a mustard seed

Thank you so much @seashmore. I think thats one thing that has been the most helpful in all of this is realizing I am not alone. Before i made this thread I was convinced that this is either not as bad as i felt or this was my responsibility and somehow trying to hold her accountable was ME shirking my duties. Not only talking to people here but also reading about other people who have gone through something similar it helps me realize this problem is valid. It also gives me hope that my plans to help my siblings by first strengthening my own foundation has hope and a good outcome at the end of it. So thank you. <3

Cultural appropriation is a tool used by racists to convince minorities and non-white ethnicities that segregation is good for them. It's a part of the Balkanization package for controlling the populace. I keep waiting and watching for the tipping point, the "hey...no, wait..." moment when each ethnicity is finally "rewarded" with its own graduation ceremony, its own dorm rooms, its own class rooms, its own drinking fountains, etc. I watched a video about microaggressions today(TL;DR if you're interested) and the ability to scientifically measure it or define it. I kind of get irate at the point when asking questions that would not be "racist" when asked of a white person(ala, "so, where are you from?") are counted as accidentally aggressive towards minorities simply based on one, narrow interpretation, regardless of intent.

Quick update: Countdown for the move: 5 weeks left! I cannot wait! Now, I haven't been accepted to BYU-I yet but my application was submitted and finished over a week ago. Plus, this is the time of the year when a lot of high school graduates will be flooding their desks with applications as well, so, I might not hear back until just before I move. That's okay! I am patient! Everything I hear from cousins who have gone to BYU-I it sounds like a dream and the perfect place for me to learn and grow. Like, not just access to opportunities and challenges but sort of insulated by church culture so that amidst these new challenges, I will have support in the church and I can reach out to spiritually uplifting things in my stress or anxiety. I've also been practice driving for a little over 3 weeks, at least once a day driving to the nearest town which is about half an hour away. I have not been on the freeway and have not been in cities or towns, however, I am pretty comfortable with speed(whereas before going above 30 terrified me; now, I find when going from 45 to a 25 area, like closer to town, I actually get anxious because it feels like I'm dragging or going too slow and I worry about drivers behind me thinking I'm too slow; it takes me a minute to realize, EVERYONE is now supposed to be going 25). The only thing, and it doesn't help much that every time I practice I'm changing vehicles. Out of 23 days, I have driven 6 different vehicles of the people willing to help me practice, but anyway, the only thing I have trouble with is transitions like the myriad curves and hills of NE PA, I either don't slow down enough or practically almost stop before going around curves or I don't progress smoothly with speed going up hills because some vehicles, I push the pedal to the floor and it just crawls to climb it, while others "VRROOOOOOOOOOOOM!" up the hill when you do that. And parking I'm about 50/50 ok at. So, there's plenty of practicing to do but I am leaps and bounds from where I started: my uncle had me behind the wheel in the first week of May and I had panicked breathing like a woman in labor, just going 30 on a road with no other vehicles on it. My relationship with my mother is the same. She has started trying to bond with my 17 year old sister, I assume to make me jealous but in fact, lol, I couldn't be more happier. Yes! Please! Pay attention to your emotionally stunted daughter who needs you! That's part of the delight of having kept silent about my complaints; she, in her pettiness, will often attempt to harm but actually ends up making me very happy. There's still occasional tension but, I guess the driving has done more than made me able to handle a large vehicle on the road, it has boosted my confidence and optimism as well. I feel unaffected by her and unconcerned with her. Small things she does which would have sent me here to agonize over "Can I last the whole last month of existing in the same house as her???" actually barely register as "MY" problem anymore. Even when she has been inconsiderate to me or depends on me to mother her children, I find myself less focused on it anymore. I read a letter that my sister got from her school counselor addressed to my mom, wherein my little sister has expressed a revulsion in regards to learning to drive herself or getting a job after high school. In fact, the letter states that she has no concept nor interest in exploring a life of ever moving out of my mothers house. A few days ago, we brought up her getting her learner's permit and she said "no" and my mom enabled this openly by stating how she never got her license until she was older(at 19), the same attitude she handled me with(which, at 29, going to be 30 this summer, this is the farthest I have ever gotten in progress with driving). It almost became an argument when my mother seemed dedicated to someone needing to be ready and wanting to drive before they get their license because "you would have been really angry had I forced you to get it at her age". Um, yeah, maybe for a day or a week, but do you know what driving could have done for my self-worth and confidence if I had been forced to learn earlier? I could have avoided years of sluggishness and apathy and depression about my life. I could have had independence! I left it there and I only bring these things up to state my plans and desire to, once I am settled and situated with a firm foundation in Idaho, to come back for my sister and bring her out there. I'LL force her to learn to drive, I'LL push her to get a job, and I'LL make sure that she can have opportunities that I wish I'd had. I'LL be the mother she should have had because I worry, with no thoughts of growth or her own successes, my 17 year old sister will eventually reach the same point I did, 4 years ago, where I felt disconnected and hopeless. I never want that for her and I'd rather she hate me for a little bit, as I force her to do things, than her to ever feel worthless because she's never done anything and can't muster the motivation TO do anything, so that being dead looks the same as her current state of living. Anyway, that's the update. I'll let you all know when/if I get in and what the plans are then. Thank you so much for the prayers and the helpful advice. I feel like I have been picked up out of the muddy trench, like a child held under the armpits and I am so grateful to feel free and clear of mind and spirit.

