LatterDSaint

Members
  • Posts

    132
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by LatterDSaint

  1. Completely agree. I most definitely cannot have it both ways. I do like venting a bit on this site just to consolidate and calrify my feelings towards different ordeals I go through. Thats all really
  2. because she recognized the other day and today (about 2 hours ago) that she should have notified me sooner rather than later and has apologized profusely for her lack of mindfulness for how I would have felt that she was hanging with another guy and refused to notify me about it only until after the fact.... I love her and she is a blessing from the Lord. This will always remain true in my heart.
  3. so from your own relationship standpoint, both of you are okay with it. Does that mean that from my relationship standpoint, I also have to be? Is your relationship a model for all successful relationships?
  4. Jane, you are putting words in my mouth. This is not the issue I had and she is not disqualified from doing this. I was upset that I had no idea she was hanging out with this male friend of hers who is attractive until after they spent their time together... THat isnt what I meant and I'm really curious, would you be okay if your husband said he was somewhere and actually arranged for one of his friends who is a girl to take him there, and then later he told you that where he said he was going to be wasnt actually scheduled for that time and hung out with his friend for over an hour instead? Wouldnt you have preffered to have been notified that he was doing something else instead of what you had assumed he was going to do based on prior discussion?
  5. Ill add to this first point you made- She did something with another man while I was at the time, under the impression that she was at instrument practice. Does that not seem like I have a legitimate concern to throw I tizzy fit about?
  6. I see where you are coming from but I am curious. Do you think that "trust" is actually the issue here? Because I do trust that my girlfriend wouldnt do anything to intentionally hurt me but what is she does hurt me unintentionally which she did the other day by not telling me that her instrument practice was cancelled and that she was going to hang out with another guy who she has said herself, she finds attractive? Do you think I am wrong that I can trust my girlfriend to not cheat on me but not trust that she wont in time end up developing feelings for this other person that she might not even realize she is acting on? If you believe that "acting on" feelings is just limited to kissing another person or sleeping with them then you will probably think I am wrong which would make sense. But as I learnt today, acting on your feelings for somebody else is hanging out with this person while your boyfriend at the time is under the impression that you are somewhere else. Telling your boyfriend/spouse after this has just occurred doesnt make me completely feel like she actually respects me. Or am I wrong?
  7. Point taken But this concerns your wife which makes sense. What about conversations that arent centered around your wife and how to treat her in a certain situation? Do you consider that a thing?
  8. Point taken. The law of chastity is certainly something we are keeping in mind whenever we are together and I pray that our relationship will not end in us breaking up, especially over something like what I described above... Wow! Would you mind letting me in on how you were able to balance three jobs, focus on schoolwork, and give your wife your attention all at the same time?
  9. If the friend was a female, nope I would not feel the the same way at all. Although there was one instance where my girlfriend was with her bestfriend (girl) and her husband and I was a little upset at how she gave them a lot more attention throughout the day than she gave me when I came back from a long trip. If it was a fat unattractive dude that she was hanging out with, who I am not completely familiar with, I would advise her to keep her distance as I dont know him very well and his intentions may be nefarious when he is around her. Really? What if you suspect that an emotional affair exists between one of the "harmless" friendships? Would it be unhealthy to terminate it then? When you talk about being "fully committed", I assume you mean emotionally too. Do you ever talk about things with your coworker that you would not with your husband?
