Danny Phantom
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Posts posted by Danny Phantom
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10 hours ago, Vort said:
Honest, non-snarky observation: If your fiancée has struggled with pornography, that at least seems to indicate that she likes sex. Never having had to live either extreme, I believe I'd rather have a wife who dealt with (and perhaps deals with) a pornography problem than a wife who doesn't like sex.
I once heard someone say something similar about masturbation. A young woman opined that she wanted to marry a man who had never masturbated. Her leader tried to express the idea that vanishingly few young men had never masturbated, and most those few who had truly never done so probably had a defective sex drive. Masturbation is not a good thing per se, but at least it means the young man's sex drive and equipment is functioning within specs.
I actually did consider this, though it’s not the deciding factor. I’m certain I want to wait for her, because she’s doing really well and it isn’t so bad her it is an addiction. Well that and I love her like crazy. It honestly won’t be too long we’ll have to wait. I’m posting this I was honestly just curious to what wait times other situations yielded. I didn’t mean for it to be a “please help me decide” post. I was just mainly trying to ask for general curiosity of how long people in similar situations have waited.
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So, I’ve been dating this absolutely amazing girl for a little while, and recently she just hit me with this because we are getting pretty serious and we are probably going to get engaged soon. She’s coming out of a difficult year and she admitted to me last night that she has had a pornography problem. Not a full pornography addiction problem, but an occasional problem viewing it. She hasn’t viewed it for 2 months now, and is actively working with her bishop about the issue.
I love this girl like crazy, and her me. I’m just wondering how long are we going to have to wait for her to be worthy of a temple recommend again? We both agree that the only marriage we want is a Temple marriage, so this is definitely a big part. I know the length of wait is largely dependent on the situation, but I want to ask how long would you say one would have to wait to be temple worthy again for something like this?
I also want to note that I know that this is between her and the Lord, not her, me, and the Lord. However, because we are talking about marriage I’d really like to know if we’re going to be waiting a couple months, or if we’re going to be waiting a year or more. Just a basic idea would be nice.
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Hey all! Just trying to brainstorm some good first date ideas that would allow for a good amount of conversation while not allowing too many opportunities for awkward silences. Does anyone have any good suggestions?
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1 minute ago, zil said:
Um, isn't she in your ward? LDS Tools.
She is, and I considered that option, but I'm just trying to do this in the most natural, least socially awkward way I can manage. I'm not socially awkward, but I also am not very experienced dating so I'm not really too familiar with the do's and do not's of dating. Something about getting her phone number from LDS tools and randomly texting her with no reason aside from, "Hey I want to call you to ask you out because I know I'm not supposed to do it over text." doesn't exactly give me the vibe of not socially awkward, if that makes sense. Haha!
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So, I've talked to her several times the past couple of weeks, but haven't had a chance to have a good conversation with her because she's always talking to a friend and I never really get in a good opportunity to ask her out. That, and I only see her once a week at church, and then if I want to approach this in person, I have to wait a whole other week until I *might* get a chance again. The past couple of weeks I haven't been able to go to YSA activities during the week because of work and school. I am friends with her on Facebook, so maybe I could talk to her on there, get her number, and call to ask her out. I don't know. I know the whole, "Don't ask them out any other way than in person or over the phone, but I only see her once a week and even then it's a roll of the dice of whether I get a good opportunity to say more to her than, "Hey, how are you?". I don't want to seem overly interested or creepy or anything, so if after church she's busy talking to multiple other girls, I just end up going home because 1) I'm not going to just stand there and wait for a chance to talk to her, because that does make me seem over interested and socially awkward and 2) walking up and trying to talk to her while she's talking to other people would be equally weird of me to do. I'm just lost on what I can do. Haha! Advice appreciated if anyone has anymore to give. You've all already given me some great advice and I really appreciate it, by the way!
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3 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:
Maybe this is too random for most people, but when I read some of Dillon's posts, I get a mental image of drunken Princess Celestia telling you the way things are.
"Lemme tell ya a few things 'bout shtallions! Buncha filly chasin', unshod (*hic*) hay eaters! Thash what they are!"
Haha! Love it! My phase with that show had its run, which I grew out of, however I love this parallel you've drawn! Ha!
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10 minutes ago, BeccaKirstyn said:
Next time someone says that (if you're asking to meet up/go out with them) just say "oh, well I was looking to go on a date. You know, where you talk and get to know someone better and find out if this is someone you would like to spend time with. Oh, that sounds like what you're looking for in your 'hang out and chill' scenario? Interesting. Looks like you have a fear of commitment. I'd recommend talking to a psychologist about that so you can move forward with your dating life."
But probably don't. Just keep it at the back of your mind and then laugh at the person when they say that and when they ask what is funny, you can just smile and say "oh, nothing".
Haha! A great idea!
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1 minute ago, BeccaKirstyn said:
Oh yes, good 'ol Mutual. It really should be the Mutual "I just like to flirt and get attention from multiple people and can't really commit to anything" app. And again, that goes for both sides. I wouldn't waste your time on that app. While it does provide you with a way to potentially meet a lot of new people, most of the time you'll find what you've come across and it's not worth your time. Just stick to the regular "meeting people at church/institute/stake activities" way.
Yep, I have definitely learned that the hard way. I've been on a few first dates from Mutual, and each and every single one of them had the attitude of, "Oh, I'm not looking to date. Just to hang out and chill." I've stopped using Mutual almost altogether, because it's gotten me nowhere. I agree, and that has been my new focus. Meeting people at church and church activities, that is.
