LatterDSaint

Ill let you know this. My girlfriend did see all these things in me about a month ago even after she decided she wanted to serve a mission. Up until recently, she never saw President Kimball's speech about young able bodied men who have been commanded by the Lord to serve a mission. Our discussion about this speech alone is what led to our mutual break up

How do you know this?? I have seen many posts on here involving RM's who have come back, gotten married and either one of them appear to have just as much potential as a non missionary to be miserable. In short is your reasoning "Married and served a mission= great perfect life free of problems. Married and not served a mission= imperfect hellish marital relationship. The idea that a marriage cannot be fulfilled without serving a mission is foreign to me. Does anyone else share the same view? I find this slightly questionable... and take note, ideally my marital relationship would be with and RM whilst being an RM myself. This I cannot deny would be the most ideal marital relationship for every member of the church. I think Overwatch might disagree You did not confirm no deny that I (if I do not serve a mission) will be condemned as well as my hypothetical non RM/RM wife. Perhaps you could confirm or deny this rather than cower away? I most definitely believe that it is important work but you appear to believe that it is the be all end all for our salvation.... My Bishop allowed me to understand that those who look upon others as "imperfect" in the Church probably did not get the most out of their mission. Isn't it supposed to open your heart and be more understanding of each individual situation rather than outright shaming people for not conforming to our ideals? Of course I understand that those that do not serve will be missing out but this isnt the message I am getting from your posts at all....

Reading this thread seriously made me sick. I am so sorry for what you are going through RT2280CO. This is not how the Bishop and your wife should be acting. Its quite frankly disgusting. The adjectives I have to describe your Bishop I had best not say. He and your wife make me feel wretched and I will leave it at that. May the Lord be with you brother

Hi. I don't know the details of your husbands life crisis 4 years ago. If I knew I may be able to understand better what he might be going through, but even through the worst of times, his complete lack of faith in Christ might be due to an inner confliction he has harbored for some time and has kept hidden from everyone. It appears as though he is carrying a great burden that is blocking out the light of Christ. My advice is for you to remind him that no matter what, no matter how long it takes, and no matter what he puts you through, you will continue to be there for him because he is your husband and when you married each other you took upon your vows to be faithful and loyal to your husband in sickness and in health and your husband is now spiritually unwell. God bless you both

ahhh so my perception that those who do not serve will be condemned has been confirmed. "Going on a mission is a privilege" Going on a mission brings great blessings to ones life, but I believe this is the case if they served their two years honorably and did their best to serve the lord rather than to serve some purpose they left behind back home. it seems we are on the same page here. Still amazed at your outright condemnation for someone who has not served a mission. Perhaps you meant, I will miss out on the blessings that come with serving a mission. This I would be able to understand more than what you said. agreed So in effect you are telling me that my wife will be someone who I probably do not want to marry but over time I will learn to love and only that will make us perfect in the eyes of the Lord? It's an interesting perspective. I want to ask you a question. I would appreciate what your response would be. If I were to marry an atheist, would you still stand by your message of smoothing out the rough edges etc? Also brother, what if I want to serve but I am currently limited due to immigration status. I don't know if I will definitely marry in the next year or two but if I do (to another women) would you believe that I would be condemned regardless of letting this one woman still on my mind go and marrying another?

I am sure that you are much wiser than myself, but I must ask, from where did you get this from? I may have only been a member for 2 years and a few months but I have not seen any prophet or leader of the church that I have met say anything of a sort to what you wrote here. I understand. Okay. I will heed your advice because I know that this is what is best.

I acknowledge this mistake of mine. I should have been more clear about specifically when these conversations took place over the course of our relationship.

How did that loss to Kentucky feel? 😁

Are you a male convert? I probably should have edited it to "stigma surrounding men who haven't served". If you are a male convert then perhaps my perceptions are misguided and although I have come to understand that serving a mission is a priesthood obligation, I do acknowledge that 90% + of male students here at BYU Provo are RMs so its to be expected that there is an additional expectation level for every male member that attends BYU to have served or think about serving....