My brother has been reading Life Everlasting by Duane Crowthers and I thought I heard a while back someone recommend it to him, even a sister missionary but I cannot remember the situation exactly. I just want to know if anyone has read this and if it was a good book to read. There are reviews online and all but those could be from anyone of any background. I'm wary of reading books by lds authors, particularly of this non-fiction vein, and the book is a bit pricey, even used copies. I just want to know if it is worth getting and what your opinion of it is. It deals with the afterlife right? Like the Spirit World?

Well in regards to the trials aspect, I read a thing on facebook once where a man was walking with and talking to heavenly father and asking why He wasnt there for him during crucial moments in his life. He listed different situations like his car breaking down when he needed to get to a job interview. And the Lord responded by saying something along the lines of something dangerous being on the road ahead of him at that time; his car breaking down although seen from his human perspective was harsh and unfair actually saved him from greater danger. Same with the job interview being missed that there was a better opportunity in store for him. Despite being a "facebook post" i truly believe in Heavenly father having our best interests in mind even if we sometimes feel like things are hurtful or harmful to us. In this way being children of God could not be more apt because of our immaturity in relation to him, it reminds me sometimes of when I was little and how devastating it was to not get candy at the checkout when i wanted it. My perspective back then was of frustration at my helplessness and not understanding why my parents would not want my happiness in regards to a treat i loved, that they designed to keep it from me out of a lack of care for me. But now I see the wisdom of a lot of their decisions that were almost always in my best interest from their capabilities.

Same. There was something very direct about His hand in my life and the order, timing of promptings that I believe my grandparents when they say they'd been praying for me. Maybe it was what God always intended for me right at that time, HIS time. But how do blessings come if not asked for by the righteous and faithful? And what could be a more righteous desire than to ask for His other children to find their way back to Him? I'm not asking Him to force anybody. In fact my expectation is low because no matter what He does, people still have their agency. But I can ask my Heavenly Father for help in this thing that I really want.

No doubt. <3 First, just focusing on the school thing and the driving thing. In fact tomorrow I go to take the permit test at the DMV. I've been studying and taking practice tests since last Friday. That's mostly the growth stuff I'm focusing on. The rest is just trying to keep up with my calling, prepping for girls camp(I get to be a leader helping the first years), and last minute commissions from folks around here that I can do from home to save up money. So, it is coming along slow and steady with a daily to-do list.

