applepansy
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Posts posted by applepansy
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Quantify abuse, is emotional abuse not as bad as physical abuse or worse? What if they had kids? would your opinion change at all?
Yes emotional abuse is just as bad or worse than physical abuse.
If there are already kids in this marriage then both parties need to double down on making it work.
Its better to repent than to destroy a family, especially one with children.
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Bit more of a harsh truth knock on the head I suppose....but you are right. Sometimes I don't actually want to anymore but I made a commitment and I am going to find the energy to carry on.
I am sorry you considered it harsh. It wasn't meant to be harsh.
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Congratulations!
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My husband and I have been married for over 2 years. I am 22 he is 27. We were engaged and married quite quickly and were sealed in the temple 2 months before our second anniversary. We have been apart 4 months during our first year of marriage. The relationship started on lies and WoW problems on his part, we married for the wrong reasons (sexual sin). Two weeks before our wedding we wanted to split but out parents had put so much into the wedding and we felt bad as my mum is quite poor. It was wrong from day 1 and he was distant since we got engaged. First year he never really wanted intimacy and I was all the more clingy, craving his affection. I began to think of my very loving ex boyfriend who was heart broken I moved away and married another man. I finally asked my husband the final time if he truly loved me...he replied no I don't think so. I moved back home the next day but I was too heart broken and needed to instantly be fixed so we got back together as he felt guilty about it. This happened a few more times until it stuck for a few months. When it came to what seemed like I would not see him again I freaked and we got back together. He wanted to as he doesn't need to be in love to be married and just doesn't want to bother with divorce, plus he wants to do his duties as a mormon priesthood holder. Bear in mind he never tried to win me back when I left. Anyways there was a couple more sin issues with WoW leading to loss of his drivers licence. Nothing since that. We pushed our issues aside and were fine for a while apart from me feeling depressed. I got over that mostly and we married in the temple. Now I can't cope with this distant and unloving nature anymore and am thinking about my ex again. He told me recently he doesn't love me as much as I love him and was depressed but then after seeing me cry so much he took it back. I want to divorce really but don't know if it's bad enough for that and I'm scared of the consequences. Any thoughts would be appreciated and feel free to ask questions I've definitely not covered everything!
I read a few posts and deliberately quit reading.
My husband and I have been married for 38 years. There have been times when I/we considered divorce. If we had gone that route we wouldn't be celebrating 38 years. Has is all been happy? No. Has it been worth it? YES! YES! YES!
1. Marriage is about service. Its not 50/50. Its both giving 100%, 100% of the time. It won't work out well unless you both serve each other.
2. You can fix this marriage IF you want to.
a. Make the Savior a partner in your marriage. That means praying TOGETHER as well as alone. It also means being honest with each other in loving ways. It also means neither of you get defensive. Being defensive destroys trust.
b. Watch Fireproof (its on Netflix).
c. Watch Mark Gungor (on youtube).
e. Five Love Lanuages
d. Find a counselor who will be fair and hold both of you to your commitments.
3. It takes both of you to make a marriage work. But it only takes one to start the behaviors which will fix the marriage.
4. Even people who start out not loving each other can have a successful marriage. But they have to serve each other and do the hard work a successful marriage takes. Its harder when you start without love but love can and will grow as you serve each other.
One last thing: Nowhere in the church (scripture or otherwise) is divorce encouraged. The only time divorce is appropriate is when abuse is involved. That doesn't mean divorce doesn't happen, it does. What it does mean is that we as LDS members should have a deeper commitment to making marriages successful, especially when we've been sealed in the temple. You and your husband covenanted with Heavenly Father to be each other's spouse. You didn't promise your husband and he didn't promise you. YOU promised GOD!
I wish you the best and hope you both can make it work out. You will received tremendous blessings if you can make it work.
P.S. Whatever you do, do not bring children into this marriage until its stable.
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Nobody has suggested the obvious choice - stone battlements. With archer slots so you can fight off the food rioters.
On the plus side, you can design the whole thing in Minecraft to get a sense of look and feel.
Am I right?
This is the fence I want between me and the neighbor on our north.
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Yes, then he put it up again, then my husband took it down again. This was after a year of trying to reason with him, he was a problem neighbour who was very agressive and tended to threaten people, he had a long history with half the street and we had filed many complaints about his behaviour but the police wouldn't do anything about him, so all the good people just kept moving away. You probably wouldn't believe half of the stuff he got away with, like deliberately swerving his car at people (and children) if he didn't like something you did or said (such as complaining about his speeding). I eventually got him ticketed for harassing my dog, and had to go to court because he was determined to fight the ticket, but he lost. I find it really ironic that after 7 years of harassment animal control cared more about my dog being harassed than the police cared about the safety of my children.
was the fence on the property line or on his property or on yours? rhetorical question there. :) I have dealt with onery neighbors. We're currently living next to one. Thankfully there is about an acre between their house and ours...but we share the property line.
