Can't get Baptized due to cohabitation

[vanzantfrynd]

My fiancé and I live together. We intend to marry, however are waiting on some important legal matters to resolve first. We do not sleep together, or even in the same room as we are committed to doing this right. I strongly want to get Baptized as I have never been. I am fairly new to the church; I've been attending for a little over a year and have gone through all the missionary teachings. I am struggling with the cohabitation out of wedlock being a barrier to my baptism. My position is would Jesus say I cannot get baptized because I am living with a woman I am not married to? What if we were not romantically involved and just roommates? would the same barrier exist? This is rather frustrating for I know the Blessings of being baptized are immense. I cannot find in the scriptures anywhere; in either the Bible or the Book of Mormon where it clearly outlines this, and I fall back on a lifelong opinion that church rules are often made by the humans who created the church. Unfortunately, that opinion leads me to move away from the church through resentment. I would love feedback...

[NeuroTypical]

1 hour ago, vanzantfrynd said:

I am struggling with the cohabitation out of wedlock being a barrier to my baptism.

Hi and welcome @vanzantfrynd.   Why not get married first, then baptized?   There's no problem with continuing to attend church as you are right now. 

 

 

[zil2]

Welcome, @vanzantfrynd!

I fear you won't like my answer, but I'll give it anyway.  99% of engaged people could not exercise the discipline you and your fiance are managing.  I don't say that to suggest you aren't being honest - I believe you - I'm just saying that it's a very rare thing.  Once people are to the point where they're ready to commit to marriage, staying apart becomes more and more difficult (for most people).

Knowing that, and knowing the experience of many a person who has "caved" in a moment of weakness, and knowing that the sin will be worse once you have made the baptismal covenant, the Church is "playing it safe".

2 hours ago, vanzantfrynd said:

Unfortunately, that opinion leads me to move away from the church through resentment. I would love feedback...

The following is meant in the most loving way:  Perhaps the Lord is giving you an opportunity to practice humility and patience.  Neither of those is very popular, neither is an easy virtue to develop.  The Lord often asks us to do things we don't understand or don't want to do.  Humility is one of the virtues that lets us obey.  Leaders in the Church (and fellow Church members) are mere mortals, as we are, which means sometimes they will try our patience and we will have to humble ourselves in order to do as they direct or minister to them (or even just tolerate being in the same room as them ).

Choose to humble yourself, to respect the rule that you don't understand, to acknowledge that perhaps those who made the rule were doing as the Lord wished (or at least acting based on many decades of experience - probably multiple lifetimes - I expect that rule is almost as old as the Church).  The Lord will bless you for it:

Quote

D&C 121:7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Trust God to help you through this.

[Carborendum]

5 hours ago, vanzantfrynd said:

however are waiting on some important legal matters to resolve first. 

I understand the desire to keep private things private.  So, I don't hold it against you if you don't want to explain.  But what legal matters?

You know you can simply go to the courthouse and fill out some forms a month before your baptism and all is good.  Depending on what state you are in, it can be REALLY easy or it can be pretty easy.

So, why the reluctance?

If you are not willing to make the small effort to jump through a simple hoop, then how can you hope to make a lifelong commitment to a way of life that requires much more effort?

Edited January 25 by Carborendum

[Backroads]

Reddit, for some reason, keeps recommending me the sub Waiting to Wed, and there are some doozies of stories of why Boyfriend/Girlfriend just can't get married yet. 

You don't have to explain, but short of a still existing marriage for one or both of you, are legal matters really stopping you?

[zil2]

Long time, no see, @Backroads!  Nice to have you back.

[Manners Matter]

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil

Hope you can get things resolved soon.

Edited January 25 by Manners Matter