  10. God bless you and your wife. Very inspiring. I hope you and your wife have fun celebrating your 22nd anniversary The parents perhaps on both sides of this relationship would rather not see their children be married at our college age. I completely understand where they are coming from. It would be daunting for parents to expect to provide financial care for their children whilst they are in college and continually fear the possibility of a child coming into the mix
  11. Hi Jane. Thank you for your response. Has there ever been an occasion where your husband felt disrespected because you were spending time with one of your attractive single friends (who is clearly flirtatious) and wanted you to dial it down, a lot? Just curious thats all
  12. Hi Carborendum I appreciate your response. To clarify yes we are in the "courtship" stage. We spoke about marriage very seriously before we broke up and it is still a conversation that is bought up now. Granted, because of parental concerns, our reality is that we may not be able to be married for at least a few years. But I am willing to go the extra mile for my girlfriend and she appears to want to go the extra mile for me. And after educating myself on multiple forums about how relationships (marriages) often fail, I could see the imminent danger that was associated with what the events of last night. I dont like describing time as the foundation basis of a relationship but for context and clarity, we have been dating for at least seven months altogether
  13. Hi yall. I am here again. Might as well call me a regular I guess since this site is pretty awesome. So for context, me and my girlfriend of 6 months broke up at the beginning of this fall as she was contemplating serving a mission and in the end we to part ways and committed to see each other on the other side (post mission). For a month and a few weeks we didnt have any communication like we used to and when we saw each other, we limited it to small talk "hey how are classes etc". Then out of the blue she texted me to talk so we did. During this talk she said that she didnt feel that it was a calling from the Lord to serve a mission and a lot of pressure was placed onto her from her mother. She concluded that she wants to be back in a relationship with me. I accepted as I do love her and so for three weeks now we have been dating and it has been a greatly God centered relationship like it was before, only the spirit appears to be so much more involved (we arent letting things get out of hand). During the time of our split she has made many close guy friends, one of which is on her sports team who she described to me when we were broken up as her best friend. At the time we got back together, she mentioned if it was okay that she kept her male friends (all single who flirt with her) around, and I obliged because I believed her when she said that she is choosing me and not them. She never kissed any of them over this period but it was apparent that she developed an emotional attachment between perhaps three different guys, the strongest being the guy that is on her sports team. She disclosed to me on the night we got back together that the guy on her team is an attractive guy (which he is as I met him before I got back together with my girlfriend) and obviously I did not feel as though I had any place to deny her, her friendships, even if I was skeptical that their behavior towards her (flirtatious) was not likely to change. So last week me and my girlfriend were hanging out and we were talking about the relationships or friendships we formed with other people while we were split. I repeated what I said to her on the night we got back together that I went on a date with one girl and although I scheduled a second date with her, I texted this girl letting her know that it wasnt fair to her that I was still in love with my ex (now girlfriend). My girlfriend asked if I kept any female friends around to which I explained I didnt because I have no reason to while I am in a relationship with her, which led her to feel guilty that she was keeping her male friends close while she was in a relationship with me, but after long discussion about one of her close male friends who she met while hanging out with her bestfriend who is on her team, I said that I trust her to respect our relationship and even though this particular guy has been on dates with her, I had faith that she would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. Flashforward to yesterday, my girlfriend thought she had practice for an instrument and her sports bestfriend is also in that class so she understandably asked him for a ride and its clearly been routine since they have met. I did offer to give her a ride my self, but it was on a moped and its cold here in Provo so I understood why she was more eager to get a ride in her sports bestfriends' car. She wasnt sure if he was going to come through as he was contemplating whether to go to the volleyball game or not but with 7 mins before her class started he did, and I took the cue to say a quick goodbye to my girlfriend and we both left with the expectation (we established this earlier on in the day) that we would hang out after her two hour instrument practice. So after an hour and thirty so minutes I get a text that "I made it home. Are you still okay to hang out tonight" to which I replied "of course". I got to her place and we met up and I noticed that she was wearing nice jeans that I didnt see previously and I even commented that they were nice. So we sit down together on a couch and she proceeds to tell me what just happened over the past time I thought she was at guitar practice. SHe and her sports bestfriend found out that guitar practice isnt today and was actually on Wednesday like it usually is, which she has been attending since the beginning of the semester. So they take the liberty to head back to her place and all this time they were actually at my girlfriends place because her sports bestfriend hadnt eaten at all and wanted to eat at her place. She didnt protest. So I wanted her to clarify that in the hour and thirty odd minutes that I thought she was at guitar practice (there was no update text), she was actually at her place the whole time with her sports bestfriend, and she confirmed. I couldnt quite believe what I was hearing so I proceeded to leave then I came back and we had a long discussion about how I felt really betrayed that she didnt bother to let me know her instrument practice was actually on Wednesday, and she was at home the whole time with her bestfriend who she hasnt denied she finds attractive. She was extremely apologetic and confessed that she does have feelings for her bestfriend who is on her team but she values our relationship so will act to cut off her ties with these other guys from here on out. After what happened the other day, I agreed to this and we have made up but she believes that she will have to regain my trust in this relationship. Im interested in a discussion on this and will clarify things I didnt put in this post. p.s I love her dearly
  14. this analogy is absolutely brilliant. Truly. I am going to save this post to my files. And I am sorry for what you had to go through. I am glad that you and your wife are making amends within your marriage. Thank you brother.
