Insensitivity

[jewels8]

I am wondering how best to put this, and I apologize for my lack of being perfect.But how do you deal with insensitivity in yourhh  relationships with otheres, be it friends, neigbors, school, work,  church, marriage and family life?  Or just in life in general?  (it doesn't even have to be zeroed in on one thing, if your more comfortable with that)  I mean we are taught to be selfless, to be long-suffering, patient, kind, benevolent, compassionate, Christ-like, etc.  And I know I try hard to be all those things, and I know my family tries and I know others try, but it is challenging, and the same mistakes come up over and over again.  And sometimes it is discouraging.Sometimes different people have different definitions of what kindness is.  And some of them can be not what I would consider kindness..  It can be really hard when you feel that you are  dealing with chronic  insensitivity, and the other person can't see it as that.  And then when you give it back to them, not meaning to, it just isn't a good thing.  And you pray, fast, do things that the Church teaches, but the same habits keep returning.  How do you deal with people in life that keep doing that?  Isn't insensitivity considered a sin in some respects, if the person knows better?  Not every one sees things the same, but the Lord gave the same set of commandments basically to everyone.

[FunkyTown]

6 minutes ago, jewels8 said:

I am wondering how best to put this, and I apologize for my lack of being perfect.But how do you deal with insensitivity in yourhh  relationships with otheres, be it friends, neigbors, school, work,  church, marriage and family life?  Or just in life in general?  (it doesn't even have to be zeroed in on one thing, if your more comfortable with that)  I mean we are taught to be selfless, to be long-suffering, patient, kind, benevolent, compassionate, Christ-like, etc.  And I know I try hard to be all those things, and I know my family tries and I know others try, but it is challenging, and the same mistakes come up over and over again.  And sometimes it is discouraging.Sometimes different people have different definitions of what kindness is.  And some of them can be not what I would consider kindness..  It can be really hard when you feel that you are  dealing with chronic  insensitivity, and the other person can't see it as that.  And then when you give it back to them, not meaning to, it just isn't a good thing.  And you pray, fast, do things that the Church teaches, but the same habits keep returning.  How do you deal with people in life that keep doing that?  Isn't insensitivity considered a sin in some respects, if the person knows better?  Not every one sees things the same, but the Lord gave the same set of commandments basically to everyone.

I don't know what 'insensitivity' means in this case, so it's hard to say. We're commanded to love one another, and that will ultimately decide if our action was right or wrong, but that doesn't necessarily suggest that saying something that might offend the other person is wrong.

 

On the other hand, if you find that you're becoming bitter and resentful and lashing out at the person, you might have a toxic relationship. If you find yourself becoming a worse person simply by virtue of being with the other person, maybe you need a little bit of space to let that relationship blossom and grow again. Ultimately, there isn't enough information to tell anything more than that.

[jewels8]

  There are many examples, but one example , in particular, that I can share that I heard of was of a couple's marriage.   In this case, they had been married for several years.  The husband was more practical and analytical in his responses, wheras his wife was more thoughtful and emotional based in her responses, as is often true in most marriage relationships.  They found these differences at times, intriquing, but also at times, a challenge.  He could be insensitive of her feelings, cutting her off, saying that it was not necessary for her to share them and that her opinion of certain things was wrong.  She would sometimes get hurt and tell him that she felt he was being insensitive and rude.  He would tell her he was not, that he was simply being practical and calling it as he saw it.  That he was telling the truth and that the most important thing was to tell the truth.  They did go to counseling for a time , but the problem was not resolved, as the values they both had were deeply rooted. It was possible to get some kinds of positive change through prayer, but communication was very difficult, as it seemed the husband was not willing to cooperate.  The wife seemed more willing, in this case.  

[jewels8]

Another example I have, and you can refer to this one as no. 2 and the one above as no. 1 if you want, for the sake of clarity, is what about people who think they know how to do something better and insist or push you into something you don't want to do?  Be it a multi level scheme, buying an expensive product you can't afford, or trying to get your spouse to do something you know your family can't afford to do?  What do you do if its a family member trying to involve them?  My father in law once wanted my husband to do something like that.  It was quite the learning experience.  But "all things shall be for our good"  And that was many years ago.  However, I don't think we'll go through that again.  Normally, his dad wouldn't do that.