It's the truth and I thank you for posting this encouragement. Off site I've been counseled about how Jesus himself accepted others but told them to sin no more. He wasn't just accepting of them while they were sinning. I have gone through a rollercoaster of emotions the past month. In my sorrow, I wished to be free from the pain of having to depend on her, of hoping things would get better someday and constantly being disappointed. It's heartwrenching to have her come home one day and tell me how I should read the Screwtape Letters because it has great insight into how Satan can get to us. And I think, "There's some clarity and an acknowledgement of the need for a clear cut desire for Christ otherwise the adversary has a way in. Is she thinking about things? Does she want to be better?" And then she brings me home food and pays me way extra money for a commission and I think, "She is helping me to save money so that I can have a good start when I get out to Idaho. <3 " ...Only for her to inform me on Thursday that she is leaving the next day for a friends(drinking) in Pittsburgh for the weekend. And then to find out Sunday that she isn't in Pittsburgh but in Idaho visiting a guy and won't be back until Wednesday. And then to find out on Monday when the kids come back from their dad's, we don't have enough food in the house...but I have all this extra money with which to buy it, even though nobody asked me, nobody designated THIS money for that, this was payment to me for work given to her. So, then I start to question was I being manipulated the whole time? Am I stupid in her eyes? Is that why she lies? I confront her about the lie and even though Thursday it was still Pittsburgh in our discussion and she left early Friday morning on a plane, I am questioned, "What? I can't change my mind about where I take my vacation?" And I feel powerless to call her on the truth because of all the cards she holds and how ungrateful I will be to say anything contrary. So, in that circumstances wishing to just be released from the game is understandable. But she is someone I love so very much. Even through all of the ups and downs. And I acknowledge that as a golden child, I probably do have a lot of narcissism myself. Sometimes when people text me or ask me about my day, I tell them and then as an afterthought, hastily ask them how theirs is. Or sometimes my relatives who I love and am very close to will talk about how they wished my family would come over for holiday suppers and I erroneously think they only meant me before being gently corrected/reminded. I am spoiled. I have, through desires of my own heart, put myself in a situation where it is hard now to extricate myself because it was easy and nothing was expected of me. So long as I watched the kids, I could stay home, do my art thing, and watch TV all day, read all day, or nap all day and have food and a phone. No responsibilities. No debt. So, it feels like I am manipulative in my own right because I will not allow her to know anything is amiss until I no longer need her for phone and internet access(she already doesn't give me rides to church or anything anymore) because it is easier for me. I stand by, waving, watching her do these reckless, immoral things, as she runs off a cliff in flames because it makes getting out of here easier for me. I keep saying how when I'm free, when I'm out west and have cut the last string from her, THEN I will start setting boundaries and having honest discussions with her. Maybe the discussion will finally be able to be honest when I start accruing these responsibilities, these stresses, and realize how much of a whiny brat I have been at this point in my life. I don't think it is healthy for me to move forward without acknowledging my responsibility in this situation and I thank everyone for the discussions and this thread for helping me become more aware of things.

That is perfect @eddified! Thank you! @zil I have decided to move but two things 1. I am moving with my aunt and uncle and they arent leaving until the beginning of July. 2. My mother does not know she is a big part of my desire to leave. I could move my stuff into my aunt and uncles tomorrow but I am unable to remedy the things that make me so dependent until I get a job, get schooling, and get a car. So it'd be shuffling my burdensome self from one person to another until it is time to get out there and actually doing things. In my current state I am dependent upon my mother for a lot and that dependence hinges on her happiness and approval of me. Right now, I am the golden child from eowyns link. But the roles have and may shift at a moments notice. I was a scape goat for a while right after her boyfriend dumped her because I tried to counsel her not to go back to him for how emotionally abusive and psycho he was; i was "judgemental" and she drew away and we stopped talking like friends for a while. Now, since she has decided that shes better off and recognizes he was abusive, it is okay to cast him as a bad guy. Heaven forbid I say anythung about the casual sex, the frequent abandoning of her kids, or the dogs though. I am sorry to keep coming here and whining and I cant gaurantee it wont happen again when something else happens. I am leaving my mother. A person that I have been emotionally manipulated into believing needs me in order for me to have any self-worth ever since I was small. I frequently make plans to do things and then internally anticipate her disapproval. It is hard for me to see clearly or to even feel like I deserve desires at all at these times. It will get better once I am out and I plan on getting counseling while in idaho to help me work through this baggage so that I can live a healthy life. But until then I am both an agent for my own freedom and independence and an agent for her without her having to even say a thing. Until I am out of here I feel like a double agent waiting to be discovered by her and punished for my betrayal so that is where the anxiety comes from. Its nobodies problem but mine but I thank everyone for the encouragement given and the prayers. It really has helped me reachieve clarity and so far nothing bad has happened as a result of me sticking to my guns and taking advice.

