jewels8

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Everything posted by jewels8

  1. jewels8

    Newlywed on the brink of Divorce...

    or you can look up your nearest temple online, find their phone number, call it, and ask for the prayer roll. uusally there is an option for that, and you just select it, then you follow the instructions to say the name or names you want on it. It is pretty easy. When your done, you hang up.
  2. jewels8

    Family members who dislike each other immensely

    It sounds like you have done all you could. and really, the other family members have a responsibility they aren't shouldering and its not your job to tell them or anything like that. You are nice to them, you've made peace, tried, and gone out on a limb. They will one day look back and see that you were the one who tried. You have opened the path. Maybe sometime someone will come down your path because you paved it, but at least you have done your part and are there.
  3. jewels8

    Across The Hills

    I mean ponder
  4. jewels8

    Across The Hills

    That makes me stop and think. So much to pnder. Thank you for sharing. Very insightful.
  5. The Lord has cautioned men that they will be judged by their thoughts, idle words, and I imagine idle things they write, their deeds, and would be glad if the rocks could hide them from the presence of God at the last day, if they are guilty of certain sins. Of the nature of those sins and what is in a man's heart, that is between him and the Lord. I beleive that the Lord should find it offensive when men speak lightly of the benefits of polygamy, in a way that is not sacred, and in which is not conducive to the spirit of the Lord. Today, in the Church, and in The Book of Mormon (which we should all be studying daily), it professes monogamy as the Lord's standard for marriage, and surely if there were more righteous men , there would not be so much of a need for possible polygamy. Ofcourse no one, men or women are perfect, we all are trying, but I see this as an issue that bears a need for obvious sensitivity, which some have shown, and that is to be appreciated. Jacob told the husbands of the covenant, who knew better, that they were breaking the hearts of their wives and children because of there selfish desires, and behaviors. They were stupid, willing to embark on a path of destruction of their eternal family, disregarding the feelings of those they covenanted to protect and cherish all for some superficial fling that means nothing. How dumb, how tragic! Willing to give up any chance for eternal peace and glory for something that would only brand them as a coward, a bastard and a fool. Why would a priesthood holder sink so low and pay such a high price? Ofcourse no one is that silly today. (who are we kidding?) Lets turn the coin around: What are the disadvantages of polygamy? Men can't concentrate on substance, they only see the surface. Men are visual by nature anyway, now the problem is compounded even more. We already live in a society where men are taught to treat us women as objects, and even in the church its obvious some men still have a hard time with that, just look at one of the flippant comments that was made on this thread, will men , even "some so called "priesthood holders" ever get beyond focusing on a women's looks and capabilities to be a baby machine, a cook , a laundress, and see her really as a human being, an equal, a person, a daughter of God, and not even that, but just a friend. Someone to treat with respect. When given multiple wives, supposedly by the Lord, how quick is the man to lose sight of the whole reason for polygamy in the first place. A man that thinks this way, surely shouldn''t be practicing polygamy anyway, nor would the Lord grant it to him. A quote in church history says that a man may refuse to take the 2nd wife in eternity and be justified before the Lord. Monogamy is something the Lord does allow. Perhaps it is a test for men , as well as for women. Some men may say, "well, polygamy is a commandment, so my wife just needs to go along with it," but in looking deeper in church history, I have seen otherwise and I have seen that really it is up to us and our attitudes sometimes as to what we cause. I mean a man may inflict something on his wife that she doesn't necessarily have to go through. In the Bible God told a prophet he would destroy a city, and the prophet asked him to not if so many people could be found righteous in it. And he plead with God, and kept changing the number, and God worked with him. So maybe God wants to see where a man's heart is. A woman would definitely be glad to see if her husband wouldn't be so quick to just embrace polygamy. I mean, ofcourse we should follow commandments, but that doesn't mean we can't ask about do we really have to do this if our spouse has a hard time with it, etc. And I don't think that makes us a bad person or unfaithful necessarily. Sometimes , we may have to change to succumb to His will, but sometimes He may let us choose and it would be right for us. Polygamy in church history, though condoned by the Lord did cause many trials. Of course it was hard to live the law. Some accounts show that men, went behind there wife's back in marrying another, due to The Law of Sarah or obeying God's Law or for whatever reason. However, this made it hard to have a trustworthy relationship in a marriage. And did these women ever get STD's without even knowing what was going on? It raises some hard questions. These could even be passed on to babies being born and babies dying and comprimise the health of the women. Also, it was hard emotionally on the women and the children and the husbands. Providing for all their needs financially and time wise was a burden. The more wives and children you have, the more laundry, the more mouths to feed, the more quarrels, the more illnesses, the less of you to go around. Studies have shown that children from polygamous families have been at a disadvantage , they are generally (and it doesn't matter FLDS, LDS or otherwise), less educated, lower income -don't have their needs met as much, emotionally not as stable, then children from monogamous families. Also wives from polygamous marriages fair worse statistically, the same reasons apply. And statistically, women in monogamous marriages have more babies each, then women in polygamous marriages and enjoy a stable, closer , more loving relationship with their spouse, because they don't have to share him. And she knows he is 3 being faithful to her. There is a stronger bond of trust and mutual love and respect. I'm sorry, but I would have a harder time respecting a man that was not being faithful to just me. Marriage should be between one man and one woman. Now, let's turn the coin and see what benefit there could be from polyandry, I mean , not that I need another husband, but I sure could use some things fixed around the house! 1. things could get fixed in a reasonable amount of time, and get fixed 2. have more interesting men to talk to, a variety of male adult companionship, not be just bored with just one 3. a greater appreciation for the uniqueness and gifts and talents given to the family 4. greater protection 5. more priesthood power 6.. more date nights! 7. I might even get flowers finally! 8. have an intelligent conversation 9. have more friends 10. expand my horizons 11. better providers 12.. be able to serve others more 13. take vacations 14. choose to work or stay home 15. have many attractive and interesting husbands, but that's not what its about 16. increase the adventure in my life 17. have more kids and give them more enriching experiences Ok, well, I prefer monogamy. I don't think that anybody should be dreaming of polygamy or polyandry. I know I'm not. I think the Lord's standard today is pretty clear. A modern prophet has said to choose your love and love your choice. The seminary or institute of religion manual has cautioned that polygamy should not be taken out of context and not alluded to as what will be practiced in eternity. We really don't know. We have been taught that monogamous marriages are sufficient to enter exaltation. And our hearts need to be pure and right before God. Joseph Smith would not allow his brother to practice polygamy because he was too eager, his heart was not right. Joseph Smith hesitated for years to practice it. Brigham Young at first desired the grave rather then practice it. Please be sensitive what posts are made regarding this subject and what you choose to say about it all the days of your life, and thank you to those who do.
  6. jewels8