 

[jewels8]

A third example, and you can label this one, No. 3, is concerning the law on how people can "call on others" if they think a child is being neglected or abused.  What is your take on that?  On one side, of course you want a child to be protected and safe.  On the other side, how much power should we, as a community,  give a total stranger or even someone  we know, a say in calling the law on someone else?  I know of people who have been called on, and I can see both sides of the coin.  And I think sometimes  people aren't always using their best judgement and being fair enough with that.  Nor are they always thinking of what reprucussions that could have.  The caller can be anonymous.  That can be a good thing.  But so many calls end up where the child is not neglected , nor abused.  Of course, some are,and it is good that they are taken care of.  But I know good parents who have been called on and the struggle they have gone through.  We have been called on, and have not been neglectful, nor abusive, and we know what it is like.  And it is important that the police or child protection services are told to go back to whoever called and let them know that everything is fine.  (when that is the case)  And I think, that if everything is fine, the family should be allowed to know who it is who called.  It isn't fair to not know who you are dealing with.  Think about being in the other person's shoes, and being Christ-like.  We need to be careful not to judge.  I think, even though the law is there, that unless you really see evidence, like a kid being beaten, you need to not assume.  Hearing crying doesn't mean the child is  in danger.  Believe me, a child that wants something, can throw a mighty fine tantrum and sound awful.  If someone is concerned, the best thing to do, is to maybe pray first before intervening.  (is this really a problem, Heavenly Father?)  If the answer, is , it is fine, leave them alone, its ok)  then leave them alone.  If your not sure, maybe go ask them if everything is ok.  If they seem upset, it still doesn't mean its not ok, if they are dealing with a tantrum, they might not want someone knocking, so don't just assume the worst and don't expect them to be happy to see you, and if they tell you its fine, it might be, be nice, and don't be nosy, think of what to say and how to say it before you come, if you really feel you must.  Also think, if I had kids, would I ever have a situation where it could be fine to hear crying?  Just realize, it might be ok, and realize if its a special needs kid or someone else's kid, they may be different, and that might be ok.  Don't judge too harshly.  However, you want to make sure they are ok, but don't give the impression that you don't think the adult is incapable.  Don't say demeaning things.  If they explain a plausable answer and it seems ok, then don't linger, they are dealing with it, and leave them alone to handle it.  Then forget about it. Bringing the law into it just usually makes it worse then it is.  In most cases it just gives the family more to worry about then they need.  Ofcourse there are situations where in extreme cases its warranted, but I think in most cases, we need to have enough charity to not involve the law.  There are ways to help without having to make a parent worry about going to jail, face unemployment, kids possibly being taken from the home, even if it is temporary, having visitations and just more to worry about and do .  Most people don't know what it can involve.  Sometimes it involves non of those things, but you never know.  And sometimes the law isn't always knowing the truth, the rules and some are nice, some don't let you talk, and not every family knows there rights.  So  it can be very insensitive when someone just calls because they see kids playing out in a yard without a parent or hear a child crying.  I think we need to be very careful about being patient, long suffering, giving the benefit of the doubt, until seventy times seven, as the Savior taught.  And remember that we should do unto others as we would want others to do unto us.  And He will judge us as we have judged others. It is often insensitive to call on someone without talking to them and or just letting it go without knowing the real story.

Edited July 8, 2018 by jewels8

[jewels8]

I mean, it is sensitive to just let it go, if everything is ok , and you don't know the whole story, 

[jewels8]

No. 1 is the marriage example.

No. 2 is the multi level marketing,is that what its called.  Things like Relive or Shaklee.   My husband bought something for $4,000 which we couldn't afford, but later we gave it to someone else, "paid it off" in a  sense.  But his Dad was into Relive for a while and my husband was going to be a top supplier, but it didn't happen.  Some people do make it big, but most people just lose a lot of money and it ends up causing problems in their families.  My husband and I just don't buy into those things, as a general rule.  You have to follow the Spirit as to what is best to do for your family.

