Iggy

I agree with you JudoMinja. My older sister walks a fine line between being a controller and being abusive. When she is told that she has stepped over the line into abusive, she stops- back tracks and apologizes. She also makes every effort to not pursue or repeat. My little sister is a controller, yet when you tell her she has stepped over the line, she really could care less. Do it her way, or hit the highway. Believe her version of family history or be a liar or even the bad person in the story. Consequently her children (and their children) live nearly 1200 miles from her and have no contact with her at all. I, also, have nothing to do with her.

a) Willing to put up with it? Often the abused does not know that s/he can stop it. My ex told me that if I left him, he would kill my family. I believed him. I stayed. He told me that if I told anyone he would kill my family. I believed him. I stayed. Day after day, week after week - - - year after year, he chipped away at my self respect. Then he made the fatal mistake of not monitoring what I was watching on TV or what books he brought home for me to read. I would ask for a book, he got it for me. Never did he even look at the cover blurb about the book. From movies, programs and books I learned that what was happening to me was wrong. b) First you have to discover that you are being abused. Then you need to find your way out. For each person/situation it is different. When I left it was after a beating. I had had enough. Death certainly couldn't hurt as much as that last beating. And if it did, it wouldn't be for long. As for my family, I just couldn't take any more abuse just to save them. I called them, told them that Ex could show up at any time, and to NOT let him in the door, that he was there to kill them. For months I only called my family from work- never gave them my phone # or my address's (physical or mailing). I was active in Church by then, and when EX did show up where I worked, he was like a deflated version of himself. No yelling, no verbal abuse, just cussing. He wanted HIS paperwork. His wedding ring, His letters from his mother. Didn't have any of that, was still at the house. Any way. To this day, my siblings still do not know of the abuse I suffered from- and they never will. His siblings and mother know. They knew all along. Blast them all anyway. Since I left him I learned that he was hot air. Since I learned that he is/was a viscous animal - I have healed myself. I made it a point to NOT become a bitter woman. Through prayer and following the commandments, I strove to be a better person. I get pretty passionate when someone says that verbal, mental, emotional abuse is not as bad as physical though. It is as bad. Changing the situation. First you have to change yourself. Build your self esteem. Gain knowledge that abuse in all of its forms is WRONG. Leave- put as much space between yourself and your abuser. If that means divorce, then do it. Mostly, you must, repeat MUST always walk with God. Had I not been recently active in Church- I could easily have become an abuser. I have forgiven my abuser. I forgave him shortly after I left him. I will never forget it. Until the day he died, I would never trust him.

From someone who spent 26 years of her life in an emotionally abusive marriage that in the last 5 of those years turned into physically & sexually abusive- Emotional, mental abuse is by far the worse. Why? Because they leave no out ward marks. Go to the police and tell them your husband is abusing you. They then want you to go to a Dr so that the broken bones, bruises, and all physical marks of abuse can be recorded. Emotional abuse create the deepest and longest lasting hurts & scars. Yet they are not visible. I got over the wound caused by the table fork jammed into my chest- the bruises received all over my body when I was thrown across the kitchen table-counter-floor. Or thrown against the wall. Or had anything that was not nailed down thrown at me. The bruises went away in about a week after he beat me with his fists. But the damage done by the emotional, mental, verbal abuse - well some of that I will never heal from. I have moved on. My celestial husband knows of my history and is so patient and compassionate. When the monsters tend to overcome me, his soft and gentle voice telling me . . ."Past Life- Iggy, that belongs in the past". . . helps me to banish it yet again. Want to know what the last trigger was to an episode of a b s o l u t e, mind numbing, curl up in a fetal ball and sob? I head the song Teddy Bear's Picnic. It was background music to something we were watching on Netflix. My ex had beaten me, my co-worker took me to the hospital and she gave me a stuffed teddy bear that played Teddy Bear's Picnic and she would wind it up and play it the entire time I was in the ER- she even wound it up and put the bear in my arms after I was given a room. As the drugs the Dr gave me took effect, that song comforted me. I still have the bear, and I can still listen to the song- it is just when I hear it unexpectedly that those horrible memories CRASH all over me. My cracked pelvis healed, the bruises faded, the cuts on my body healed and the out ward scars are barely noticeable. That night was the opening act of Physical Abuse. That night the cops believed me. That night his friends believed me. After that night he made sure that the marks were in places I would have to strip to show. That I was too modest and shy to expose to anyone who was not my mother. In my Real Life Experiences- Emotional, mental, verbal is W A Y way worse!

Thank You, thank you, thank you! I ran CCleaner- I installed Google Chrome, and so far so good. The pc we use to watch Netflix, and shows via the internet was having problems too- so Hubby ran CCleaner, got rid of IE8 or 9- installed Google Chrome and Prest-o Change-o works so way much better. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thanks both of you- Nope don't have firefox- yet. Husband has all sorts of cleaners installed on my 'puter. I'll do CCleaner- then I'll ask him to do the others. Once they are finished then I will do Firefox.