I acknowledge that I said this at early on in our relationship. I am still aware of the stigma surrounding people who haven't served a mission and are in a marital relationship. My intention was to make my girlfriend aware if she wasn't already how I felt about it. I prefer being upfront and honest about my feelings as to not lead people on. Obviously of course, this attitude of mine changed over the course of our relationship. If my girlfriend were to return from a mission, I would hope that she would still be interested in marrying me, someone who by that time likely would have not served a mission. Chances of that happening are pretty much next to nothing so I guess I my faith would be extremely misplaced. I guess the attitude I had those months ago works both ways huh

Due to being an international student. This has been the main basis of why preparing to serve mission isn't the priority of my prayer. I have seen posts from others that there are ways around this which I plan to look into.

Hi LePeel. I am a little surprised that you came to the conclusion that I "preferred that my girlfriend didnt serve" would you mind highlighting where I gave you this impression? I have a desire to marry my girlfriend whether she serves or not. "Preference" isn't relevant here....

As Jane Doe bluntly told me which I appreciated, it is not your place to be disappointed or excited about the decision the person you love makes in regards to serving a mission. It is between them and the Lord and I fully recognize this. I might not have been clear but I am by no means saying to her, "marry me instead of going on a mission". Whilst she knows full well that my desire is to marry her, I have been supportive of her mission since she told me. Could I be more supportive? Absolutely. But as she told me when we broke up a couple of days ago, she still isnt sure whether she wants to serve a mission and I responded that if she decides that path, it is by no means a prompt for us to get married instead. I dont know what will happen or what the Lord wants me to do yet. Im not sure she does either.... whether she and I verbally admitted this or not, we are both fully aware of this if she does intend to serve and we are both together when she does

Jane_Doe I really appreciate your willingness to dissect what I wrote and respond to each of my points. I also appreciate your bluntness. Gives a ton of clarity. Thank you

I understand this completely. I believe this resonates with the message my Bishop gave me. I have already felt that by not breaking up with her earlier, my commitment to her was affecting her being in tune with the will of the Lord. I do not completely know what the Lord's will for her is. I know her mother desperately wants her daughter to serve a mission but I also know that her mother is not Heavenly Father. I know where her desires lie and I know where my desires lie. I suppose this is the prime example of sacrificing something you want for the sake of Heavenly Father which I understand. If my *girlfriend chooses that she should not serve a mission from the date she originally told me she felt that she should serve, should I be disappointed in her? Would you (I know you barely know anything about her) but would you be slightly disappointed? From what I understand, marriage will eliminate the potential for a young woman or man to serve a mission so I do understand why its not something we should encourage over giving service to the Lord for two years or 18 months.

thank you for your post. I will definitely look to the Lord for an answer and will continue to pray for both of us. I believe I will need to graduate before I consider serving a mission due to being an international student, which is more or less two years from now hence why it hasn't been a priority prayer point for me. I also didn't expect to love this girl I have been with for 6 months and desire to marry her. I understand that people disagree about my perception of "love". Perhaps they make a good point. After all I am still just a naive 21 year old kid that hasnt experienced any of the common problems about marriage you know....

Would you feel that it would not be a good idea to date her after the hypothetical scenario that we have both served a mission. Just observing the "if you want". I assume you dont believe we are any good for each since neither of us have served a mission " At the end of 2 years you're both be more mature spiritual, physically, and emotionally" of course not all the people that serve end up completing their mission but nonetheless I do not doubt this...

To answer your first question its because I haven't quite gotten over her after three days. "Well, a person who loves his girlfriend will not put such girlfriend in spiritual and physical jeopardy. So, it's good that she's focusing on a mission. This will give you time to reflect and ponder the meaning of LOVE." I hear you

She is clearly looking for any reason she can to instigate something. If you have been completely faithful in your marriage then I suggest you ask her "Do you have something to tell me". If you have not been completely faithful in your marriage then you understand why this is happening

By "good plan" are you referring to us breaking up? This would make the most sense. from what she told me three days ago, she is still unsure about her desire to serve a mission even with us not being together, and i doubt we will be for however long that is