No.3  we should not be too quick to judge and not give families less power to raise their kids then what The Proclamation On The Family teaches

 

[jewels8]

On No. 1  in marriage, we should keep our eyes wide before marriage and half-shut after marriage.  We shouldn't criticize each other,  We should support and be each others help meets in this journey called life and partners in raising our family.  The Proclamation on the Family as well as marriage books ,good therapists and other appropriate resources can help a marriage grow. Men and women are different and it is helpful for them to learn the principles they need to build a happy and effective union. 

[jewels8]

and other examples in relationships to combat and counteract insensitivity can come from prayer, scripture study, serving our fellow beings, temple attendance, understanding human psychology,  and following good health practices.  When you feel good, you can give so much more and be so much more to others.

[jewels8]

I think alot in insensitivity comes up, and this is just my opinion and my experience and in seeing others, because of the differences in the way men and women think and are.  Men and women;s chemistry, their brains are unique.  Heavenly Father made us this way for a divine purpose.  When the roles of men and women and their qualities are treated with respect,  there can be a mutual completeness that God intended.  They complement one another.  But when one spouse cannot understand another because they are not like that and cannot see that , then it creates problems.  When they expect the other to be like them instead of trying to understand where their spouse is coming from, then God's plan for them becomes frustrated and it is not The Plan of Happiness for them.  But if they apply Gospel principles, and love one another, there eyes can be opened and they can grow in love and understanding together.  Men who hold the priesthood are instructed to use it to bless and uplift.  Husbands are counseled in the church to be sensitive to the tender feelings of their wives and children, which thing is pleasing unto the Lord.  (Jacob in The Book of Mormon)

[anatess2]

My philosophy is simple - Be Kind.  This means exercising my free agency to be kind the way I know how while also allowing others their free agency to be kind the way they know how.

[lostinwater]

Very sorry for the issues you are dealing with - whether just hypothetically, or something in your life.  

The examples you provide are truly where the rubber hits the road.  And here, to be honest, is where all the marketing falls flat.  As you said, everyone has different examples of what it means to show love to someone.  

Jesus always said the perfect thing.  Gentle rebuke, forgiveness - a mixture - whatever the situation required.  He had this mix of all the attributes most of us can only practice one at a time woven together in this perfect mesh that could mold and adapt to every possible situation.  Unfortunately, none of us have that perfect insight - at least i don't

The best things i've found (that i usually still don't practice enough) are to not assume the insensitivity grows out of malice.  If you think you see malice, go digging for the good by using questions to try to understand someone - without worrying about changing them - and then listening for answers.  And then, just stick with them through the uncomfortable times.

There definitely are exceptions, but from what i can see, they are relatively rare.

i suppose that's less an answer than a strategy.  A strategy that provides enough time for people to figure one another out.  
 

[Overwatch]

On 7/8/2018 at 2:20 PM, jewels8 said:

I am wondering how best to put this, and I apologize for my lack of being perfect.But how do you deal with insensitivity in yourhh  relationships with otheres, be it friends, neigbors, school, work,  church, marriage and family life?  Or just in life in general?  (it doesn't even have to be zeroed in on one thing, if your more comfortable with that)  I mean we are taught to be selfless, to be long-suffering, patient, kind, benevolent, compassionate, Christ-like, etc.  And I know I try hard to be all those things, and I know my family tries and I know others try, but it is challenging, and the same mistakes come up over and over again.  And sometimes it is discouraging.Sometimes different people have different definitions of what kindness is.  And some of them can be not what I would consider kindness..  It can be really hard when you feel that you are  dealing with chronic  insensitivity, and the other person can't see it as that.  And then when you give it back to them, not meaning to, it just isn't a good thing.  And you pray, fast, do things that the Church teaches, but the same habits keep returning.  How do you deal with people in life that keep doing that?  Isn't insensitivity considered a sin in some respects, if the person knows better?  Not every one sees things the same, but the Lord gave the same set of commandments basically to everyone.

