Confused and ashamed

[capncrunch]

I'm in my early 20's and although im for the most part attracted to the people I'm supposed to be attracted to, I find myself occasionally attracted to people I shouldnt be. It's really been happening occasionally since I was 14 although I didn't understand what it was until the last year or so.

I try to ignore it completely but then something happens to remind me about it.

Several months ago there was someone I was attracted to who I knew liked me but I pretended to have no interest that way, but i was tempted. I put it completely outta my mind but then today i was getting some candy from an aisle that also has magazines and the cover of one had an effect on me that it shouldn't have had.

I feel so mortified posting this but I dont know what to do and I cant talk to my family or friends.

I know my parents dont think its possible for someone to be attracted to both genders, they believe that people are attracted to the opposite or the same but I know first hand that isnt so. I can't imagine asking any of my LDS friends given the way they speak about people who are attracted to the same gender...and my non lds friends would give me advice contrary to my beliefs.... Its something Ive never heard spoken about in church so I dont know what Im supposed to do, if i'm supposed to do anything.

Since I havent ever acted on those feelings, and never will, do I have to speak w/ a bishop? Like i said im almost always attracted to those i should be and rarely those i shouldnt but even so i cant help but feel guilty that i sometimes have those feelings. I can't help but feel as though something is broken inside.

Anyways, any advice?

Thanks in advance for any you may have to offer.

[WillowTheWhisp]

First off I would like to say that I have a friend who is attracted to both genders so I know that it isn't impossible. He is also celibate by his own choice now due to other circumstances.

Secondly I would say that it isn't what you don't do it's what you do do which could be a problem - so if you have never acted upon the temptation to have a relationship with someone of your own gender then you have not committed a sin.

You don't have to be bi-sexual to be attracted to people you shouldn't have a relationship with. A heterosexual woman who feels attracted to a married man knows she must put a lid on those feelings because he is out of bounds, so in that respect you are no different to her.

Temptations will come your way but it's how you deal with them which counts.

As you are also attracted to people of the opposite gender then concentrate yourself in that direction and treat others as much out of bounds as you would if they were married. The fact that they may also be attracted to you is their problem and not yours.

[a-train]

Could you describe your introduction into sexuality? Did you learn from friends? Parents? Media? Can you remember your earliest awareness of it?

-a-train

[capncrunch]

I lfirst learnt what sex was from one of the young boys that I grew up with on my street when I was in 5th grade so i mustve been 10-11. Shortly after that my mom gave me the very much dreaded talk.

[Guest tomk]

capn:

There is an LDS 12-Step program available, which may be of some assistance:

Heart t' Heart, an LDS 12 Step Recovery Organization

I wouldn't necessarily suggest you have an addiction, but you are concerned enough about these feelings that you felt the need to post. The site above deals with all kinds of addictions. It is rooted in the power of Jesus Christ.

I applaud you for having the courage to post about your struggles. Satan's power over us flows from secrecy and shame. He doesn't want you talking about it or getting any advice or help. He wants this to remain hidden and to fester. He wants you to think God is some kind of Ogre, thus cutting you off from the only true Source of power and help!

I would encourage you to stay close to your Savior. Talk to Him about this!

Do you keep a journal? Write down your feelings. Also write down what you feel from the Lord by way of response.

Tom

[capncrunch]

As for my earliest awareness of the problem...When I was 14 I had a great friend, lets call her sally...we loved to spend time together at school and away from school. My feelings felt different towards her than to my other friends so i was confused. We often held hands or linked arms as we walked around school or the mall.

One time we were dropping her off after we had gone to a baseball game and she made a joke about kissing me goodbye and she gave me a peck on the cheek and I felt disappointed and confused. Soon after at my junior high some kids asked me if she and I were girlfriends and i was horrified. After that I distanced myself some from her. She was and is straighter than an arrow, so I probably hurt her with that.

Rather than deal w/the confusing emotions and feelings i just tried to block it out and ignore it. Unfortunately though I haven't been entirely successful.

