a mustard seed

Yeah. Uh-huh. Inconvenience is not the problem.

Write a journal and do a detailed genealogy chart so some progeny(either yours or in your line) can follow in your footsteps? ^^;; Maybe pray and ask for help? It might eventually show up in some way. Maybe you're at the point where you can find the names and clear up the tree, fill in those holes. Maybe someone else in your family, a distant cousin's great grandson, is supposed to become LDS and find your chart, the footsteps you laid down, and do the temple work part of it? When you connect names already on charts on ancestry, doesn't it say whether they are "reserved" or not because those names are on another person's tree?

You mean the dead, as "first timers" don't get the benefit of a full session for their endowment? I think I owe them that when I go as a proxy for them, that they get to have their first time(and only, obviously) full to every last word, rather than skipped through because doing it for them is inconvenient for me.

Occasionally. Sometimes something said or done during the endowment will prompt an answer that sets my mind at ease. Other times I've had it happen that I got so into a session that by the time I get to the end it doesn't seem to matter any more.

I don't think it needs to be shorter because I don't know what you'd cut out. It all feels necessary to me, even the movie, which I love. Honestly, there is something about the rituals and the time to ponder the things said and the film, that I find relaxing and bringing me closer to a better understanding of our being here, every time I go. I also like to think of the spirits on the other side and how they must be feeling. Have they been waiting? Have they been through before, waiting to hear their name said through the veil? Or is this their first time? Also the length of time it takes to get to the Celestial Room, it gives me enough time and stuff to do to get into the mindset where I can feel the Spirit and go to the room for comfort or counsel. As someone who didn't understand nor appreciate the endowment session when I went through for myself, this is something I find particularly precious and necessary for me now, even though I am just going through for proxy; it gives me a chance to relive my own and learn from it again and again.

It is hard enough to overcome the awkwardness and shame and guilt of going to the bishop's office even when you know he is there to love and help you, and you know you need to change something and you desperately desire to. I'd rather a youth think their use of pornography is serious and possibly damaging them more than they realize, then get hung up on qualifying it or saying, "I'm okay because it is only once a week; that's 'casual' right?"

1. One is not better than the other. Viewing it at all whether you "choose" to every once in a while or whether you feel you have to sounds like a problem that has a similar answer: it needs to stop. Period. 2. Admitting "addict" status is not a "give up" standard. That doesn't make sense. Admitting a lack of control over one's life in regards to behaviors or use of anything really, is an acknowledgement of a need to change. If they mentally call themselves an addict and see it as a reason not to change, then I'd hazard a guess that the label possibly fits because they're putting a bit more effort than is necessary in rationalizing "I don't have to change this." Because most people who can even admit they are addicts, do so with the mindset of "therefore I need help/I cannot do this on my own" right after it. I know a few addicts in my life and none of them call themselves addicts because they are stuck in pride and not thinking they need to change. I think getting someone to admit that this problem is 1. serious and 2. could very easily be something out of their control has more good than bad consequences, because if change is on their minds and a desire to be closer to Christ, then even if they view pornography once a month, they will be filled with the desire to stop this, even if the label "addict" in the end does not exactly fit them. The point is to get these youth to the bishop's office before it ruins their lives, because even casual use will. Viewing pornography no matter if you do it a lot or a little will color a person's view of themselves, other people, and their relationships and thoughts about intimacy all in ways that make it impossible to find that connection we're suppose to have when we're with our spouse. ALL pornography viewing will do that.

Why do girls need to be in Boy Scouts? Isn't there Girl Scouts or something? What do they do? Sorry, that seemed somewhat accusatory towards you. I didn't mean that to sound so aggressive, lol. I'm just asking generally because when you said that I remembered there was like a girl thing wasn't there?

Huh. Yeah, that does not sound good. At this latest I went to as an adult leader, we did have arts and crafts - one in which included taking hammer and nails to a block of wood and making string pictures - but we also had archery and a kickball kind of game called Gaga, and swimming during the free time activities. And I remember one year for my girl's camp, it wasn't catered and we had to cook our own meals at the campfires, lol. The leaders did not like that year. I didn't mean to isolate you and your wife's experiences specifically but saying merely that we do have an outdoorsy program available for girls. At least, when leaders put it into practice properly. And some places even have Trek which is a separate thing from girl's camp to replicate the pioneer experience. I think things are getting better and more inclusive in recent years.