I read a book recently, Following Christ by Stephen E. Robinson and in it, he describes being saved and entering into the kingdom of God as being achieved at baptism. We repent, we're baptized, and receive the Holy Ghost and we're confirmed a part of the kingdom as we accept Christ as our Savior and take upon us His name. We are in. No worries. So long as we keep to the covenant(by continuing to repent(and implicit in that isn't to repeat offenses without trying to do better in the future but to use repentance to constantly correct, progress, and improve)) then we are "safe" in our inheritance. The whole point of works and following Christ's example is to not only build and strengthen our own faith and that of others but to force the natural man, the physical body to submit to the Spirit. We came down here to gain a body and to learn to control it and to be tested in our faith in God. We do that by submitting to His will, We cannot succeed without Him, after all. I haven't finished the book but that struck me as a new way of looking at it that sort of explains the whole works and faith thing. Like, looking at the two things as separate parts of a whole.

Thank you for this. I see a lot in both myself and her that rings true with this...but some does not. I am still neck deep in this situation though so I do accept the possibility that I might not be seeing this from the right angle yet. Still, it offers a great amount of clarity and I thank you for that @Eowyn.

My heart is in my throat. Update: My admissions to BYU-I is going well and progressing steadily. I just have one or two things left to do and they're "in the works". And my mother is still making plans, not telling me about them and disappearing, just assuming I'll be here for the kids. She buys me food and I feel like it's intended to manipulate me because its not food I asked for and not food that I need, usually snacks. Something big is coming up soon and I'm worried about it. So often, I talk myself out of things and end up being really unhappy because in the end, I feel obligated to her. Like, I don't feel like I have a will of my own or...I'm terrified of defying her. I cannot tell you the turmoil that assailed me before I told her of my plans to move to Idaho. I was so worried that she'd get mad and kick me out, or turn off my phone or internet and trap me here. I am so dependent on her that I need her in order to springboard to leave. The first week of May she has an annual reunion to go to for her navy buddies. Of course there will be drinking and now that she is free of a boyfriend, of course sex with whomever. Fine, she's an adult. But things have changed since years past. Now we have dogs. I would have been fine if it were just the kids. I have watched them before and I love them. They don't really need me to go anywhere in order to cook meals and be here at night. But nothing has changed about my situation with the dogs. I will not watch them too. It's too much stress. They're untrained and I will feel obligated to spend time with them but with them being energetic and rowdy, it'll be like watching 5 kids instead of just 3. I have a plan. My aunt needs help over at her house that week and she and I have talked and she is agreeable to having me over. I am debating when to tell my mother. She doesn't leave until the 4th(I think) so even if I tell her the 30th when I leave for the week, she'll have several days to put something together. I am terrified of putting this into action. I feel like I don't have the right to abandon her even though she hasn't brought up the trip to me at all or asked about it at all. I put things together from FB posts she's made. I worry about her bullying me and convincing/manipulating me into doing what she wants, so, I think I won't tell her until the 29th...or even the 30th when I'm already gone. I worry about things being tense until I move, so, in that way...I think about just keeping the peace and letting her use me yet again. I am sorry. I wish I was a stronger person and more confident.

I have the Carinessa and silk ones and they don't roll up on me.

Young Womens Secretary. I enjoy it and I get to help my sister as well.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support. Talking with my aunt and uncle about their plans to move to Idaho and including me in them this weekend, it sounds like it will be the challenge and growing opportunity that I need. I think I get stuck sometimes in the thought process that when trials and hardships come my way, I'm meant to view them as learning experiences. It is hard for me to get out of the mindset that "this was given to me by Heavenly Father and if I don't suffer through it with grace and depending on Him to feel better, then I'm somehow being ungrateful." It is hard for me to view new opportunities as blessings and often I get confused, thinking they're "escape plans" like I'm trying to avoid my responsibility to the struggle and pain I'm being put through. Anyway, that mindset has been kicked to the curb and I'm definitely going for the BYU blessing that I've been given. It'll still be hard but it'll be the type of challenge that I can grow and learn from, that will have blessings to earn at the end of it. I let my mother know about it Saturday night, being sure to frame it so that none of the blame was put on her and...she was actually really excited for me. I'm sure she's sad inside but I know...that she loves me and she knows, she knows this will be good for me. I thank you all for your prayers as I definitely felt the support and guidance of the Spirit during that conversation and the different choices I made on what to say and how to say it. And I thank you all for your bluntness. Like I said, I have a problem sometimes seeing clearly what I am worth and it has a lot to do with how I grew up and the example that was set for me.