HELP SlamJet HELP I have Windows 7 Home Premium on my computer. Have updated/upgraded to Internet Explorer 9- and I HATE it. Loathe, detest, H A T E, hate, hate, hate. I went back to IE8 and I hate that one too. When I try to print directly from the internet, say I am trying to print just a portion of the web page, I highlight the part I want, go up to the print icon click on the down button and select Print Preview. Then I select Print selected area. Well guess what? IE9 tells me that IE has experienced a problem and is shutting down. I am so sick and tired of cutting and pasting to word just so I can print something. We have uninstalled, then reinstalled our printer- uninstalled IE9, reinstalled IE8- same thing happens. Put IE9 back on, now the stoooopid/poopid error message that IE has encountered an error and is closing pops up constantly! Thought it was Google- so I went to Yahoo as my default search engine. That didn't put a stop to anything. Actually it increased my frustration at having to click 4 more times to get anywhere! Once ago, on an other computer where I had XP I tried to install FireFox. What a mess that was! Hubby took my computer to work and had the IT Tech for ASU fix the mess. Who has Windows 7 Home Premium AND has FireFox? Will the stoopid errors end? Will I then be able to print with OUT having to cut and paste? HELP Please.

When my husband forgets to take all of his thyroid meds, he gets dark circles too. Considering you are in the medical field, have you ruled out allergies, thyroid, anemia, plus fatigue. I am diabetic, and when I am overly tired out come the dark circles.

Too slippery.

Beer IS alcohol. Nyquil, mouthwash and cough medicine are not to be consumed like beer/hard liquor is consumed. For those who are allergic to ethanol alcohol, they can not use those medicines. I am allergic to ethanol alcohol. The cold remedies I get have to be alcohol free. OK, now I am truly done.

It is too about health. Read it again, and go to the verses in the foot notes and read those scriptures. Yes it is about health.

I add 1 cap of vanilla and 2 packets of Splenda to 20 oz. of 2% milk because I like the taste. To me it is a triple thin milkshake, I only drink one. I am now officially out of this conversation -

There is a difference between an ounce of booze added to 6 oz of OJ- THAT is a Screwdriver. A teaspoon of vanilla extract to 6 oz of OJ, is not It isn't. The more of the vanilla extract you use, the more alcohol you are trying to get. You do not drink vanilla extract like one does beer or vodka. If you drink 6 cans of near beer, you might as well drink one can of regular beer. ALL extracts use ethanol alcohol- that is how they are made. BUT the flavoring is so intense one does not use more than a few teaspoons of it, and it is added to a food that eventually decreases the mass amount consumed. Add it to cake batter- and to the frosting, generally one person does not consume the entire cake in less than an hour. If you were to add one ounce of vodka to the frosting, then eat all of the frosting within one hour- THAT is the same as drinking one ounce of vodka in 6 ounces of OJ. My point is one does NOT drink extracts like they would drink a can of beer or a highball of whiskey or a screwdriver. THAT IS MY POINT!! WHERE did I say it cooks out???? I did not. A bottle of vanilla extract is not much larger than 8 oz. The intensity of the vanilla flavoring is very off putting except for the most hard core alcoholic. ANY flavor extract for that matter. What I am saying is that near beer is still alcohol. If it is used strictly as a flavoring say in batter that you deep fry, or pancakes (one restaurant here in my town puts beer in their pancake batter- personally I think it is nasty tasting) then it wouldn't matter one way or another because of the very small amount of beer that is being used/consumed. In the 30 years I was drinking wine and alcohol, I was also bartending, cocktailing, and I owned a bar. I never once had a customer who when drinking Near Beer stop at one beer. Generally they consumed up wards of 3 to a max of 12. THAT is drinking alcohol. THAT is against the word of wisdom.

Are you actually saying that you put a shot (7/8 to 1 ounce) of vanilla extract into your glass or two quart pitcher of OJ? Or when mixing up frosting? Then you use no other liquid when you make frosting? Just the vanilla extract? There is a big difference between flavored extracts and alcohol. Ganache uses rum. Rum is anywhere from 35 %-75.5% = 70 proof to 151 proof. Beer is 2-12%=4-24 proof. Near beer is .05-1.5 = 1-3 proof. Cooking doesn't dissipate all of the alcohol. Nor does flaming it, as in Cherries Jubilee. If one thinks that it is okay to drink near beer- 0.5%(1 Proof) at a party, and then consumes 6 or 12 cans- you are then imbibing in alcohol consumption. Flavored extracts are not consumed by the ounce or bottle as beer, liqueurs, brandies, hard liquor is. Flavored extracts that do contain ethenol alcohol are used by the teaspoon full and in some cases by the tablespoon and are added to a product that is then divided into smaller servings. No, I am saying that drinking near beer is the same as drinking a can of Bud or Olympia. Just because the alcohol amount is reduced, doesn't mean it is not an alcoholic beverage. Flavored extracts that contain alcohol are not beverages. If someone is drinking them as if they were, then they have more money then they know what do to with and could be closet alcoholics to boot. The same as if they were drinking mouthwash or otc liquid nite time medicines.