 

On 7/8/2018 at 3:02 PM, jewels8 said:

  There are many examples, but one example , in particular, that I can share that I heard of was of a couple's marriage.   In this case, they had been married for several years.  The husband was more practical and analytical in his responses, wheras his wife was more thoughtful and emotional based in her responses, as is often true in most marriage relationships.  They found these differences at times, intriquing, but also at times, a challenge.  He could be insensitive of her feelings, cutting her off, saying that it was not necessary for her to share them and that her opinion of certain things was wrong.  She would sometimes get hurt and tell him that she felt he was being insensitive and rude.  He would tell her he was not, that he was simply being practical and calling it as he saw it.  That he was telling the truth and that the most important thing was to tell the truth.  They did go to counseling for a time , but the problem was not resolved, as the values they both had were deeply rooted. It was possible to get some kinds of positive change through prayer, but communication was very difficult, as it seemed the husband was not willing to cooperate.  The wife seemed more willing, in this case.  

 

On 7/8/2018 at 3:08 PM, jewels8 said:

Another example I have, and you can refer to this one as no. 2 and the one above as no. 1 if you want, for the sake of clarity, is what about people who think they know how to do something better and insist or push you into something you don't want to do?  Be it a multi level scheme, buying an expensive product you can't afford, or trying to get your spouse to do something you know your family can't afford to do?  What do you do if its a family member trying to involve them?  My father in law once wanted my husband to do something like that.  It was quite the learning experience.  But "all things shall be for our good"  And that was many years ago.  However, I don't think we'll go through that again.  Normally, his dad wouldn't do that.

 

 

On 7/8/2018 at 3:30 PM, jewels8 said:

A third example, and you can label this one, No. 3, is concerning the law on how people can "call on others" if they think a child is being neglected or abused.  What is your take on that?  On one side, of course you want a child to be protected and safe.  On the other side, how much power should we, as a community,  give a total stranger or even someone  we know, a say in calling the law on someone else?  I know of people who have been called on, and I can see both sides of the coin.  And I think sometimes  people aren't always using their best judgement and being fair enough with that.  Nor are they always thinking of what reprucussions that could have.  The caller can be anonymous.  That can be a good thing.  But so many calls end up where the child is not neglected , nor abused.  Of course, some are,and it is good that they are taken care of.  But I know good parents who have been called on and the struggle they have gone through.  We have been called on, and have not been neglectful, nor abusive, and we know what it is like.  And it is important that the police or child protection services are told to go back to whoever called and let them know that everything is fine.  (when that is the case)  And I think, that if everything is fine, the family should be allowed to know who it is who called.  It isn't fair to not know who you are dealing with.  Think about being in the other person's shoes, and being Christ-like.  We need to be careful not to judge.  I think, even though the law is there, that unless you really see evidence, like a kid being beaten, you need to not assume.  Hearing crying doesn't mean the child is  in danger.  Believe me, a child that wants something, can throw a mighty fine tantrum and sound awful.  If someone is concerned, the best thing to do, is to maybe pray first before intervening.  (is this really a problem, Heavenly Father?)  If the answer, is , it is fine, leave them alone, its ok)  then leave them alone.  If your not sure, maybe go ask them if everything is ok.  If they seem upset, it still doesn't mean its not ok, if they are dealing with a tantrum, they might not want someone knocking, so don't just assume the worst and don't expect them to be happy to see you, and if they tell you its fine, it might be, be nice, and don't be nosy, think of what to say and how to say it before you come, if you really feel you must.  Also think, if I had kids, would I ever have a situation where it could be fine to hear crying?  Just realize, it might be ok, and realize if its a special needs kid or someone else's kid, they may be different, and that might be ok.  Don't judge too harshly.  However, you want to make sure they are ok, but don't give the impression that you don't think the adult is incapable.  Don't say demeaning things.  If they explain a plausable answer and it seems ok, then don't linger, they are dealing with it, and leave them alone to handle it.  Then forget about it. Bringing the law into it just usually makes it worse then it is.  In most cases it just gives the family more to worry about then they need.  Ofcourse there are situations where in extreme cases its warranted, but I think in most cases, we need to have enough charity to not involve the law.  There are ways to help without having to make a parent worry about going to jail, face unemployment, kids possibly being taken from the home, even if it is temporary, having visitations and just more to worry about and do .  Most people don't know what it can involve.  Sometimes it involves non of those things, but you never know.  And sometimes the law isn't always knowing the truth, the rules and some are nice, some don't let you talk, and not every family knows there rights.  So  it can be very insensitive when someone just calls because they see kids playing out in a yard without a parent or hear a child crying.  I think we need to be very careful about being patient, long suffering, giving the benefit of the doubt, until seventy times seven, as the Savior taught.  And remember that we should do unto others as we would want others to do unto us.  And He will judge us as we have judged others. It is often insensitive to call on someone without talking to them and or just letting it go without knowing the real story.