  15. I completely understand however the knowledge that these multiple threads are based in reality is perhaps what is making my paranoia more extreme, afterall, if it can happen to someone else, surely it can happen to me I guess what I was attempting to ask is whether members of the church are inherently more faithful to their spouses compared to non members of the Church. Is understanding and acknowledgment of the law of Chastity all it takes? All religious folk including (i think) atheists understand that adultery is wrong so whether the people in these forums are LDS are not, how can we truly know if someone is going to remain faithful throughout their marriage. I have been told that serving a full time mission is a good indicator of whether a spouse will remain faithful. I think there is some truth to this....
  16. Brothers and Sisters, I have written on this site before and have deeply appreciated and also enjoyed the responses from my posts. Since then I have spent much time on this site https://talkaboutmarriage.com/forumindex.php perhaps to my own peril, but the constant stories of infidelity, which are obviously not healthy to continuously read upon, are definitely making me paranoid that my future partner (whoever that may be) will default to mortal "imperfection" and even up develop an emotional/physical affair with someone else. I think it is developing as a huge paranoia of mine even though I have personally not been cheated on. Ive noticed many situations where people have been blindsided by their spouses betrayal and abuse, and it truly appears like the worst type of pain in the world. Its actually something one of my professors briefly discussed in one of my religion classes and like he said, the infidelity of ones' spouse can inflict pain upon ones soul. It is unlikely that I will remain in isolation and avoid women (LDS) for the rest of my life, so if any of you wise brothers and sisters have advice on what has made your relationships successful and has nullified the fear of spousal betrayal, would you mind sharing it? Thanks P.S I recently read this story https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/370602-wife-choosing-other-man.html and in many ways, it reminded me of a relationship I was in not too long ago where I had a strong desire to marry this person. These stories do make me feel slightly unsure that if we had taken the direction of marriage, that I also could potentially face the same result.
  17. Final update: Just a few minutes ago actually, me and my girlfriend have officially broken up. The emotions were rampant earlier this week for both of us individually, so its not quite the same now and I cannot feel any more at peace that this is the direction that the Lord wants us to go after thoughtful prayer and scripture reading. I believe that she will serve a mission and I will continue praying for her as she prepares to serve. Thank you all for your participation in this thread. Putting politics aside, you are all great people haha
  18. No longer an anonymous accusation. Can't wait to see the mental gymnastics some of you people will twist yourselves into now lol. But by all means keep supporting a man suspected of attempted rape. I'm sure what you have learnt in Sacrament and Sunday School today has taught you to give men like this the benefit of doubt when it comes to the position of having the most power in the country...
  19. smh since when have there been so many Nole haters on this site?? Truth be told, that team is probably not gonna get two wins this year. If they do, the second one had better be against the gators...
  20. I haven't encouraged anything of a sort. My point earlier was that in situations where the government is corrupt, its to be expected. And social backlash is not "mob rule" as far as I am aware. I specifically said some LDS Republicans might BELIEVE Trump would reach celestial glory. I also specifically said in a text above that obviously it would not be up to me (and obviously not anyone on this earth) to determine where he would end up. But I would have a pretty good idea. I also asked if having this idea is wrong, according to you. I know its a question you don't like so I am not going to shame you for running away from it. I mean who in their right mind would want to say "Even through Trump's personal mistakes he is fighting for the American people as President, and because of that, I believe that he would reach celestial glory" hahaha.
  21. come again? I dont mind Hillary getting sent to prison. Not because I dislike her but because she is corrupt shill. Everyone can admit that, even left leaning individuals like myself. But if she gets sent to jail then Trump should be sent to Guantanamo.. Just curious, is it false judgement on my behalf to believe that unless Trump repents he wont even reach the telestial kingdom of glory? As a member of the LDS Church am I wrong to have this view of Trump considering his immoral character. Of course if he died today, it would not be up to me, but I would have a pretty good idea.... and I fully acknowledge that we are all sinners, but I would have to try REALLY hard to do and say half of what Trump does... Somehow I get the feeling that some LDS republicans believe Trump would reach the Celestial kingdom of glory just because he was elected president. Not necessarily you, but nonetheless I would like to confirm...
  22. So all of them had just as much chance of getting sexually assaulted by Kavanaugh. It just so happens that 1 out if 66 women do not see him as this morally righteous judge who would never do anything like what she alleged he did... knives? blood? lol Are those your adjectives to describe preventing a supreme court nominee from being confirmed? hahaha interesting point. Mob rule however will always be a product of a corrupt government.... my honesty will always be greater than the individual currently in office. That is a fact. I hope yours would be greater as well My bad. My response was invalid here. I definitely selectively read "witnesses" on its own