She didn't go to girl's camp? I'm actually not sure how old the girl's camp program is but it is for girls to interact with the outdoors and stuff related to that. Some are more cushy than others - like the ones I went to as a teen and the one I went to as an adult leader both had cabins and mess halls - but some of them still do the tent set up thing. And with the emphasis on Youth leaders taking charge, even our first years were expected to know how to set a fire, tie knots and whatnot. It's something they do teach in YWs to prepare for that yearly outing. Also, I take umbrage with the classification of "feminine activities." As a YW and even as a new Relief Society member, I did not like the activities either. I am kicking past me in the shins right now because of how much I missed out on, stuff I don't know how to do now that I'm trying to claim independence and get my life on track that sure woulda been useful if I'd went outside of my comfort zone and tried to learn and challenge myself a little bit. They do teach practical things to help in the home that anyone who is running their own house can stand to learn. Quilt making for a service project doesn't seem "feminine" to me; making gardens doesn't seem feminine to me; learning to cook certain things, can fruits and vegetables not just feminine but stuff everybody should probably learn how to do. I don't know, I get it interests go in a different way - for me, it was books, art, and writing - but the activities we can learn in YW are not just "girly" things that nobody uses unless they are a prissy, whiny little girl. Some might be, like those stupid folded paper boxes but there's more to it. And guess what? They have YW meetings where they ask for input from the girls on what their activities will be for the next few months. Barely anybody raises their hands sometimes and I know I never did during those meetings, so, did I really have the right to complain when it came time to do something I "didn't want to do"? They do sports for activities, they play games and they make stuff. There's options. And in the springtime we're supposed to be preparing the girls for camp by having them complete certain qualifications from the camp booklet, like different methods for building and setting a campfire or practice hikes because they usually have a big hike at camp itself.

A good litmus test is how does her being able to talk to rocks bring her closer to Christ? I cannot remember it very well but there was something in a lesson in Gospel Principles when we learned about the gifts from God(speaking in tongues, healing, etc.) and how the adversary tries to mimic them with cheap imitations. There was a difference and a way to tell and it had to do with who was being glorified or helped by the gift. Like the "gift of tongues" where people gibber gabber and scream incoherently, the purpose of this state wasn't to bring anyone closer to Christ but to draw attention to the individual doing it. So, someone who can talk to rocks, I'd really ask what that communication does to benefit her or other people to bring them to the gospel of Christ. Not to get off topic though. I found myself in a similar situation. It wasn't the sole reason for my inactivity but one of the contributing factors; my following my ex-husband in an attempt to love him and support him in the way he needed to be. Turns out, taking God out of the relationship, there's not a enough love just between two people to sustain you both in sin. I echo what others have said; if there is a desire for righteousness, then stay and support. If the spouse is going to follow the "dream/delusion" then it is putting yourself in the hole with them to stay. The potential for corruption of the self and both falling away is very high. As others have stated the pull of this particular malady is very strong; to help someone come back from that without sacrificing your own testimony in the process and being won over by normalization, is a strong soul indeed.

"I couldn't stop even if I wanted to" is just the starting part, the admitting of a lack of control in the situation. I suffer from an addiction/compulsion, not about pornography but something else, and in talking with my bishop about it, he helped put it into words that at the times when I give in, I don't really think too hard about the action or analyze or confront it. All I think and feel in that moment is the "need" the thing that I get out of giving in. Obviously, there's something else under that, the need being fulfilled that needs to actually be looked at and confronted in order to replace the unwanted behavior/addiction with something that will actually meet this need sufficiently. Some people don't even get to that point though; take my mother for example. One of my last phone conversations with her, she slurred her words, laughed at inappropriate times and repeated several times the same thing to me. Yet when confronted, apparently, "she hadn't had a drink all day." She's either lying to me or lying to us both about how much "control" she has in that situation and there's no way to even have the conversation "what need are you trying to fulfill" until she admits there is this duality, there is this place she gets to in giving in, where she doesn't consciously acknowledge the behavior, where she performs the actions by being disconnected from this part of reality. You have to start there before you can get to uncovering the reasons(because there is a payoff to everything we do; it's not always trauma or whatever but a reason why the habit was built) and then replacing the behaviors. "I couldn't stop even if I wanted to" is not the step you stay at in recovery, it's the awakening to take control of your life back. I too do not like the term "disease" for addiction because the whole point is to get that control back in recovery; how can you get something back that you never had if it is truly just a "disease" you're afflicted by?

I don't think there is a casual use of pornography, honestly. Gonna be a little vulnerable here but when I returned to church, I had a lot of work to do to become temple worthy again. I wrote erotica online during my inactive years. And like any good writer...I researched the material. There was stuff that I was definitively innocent about before I decided to write these subjects and even at one point during the last year of my attendance before becoming inactive, I even told myself that I was just "informing" myself, that my ignorance was a weakness. How I wish I could have a pure mind again... Some days I am incredibly saddened by what I did, even though the repentance process for those particular sins is over and I have shut the door on that chapter in my life, with the help of the Savior. There are some things I will never again be able to close the door on. Because once you see it...it's in there, like a little mag you carry around with you forever. You can put it on a shelf or put it away, you can choose to not partake when the adversary whips it out at inappropriate times but it will always be a bunch of pictures that you own.