 

On 7/8/2018 at 3:35 PM, jewels8 said:

I mean, it is sensitive to just let it go, if everything is ok , and you don't know the whole story, 

 

On 7/8/2018 at 3:43 PM, jewels8 said:

No. 1 is the marriage example.

No. 2 is the multi level marketing,is that what its called.  Things like Relive or Shaklee.   My husband bought something for $4,000 which we couldn't afford, but later we gave it to someone else, "paid it off" in a  sense.  But his Dad was into Relive for a while and my husband was going to be a top supplier, but it didn't happen.  Some people do make it big, but most people just lose a lot of money and it ends up causing problems in their families.  My husband and I just don't buy into those things, as a general rule.  You have to follow the Spirit as to what is best to do for your family.

No.3  we should not be too quick to judge and not give families less power to raise their kids then what The Proclamation On The Family teaches

 

 

On 7/8/2018 at 3:47 PM, jewels8 said:

On No. 1  in marriage, we should keep our eyes wide before marriage and half-shut after marriage.  We shouldn't criticize each other,  We should support and be each others help meets in this journey called life and partners in raising our family.  The Proclamation on the Family as well as marriage books ,good therapists and other appropriate resources can help a marriage grow. Men and women are different and it is helpful for them to learn the principles they need to build a happy and effective union. 

 

On 7/8/2018 at 3:49 PM, jewels8 said:

and other examples in relationships to combat and counteract insensitivity can come from prayer, scripture study, serving our fellow beings, temple attendance, understanding human psychology,  and following good health practices.  When you feel good, you can give so much more and be so much more to others.

 

On 7/8/2018 at 3:49 PM, jewels8 said:

When you feel good, you can give so much more and be so much more to others

Haha. "Easy to be righteous when you feel righteous" eh?  XD  I can see what you are saying

 

12 hours ago, jewels8 said:

I think alot in insensitivity comes up, and this is just my opinion and my experience and in seeing others, because of the differences in the way men and women think and are.  Men and women;s chemistry, their brains are unique.  Heavenly Father made us this way for a divine purpose.  When the roles of men and women and their qualities are treated with respect,  there can be a mutual completeness that God intended.  They complement one another.  But when one spouse cannot understand another because they are not like that and cannot see that , then it creates problems.  When they expect the other to be like them instead of trying to understand where their spouse is coming from, then God's plan for them becomes frustrated and it is not The Plan of Happiness for them.  But if they apply Gospel principles, and love one another, there eyes can be opened and they can grow in love and understanding together.  Men who hold the priesthood are instructed to use it to bless and uplift.  Husbands are counseled in the church to be sensitive to the tender feelings of their wives and children, which thing is pleasing unto the Lord.  (Jacob in The Book of Mormon)

tl;dr  Lol  J/k I Skeemed it. 

Guys and Gals are just different. If you are expecting the hubby to be all sensitive and such (and that is not his nature) it's most likely not going to happen. Are you wrong for wanting to be caressed with words and such? No. But he also isn't wrong for being a man.