    Newlywed on the brink of Divorce...

    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this trial in your marriage. However, it is better that it was caught earlier on than later, especially before children may enter the picture. I am just thinking how I imagine you would not want your children raised with that kind of influence. Having babies, daughters and sons with a dad that is focusing and "addicted' to those behaviors is damaging to his spirit , your spirit and will be to their spirits, as well. He might even, act out things, heaven forbid, on the venerable. Perhaps that isn't something to be too concerned about for now, but you probably want to make sure that that doesn't become an issue for the time being, you have enough to deal with right now. It sounds to me that this husband of yours is not repentant. What is it that attracted you to him? Did you know he had these kind of tendencies before marriage? Sometimes things are hidden before or a person doesn't realize the magnitude of a problem until later. Sometimes people think that marriage will solve the problem. Forgive me if you already answered those questions, I did read your post last night, but just started responding to it now. Anyhow, bless your heart, I feel for your situation. First of all, regardless of anything else, your worth is more precious than gold, more precious then rubies, you are a virtuous woman, you are trying, you are loved by your Father in Heaven, the Savior too, and I am sure many others. Do you have family nearby that are supportive? And friends? How about your bishop? Will your husband talk to the marriage counselor and is there any signs that he wants to repent? I am sorry if I came across as harsh. It just sounds from what you have written, that he needs to have a major change of heart. It can be hard to fathom why some men, especially once they have had the gospel, would delve into such things, especially the way you are describing. I have had a friend (she died of cancer recently,), but she had to divorce her husband when he started going to lets just say an unholy establishment, after other problems with pornography, etc. They have 4 daughters. It was an awful situation, and they were LDS. I went to the funeral, and heard he was trying to get custody of his girls, and her family had been taking care of them. I don't know what the outcome was, but I prayed for those girls and for him and her side of the family. It was a situation my friend couldn't control. She was trying to protect her daughters. They had a loving environment with relatives and anyways, you could just feel so much love at that funeral and concern for the well being of her children. Your husband is not honoring his priesthood right now. Was he ever honoring his priesthood. What do you want in a man? Did you ever have a list of what you wanted? If your goal is an eternal marriage and family, which I believe in your heart it is, what do you think willl make that happen? Have you prayed to ask the Lord what direction you should take? Sometimes praying and then acting upon doing the best we can do, like seeing a bishop, going to marriage counseling, living our lives, helps us see what truly will and will not work. Will he ever be willing to see a therapist? Is it worth waiting a day, a week, a month, a year? Could you get pregnant in that time? What problems will that bring? Raising a child in that household or joint custody down the line, hopefully no abuse or neglect? As far as I am concerned, when a man uses pornography, and this fantasizing, he is being unfaithful to you, in the spirit of the law, at least, and it is a form of abuse, Its emotionally abusive, at the very least, and probably has other reprucussions, as well. Is this the spirit of a Christ -centered home? Please don't get me wrong, no home is perfect, no marriage is perfect, no family is perfect. And you are not alone in this struggle. Unfortunately, it is a problem in society. In our ward recently, we had a visitor come speak to us from an institution that works with teens who struggle with this problem. The church has programs to help adults and teens overcome this addictive behavior. There are also programs for overcoming other problems, perhaps seeing an LDS based mental health professional is a goal, that can be prayed for. Sometimes praying for things opens the way up. I once had a problem, our car window was broken. My husband wouldn't get it fixed for 3 months, even though we had access to resources, even a good deal. I prayed about it more after trying to keep telling him we needed to fix it. Finally, he gave in. But if it doesn't work, or if you can't deal with it that long, and no one will think any less of you for it, you may want to ask yourself: What would be the worst possible thing if there was a separation? Sometimes it may give you space to think, feel the spirit, not have to worry about putting up with those things that make it so hard. Your worth is not dependent on something so superficial. You have so much potential, so much goodness, you have talents, and abilities and there are resources out there for you. There are other valiant women who have gotten through some tough things that they never thought they would, amazing women. Perhaps the Lord will lead you to the help you need at this time in your life if you ask for it. Sometimes life gives us things we didn't anticipate, but remember, the Lord doesn't want you to be trapped, he can help you try to resolve things, help your husband if he wants to be helped, but your integrity of your soul is important regardless of his decisions, ok? Just remember that. I will be praying for you and for him.
  7. jewels8

