In pain.....need advice....

[ruthiechan]

The song by Frou Frou called let go helped my during my trials when my husband and I separated.

Satan is working hard to destroy what you've repaired. Talk to your Bishop alone and seek advice on how to answer her questions because the more details she knows the longer it'll take her to heal.

Do what you can. If you give it 100% and follow the Spirit in all things (which requires daily prayer) then if she still decides to leave then at least you'll know that you did your absolute best to keep it together.

[lilered]

Keep in mind that your wife is hurt and only time and Gods love can heal these wounds. My counsel would be to do walk uprightly and do the things that you know are right and true. Treat her lovingly and respectfully and let her have her space. I agree with previous advise that any literature etc. you give her will only make things worse. Eventually, I believe that she will be convinced by your actions that you truly are changed.

[newlight]

UPDATE:

Well, things have been very hectic for the past couple of weeks.

As a woman she has alot of resentment and anger, (which is totally understandable) she asks me alot of questions that i hesitate to answer because i know the answers will hurt her. Sometimes i wish she wouldn't ask about the past. She says that she needs to know so that she can deal with it and get over it but i dont understand why she asks for specifics. When I answer her questions, most of the time she blows up..Shes says very hurtful things, things that I never expected for her to ever say (her family has been with the church for years, her Dad has had almost every major calling out there.

Last weekend she said she was going to leave because she couldnt deal with it anymore..that she didnt think she could handle something like this. I broke down, for almost a year, i've been a totally different person, i was very sad that she couldnt grab onto that....We were both crying and all of a sudden she her eyes open and asks me...Please give me a blessing.....

I at first i said i couldnt ..that i didnt feel worthy...(my rights have been restored) then a calm came to my heart , mind and spirit. I gave her the blessing, i felt the power of the Priesthood. This was on Sunday. For 3 days so far she is totally a different person. We are like boyfriend and girlfriend again. SHe says that she still thinks about things but she tries to immediately take those thoughts out of her mind. She still asks me ocassionally questions but not as many.

The only thing that has me worried is that she asked me to do something and I agreed. She wants me to call one women i was involved with and tell her a list of things ..for example that i regret being with her and how much i love my wife. The problem here is that I do not know this persons current situation.

I don't think this is a good thing to do. I agreed to it because i dont want her to think that I wont do what she asks for but things can go wrong for her and her current situation....and altho we are going thru something because of something that she's at fault also, I dont think i have the right to disturb her and her family just because we're going thru this now.

Aside from this things seem to be changing completly. I've promised the Lord and her that I will love her everyday as if it were my last day here on Earth. Thank you for everyones support. I will update again later.

[Hemidakota]

I concur with your thought with her [not] calling your past involvement. She needs to be reminded when the Lord places us on the road of repentance, the past remains the past. As you partake of the Sacrament, you do renew your covenants. At that point, there is no sin of the past that needs to be rehashed again. Seeing her change and then ask you to give her blessing, is indeed a great blessing. Softening of the heart is there. Slow but one step forward. Also, noting the boyfriend and girlriend, my beloved companian and I do the same everyday. We are married but bring back that daily remance to our lives.

Seeing her bitterness, this may take awhile. As her coming to full understanding of the Sacrament and the Lord's Atonement. Hang in there and thanks for the update.

"There is no greater bond than the love between the man and the woman." Elder S____ S______

[Misshalfway]

"There is no greater bond than the love between the man and the woman."

That is why these thing hurt so very badly and are so very hard to overcome....even with all the logic and lists of how we 'should' feel. The Lord is patient. I think this situation could benefit a great deal from lots and lots of tender patience.

[newlight]

Update:

I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and prayers. Today my wife received her Temple Recommend, I should be receiving mine within the next couple of weeks. I also received a couple of callings at Church today. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful forgiving wife and I will not let her or the Lord down. Things are slowly moving along. She will remember things but she does not get angry the way she was doing so a about 2 weeks back. One thing that i mentioned to her that I think helped alot was something I read on the internet.

"Time may heal all wounds but its up to you on how much time it takes you let your wounds heal."

Thanks again. I will keep everyone posted

[skalenfehl]

Wonderful news!! please don't be a stranger around here. Best wishes.

[Hemidakota]

Overtime, she will forgive you but always rely the hand of the Godhead for help. Congrats on your calling.

[skiergirl]

My hausband was unfaithful to me and lied to me about it, so I know what your wife is going through. I can tell you that she will only be more resentful and angry if you give her articles to read. The best thing to do is to humbly ask her forgiveness, even if you must do this every day. You need to listen to her feelings, even if they are anger directed at you. You must empathize with what she is feeling. Do not give advice. Do not try and fix things by telling her what she should think and what she should be feeling. This is just minimizing her feelings and trying to make yourself feel better because you are "Mr. Fix-It". Your wife is not a bad person because she is angry. She is not a bad person because she is struggling to forgive you. Even though these things happened years ago, she feels as if they are happening to her now! She feels betrayed because she gave you another chance and she thought that you had been honest with her and yet you continued to lie to her. A sin of ommission is just as great as a sin of commission.

Personally, I was livid when priesthood leaders told my husband that he didn't need to tell me everything. No one has the right to decide that for me. This advice just allowed my husband to rationalize his lying to me.

[Dove]

No problem...

I've truly changed many things in my life....i now see life in a different way. In the spiritual sense. I use to be selfish and worldly...wanting nothing but material things that brought me temporal pleasure/satisfaction. Since then i have made her realize that none of this matters anymore....Im in my late 30s and I've realized that my spirituality, her and my children are what matter the most now. I provide for them and for their future and i really don't care for anything for me anymore.

A year has almost passed and I have not gone back to any of those things that brought me soo much unhappiness ..nor shall i ever go back to any of that........

Hello, Newlight,

my only concern is, what will you do if your wife chooses not to fogive you, and actually leaves you? Would you be okay enough to keep true to your belief's and covenants at that time?

My emphathy goes out to you. I have never been unfaithful to my husband, but that's not to say I haven't been sorely tempted at times. In all these fantasies it seems that "Mr. Wonderful" comes to solve all my problems, validate that I'm a beautiful human being (worth and value), fulfill and edify me, etc., etc. In my dreams he is nothing less than perfect and loves me perfectly.

The desire for this Mr. Wonderful was a drive for me. It was like hunger and thirst. After years of struggling with this, I realized what I was really wanting was the love of Heavenly Father, His solutions to my problems, His knowledge of my worth and value, the fulfillment and edification of the blessings of the gospel. Wow, the light came on!! LOL.

Anyway, I've learned a few lessons in this struggle. I've had to learn over and over again not to rely on the arm of flesh, and that chastity is first and foremost a covenant I've made with God, regardless of my marital status; however, it is also a promise I made to my sweetly loving, loyal, head-over-heels-in-love-with-me husband, whom I would never want to hurt with a betrayal of his trust. But, get this, it is because he loves me so deeply and truly that I don't want to be unfaithful to him, even in thought.

Still, there are times when I feel lonely/alone, painfully empty and sad. My sis-in-law said that no one person is meant to fulfill all our needs. I believe that support comes in many different, appropriate ways. Of course, first I turn to God, then myself, then others. That's a great deal why I post on LDS net.

Hope this helps. Best of wishes. Just remember, if He forgives you, you are truly worth forgiving, and it is as if you never committed the sin.

Dove

[Hemidakota]

Personally, I was livid when priesthood leaders told my husband that he didn't need to tell me everything. No one has the right to decide that for me. This advice just allowed my husband to rationalize his lying to me.

Did he repent?