Thank you all for your advice. I was unsure how this could work with the praying about it; it did not occur to me to make a decision and then to ask if it is right. Thank you all for your love and support.

Update on this situation. Things were ok for a little while. She came home from her trip and it seemed like things were back to semi-normal. Then she informs me of a trip she is making in May. Not asking just informs me about it, automatically assuming I will be here. Not to mention that she is pushing back yet again the court date for the custody battle she's in right now with my step father in order to make this trip. This has been a stressful situation and it will be prolonged even more now because she has to attend this navy reunion(no doubt drinking, drugs, and sex while she is there). Thats fine. I can handle it, even though I have callings now and will need transportation on those days she is gone. Then this past weekend, she informs me Friday that she is going to pittsburgh to get two dogs from a pound before they are put down on monday. No asking, just this is what she is going to do. She promised me no more animals. We owned two big dogs, a german shepherd mix and a rottweiler, when I was young, they stayed mostly locked in a shed, let out every few hours to go to the bathroom. One had to be put down because she bit my cousin on the face and the other we gave away. Then we had a wire fox terrier for a few months. She was locked in a crate most of the time because she wouldnt potty train but she ended up pooping and peeing inside the tiny crate every time she was put in there regardless of time. Then we had a beagel for a while. He wouldnt stop digging in the yard in navy housing so we gave him away. Then my mother got me a harlequin great dane for a graduation present. When we moved to the country and i moved out, she became an outdoor dog. She had heavy chains so she wouldnt get loose and the area around her dog house was torn up and muddy most of the time. So she slept inside a kennel at night and was left outside all day every day. She died from bloat a few years ago. My mother got two cats, a brother and sister and the girl was too wild so she was given to me. The boy was kept in the tiny laundry room until i moved into the house again after my divorce. I had him for a month before he succumbed to a urinary infection. My mom had a tiny dog that she kept in a crate most of the time because it was to wild then this past summer she got another brother and sister cat pair for no reason. I was able to give the girl away and we kept the boy outdoors but he disappeared this january. She has already been banned from animals. I brought this up friday and she whined and then got angry with me. So now we have two dogs, porteguese water dogs. I made it clear that my busy schedule meant these could not become my responsibility but that I forbade them from either being locked in a room or left outside. She agreed but who knows how she'll eventually get. Her boss is a dog trainer so theyre training the 8 month old dogs. Neither one comes when called. We almost lost one twice, its peed on the carpet twice, and she hooks them up outside for an hour at night to make them poop before bed. She brought them home Sunday and this is already where we are. They bark whenever one of us leaves our room or walks to a room where they are and at night this makes getting up to go the bathroom an alarming and wakeful event. I was so sorrowful last night. I was a little off so she asked me what was wrong and i told her I was stressed about my callings, the kids, and now the dogs. She asked "what responsibilities do you have to the dogs and the kids?" I dont know how to answer. I feel like maybe I'm being spoiled and whiny. I am here when the kids get home, i do homework with them, i do scripture study and family home evening. Yes i do not put money into the house but in that way i feel trapped in a cycle of death and stagnation. I cant really get out to do what i need to do because i dont have a license or a car. But the dmv is only open thursdays for that test. And i need money to get a car. Ok but in order to make money i need to work and do commissions which i cant get around to do because i dont have a car. So live in babysitter feels like all im good for. I have been feeling trapped and nihilistic for a couple months now. Last night i was praying and interrupted by a phone call with my aunt. Their family is moving out west to idaho at the beginning of the summer and after hearing all my struggles she offered to take me with them. I could get my license, a job, go to art classes and business/marketing classes while I'm there. I can have a future. I have prayed about it and felt nothing in response to either question (stay or go) but I desperately want this to be the answer to my prayers but i cannot help feeling torn over what i will leave behind. My little brother will still be in the house and he gets home before mom gets home from work. My sister still has problems that i know the gospel influence will help her with but that'll go when I leave. My 21 year old brother still lives at home but he smokes and drinks and lazes about. He will not be a good influence nor is he dependable. Is it ok for me to be selfish? They're not my children and she is using me to continue to play and fool around rather than being there for them. I feel like if I stay I may get suicidal again. I may feel so lost and trapped that I am unable to stay anyway. If I leave...i will be abandoning them and her. Shes not getting better and there is no future for me here but i hesitate to shirk my responsibilities, these trials the lord has given me I will pray and fast on it more but i just wanted to update on this situation. I dont even know how to talk to her. No doubt this will be seen as me abandoning her and betraying her. I just dont know.