    Daughter of God

    I feel for you, but why was your ex husband not tried and put in jail for doing this to your son? I think justice is called for, this was not fair to you, you were trying in many ways, and I;m sure there were some hard decisions, but he is accountable for what he has done, as well. I wish you the best, and that you can be reunited with your children. The Lord will guide you.
  8. jewels8

    water into wine

    We know that Jesus was and is without sin. But why then, would he use the priesthood to turn water into an alcoholic beverage? Or was the wine just grape juice? I would definitely feel it would be sinful today if someone turned water into wine. Has anyone else ever been bothered by this or puzzled by it as a child growing up or as an adult? I would not feel right drinking wine, having it around, or if I were a goddess I would not feel comfortable performing a miracle like that .
  9. jewels8

    water into wine

    Interesting. IEveryone is so different as to what rhey can handle, be it water, milk, etc. I have heard that indians cannot handle alcohol well, and I am part indian. I have never had any, nor has my husband and kids. My sister has, and she and her son are recovering alcoholics
  10. jewels8

    water into wine

    That makes sense, but I just see no good point in drinking at all, even back then.
  11. jewels8

    water into wine

    but thanks for the clarification
  12. jewels8

    water into wine

    I appreciate the insight, even though I don't know why he wouldn't just follow a more spirit of the law and abstain from all liquor all togrther, I guess we just know how bad it is now. I would think a prophet would avoid even the appearance of all evil; I have respect for people who are like that
  13. jewels8

    water into wine

    If Joseph Smith is drinking alcohol after being commanded not to, then that would have made him a fallen prophet, but I imagine there must be some misunderstanding or he was forgiven, though a prophet should be above reproach
  14. jewels8

    water into wine

    distinctly
  15. jewels8

    water into wine

    I know a friend who said when on his mission he needed to make a phone call. the only place they could find was a bar. Reluctantly, they went in. He has never felt the spirit so diatinctly leave as at the entrance of that bar,
  16. jewels8

    water into wine

    I think the effects of alcohol in wine, beer, and other alcoholic beverages can definitely be regarded as sinful because of what people do when under the influence of this substance. It is addictive, it impairs judgment, the Holy Ghost leaves, the result is often loss of responsibility, loss of control, of self esteem, separation from God, getting into the wrong crowd, drunk driving, contention and abuse in homes, immorallity, job loss, murde, suicide, withdrwal, etc. At first it starts out so slightly. Pork is nothing compared to alcohol.
  17. jewels8

    water into wine

    I always thought the "wine" they used was more like grape juice, in their sacrament. That's what I was taught
  18. jewels8

    water into wine

    Why would Joseph Smith drink wine when he refused alcohol as a child to deaden the pain when undergoing the operation on his leg? That story is used in primary to illustrate the importance of the word of wisdom. I don't know of any accurate LDS account that says he did that.
  19. jewels8

    water into wine

    but alcohol damages the brain, impairs thinking, people get drunk, engage in immoral behavior, its bad for the human body, and it hurt the bodies of people back then too., though I do appreciate the insights of these posts and do take them into consideration.
  20. jewels8