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1 minute ago, BeccaKirstyn said:
I would have to disagree with the end of your statement. There's a generational trend right now (with the age group The OP is in, along with myself) where people don't really want to be in a committed relationship. They want to just travel, hang out, and have "fun" (which includes all the "fun" parts of dating, but not labeling it as that). We went from one extreme of getting married young, to the other of not wanting anything to do with the idea of marriage at "our age". They want to be independent for awhile and enjoy that time of their life before "settling down". (I am using quotations because I don't align myself with this type of thinking--but I know plenty who do). While there may be some that have said no to dating because they couldn't just be honest with @Danny Phantom, I honestly believe most of them are truly not wanting to date seriously right now. And this goes for both girls and guys.
I have to second you on this, actually. I have this new Mutual LDS dating app, and I have to say that I have encountered countless girls on there that say something like "Just looking for people to chill with, nothing more." or "Just on here for the free dinners." in their 'About Me' section. Honestly, it's ridiculous, and I'm really tired of seeing that. I mean, I get people have their reasons, but if you're going to put "Just on here for the free dinners." on there, I'm sorry, but that is a really scummy thing to do.
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1 hour ago, Dillon said:
I would get a friend of yours or hers to ask her for you, ask her about you. Tell them to just ask her what she thinks of you, but tell them not to tell her you were asking. I am sorry but all these girls telling you that they dont want to date right now because of "such and such" that is just a nice way for women to say "I dont want to date you". Women always want to date and be in a relationship.
I definitely understand that it is just them telling me in a nice way that they don't want to date me, which I'm fine with. I wish they would just be straight up with me, though. I hate beating around the bush. So dumb.
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2 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:
I once burst into tears when a guy asked me out-- NOT the reaction he was expecting. But it all worked out: that guy is now my husband.
Oh wow! That certainly is quite the reaction to being asked out! Were they tears of joy, horror, or nervousness? Haha!
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5 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
You can't. If you're desperate, you'll always show it.
That's for sure. I'm not desperate, but I always worry that I'll give the false appearance of desperation, if that makes sense.
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14 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
1) Don't have any expectations and only the mildest of hopes. A big problem with asking a girl out in the first place is the expectation of something (good or bad). Just don't think about it too much.
2) Don't get too hung up on one girl. You just got back off your mission. Do you really think you're just going to bump right into her and both of you will realize that lightning struck? No. It's JUST A DATE -- NOTHING MORE. If you make it bigger in your mind, that is what kills you.
3) Concentrate on time together with some activities that don't require 100% conversation time. At the same time, don't make it a movie where you don't really interact at all. As you do things together, then talking will become natural. Let that naturally develop.
Thanks for the advice! I wish I just barely got off my mission. I've been off my mission for over three years now. I've kind of been slacking on dating.? I definitely don't have any high hopes or expectations going into it, but I will admit, I'm really, really tired of relationships not going anywhere. It feels like every girl I date has the same "I'm not ready for a relationship because I'm still trying to figure out [insert whatever]" Regardless, I understand how things work and I'm cautiously keeping any hopes or expectations low. I guess I mostly wanted to think of a segue into a natural conversation in which I would avoid the appearance of desperation, or trying too hard.
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5 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:
all fixed. sorry - we were all distracted by shiny objects.
Haha! Thanks!?
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Hi! I'm new and posted a topic in the relationship advice board, and I'm just curious how long it usually takes for a topic to be approved when you are new to the forums, as it's been around 16 hours since I posted it. Any information is appreciated! Thanks!
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2 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
It isn't a link. It's just on your profile.
I just wrote you a PM to verify your address.
Oh awesome! Thank you!
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4 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:
In all seriousness, just ask her. Don't wait until you don't feel awkward. Even if it comes out, "Uh, hey, ---name---, I kinda...sorta...you know...uh...enjoy talking to you. Maybe, if you don't mind, we...uh...could...kinda...you know...uh, have lunch?" If she likes you even somewhat she'll probably say, "Sure. Why not?" BTW, lunch is a lot less intimidating than dinner. So, keep it cool, and see where it goes.
Thanks for the advice! Do you know how long it usually takes for a topic to be approved by a mod? I posted this topic yesterday and for some reason it seems stuck not having been approved. Haha!?
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34 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
Welcome, Danny.
To verify your email: Go to the upper right hand side of the screen to your user id and avatar. Click on your name. A drop down menu will appear. Click on account settings.
Thanks for the advice! I tried that, however, I was still unable to find any link to verify my email for some reason. In fact, I am only able to see my profile on the forum page and not the main MormonHub page. When I try it says I'm not allowed to view that page.
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I'm new to the sub! Glad to be here! In addition to my introduction, I wanted to ask if one needs to verify their email. I can't seem to find a place to do so.
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This is my first post, so hello everyone! I feel like a super socially awkward person asking a question like this, but why not? Haha! So, just for some context, I am a returned missionary and am fully active in the church. There is a girl in my singles ward that I would really like to get to know a bit more. I've talked to her several times, and was in a "picture scavenger hunt" group with her for FHE one monday, so we got to talk quite a bit there. Honestly, this post may make it seem like I am a super socially awkward person, but I'm really not. If I know the person, I have no problem whatsoever holding a conversation and even asking said person out. My weakness, however, is with people that I either don't know at all or people that I know a little bit, but not to the point that I know enough about them to just go start a conversation out of the blue without it being awkward. I just can't seem to think of a naturally flowing way of initiating a conversation in a situation like that. I would like to get to know her better, and ask her out on a date if I can get to a point that I feel like it wouldn't be super awkward of me to do so, but I just don't know how to get the ball rolling. Do any of you have any advice for me?
Girlfriend/ Possibly Fiancé Soon[F23] Admitted To Me[M24] That She Has Had A Problem With Pornography
in Marriage and Relationship Advice
Posted
Thank you! To update, she is going to get her temple recommend in about a week when she meets with her Bishop again. She’s been doing very well! On top of that, we’re looking at a late spring wedding!?