I will eventually tell her if she refuses but I want her to have time to make the decision on her own.  

Ended in hugs and feeling the spirit.  I have learned much from this experience.  Most important lesson is that I must be spiritually on top of my game so I can be ready to receive revelation to help my kids.  President Nelson said it best that the Lord is ready to bless us more.

I definitely have a journey ahead with my daughter, but I feel we now have a foundation of trust built upon this first experience where we can have more talks (and shakes) in the future.

Sorry about the gender mixup. Glad you had a productive meeting with your daughter that was led by the Spirit. It sounds like you handled it well and I hope you and she can keep connecting!

[anatess2]

On 5/10/2018 at 12:36 PM, mgridle said:

Lol.  You really don't have a clue.

"Adam, Adam where are you?"

"I hide myself b/c I was naked" (i.e. I did something I shouldn't have done and I ran away (I hide myself, I snuck away, etc.) b/c I didn't want to deal with the punishment).

It's a tale as old as time and no about of "good relationship" is going to prevent it.

[anatess2]

4 hours ago, Compassion101 said:

i find it interesting how some posts were quick to point the finger at parental failures.  I'm sure Lehi was a good parent with kids not following what was taught in the home perfectly. 

If you're talking about me, then you misunderstood my post.

I'm sure Lehi was a good parent.  I'm sure Lehi made parental mistakes.  I'm sure all kids do not follow what is taught in the home perfectly.  There are no perfect people except Christ.  I don't agree that it is normal for kids to "pull the wool over the eyes" of their parents - that's what I was taking objection to.

[Latter-Day Marriage]

There isn't a one size fits all answer here.  God knows your daughter and how she would react.  You need to find out from Him what will work best for your (and his) daughter.

[seashmore]

On 5/11/2018 at 9:05 AM, Compassion101 said:

Ok, so first of all...I was surprised at all the comments.  Thanks for your input.  2nd....I not a "she"...but I found it interesting how assumptions can be made in a post.  4th...i find it interesting how some posts were quick to point the finger at parental failures.  I'm sure Lehi was a good parent with kids not following what was taught in the home perfectly.   3rd...I decided to have a talk with my daughter while going out to have a shake. 

I prayed hard to know what to say....I wasn't sure if I was going to tell her how I knew, if I was going to talk specifics, if I would tell her Mom after...

I didn't want a forced confession.  I wanted her to be willing to open up to me and to realize that all the fear and reasons for secrets was not necessary.  Most important, I wanted her to know that mom and I love her, that we will always love her and that nothing will ever change that.  

We talked about school, friends,  and then I told her that I have some important questions to ask her....one being what her relationship with Paul has become.  She said they were just friends.  But that is when the spirit took over and put words in my mouth....i can't exactly remember word for word but that is not important.  What is important is that the spirit took over.  

She has been afraid to say anything due to fear.  Fear of never seeing Paul again, fear of being moved to a new school, fear of losing her friends over her breaking the rules.  We talked about how it is so important to have standards and rules ahead of time so when you are in the moment, you can make a decision easier.  We talked about how she will handle the next time it happens when she is around Paul and the rest of her friends leave them alone.  We talked about respecting each other and how much she deserves someone who will respect her and her family rules.

Most importantly we talked about God and how she struggles with having a relationship with Deity.  She brought up how she doesn't know if she wants to believe in God and the Big Bang theory is what she is leaning toward.

Once again, the spirit took over stating How wonderful, gifted, beautiful, smart, and fun my daughter is and no big bang has the ability to make something that special.  I testified to her that the plan is real and most important that she is loved.  We talked over an hour.  Tears. Testimony. Trust.

I told her for now I won't tell Mom, that I would like her to get the courage to do so.  I told her I wouldn't lie to her Mom so I will eventually tell her if she refuses but I want her to have time to make the decision on her own.  

Ended in hugs and feeling the spirit.  I have learned much from this experience.  Most important lesson is that I must be spiritually on top of my game so I can be ready to receive revelation to help my kids.  President Nelson said it best that the Lord is ready to bless us more.

I definitely have a journey ahead with my daughter, but I feel we now have a foundation of trust built upon this first experience where we can have more talks (and shakes) in the future.

Sounds like you handled the situation expertly!  The only thing I would recommend is follow up.  Not just be willing to listen, but continue to initiate private conversations with her, asking guided questions and make sure she has talked to Mom about it. 

[Sunday21]

@Compassion101 Good job! Nice outcome!