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Guest MormonGator

I sort of know how you feel. 

I'm adopted, and like every other adopted kid, I always hear talk about my "real parents". It used to infuriate me when I heard that (I know, I'm such a snowflake), now I just chalk it up to people being ignorant but meaning well. 

Like you, I feel divinely blessed by my "real parents" who raised me. Blood is not thicker than water. 

Edited by MormonGator

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2 hours ago, Donna Law said:

I love my two stepkids dearly. I believe I knew them before they came to earth. Knew I'd be their mom one day; I didn't know there given names, but each had a distinct spirit. My husband knows I've often been receptive and sensitive to the things of the spirit. I've not shared all of what I understand about our kids including our own biological kids in this way.

It is annoying to hear all the self help books on being a good stepmom talk about them not being my "real" kids. I know I didn't give birth to them, but that does not mean God didn't anticipate my being their mother in the way that I am and that role is eternal. I would love to know if there are other mothers like me who've felt such things. Part of me wants to say they were mine before you gave birth to them, for which I am eternally grateful. I am having a hard time and wonder if there are others who've experienced what I have.

My husband's biological parents divorced when he was little.  His dad later remarried when he was in grade school.  That lady (his step-mom) was/is SO much more of a parent to him than either of his biological parents.  She was the one that was there, that listened, whose advice he could seek, and that love was never ever questioned.  

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19 hours ago, Donna Law said:

I love my two stepkids dearly. I believe I knew them before they came to earth. Knew I'd be their mom one day; I didn't know there given names, but each had a distinct spirit. My husband knows I've often been receptive and sensitive to the things of the spirit. I've not shared all of what I understand about our kids including our own biological kids in this way.

It is annoying to hear all the self help books on being a good stepmom talk about them not being my "real" kids. I know I didn't give birth to them, but that does not mean God didn't anticipate my being their mother in the way that I am and that role is eternal. I would love to know if there are other mothers like me who've felt such things. Part of me wants to say they were mine before you gave birth to them, for which I am eternally grateful. I am having a hard time and wonder if there are others who've experienced what I have.

I don’t think the problem lies in the way you see your step children, but rather how does the real mom feel about your strong feeling s that you are the real mom. This answer may vary depending on the nature of how those children became your step children.

to be honest and frank, we can’t be having step moms everywhere believing that their step children are more theirs than the real mom

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8 minutes ago, Fether said:

I don’t think the problem lies in the way you see your step children, but rather how does the real mom feel about your strong feeling s that you are the real mom. This answer may vary depending on the nature of how those children became your step children.

to be honest and frank, we can’t be having step moms everywhere believing that their step children are more theirs than the real mom

All 3 of the kids from my previous marriage have been able to bond with my current wife, to the point where one of them has even openly stated that my wife is more of a mother to him than my ex.  Another goes out with her and they do activities together, even as she doesn't feel comfortable being around my ex at all.

In a case like this, biological mom doesn't get a vote.  Her emotional abuse toward them, a consequence of her own issues, has driven her away from them thoroughly.  She probably hates that the kids (who are all adults now, btw) have bonded more with their stepmom than with her, but nobody really gives a wet fart about that.  Not anymore.

So be careful who you refer to as the "real mom."  A real mom is the one who shows genuine love and care toward the child. 

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34 minutes ago, unixknight said:

All 3 of the kids from my previous marriage have been able to bond with my current wife, to the point where one of them has even openly stated that my wife is more of a mother to him than my ex.  Another goes out with her and they do activities together, even as she doesn't feel comfortable being around my ex at all.

In a case like this, biological mom doesn't get a vote.  Her emotional abuse toward them, a consequence of her own issues, has driven her away from them thoroughly.  She probably hates that the kids (who are all adults now, btw) have bonded more with their stepmom than with her, but nobody really gives a wet fart about that.  Not anymore.

So be careful who you refer to as the "real mom."  A real mom is the one who shows genuine love and care toward the child. 

I completely agree. It’s a case by case thing. That is why the self help books can’t go around teaching step moms to take the place of the moms. 

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6 minutes ago, Fether said:

I completely agree. It’s a case by case thing. That is why the self help books can’t go around teaching step moms to take the place of the moms. 

Yeah I agree that trying to take the place of the bio mom is a bad idea.  A stepmom should be there for them when they need her, but not try to insert herself.  The exact same applies to stepfathers.

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On 1/24/2019 at 5:58 PM, Donna Law said:

I love my two stepkids dearly. I believe I knew them before they came to earth. Knew I'd be their mom one day; I didn't know there given names, but each had a distinct spirit. My husband knows I've often been receptive and sensitive to the things of the spirit. I've not shared all of what I understand about our kids including our own biological kids in this way.

It is annoying to hear all the self help books on being a good stepmom talk about them not being my "real" kids. I know I didn't give birth to them, but that does not mean God didn't anticipate my being their mother in the way that I am and that role is eternal. I would love to know if there are other mothers like me who've felt such things. Part of me wants to say they were mine before you gave birth to them, for which I am eternally grateful. I am having a hard time and wonder if there are others who've experienced what I have.

My BIL has three kids from his first marriage.  He recently remarried.  The children still have to spend time with their birth mother due to divorce decrees.  But when they are home with their father and stepmom, they look at her as their mother.

She is a bit overwhelmed at times having an instant family.  But she loves them and they love her.

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