If he pain for the fence and it was on the property line or on his side of it... inches matter... its good he didn't sue you.
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Whatever you do don't use plastic orange snowfence like our (former) neighbour put up between our houses. Pros - cheap, but cons - ugly, will look like its half falling down within days, orange!!!, also your neighbours may take it down when they find the city does not regulate fencing material, and when you put it up again, your neighbours will take it down again...and so on.
Good fences make for good neighbours so glad we have moved.
I have to ask.. :) did you take it down?
I agree "good fences make good neighbors" I've never heard the saying applied to the materials of the fence. I also heard it applied to a sturdy fence on a property line both parties agree on.
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I would love nothing more than to have a vine-covered fence. We are in Weber county somewhat north of Utah county. I imagine what works there would work here though I might see what plants are lucky for everyone else.
Wisteria will do well where you live. Also Honeysuckle and Morning Glory and there is another that starts with a C. brain fog moment. Anyway, there are vines that would do well. There are also bushes that make good fences.
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In Utah Vinyl has a tendency to get brittle in the cold temps we experience here. Then a bump can crack the vinyl. They tell you that doesn't happen but the vinyl fence around our church breaks every year.
I agree that with your feelings on chain link. My sister did a wood fence and then on the bottom 3 feet they put up horse fencing against the wood. That way the babies couldn't crawl under.
We will probably do vinyl with wood underneath. Less breaking. And we will probably do the wire fencing on the bottom too. We live on a road that gets busier every year. Right now though the kids play in the back yard and in the wilderness :). (The wilderness is the scrub oak "forest" on the back 1/3 of our property.) There is enough room to play back there so its not an issue unless they want to ride bikes
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I just read the following a book by Sheri Dew. She quotes Sahar Qumsiyeh (who lived on the West Bank and had to travel through great hardship to go to church in Jeruselem every week):
"Through all the upheaval, she has learned that the "only true peace has to come from the Price of Peace Himself, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The peace that the Holy Ghost brought into my life after I was baptized has remained with me during days of trouble and conflict."
I don't think anyone has ever taught that we won't have trials or hardship, just the opposite. The notion expressed in Travelers post (quoted by PC) I believe is a misunderstanding.
I know that I personally feel the Savior more (taste of the living waters more) when I focus on Christ regardless of the trials that are surrounding me. Sometimes I find it hard to do when I'm in the middle of circumstances and problems. I often forget. But then I find something that reminds me and the "living waters" do flow into my soul and circumstances aren't so bad.
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Jesus promises that He will instill in us a fountain of living water that shall never run dry.
"Well, that's for the faithful folks--the active ones--those with multiple callings, up-to-date home visitations, and church giving that far surpasses the tithe and standard offerings."
Really? Jesus made that promise to a 5-time divorcee Samaritan woman, who was shacking up with her boyfriend. He promised her greenness, moistness, and vitality. Life--a fount that would never run dry.
Maybe it's time to get back to the essential--to Jesus? When He is the center we can endure/bare all things.
The title of this thread is a description of my world lately.
I want to thank you again for the reminder PC. When I've had a particularly bad day (in whatever way) I come read your post which reminds me that I need to focus on our Savior more. Thank you.
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So another musing...
Joe becomes a brain surgeon in order to provide for his family, heal the sick, earn money to give to others, influence others for the better, and to generally make good use of the talents given to him.
Bill works in some vague job making a decent and sufficient if still modest income. He provides for his family, pays his tithing, and even gives a bit to charitable causes. But his position does no real social good nor particularly make the most of Bill's talents.
All else being equal, could Joe be considered more righteous than Bill?
1st.... not our decision.
2nd... not necessarily
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Jacob 2:18-19.
But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.
And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.
Yes, this one. Thank you.
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I believe that wealth will come to those who use it wisely in the pursuit of following Christ.
Example: My husband's neighbors growing up were amazing people. They didn't have money yet they found ways to help others financially and in all other ways. When I started dating my husband I heard the story more than once of the wife going visiting teaching, finding a household with a broken toaster, going home to get her toaster to give to the family who needed one. How I learned this was one day I heard "June gave the toaster away again". The husband was the same. They quietly and without fanfare served. They both served at the Ward and Stake level and later in life he served as a temple sealer.