Now as far as stupid pyramid schemes are concerned STOP! Mormons are some of the worst for that crap. Leave it alone. Unless you want a whole garage full of clothes, groceries, tupper-ware, etc.. That you guys couldn't sell or hire drones to sell so you get a slice of their work. Also it is your money so make sure he isn't careless and wastes your savings. 

 

Marriage is one of the hardest things you will ever do in this life. It is indeed a challenge. You can always be like Sheri Dew I suppose. I don't know what's going on there but I find it suspect out of all the LDS men IN THE WORLD there is not a match (unless she is married now) But since you are already married you have to roll with the emotional punches. Obviously I am not saying your husband is abusive but I can only imagine the frustration of a man that has to walk on egg shells. If that is the case. I think you will eventually find your groove.

I hope things get better  

 

 

[Overwatch]

*Side note:  I worked for an LDS Book Stores when I was young. The LDS sister manager/owner of the branch would have us push certain books during the month by saying how spiritual they were and how they had such a good message. I told the manager I didn't read all the titles and therefore couldn't recommend them. I was told to do it anyway. It would change as authors made book deals. I never read them but the Mormons just ate it up, feeling all holy in the bookstore. Buying their 14k Gold Joseph Smith ring because a circle on top of a Circle means Eternity!  Buying overpriced painting (Copies) to make you feel spiritual at home pffft Haha Money, money, money, money

My favorite items were the Utah Truffles and that dvd player the filtered out bad words. That was pretty cool. 

All is well in Zion   "Remember, We are here to sell a feeling!"  <--- Yeah, I was told that as a young sales clerk at AN LDS book store. Company named excluded to keep it civil, just food for thought. 

*** My favorite LDS bookstore is the Temple Garment center/standard work bookstore. You can always find what you need there (Distribution Center) ***

[MaryJehanne]

On July 8, 2018 at 3:20 PM, jewels8 said:

I am wondering how best to put this, and I apologize for my lack of being perfect.But how do you deal with insensitivity in yourhh  relationships with otheres, be it friends, neigbors, school, work,  church, marriage and family life?  Or just in life in general?  (it doesn't even have to be zeroed in on one thing, if your more comfortable with that)  I mean we are taught to be selfless, to be long-suffering, patient, kind, benevolent, compassionate, Christ-like, etc.  And I know I try hard to be all those things, and I know my family tries and I know others try, but it is challenging, and the same mistakes come up over and over again.  And sometimes it is discouraging.Sometimes different people have different definitions of what kindness is.  And some of them can be not what I would consider kindness..  It can be really hard when you feel that you are  dealing with chronic  insensitivity, and the other person can't see it as that.  And then when you give it back to them, not meaning to, it just isn't a good thing.  And you pray, fast, do things that the Church teaches, but the same habits keep returning.  How do you deal with people in life that keep doing that?  Isn't insensitivity considered a sin in some respects, if the person knows better?  Not every one sees things the same, but the Lord gave the same set of commandments basically to everyone.

Hi, Jewels8!

Don't be discouraged. Who is perfect all the time? You'll fall and those close to you will fall, but what matters is that you lean on Christ and get back up again. People can have different definitions of what kindness is, just as they have different definitions of what honesty is or what the human person is. It doesn't mean those who have a wrong definition are right, it just means they have an additional stumbling block in their spiritual life they have to conquer. Part of the difficulty may be individuals having trouble fully understanding and interpreting people and their moods, reacting wrongly so that others take offense when no offense was meant. No one but God fully knows and understands a person; if I were to look for such an intimate connection in other people, I would always come up disappointed.

There is the case of the matter of sin and the intention. If someone knows they're being uncharitable, cruel, hateful, impatient, etc., then, yes, it would probably be a sin. But it's possible people make mistakes, such as an unintentional tone, or don't realize that being cold to someone out of anger is really, truly wrong, so they may not be culpable (or as culpable).