The extracts are use to flavor solid foods- not a glass of beverage. In my personal opinion, Near Beer is against the Word of Wisdom. As is night time cold medicines & cough medicine that contain alcohol, when the bottle is consumed in an hour or two and not over a three or four or longer day period.

I met with my Branch President today after the block and in his office. I apologized to him for my angry outburst and for blowing up at him. For the things I said in anger. He was astonished- he took no offense at what I had said, or how I had said it. He didn't think I had been rude, or out of line.He knew I was really upset- and I was only the fourth member who had come to him regarding the same bag lady. He graciously accepted my most humble apology. He then said. ."We are totally flummoxed regarding her and Bro & Sis Bringhertochurch. They have been talked to regarding her bringing coffee, tea and sodas into the church building, not to mention the chapel. They shrug it off. She has been talked to, counseled, explained to and she shrugs it off. Granted, we don't want to discourage anyone from attending church, member of not. But, when it is flauntingly disrespecting our standards, well, we are at a loss at how to get it across to her." end quote. I suggested that perhaps she would respond better if one of the brethren nearer her age would greet her at the outside door, IF she is carrying, then escort her to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, explain that the drink and her food must remain in there. Tell her that she is more than welcome to visit it after each class, to partake of it, then leave it there and go attend the next class. BUT the drink and the food must remain in the kitchen until she leaves to go home. Regarding Bro & Sis Bringhertochurch, they just might possibly need to be counseled by him and/or a member of the Stake Presidency or perhaps the Branch Mission Leader and/or Stake Mission Leader. But if they don't get it- they just don't get it. I am confident that he will find a way. He has been gifted with the mantle of the Bishopric.

My husband obsesses over having meds stockpiled. I don't. We both have high blood pressure, I have type 2 diabetes. He takes thyroid meds too. My goal is to eat healthy and get off the pills and insulin. When I attain that goal, my blood pressure will come down too. Oddly enough my bad cholosterol is at or near normal and my good cholosterol is just a little under normal. When it does get bad, storing insulin will be nearly impossible. Thus I MUST make eating healthy top priority NOW. The next big ticket items on our list is a propane powered generator, large propane tank, and a volcano stove.

Back with the church was solemnizing polygamous marriages it was not against the law of the land. Today, polygamous marriages are still practiced- not by LDS, but by other cultures.

Totally Off Topic - waves - Hi Tom, long time no see- how are you and your sweet little family? Good to see you. End of Off Topic Greeting.

MMmmmm, we have lots and lots of people around my neck of the woods with tats and piercings. My knee jerk reaction to seeing a 19 year old girl with not very professional tats all over her checks, neck, shoulders arms and midriff - Wow- a human memo pad. And it is un-erasable to boot!

Anatess, THANK YOU - I could feel the spirit in which you were responding with. I am humbled by it. I feel that negative feelings and thoughts are brought and encouraged by the adversary. Once I recognize that, then, in prayer I banish them. You are correct that the anger must be turned around by me with charitable thoughts and actions. I must let it go- she is not my stewardship. Those whose stewardship it is are aware of my thoughts and feelings and of the situation. Generally when I being something to the attention of the Bishop &/or RS Pres. I don't hanker for more information. To know what was done. For instance, one of the inactive sisters has a ramp that is very dangerous- I related this to the RS Pres. and to my hubby (who is her HT) and he related it to the HP Leader. Once I did that, I was done with it. Now, I like this sister, and I am concerned for her safety, but I don't have a pressing need to know how the 'Powers-To-Be' reacted &/or going to do. According to hubby, her entire house is a death trap, and the Branch Presidency are well aware of it. Again, Thank You Anatess.

Yep, me too- with about 20 nails. Turn it into a mirror!

