Kindan

I don't know about other men, if I am 'normal' or um, inappropriate. .... But when I see lots of skin I have to make a conscious decision not to look. So I do make that conscious decision to not look. I'm not saying it's easy, although easier now than when I first made this commitment.

MOE: So what did you decide and what happened next?

The thing that's wrong with the idea of "damaged goods" is the thinking that a person, especially a daughter of God is "goods." You are a person. A daughter of God, and since He is a King you are a princess, an heir to God's kingdom.

I learned a thing I'd like to share. This is about how to show respect for women if what they are wearing catches (not your eye exactly - your lust?). I don't know if other males are this way, my guess is that many are, but many are not. I find that if I see a lot of skin (like through the corner of my eye), the first impulse is to look. So as I turn my head I realize what kind of "looking" i'm about to do. So I very quickly find something nice about the woman that I would feel ok telling do God. Like "that color looks good on her, or I like her hair" Something non-sexual. then having said that in my mind, I get back to whatever I was doing and don't look at her more. This is when I'm in a public place and the women I'm talking about are ones I don't know. This might seem silly, but the thing is that forming this new habit breaks the old one in such a way that it gives me a moment of time to look away or whatever is right to do. Yes, I had that choice in the first place, but having this moment (longer than at first), gives me a bit more time to make a conscious. decision. This is an idea that was taught to me by some friends a few years ago. We were all trying to make changes in our lives, one of which for me was to no longer look at women with intent to be lustful. Since then I have found that I don't do it very often now. I don't even turn my head - which is what I think I'm supposed to be aiming for. my point is that there are more options of how to respond to immodesty than what has been listed in the OP. Here is another example: There was a woman at my job (a former job that I left not long ago) whom we all found very attractive. once in awhile she would wear something that was revealing, and seemed to say "please look" I don't know if that was her intention, but a male coworker and I set up a thing where we could tell each other. Once I said to him "so and so has an interesting top on - but I'm not going to look" we found that telling someone cut out the preoccupation of looking. Respect in one's heart for women makes the rest a lot easier.

I teach people how to use software over the phone. Once a customer had a question I didn't know the answer to, and I said "I don't know, let's Google that" and she said, "I don't remember where to go to do that."

I think a lot of us think we have to become perfect on our own before approaching Christ, but are supposed to approach Him first and during this process.

My mom was a single mother, and when I was in college, my wife and I met many people our age who's spouses left them with kids. I also met some very wealthy men who were also very good men. I asked an institute teacher why God didn't bring back polygamy because I thought it would make lots of sense that if there are men and women who could actually live polygamy and provide temporal and leadership/spiritual support to women and kids who could benefit. My institute teacher reminded me that what may seem practical to us mortals, God sees a lot more clearly. Principles: 1) This is the Lord's call. Even if our reasons to want to live the law (after this life even) are altruistic. 2) What may be our motivations do not include a knowledge of what it is like or what it takes to make polygamy work. - Maybe there are journals or writings of members from years ago who have shared these details. Certainly if the Lord commanded it, He would prepare a way for it to be done well.

This might be an example of how the new policy has advantages. I don't know the reason why activities committees where discontinued, however. We are a brand new ward, created from a significant boundary change in our Stake. There is a place in the ward that is new to us and we to them -- in Ward Council discussing this part of our boundaries the idea of a neighborhood (not church) barbecue was brought up. It turned into a great activity where members were found, interested non-members were found, and dynamics of this part of our ward were discovered that would not have been. This came about in WC from the Clerk's need for help to find out who lived there and each organization took ownership and got excited. As Gwen said, just the direction/general purposes of an activity need to be part of WC -- other ward members can be asked to help. I remember there used to be an emphasis on the three sub-committees of each priesthood quorum: Temple, missionary work, welfare - not sure of the names. And in RS they have committees, I don't think the change in activity committee policy needs to be all/nothing/done poorly - just maybe people assigned to help - one activity at a time. Anyone know the reason for the change in policy?

Moundbuilder, Is your main/only goal being a member of this forum to sell your book?

Praise/congrats, and other mushy stuff to you for choosing to return to Heavenly Father. What has been said, I echo. Comparisons between ourselves and others aren't what the Lord is about. Consider Zoram in the Book of Mormon. He very publicly was against the church and then joined. You can be a wonderful example to people who are also sincerely seeking for connection with God. Any way we can help -- would be glad to.

You know the thing about making a decision and praying, and if the thing is wrong you get a stupor of thought and forget the thing was wrong? Well, here is a funny story (fictional - but I hope funny). A man thought it would be a good idea to remember what was wrong. He couldn't understand why God would answer questions this way. "I want to remember the wrong thing to make sure I don't do it," he said. So he wrote down his decision on a piece of paper before he prayed. He placed the paper face down on his bed while he knelt. Then he prayed and got the stupor of thought. He couldn't remember at all what he was praying about. "A Ha! I have it on my paper though!" he said to himself. He took the paper and turned it over. In elegant handwriting it said: "This page intentionally left blank."

Slamjet: Congrats! My stepfather was ex'd when I was 12 - It was very difficult for me because I really loved him and didn't understand at the time what was going on. Your posts here have a high degree of credibility in my heart. "And Admiral, All my hopes." --Uhura in the movie, "Search for Spock"

Girly girl: One thing that really helped me was reading the book, "Believing Christ" by Stephen E. Robinson. There is a part early in the book where the author says "Don't stop reading here." -- I stopped reading there the first time. Please if you read it, don't stop reading at that point. The second time I read this book, I was in the middle of a situation where my bishop was quite rude and uncaring. I find it ironic now that it was him that suggested I read this book because all it did was convince me of some of the same things others have mentioned in this thread. I used to think that the Church was this organization created by God to be in charge of our spiritual growth and salvation. (In my mind this is the view expressed when you said, "Im scared now of how much the church can control your life." Now I see the Savior himself, personally, with each of us individually, as a partner in my salvation. He (the Savior) created the Church to be an organization to HELP in this arrangement. This change in my estimation of who was "in charge" was essential in my quest to cope with similar trials and yet continue in faith. Because the faith was then in Christ rather than in the men who are representing Him - for better or worse. I don't know if this will help you or anyone else. I share it in the chance that it may. I applaud your strength that I see in your posts. I would like to offer sincere friendship and acceptance.

Not only is blessing the food a way to express our gratitude, it invites the Spirit. We have had many guests in our home over the years, some non-members. Since we always bless the food, we simply would do the same if one of the kids friends or other guest was there with us. The fact that we always did it and therefore didn't make a show of it made the guests comfortable I believe. Once, a friend of my daughter asked her to teach her to pray after having had several meals with us over time. It was way cool.

Hi. I'm Kindan. Nobody special. The nature of my work requires isolation - so I'm looking for friends to keep me from going nuts.