It is frustrating when people, especially people you know who claim to be good, fall in these common offenses against love. It's good to remember that we all fall into these traps, and as soon as I'm annoyed at a stranger snapping at me, I find myself giving someone who annoys me a short remark. Be patient with others and be patient with yourself. Secondly, know that no suffering you endure at the hands of an evil, no matter how small, is wasted. Continue to use it as an opportunity to exercise love, patience, and mercy, being the example of the kindness the offender should imitate. To bear wrongs patiently and forgive offenses willingly are spiritual works of mercy. If you weren't given opportunities to practice virtues, how would you ever learn them? It's often these smaller, everyday temptations that are most difficult to deal with.

Always be merciful and loving toward others, especially sinners, even if they take advantage of you. (Christ in St. Faustina's Diary, 1446)

I was your teacher, I am and will be; strive to make your heart like unto My humble and gentle Heart. Never claim your rights. Bear with great calm and patience everything that befalls you. Do not defend yourself when you are put to shame, though innocent. Let others triumph. Do not stop being good when you notice your goodness is being abused. I myself will speak up for you when it is necessary. Be grateful for the smallest of My graces, because your gratitude compels Me to grant you new graces. (Christ in St. Faustina's Diary, 1701)

 

On July 8, 2018 at 4:02 PM, jewels8 said:

  There are many examples, but one example , in particular, that I can share that I heard of was of a couple's marriage.   In this case, they had been married for several years.  The husband was more practical and analytical in his responses, wheras his wife was more thoughtful and emotional based in her responses, as is often true in most marriage relationships.  They found these differences at times, intriquing, but also at times, a challenge.  He could be insensitive of her feelings, cutting her off, saying that it was not necessary for her to share them and that her opinion of certain things was wrong.  She would sometimes get hurt and tell him that she felt he was being insensitive and rude.  He would tell her he was not, that he was simply being practical and calling it as he saw it.  That he was telling the truth and that the most important thing was to tell the truth.  They did go to counseling for a time , but the problem was not resolved, as the values they both had were deeply rooted. It was possible to get some kinds of positive change through prayer, but communication was very difficult, as it seemed the husband was not willing to cooperate.  The wife seemed more willing, in this case.  

Respectfully to the people involved in this example, the husband seems to have been more than insensitive to her feelings. Every person needs a confidant, whether they're a man or woman. When in pain, when troubled, when confused, it is natural for a human being to wish to find support in another, as well as advice and comfort. To dismiss a person in distress is not charitable, and to counsel the doubtful and to comfort the afflicted are spiritual works of mercy. I can't speak to the piece about her opinions, though perhaps he was uncharitable in his rejection of them. The part of this example that is bothering you, I think, is that these actions seem to hint at selfishness and a lack of gentleness. 

 

On July 8, 2018 at 4:08 PM, jewels8 said:

Another example I have, and you can refer to this one as no. 2 and the one above as no. 1 if you want, for the sake of clarity, is what about people who think they know how to do something better and insist or push you into something you don't want to do?  Be it a multi level scheme, buying an expensive product you can't afford, or trying to get your spouse to do something you know your family can't afford to do?  What do you do if its a family member trying to involve them?  My father in law once wanted my husband to do something like that.  It was quite the learning experience.  But "all things shall be for our good"  And that was many years ago.  However, I don't think we'll go through that again.  Normally, his dad wouldn't do that.

That sounds like it could be pride, in thinking they know best, and selfishness, possibly greed, in that they can benefit from your participation in something that may harm you or your family (such as what conmen do). It's a lack of respect of you as a person. In the case of your father-in-law, he was probably just excited about what he thought was a great opportunity, and fell into fault that way. If people pressure you to do things you don't want to do, don't let it concern you. It's not kind of them to bother you, but there's not much to be done about it, except make your stance clear to them and stand your ground. Sometimes people may not realize how much of a risk something poses for you and your family. Regardless, It's more important to protect your family's security than to worry about what others want you to do.