It would depend on their revelations from the Spirit and God. Always. They would not be justified in making the decision to be physically intimate with each other just because no other people are around. Especially if rescue is always still on the table as a possibility. They should keep the commandments as best they can because they're going to need the Holy Ghost with them to know the correct course(what if they are intentionally separated for the Lord's purpose and are supposed to start a small family on this little island? Only He would know and only He could tell them). In the end we have to be willing to obey Him in all things, whatever He asks of us. And if the rule given before they land on the island is "the law of chastity" and they get no answer contrary to that, then that is what they should keep.

For some reason, I'm brought to mind the recent General Women's Broadcast and the Relief Society birthday. We had a dinner for that here in Susquehanna and several women got up and spoke about what Relief Society has done for them to help them and improve their lives. Then we got a little bit of a history lesson about it. Relief Society is about women not just sitting home because they can but in building and fostering gifts and talents and using them to better our sisters and others in the community. I don't think this lady's conclusions about solutions is correct that women need to work more, more that we should bring back the pride of homemaking or using our skills. I forget the talk(and I printed it out too!) but in it, the general authority told a story of depression era relief society and a woman that they found out was a pharmacist/chemist or something of the like. To help raise funds, this woman who'd had a career before losing her job, she taught the women how to make simple cleaning supplies that they sold to earn money for the families in need in the church. I'm sorry if I'm butchering this but just trying to show that relief society isn't all cake decorating and mending blankets; that women have a variety of gifts that could be utilized to help their communities. I don't know. A lot of that may already happen in communities across the globe but if it does, then she shouldn't be complaining about women at home as if they're just sitting on their behinds.