Thank you so much for the encouragement! <3 And congratulations to you too finding something that works!

Sunday weigh in: 256! O_____O I stepped on the scale 3 times to double check and I even asked my uncle(who's scale it is) if it's the type of scale that goes progressively down because I just couldn't believe it! This Monday for Pioneer Day, we had a firepit gathering with the family and we did smores(I made two and then ate two more marshmallows). Then I broke down and bought energy drinks this week. I've had 3 this week, including a cotton candy flavored one I got from Broulim's! And the meals were not planned at the beginning of this week, so, we often winged it for lunch and dinners. The last 3-4 days I've been eating sandwiches...with bread, which is something I try to limit in my life, in addition to the energy drinks. So, I was just praying I wouldn't have gone back over what I'd already lost or at the very most, lose another 4 lbs like I have in weeks previous. But then I lost 7 lbs! I think what did it was the walking. Altogether, my baseline for each week is 14 miles. This week, I walked 22 miles because on 2 separate days I walked to town and back home again. I'm learning the street names here very well and hopefully this will help once I start actively driving. So, I think, even with the pieces of bread and the sugary drinks, walking so much helped me burn off that extra bit. Which is going to be fun because to help relieve the burden on my family for giving me rides, I'm planning to walk everyday to work(and I work almost every day of the week except Sundays) and then just get rides home after. So, it will very likely end up being 28-30 miles/week(because walking one way, it's 2 miles to town). The plan for this week is to plan the meals for each week this month. So, each week we go shopping, we already have a list. And then next month, we'll repeat it.

I read the book and I hated it. I read it aloud to my aunt and cousins in the car ride here about 4 weeks ago, mostly to help keep my aunt awake. I don't know how many times we "quit" that book and then picked it up again because I literally had nothing else to read and it was my job to keep my aunt awake while she drove. I didn't have a problem with the depiction of the Godhead. It's fictional and although I found it corny, it wasn't an issue for me enjoying the story. No, what I had a problem with was the clear agenda in the book, posed by the author. Like, not only does the main character not want to bring a gun along to his little trip(when at that point, he's just assuming it is the serial killer and it hasn't even entered his mind that it could actually be God) but when he brings it and first meets Papa, she asks for the gun from him because he won't need it...and then she holds it like a dead rat that she's going to dispose of. Now, whatever, you want to posit that God, who created everything, is anti-violence, fine, I agree with that; take the gun, by all means. But don't try to sell me on the idea that it is SO distasteful to Him that he cannot bear to touch it and has to act so snooty and hoity toity about it. I think God Himself can hold a gun in His hands no problem, even though our creation of them and us feeling it necessary to do so, probably saddens Him greatly. And then there was even a bit about global warming and how humans are destroying the earth... I also didn't like the religious moral relativism the book pushed and the neverending contradictions and the way none of the Godhead seemed to ever answer any of Mack's questions. You can tell when an inexperienced writer is trying to write for a character that is smarter than them because of the mistakes they make. Weaving, meandering, circular dialogue, vague and mysterious hints with clever one-liners intended to allude to something deeper, or rambling on about nothing and saying just as little, all to make you think this character is smarter than you, smarter than the writer. The problem is, you have to back it up with something. You can't write an evil genius with a super, complicated plan that defies common understanding without knowing the plan yourself. You just can't. Because there will be questions about what the plan is and you will need to deliver on it. And I truly think Young doesn't understand religion or how it works. Papa was the worst culprit of this. God is everything and nothing, yet God is very distinctly a father and a son. Structure, rules, and independence are bad, yet she can justify punishment and very clearly relies on structure and the universe running a certain way. Mankind's fall was an unplanned mess and yet it was what they intended all along to have this mystical, indepth relationship with all of humanity, based on love. I don't mind if you have a theory but stick to a point once you make it, especially if the bulk of the book is based on this theory of man's relationship with God.

Sounds like a good plan, @anatess2! I don't remember much about the book I had for the Whole Foods Diet. There could have been other things than smoothies and soups but the integral part of it was raw fruits and vegetables and nothing processed or packaged. I think the only recipes I liked were the soups and smoothies and I'd often cheat and cook the soups because it was seasoned vegetable soup. *shrugs* It's not one I'd do again because I'm trying to maintain a diet that I can live with. Some things I just can't live without: pasta and cheese being two of them. I'm not an aficionado or "sophisticate" or anything; cover something in mozz or chedd, melted, and I'm in heaven. But it is something that is very much a part of my ability to enjoy life, getting to occasionally indulge in that greasy goodness. This week was a shambles though and I just pray that the scale doesn't say anything higher than 263. Because I've been eating sandwiches lately. With bread and mayo. That's the hard part; if you don't plan the meals when you go to the store to shop for the week, then when the week is in full swing, there's not a whole lot around except quick and easy crap. I will probably never touch rice again, lol. I'll eat quinoa instead. I agree about the pork and beef. Maybe the occasional hamburger, but otherwise, I'm not really missing it. I much prefer exploring my options with fish and chicken. I recently did a recipe for oven baked salmon. Ok, in a small bowl, you combine 1/4 tbsp of butter(melted), a clove or two of diced garlic, 1/2 tbsp of parsley, and 1/2 tbsp of lemon juice. That is the measurement for each serving of fish, so, if I were making it for two people, I'd double it. Then you put the salmon on a sprayed cookie sheet, "paint" it on the top and sides with the mixture, and bake for 15 minutes. It is simple and so good! I love it! I love walking and dancing too! But I want to take a class or do it with someone. I don't much like Zoomba but I want to learn how to dance. Rollerblading might be fun! I want to try biking; that and hiking seems to be what a lot of people do around here.