Several years ago they became wealthy.... millions and millions wealthy. And it grew. Their lifestyle didn't change other than he splurged on a new truck for ranching. He still wore overalls for work and suits for church work. When the wife died of cancer he didn't hire nurses, he took care of her himself at home with the help of their daughters. If you met them on the street you would have no idea they were wealthy. Their attitudes didn't change and they continued to help those around them, just in bigger yet meaningful ways.
There is a scripture about seeking wealth somewhere but I can't think well enough to remember where it is. The jist is if we seek riches to to the Lord's work we will receive them. I think this applies to the GAs.
- Roseslipper, Leah, pam and 2 others
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Jenna, I understand the feelings you've expressed. I often find myself overwhelmed with the negativity in my life. Often its exacerbated by the physical pain and exhaustion I struggle with.
Pray helps me. I don't pray for the issues to be resolved in a certain way or even resolved. I don't pray for anything other than strength to survive and to do so with a positive attitude. I'm often surprised to find myself not stressed when I really should be. I also express my trust in Heavenly Father's timeline and solutions.
I will continue to pray for you.
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Just a couple of points to make:
1) According to US Customs and Border Protection (CBP), the port of entry is federal property and a place where pictures are not allowed. The punishments the agent allegedly threatened are not accurate, but it is, nonetheless, impermissible to take photographs. Violations of protocols at the border usually lead to searches. So far, that isn't out of the ordinary.
2) Why was the scout unloading anything? The agents do the searches, and you shouldn't be handling the bags without authorization. The border is one of those places where you simply don't speak unless spoken to and don't do anything until told to do.
CBP released a statement saying:
So I'm willing to hold off judgment of CBP until the FOIA request brings out the video and CBP's internal affairs releases a report on the incident.
Was there some overreaction here. Probably. But let's not hold the scouts blameless. Especially the troop leaders. Those boys were clearly not prepared on how to cross the border without creating a disruption.
I just came back from a trip to Canada with my troop. We had five vehicles pass through the border. One of those vehicles had a large trailer with all of the gear. Before we left, we instructed all of the youth (and adults) that the border is not a place for messing around and that all electronics were to be turned off and each person be ready to answer questions if asked. They were to be quiet through the process and, if stopped for a search, were to do nothing until instructed by one of the border agents.
The only difficulty we had was the vehicle with the trailer happened to draw an agent who apparently wasn't aware that youth traveling with an organized youth group only need a photocopy of their birth certificate. The agent directed that vehicle to the search area where another agent inspected the paper work, took a quick look inside the trailer, and waved the group on. It was a 10 minute delay.
Meanwhile, in my car, when the agent handed me back all the paperwork, I took a moment to review that I received back everything I had turned over. The agent waited patiently and calmly while I finished and then responded cheerfully when I asked if he still had my passport card. Turns out he did. He complimented me on my attention to detail and I went on my way.
So while any inappropriate behavior by the agents should be dealt with, those boys don't seem to me like they were adequately prepared for the border crossing.
I trust the Scout leader and the scouts more than I trust CBP
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This video touched my heart today. I hope it does your's too.
- pam and SpiritDragon
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I am SPITTING mad right now.
"A great lesson in civics"?!?!?!
If that had been my son and his troop, I would probably be excommunicated, and the lesson in civics would be a felony murder trial. I hope someone is staying with that boy's parents, right now.
First rule of firearms handling; never point your weapon at anything you do not intend to shoot.
I completely agree. This situation wasn't a great lesson in anything good.
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Holding a gun to an 11yo's head is child abuse.
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This puts the missing Malaysian plane's fate in question for me.
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Whenever I read these discussions anymore or whenever I hear the lesson at church and the talk about the lesson afterwards I have reminded of the following:
Luke 8:5-8
5 A sower went out to sow his seed: and as he sowed, some fell by the way side; and it was trodden down, and the fowls of the air devoured it.
6 And some fell upon a rock; and as soon as it was sprung up, it withered away, because it lacked moisture.
7 And some fell among thorns; and the thorns sprang up with it, and choked it.
8 And other fell on good ground, and sprang up, and bare fruit an hundredfold. And when he had said these things, he cried, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.
So often we (me included) hear something taught that hits home in my heart. Instead of saying how can this apply to me I get defensive. We all do sometimes. Then instead of stopping and saying "how can I make it easier for my brothers" I hear and read threads like this.
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Anatess, I agree. Both have a place in staying healthy.
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That's what gives us The Force, right?
Oh...wait...Midichlorian....my bad.
Actually
other than the spelling YES!
Thinking of divorce - help!
in Marriage and Relationship Advice
Posted