Slamjet, my husbands youngest brother is a meth addict. He uses, he sells. He spent 2 years in prison for possession. His addiction was NOT forced on him as a result of his childhood or at any time in his adult life. He willingly chose to use drugs. His mother and father were divorced shortly after he was conceived. His mother was an accountant, his father a crop duster and an alcoholic. He might have been ignored during his childhood- at least that is his only complaint. His two older brothers are 15 and 10 years older than him. My husband being the oldest. From what I can make of the stories the two older brothers have related to me, this younger brother was spoiled. He also was not held accountable for his actions. Mom bailed him out of trouble. Eldest brother bailed him out of trouble. From my perspective, he never once was made to suffer the consequences of his actions. So in that respect, I guess his childhood could be a catalyst to what he becomes as an adult. But it wasn't abuse. I know of a woman who my family hired as a caregiver to tend to our mother while my sisters went to work. Mom and my two sisters lived together. We couldn't leave Mom unattended. Over time this caregiver told of her childhood and the results of the horrible abuse that was heaped on her starting as a 1 week old infant. She had been sexually molested, beaten and nearly starved to death. If it hadn't been for her 7 year old sister hiding her in the attic and bringing food to her, she would have died. She was molested and beaten all of her life, she finally went out on her own when she was 12 years old. As a result, she developed multiple personalities. We knew this woman when she was in her mid thirties. One of her personalities was a grown man, he taught for a time at the U of Wash. Another was a woman who was a LPN. And yet another was a Pediatric Nurse. She was not an addict, nor were any of her personalities. Her physical self joined the Church when she was 30. Yet the Professor identity smoked a pipe and loved coffee. I had been to her tiny little apartment and never saw any signs of smoking or smelled it for that matter. Coffee yes, tobacco no. In talking with the Professor, he said out of respect for her and the depth she felt regarding the Mormon church, he quit smoking. None of her personalities ever molested or abused anyone. Some were petty thieves though. Yet if you asked them if they stole something, they would admit it and if they hadn't hocked it or spent the money you would get it back. None of them used drugs or drank alcohol. When she took care of my mother, nearly all of her personalities came out and visited &/or played with Mom. Also at that time she had been in therapy for eight years. Twelve years after my Mom passed, she had integrated 32 personalities, leaving only one other than her physical self. Her psychiatrist decided that it would be best for her emotional health if she never knew what that personality did to protect her. On the other side of that coin, my ex-husbands father used to smack his mother around. Never laid a hand on him or his two sisters though. My ex was abusive to me. At first it was just verbal and mental. Over time it evolved into physical. Shortly before I left him, his mother revealed to me that she felt she deserved the beatings her husband gave her. That I deserved what her son said and did to me. I was absolutely appalled at this. I never did anything to deserve the beatings, or the verbal abuse. He grew up thinking that this was how a husband treated his wife. He never berated me or verbally abused me until AFTER we were married, then I became his WIFE. Fortunately for the women he dated and lived with after our divorce, he never married. Thus he never abused another woman. I spent too many years while I was still married to him trying to understand why I was allowing this to happen to me. I understood why he was the way he was. I never could wrap my head around why he was unable to unlearn the bad though. After I left him, I realized that I really would never know and let it go. I wasn't really eager to find out if I was sick in the mind or at fault. It wasn't long after that when I realized it wasn't me that was at fault- I embraced my faith once again and as time goes on my self esteem has been emboldened. My faith is stronger as each day passes. I have hit many road blocks, bumps in the road and sometimes brick walls. My new husbands family are chock full of drama, trauma and heartache. I embrace the good parts. His son and next younger brother are jewels. His cousins are treasures. The rest are kept at bay. We pray for them, but we also don't let them have our physical address or phone numbers. Without our faith, we would be doomed. We choose to hold to the rod. We choose the right. It is a struggle every Sunday morning for me to get out of bed. I LOVE to sleep. I love to snuggle close to husband and to have our cat Fred snuggle up against my back and have our other cat Ethel sit on husbands feet. I do however get up, get dressed and then I am eager to get out the door and get to Church. I think the person who has overcome is the stronger for it. When you have repented with Godly Sorrow, that strengthens you to never repeat or give in to the sin. I smoked for 29 years. I had tried to quit smoking about 8 times. Didn't succeed until I used the Patch and came back to church. Smoking, drinking alcohol-coffee-tea are not grievous sins. They are addictions though. I had already quit alcohol 16 years earlier. There really wasn't any trouble or backsliding with that. Smokes- that was a different story altogether. During the time I was on the patch not smoking, I was also cleaning the house of the built up smoke/nicotine on the walls, ceilings, furniture and clothes (fabrics). By the time I used the last patch- I was done with the cleaning too. I will never smoke again. I will never drink alcohol again. Coffee and tea I struggle with- on a daily basis. I drink ice tea- when I eat in restaurants. My thoughts about grievous sins- if it has been truly repented of, with a Godly Sorrow, then it will not be repeated. It has been washed clean from you. When God forgives you - the sin is no more. Gone. You are clean. You will remember it, so as not to repeat it, to not go down that path again. Been there, done that, Do Not Want The T-Shirt. Won't Dance that Dance again, ever.

I was thinking gluten. We have 5 people in our Branch who are gluten sensitive and one child who is super alergic to gluten. Her mom brings her snack for nursery.

what if the child has alergies to whatever is in the nuggets- they took quite a risk in removing her lunch.

That is my thought too- that the others have told her to leave.