That last bit contradicts what you said above, though? Because if you can still be in the right when you have flaws and yet point out other people's flaws....then what's the problem? Attitude is everything and I think it is an example of love to try to help others who are also struggling on the path of being perfected in Christ. Just because someone points something out, does not mean they're ignoring their own flaws or not working on them and I think pride makes us say things like, "You don't have a right to tell me anything. Look at what you're doing!"

It is definitely tricky, especially when I've had so much positive happen. It is easy to get into a lazy mindset. But yes! Do it with me! You can make it! Tell me what you do and how you do!

Forgot to update this on Sunday. I hit the first 10 lb.s milestone! I'm at 263 lbs! All total, in 3 weeks, I've lost 12 lbs! I was actually a little worried because we went to Bear World as a family - so there were 5 of us and we each got a square of fudge, then we sat out on the tables and tried them all together. I...had a lot of fudge. ^^; So, I was a little worried but relieved to see I had gone down the same 4 lbs for the week! I've also been extending my walks. I only have a learner's permit right now, so, when I want to go somewhere and no one can take me, I usually walk. So, last week and this week I added another 4 miles onto the 2 that we walk in the mornings for one day each week. Today I walked to main street and the Library and I felt moderately okay coming home! Last week, walking back up the hill towards the temple was brutal; I stopped every few feet to rest because it was just killing me. Today, I still felt winded and exhausted by the time I got home but I felt okay while walking! This is truly my goal, even if I can never truly lose the belly or the junk in the trunk: to be active. It is irritating to get winded walking up the two short flights of stairs in the house. That more than anything else is what I want to conquer, the feeling of it being SO hard to get from point A to point B. I also tried spaghetti squash for the first time! I am not a big fan of it by itself and it is an affront to nature to treat it like pasta. It is not. However, I will not give up on it and will try it in different recipes mixed with other things. I used to not be a fan of green and yellow squash but tried the right recipe and they work! So, I will try it again.

No, Doctor Lemon is right, it is not directly disobedience, if you go by the letter of the law. Personally, I take it to be the spirit of the law, that yeah, not taking care of yourself, within your means, opportunities, and ability to do so, is not inviting to the Spirit. The purchasing food thing is a little silly to me; if I had the money to do so, I would buy the best food. I do not think we will be judged for not being able to afford better quality things. But I do personally think I will be held accountable for purchasing a Monster instead of a water/juice, BECAUSE I know it is not treating my body respectfully...and the water was definitely cheaper. *shrugs*

Yeah! Just because God's mouthpiece here on Earth told you not to, doesn't mean doing it is disobedience! Related to this and not really directed at Maureen anymore: I thought a sin is a sin and all of it will indeed need to be repented of. Whether you only think about pushing your friend down the stairs or you actually do it, it will all need to be wiped clean in order to receive the higher glories. So, yeah, drinking a Coke, especially when you know you shouldn't because it's not being a good steward of your body or double earrings when you know it doesn't make a good representation of Christ and what he stands for, yeah, it all will need to eventually be given up and repented of as we are able. It's not accumulative or like "Hm, I need to do this much good in order to make God ignore those "little" things." Disobedience is disobedience. The good news is, Christ's Atonement will cover it all.

Yeah you did, because by naming your supposedly "fake doctrine" as a D&C section you are actually advocating against your own point. Because if it actually were, then you'd have to follow and preach it, right? Anyway, have fun!

Lol! Alright, I'm out. D&C is not doctrine we should preach? Yeah, ok. Good trolling, haha! I can see where this is going:

It's been good while I don't have a job currently because no money = no frivolous soda drinks. But I just got a job yesterday so I know I'll be drinking them more to stay awake during shifts. I somewhat reason it out: I have ADD and caffeine helps. Yeah, it helps me focus but I don't need it like I pretend I do. My point was only that I wouldn't really get upset if someone were to point it out to me because I know. It's hard being accountable to yourself with some things, even with a Prophet telling us what we should be doing.