PS this is going to be a long post. This is my first post on this site and boy, I am so grateful that this site exists. I have been reading through some discussions related to my issue and whilst it doesn't give me any answers (only prayer and scripture reading can do that) it does give me slight comfort. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just less than six months. Over the first two months of dating she has mentioned on numerous occasions that she is undecided about serving a mission. Last year she spoke to her then Bishop about serving a mission but due to the lack of communication between them both, it didn't become her priority and then she and I started dating. For context I am a 21 year old international convert studying at BYU. My *girlfriend is 20 years old and has grown up in the church and is also studying at BYU. Obviously I want to be respectful of my *girlfriend when sharing certain details about our relationship, but to summarize, her parental relationship is split. I am the only member of the Church in my family. I have been a member for over two years and she has been a member for all her life. About 4 months into the relationship she had a meeting with someone very involved in her life, and she told me that the result of the meeting would going to determine whether or not she was going to serve a full time mission. I fully expected her to say that she is going to serve a mission and even in the weeks before when she and I were discussing it, I did tell her that I have no intention of dating a return missionary especially since I myself am not a return missionary and by the standard of the church, it ought to be the other way around. I did however advise her to continue praying about it. After her meeting she told me that she is not going to serve a mission, and to be completely honest, I was relieved. I really liked this girl and I felt that she liked me. Both of us have dated the same number of people before we met each other (under 10) and this is our first serious relationship with anybody. I remember telling myself before her meeting that if by any chance she doesn't go on a mission, I will think seriously about marrying her. So fast forward a few months and over time we begin to develop an extremely strong physical attraction to each other and it got pretty bad. After a discussion we had, we both felt that it was appropriate for us to see the Bishop. We both saw her Bishop and even though I didn't know what the outcome of that meeting would entail, I am so grateful that we both saw him together. Later, I saw my own Bishop and we have both learnt that we need written guidelines to help quell our physical attraction to each other. It has been harder and harder of recent and part of me is a little relieved that we mutually broke up two days ago hence the * next to girlfriend; however our break up is another story in and of itself. About a month ago after hanging out with my *girlfriend I was about to leave her apartment until she stopped me and said that the Lord has communicated to her that she should go on a mission. As you might bet, I was distraught as I had already had multiple serious conversations with her about marriage, and apart from the values we both share within the church, there are many other standards that we agree must be upheld to promote a stable family unit. She has convinced me that she understands what it will take for a marriage to be sustained for eternity and I believe I have also convinced her. However, of course, she wanted to go on a mission. After a lot of tears on my end I did not feel like I could break up with her just because she wanted to serve the Lord. It took some pride swallowing but I believed (and still do) that I will never find another girl like this girl and even though my *girlfriend has continually encouraged that while she is serving, I should date other people, part of me wants to test how long I can hold out until she gets back. I have no intention of dating other people whilst she is gone as I do truly believe that both of us have what it takes to raise a family together. Since last week, my *girlfriend has felt extremely conflicted about her mission and has mentioned that she wants to marry and raise children with me. She knows that I absolutely want to marry her and even though I have made that obvious months ago, I have done my best to be supportive of her mission since she mentioned it and I have even mustered the courage to say "I think you should go on a mission" even though I am well aware that she most likely won't come back looking to marry me. Last Sunday we went to church together and afterwards she shared something her mother sent her via text. For context, my *girlfriend's mother has been extremely adamant that her daughter should serve a mission. The mother has served a mission and whilst the mother's life has taken a nasty turn after she married a convert who was above the age range to serve a mission, she is extremely adamant that her daughter should serve a mission and part of my *girlfriend's mother's reasoning appears to be that her daughter will be condemned if she doesn't. Even as a convert I understand this desire for your children, boys or girls, to not only serve but to marry someone who has also served, so when I saw what my *girlfriend's mother sent her, we both discussed it and agreed upon the significance of the words from Spencer W.Kimball which said, "The question is asked: Should every young man fill a mission? And the answer of the Church is yes, and the answer of the Lord is yes. Enlarging this answer we say: Certainly every male member of the Church should fill a mission, like he should pay his tithing, like he should attend his meetings, like he should keep his life clean and free from the ugliness of the world and plan a celestial marriage in the temple of the Lord” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Planning for a Full and Abundant Life”, Ensign, May 1974, 86). So after a long and tearful discussion about this specific speech we both agreed that we did not have any intention to disregard the Lord's commandment and we mutually broke up two days ago. Just writing this to an anonymous forum makes me feel a little apprehensive but I have seen the replies from other posts and I am confident that I will be able to see extremely insightful replies regarding my situation with my *girlfriend. I know of course that I need to keep praying and reading scripture. I have seen my Bishop about this and he gave me great council regarding this dilemma in our relationship.