There have been a fcouple instances since then that I have been attracted to females more than just physically. I always have tried to ignore the feelings and told myself that I just appreciated beauty and goodness in all people, that I was totally normal. But my body sometimes reacts to females in a way that i know it shouldn't. Not often, but enough that I can't deny it.

[Guest tomk]

As for my earliest awareness of the problem...When I was 14 I had a great friend, lets call her sally...we loved to spend time together at school and away from school. My feelings felt different towards her than to my other friends so i was confused. We often held hands or linked arms as we walked around school or the mall.

One time we were dropping her off after we had gone to a baseball game and she made a joke about kissing me goodbye and she gave me a peck on the cheek and I felt disappointed and confused. Soon after at my junior high some kids asked me if she and I were girlfriends and i was horrified. After that I distanced myself some from her. She was and is straighter than an arrow, so I probably hurt her with that.

Rather than deal w/the confusing emotions and feelings i just tried to block it out and ignore it. Unfortunately though I haven't been entirely successful.

There have been a fcouple instances since then that I have been attracted to females more than just physically. I always have tried to ignore the feelings and told myself that I just appreciated beauty and goodness in all people, that I was totally normal. But my body sometimes reacts to females in a way that i know it shouldn't. Not often, but enough that I can't deny it.

capn:

I've heard that girlfriends can become very close. I'm not sure that I would read too much into your experiences with "Sally."

I have not struggled with same gender attraction, so I can't say that I know how to help there or give any advice.

I think the best course of action is not to try to bury it. Acknowledge it exists. We can't work on things we refuse to acknowledge.

Something that can help with your shame and confusion is to realize that our "weaknesses" are GOD-GIVEN. For whatever reason, God chose to give you the challenge in life of dealing with same gender attraction.

Our weaknesses are GIVEN to us in order to do ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY. To send us to Jesus for strength!

So, take advantage of this HEAVEN-SENT GIFT of having to struggle with same gender attraction during mortality. Do what this challenge was intended to make you need to do -- go to your Jesus for help!! Confide in Him. Talk to Him. Ask Him for strength not to yield. He is more powerful than whatever you are struggling with.

27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Notice what is happening in this verse:

And if [CAPNCRUNCH] comes unto me I will show unto [HER] her weakness.

I gave [CAPNCRUNCH] her weakness [OF SAME GENDER ATTRACTION] that she may be humble;

Has the realization of this weakness inside of you made you humble enough to seek the help of the Lord in overcoming it?

and my grace is sufficient for [CAPNCRUNCH] if she humbles herself before me;

His grace is sufficient -- it is "ENOUGH" to help you!!!

for if she humbles herself before me, and has faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto her.

I post this advice and counsel with love. I hope it helps.

Tom

[Guest tomk]

Also consider the truth that your same gender attraction may flow from unmet needs.

Many of us try to fill an emptiness inside of us through various means:

Pornography

Sex Addiction

Masturbation

Smoking

Drugs

Alcohol

Cutting

Gambling

Eating disorders

Overeating

Obsessive TV watching

Sports

whatever vice you can think of.

But what we really crave is a CONNECTION WITH GOD.

Only God can provide what we lack. Only God can fill that emptiness.

[Dr T]

Sorry, I deleted my post, I thought the OP of this thread was a different topic. I reread it and saw that it didn't fit.

[Stampede]

I'm in my early 20's and although im for the most part attracted to the people I'm supposed to be attracted to, I find myself occasionally attracted to people I shouldnt be. It's really been happening occasionally since I was 14 although I didn't understand what it was until the last year or so.

I try to ignore it completely but then something happens to remind me about it.

Several months ago there was someone I was attracted to who I knew liked me but I pretended to have no interest that way, but i was tempted. I put it completely outta my mind but then today i was getting some candy from an aisle that also has magazines and the cover of one had an effect on me that it shouldn't have had.

I feel so mortified posting this but I dont know what to do and I cant talk to my family or friends.