    Newlywed Considering Dvorce

    Yes, people get to know each other, but suppose he really was putting up a fake front, or doesn't like the real her as much. Maybe he can learn to like her more, but can she trust him? Will he have serious issues of honesty in their marriage? I don't know. That would be a major concern if that were a thread ralways running through a marriage and family. not saying the Lord can't help, but why sign up for it, if its not necessary? Sometimes, we have to pray and give our selves permission to ask the Lord if its ok to have something, It doesn't hurt to ask. This will affect her whole life and a future family, possibly. I had an experience where a man wanted to marry me, but he had honesty issues. I did not marry him..I knew I didn't want that kind of a relationship, but I didn't want to hurt him. I had to really pray and realize, even though I knew in my head, I had to know in my heart that I was not responsible for his happiness, that I cared about him, but even if he said he didn't know what he would do without me, I knew I cold be kind, and firm, and not feel too guilty. Its hard to have to hurt someone's feelings, and at first I think Satan was trying to make me feel trapped, like I had to marry him. Like somehow I was responsible for him. And I know it seems silly, and I knew it wasn't healthy to feel that way. Of course, I wasn't married to him, I wasn't even engaged to him, although he would lie, and try to make it sound sometimes like we were, even though I made it clear to him that we weren't. Of course this lady is married, but I wonder if she sometimes feels trapped. I wonder if her husband feels trspped. I don't know. I had to rely on the Lord to be able to break up with this guy and help him understand clearly that it was over, while still being kind. It's not something anyone wants to do, but I learned that the Lord approved for me to have joy. Just because I had a relstionship with this guy and found out he was something I hadn't anticipated, that wasn't good for me, didn't mean I had to continue it. Now, I realize that every situation is unique, but unfortunately, these things do happen. Like I said, she, and he can follow the spirit and have the courage to do what is best, whatever direction she needs to take, I know she will have support
  21. jewels8

    Newlywed Considering Dvorce

    We really don't know. It's true there are 2 sides to a story. and forgive me if the picture she paints is different, but she is suffering. What is this guy thinking? He did admit he lied to her. It just doesn't sound like his story would hold much water. Will he repent? What changes need to bemade? What have they tried? I think this woman, and I feel that this woman has come to a point where she's already gone through , and I may be assuming, but through a normal process of trying to make it work with her husband, and now she's reaching out for support. So, like I said, she should follow the spirit. And I have heard from church leaders before that it is important that a relationship does not make someone feel less then who they are, that is damaging.
  22. jewels8

    Newlywed Considering Dvorce

    This man is putting her though unspeakable pain, without any thoght for himself. He married her for a very low reason. There is no excuse, She deservws better, I think. Give him a chance to grow up without tearing her down any more, I don't believe she is lying. He was deceitful
  23. jewels8

    Newlywed Considering Dvorce

    Remember, again, to listen to the Spirit. No matter what anyone else says.
  24. jewels8

    Newlywed Considering Dvorce

    I feel like a mother, Honey, I am so sorry you are going through all of this! Marriage is full of surprises that non of us anticipates. Somehow, someway, this experience you have been through and are in will make you a better, stronger, and more knowledgeable person down the road. But right now, I want you to be assured that you are a beautiful, worthy, wonderful , daughter of God. And that you have so much to offer and that you deserve a companion who will love you for who you truly are, be true to you, enjoy your company, be willing to build a life and eternity with you. We can not always foresee what is coming. You have been trying for a better part of a year to make it work. Yo can see what you have done, what he has done. You know, unfortunately of the cost of the pain. And you have probably listed the pros and the cons of marriage to him versus divorce, and the freedom that may open up for you. I admonish you to , if you haven't already, to fast and pray about it, seek your bishop if you feel the need, and maybe a counselor to support you, and or a friend . But do what you need to regain your self-esteem. You deserve joy. This man just may not be ready for a committment like marriage. You are. And that's ok. You can feel peace. The Savior taught that divorce is ok. He gave divorce because sometimes men break women's hearts. And sometimes they just aren't as ready for giving in a relationship, if they are selfish and immature. And this is real.. There may be some progress, but is it enough? Is the cost of what is going on inside you to high? What price is it worth? There are other men, who are out there. And if you don't have kids, its easier to get out, although, don't let that stop yp fromdoing what is best for you. Follow the Spirit. There are many who will support your decision, on both sides of the veil, a nd I wish the best for you and this man.