 

On July 8, 2018 at 4:30 PM, jewels8 said:

A third example, and you can label this one, No. 3, is concerning the law on how people can "call on others" if they think a child is being neglected or abused.  What is your take on that?  On one side, of course you want a child to be protected and safe.  On the other side, how much power should we, as a community,  give a total stranger or even someone  we know, a say in calling the law on someone else?  I know of people who have been called on, and I can see both sides of the coin.  And I think sometimes  people aren't always using their best judgement and being fair enough with that.  Nor are they always thinking of what reprucussions that could have.  The caller can be anonymous.  That can be a good thing.  But so many calls end up where the child is not neglected , nor abused.  Of course, some are,and it is good that they are taken care of.  But I know good parents who have been called on and the struggle they have gone through.  We have been called on, and have not been neglectful, nor abusive, and we know what it is like.  And it is important that the police or child protection services are told to go back to whoever called and let them know that everything is fine.  (when that is the case)  And I think, that if everything is fine, the family should be allowed to know who it is who called.  It isn't fair to not know who you are dealing with.  Think about being in the other person's shoes, and being Christ-like.  We need to be careful not to judge.  I think, even though the law is there, that unless you really see evidence, like a kid being beaten, you need to not assume.  Hearing crying doesn't mean the child is  in danger.  Believe me, a child that wants something, can throw a mighty fine tantrum and sound awful.  If someone is concerned, the best thing to do, is to maybe pray first before intervening.  (is this really a problem, Heavenly Father?)  If the answer, is , it is fine, leave them alone, its ok)  then leave them alone.  If your not sure, maybe go ask them if everything is ok.  If they seem upset, it still doesn't mean its not ok, if they are dealing with a tantrum, they might not want someone knocking, so don't just assume the worst and don't expect them to be happy to see you, and if they tell you its fine, it might be, be nice, and don't be nosy, think of what to say and how to say it before you come, if you really feel you must.  Also think, if I had kids, would I ever have a situation where it could be fine to hear crying?  Just realize, it might be ok, and realize if its a special needs kid or someone else's kid, they may be different, and that might be ok.  Don't judge too harshly.  However, you want to make sure they are ok, but don't give the impression that you don't think the adult is incapable.  Don't say demeaning things.  If they explain a plausable answer and it seems ok, then don't linger, they are dealing with it, and leave them alone to handle it.  Then forget about it. Bringing the law into it just usually makes it worse then it is.  In most cases it just gives the family more to worry about then they need.  Ofcourse there are situations where in extreme cases its warranted, but I think in most cases, we need to have enough charity to not involve the law.  There are ways to help without having to make a parent worry about going to jail, face unemployment, kids possibly being taken from the home, even if it is temporary, having visitations and just more to worry about and do .  Most people don't know what it can involve.  Sometimes it involves non of those things, but you never know.  And sometimes the law isn't always knowing the truth, the rules and some are nice, some don't let you talk, and not every family knows there rights.  So  it can be very insensitive when someone just calls because they see kids playing out in a yard without a parent or hear a child crying.  I think we need to be very careful about being patient, long suffering, giving the benefit of the doubt, until seventy times seven, as the Savior taught.  And remember that we should do unto others as we would want others to do unto us.  And He will judge us as we have judged others. It is often insensitive to call on someone without talking to them and or just letting it go without knowing the real story.

If you know for certain a child is being harmed, it would be a sin of inaction to leave it be. But if you don't, there's only so much you can do. I agree with you; assuming seems like it can cause more damage than good. If you suspect something might be wrong, I'd look into resources and ask professional advice to better know how to discern (if things seem somewhat ambiguous). Calling the police is a huge step, and should only be used if there's pretty clear evidence. It's not a case, I think, where forgiveness per se comes in to play, but more the principle of innocent until proven guilty. We can't just suspect some has stolen something; we need proof they did, or our society would eventually fall under a micro-managing, military rule, thoroughly vetting everything just in case. There's also the matter of the extra damage a visit like that could cause, as you mentioned. It's upsetting for the parents, upsetting for the children, and damaging to the family's reputation, since people will see the police and assume things, even if it turns out there was nothing wrong. 

 

I hope this helped, Jewels8! God bless.

 

[jewels8]

Thank you, I appreciate the thoughtful responses, and found them very helpful in addressing these kinds of situations.  I know they can help others too that encounter these circumstances.