I am so sorry, sister! That must truly be an awful feeling to contend with and my heart goes out to you for you and your husband's struggles. What I might recommend is reading the scriptures together, particularly the Book of Mormon. That is where they say the true testimony lies, the keystone, because if it is indeed the word of God, then how could any of the other stuff that follows be untrue? How could the Book of Mormon be true but Joseph Smith not be a prophet of God? How could Joseph Smith be a prophet of God but then the ordinances and doctrines he restored to the Earth not be true? etc. Read the scriptures. Get a study guide or use the student manuals or family home evening guide - they have fun activities and they teach principles using the scriptures - if it is easier. They have these online at lds.org and on the gospel library app. My favorite is the Institute Guide because it tells a bit more about the history, the culture, has maps, explains Jewish culture, etc. Read it together if it makes it easier, even when either of you try to find reasons not to. Just do it. Pray for the Spirit and sit together with small goals if you need. Like one chapter a night. That's what my family does. Maybe start out of order so you're not starting from Nephi(I find I know the story of Nephi very well because I have tried and given up on reading them several times in the past; I'm a bit farther now, but just saying, if it feels too familiar maybe start on a different book like 3 Nephi or Mosiah). Just read them. Ponder them, discuss them, try to find not only the meaning of the time that they were written by those prophets of old but also why this was written for our day. Have fun with them, have a good time! One of the things my siblings and I do is have a running joke. We have a reality tv show idea called "Hardened Hearts" and when we read about different people going against God's wishes or getting too prideful or sinful, we spout off little adverts. "This week on Hardened Hearts, King Noah takes over after his dad as king of the Nephites and turns the land of Lehi-Nephi into a frat house! Will they never learn? Bwah-Bwamp!" They can be fun and still reverent. Read the accounts and histories of how the restoration came about. Read about Oliver Cowdrey and all the things he did, read about the early leaders and how they struggled, how Oliver came back and was rebaptized. Read about the three and eight witnesses and how none of them denied their witness. Think about what they saw, how all these men together experienced these glorious things, saw and spoke to angels, saw and touched the plates. When you put these two things together and think, "How could they go through all of that and just not give it up? How could they still have faith and still believe? Was this something possibly worth the struggle, worth the fight, worth that mighty faith?" You will find it again, both of you, that testimony of this glorious work. Most of all, pray, pray, pray. If you can't get to church, then just pray and read all that you can. Fight for it. Remember what touched you in the first place. Remember how your life will be blessed through your dedication and faith. Heavenly Father loves you and He loves your husband. He knows you both and He wants you, He wants to be in your life. But He's not going to come crashing through your wall like Kool-Aid man. Satan was our brother and he knows you both as well. He and the 1/3 know us and look for these weaknesses. He thinks he's got your number, that he knows how to buy you. Strive for those things that you know will build your testimony, don't buy his cheap imatations. If you have questions, search. If you're still unsure about what you learn, pray. If your husband is so sorrowful about this loss of testimony in his life, then it sounds like a broken heart to me and Heavenly Father will answer. I testify to you that this church and its organization is the will of God on this earth. I know that the plan of salvation leads to a bright and glorious future for me and my family. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, that the book holds answers, that if you go and ask questions and start reading it, the answers will find you. It has happened to me so many times, I've lost count. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that he did everything for this church under the direction of the Lord. I know that the church is run today with the Lord at the helm and that our leaders are filled with His love for us. I know that we are His children and that He loves each of us as individuals and He is concerned for you and your husband and is ready and willing to help, if you but ask Him. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

I like this! I'm very partial to upbeat and faster paced hymns, the songs making me feel like dancing I am so happy for the gospel in my life. Funny this comes up. Just today in Gospel Doctrine we were reading D&C section 25. One of the things discussed was how Emma was charged with collecting the hymns and how she and Brother Phelps chose the songs. One of the revolutionary things was how she selected jubiliant and uplifting music, as opposed to the dreary, sorrowful and morose hymns that were popular with other churches at the time. In that section she is commanded to find these songs that are pleasing to the Lord that invite that kind of spirit. A too slow, sleepy/dreary tempo can definitely make the spirit leave as the song drags or irritates.

I see this thread was probably misplaced, lol. I intended for it to be a discussion about actual junk food and candy. Like you know, have you tried those Around the World Lays chip flavors? Or the seasonal Oreo flavors? Everybody keeps bringing up healthy food which is ok if you like that but that was not even close to the topic I outlined. I understand that people here are more focused on eating healthy so this was probably a mistake to make. Oh well.

Yes a not strong testimony. I know and sustain all of the prophets of the church we have had as men called of God. By saying that means I trust their word to be direct from God. I trust that they lead us, choose our leaders carefully, and are inspired by the lord for doctrine and gospel teachings and decisions. If I have this testimony...how could I then doubt a rule given to us by them enough to leave the church over it, unless it wasn't strong enough to begin with? How could I deny the truth in it qnd yet still say I believe they are men of God?

Because our church requires an active faith and an honesty with the self and God that is not normally celebrated in todays culture. The people I have personally dealt with who fell away were looking for that one excuse to not put the effort in any more. if it were a priority then they'd dig deeper but they already have a foot out the door when somethinv outlandish comes to their ears and it justifies the rebellion they've been entertainjng.

I always thought we were taught to be the opposite of offended. We are told to be long-suffering, patient, and to turn the other cheek. Instead of assuming motive(like that those who offended me intended to do so) I instead try to foster an environment where love is more freely given. "Try"...it's not easy to follow His example but I am certain at least of what I am supposed to do.