I know my parents dont think its possible for someone to be attracted to both genders, they believe that people are attracted to the opposite or the same but I know first hand that isnt so. I can't imagine asking any of my LDS friends given the way they speak about people who are attracted to the same gender...and my non lds friends would give me advice contrary to my beliefs.... Its something Ive never heard spoken about in church so I dont know what Im supposed to do, if i'm supposed to do anything.

Since I havent ever acted on those feelings, and never will, do I have to speak w/ a bishop? Like i said im almost always attracted to those i should be and rarely those i shouldnt but even so i cant help but feel guilty that i sometimes have those feelings. I can't help but feel as though something is broken inside.

Anyways, any advice?

Thanks in advance for any you may have to offer.

you know. i think i know what you are talking about but i don;t think it has to do with gender

to each person there are different ranges of looks or desireable traits in a person that appear at random on nayone regardless of gender.

This is where Satan tries to confuse us and trip us up. He uses our likes in certain features to tempt us and try to get us to think we are screwed up or "messed up" when in reality it is just the flaws of our flesh.

do nto worry so much about it. and if something makes you feel uncomfortable then just don't look at it or go away from it and have a perfectly good heterosexual experience. go look at a hot woman or something, trian you rmind away form it and it will get easier, If you are in the presence of someone that makes you feel uncomfortable you can just leave.

[MorningStar]

I would suggest talking to your bishop. He might have a counselor to refer you to.

[MaidservantX]

All of us in life have struggles with feelings of all kinds -- sexual, anger, pride, addictions, so on and so forth. We can take these struggles to the Lord. They may or may not be removed or lightened, but whether they are or whether they aren't, we can gain knowledge and understanding and sympathy towards others and their struggles.

But the bottom line for spiritual safety and happiness is to keep the commandments. A lot of times we need repentence and forgiveness, of course. But we should never underestimate the power of the "deeds done in the body" -- the commitment to, and organizing our lives around, the simple but unchanging commandments of the Lord.

Sexuality is something that our society and culture thinks they know a lot about, but I don't believe we do. We understand very little about this most fundamental aspect of our being.

But again, the Lord has given us commandments to protect us in our sexuality until we come to the day that we have a more clear understanding.

Since you are in your early 20s, you should be enjoying your friends, and you should not be acting out sexually in any fashion. You should be committed to and enjoying your virtue. You should be enjoying and working hard on your education. You may be preparing to participate in a marriage and a family, and you can look for the right partner who can join you in establishing a family based on the gospel, and you will love each other. Right now you will feel sexual feelings and needs -- that should not be acted on -- and the feelings are normal and natural, and I wouldn't feel overly worried about the gender aspect of it at this point, other than to continuing to ask the Lord about it, and learning about it. Try to find someon you trust who may have knowledge in the area of sexuality who can either discuss this matter with you or can help you find someone who can discuss it with you.

God bless.

[THIRDpersonviewer]

Problems only become problems by giving it attention. Same thing with good things, they become good when they are used or nourished.

If you discipline your self to keep those things out, then you won't have those thoughts(they eventually go away). The temptation then is removed. Just think the opposite. Do not doubt it. Say "I like whatever is the opposite gender". You like them only. In no way are you attracted to the same sex(or both). Desire what is right, or the true doctrine, and there is nothing to worry. This won't work though if you have planted a seed of sin. Then you will have to go to the Bishop to remove the seed. Then this process will work.

Overall, the devil wants you to doubt yourself, he wants you to fear and to feel anxious or guilty or unworthy. He wants you to feel down. Don't go down that road. Feel the joy of the gospel. Feel the Savior's Love. Seek the Spirit. Find peace and rest with God. He will sustain you. He will not fail you. He truly loves you!

[Moksha]

Feelings of sexuality are so intense at that age that some confusion seems very understandable.

My advice? Talk about it with a mental health professional. Just get your feelings out in the open. You can go into depth much more easily and safely than on a forum. Now, finding such a person is a bit trickier. What I would do is call my local public mental health center and try to make an appointment, or else ask for other affordable options if they are unavailable. The aforementioned 12 Step group or LDS Social Services would be fall back options.

Best of luck.